I Don’t Know What to Do Anymore: I'm Now in a Psychiatric Hospital and Tinnitus Is Crushing Me

HI @Vicki3116

Unfortunately this is the way tinnitus behaves and the impact it can have on a person's mental and emotional wellbeing. This is the reason I have suggested that you follow the advice of your doctors and take the medication that has been prescribed.

You still haven't said what might have caused your tinnitus? Were you a regular user of headphones or earbuds?

Things will get better but it takes time and each person's experience will be different. If you are able to talk with a counsellor/therapist whilst in hospital this will probably be of help.

Michael

 

@Vicki3116

Agree, this is Hell unlike any other MH crisis I've suffered. There are ways to talk yourself through the dark thoughts and help your brain not care! Yes, some facet of it has improved.

 

No I wasn’t, this is why it’s so hard to understand. I can’t think straight anymore, the noise is like waves in my head that are completely disorientating. I’m going to ask them if I can go home, it’s making me worse being here.

 

What aspects have you found have improved? It’s completely debilitating, I don’t even have anxiety over it anymore, I just feel completely trapped inside myself, like I want to scream but if I do, I’m scared I’ll never stop.

 

Yes, I know exactly what you mean unfortunately.

Although you are over the initial horrible anxiety attack stage, it sounds like you are still understandably experiencing severe anxiety/depression re the Tinnitus, like the feeling of being trapped in your body. I went through the same stage as well (I used to hit my head in frustration because I couldn't escape the noise).

It is a stage, and you will be able to overcome it and eventually leave the hospital. Antidepressants take about six weeks to have an effect, so you won't feel any improvement yet.

I think we all understand the frustration of being told by Doctors that it is the depression/anxiety we are feeling that is causing the Tinnitus, instead of the other way around. I guess they say this because they can usually treat depression much easier than Tinnitus. But of course it is the Tinnitus that is causing the depression/anxiety - and it's a reasonable and normal reaction. However, the relationship is also cyclical - the depression/anxiety will be making the Tinnitus worse and causing the hopeless feeling, so please try to remember this. Once I had the depression/anxiety under control, I felt so much better.

Similar to you, I also have oscillating, morse code type Tinnitus, as well as some other sounds. I agree that the changeable nature of it is annoying! But over time, I have found it to be much, much less so. Sometimes I think of it and it annoys me, but mostly I don't.

Can your sound be masked by something like white noise or running water sounds, played on a laptop? Just knowing you can give yourself a little break from it if needed can make all the difference. If not, there is still plenty of hope. Many people go on to be able to completely ignore their Tinnitus with time - my Grandad has severe Tinnitus that he can hear over everything, and he will go whole months without even hearing it. When he first got it, he was suicidal. But now, it doesn't affect his life in the slightest. My friend had severe Tinnitus that eventually reduced drastically and can barely be heard now. There are lots of similar stories in the Success Stories section of this site.

It's not my area, but the Research section is full of hope right now for various different treatments. If you're science-y minded, you might want to take a look.

I so hope things improve for you soon. I'll say again: it's very common for Tinnitus to decrease, disappear or cease to be a problem, although it can take a long time. Don't give up hope

 

Thank you so much for your reply, I’m going to read it over and over and over again. I just feel broken right now, I’ve never craved relief from a situation so intensely but I’m being as patient as I can. I’m waiting to see the Doctor now and I’m going to ask them to let me go home, this place is no good for me and whether I’m here or at home the tinnitus will still be there but at least at home I don’t have to put up with people screaming all night. I just hope he understands because the thought of another night here makes me sick.

No masking is impossible, I put my audiobooks on and then get frustrated because I can’t follow what the story is, everything is so goddamn frustrating right now. The weirdest thing is though, if I lie perfectly still with no external stimulus and don’t think, it all goes away. As soon as I think, it’s back. I genuinely think there’s a massive psychological element to tinnitus and this is why I get so frustrated, like I should be able to right my own brain/mind if you know what I mean.

 

That's very positive! Does sound psychological in that case, esp. as you're unsure of reason for onset. My psychological symptoms went away completely with time.

If you go home, make sure you have someone there with you or at least available on the phone at all hours for support in case you need it.

Good luck with the Doctor.

 

Often you will be able to tell rather quickly when medication is worsening your tinnitus.
But not always I suppose.

I am almost positive I compromised my ears with long term exposure to harmful noise levels on heavy construction sites most of my life and then a straight year working in a very loud prison kitchen 12 hours a day/6 days a week -
And also all those years of heavy metal concerts and electric guitar playing.
My ears then became extremely vulnerable to ototoxicity from meds.

I didn’t realize medication was an issue -
The ENT who I waited 5 months to see at Mass Eye and Ear spent less than 5 minutes with me and told me to sleep with the TV on and deal with it.
So I continued my use of meds and even increased the doses to offset the depression and anxiety -
And thoroughly trashed my ears and my high frequency hearing in the process.
Until I learned on this forum that medication in high doses can poison the ears.

You need to understand that a good majority of people with tinnitus seem to be OK with taking most meds.
So don’t avoid something you may need just because it could possibly affect your tinnitus.

Just be super vigilant and go easy.
Maybe don’t combine multiple meds until you are pretty sure each one is not a problem on its own.
I honestly think that if you are careful and aware that you will notice if a certain medication is not god for your tinnitus before it does any significant permanent damage.

And yes -
If you protect your ears from this point forward -
And don’t do any further significant damage -
You will most certainly get past the initial stages of emotional chaos and have your life back.
It seems like most do.


Best Wishes.
Hope to hear soon that you are starting to feel better.

 

Thank you so much. I hope you’re right because I feel like I’m hanging on by a thread here xx

 

Vic,
Don't despair. The first year is torture, but you'll be able to live with it eventually. You need to learn to disconnect the sounds that you're hearing from stress, anxiety and negative emotions. That's easier said than done, but it's certainly possible. I've been where you are now, and I learned to live with it. You have to accept the sounds that you hear as a new normal, and once your negative perception about it is gone, you can start to feel relaxed again and as a result, you'll be able to let it go and it will disappear to the background, making it possible for you to live your life again the way you used to. Consider tinnitus as a friend instead of an enemy. That may sound weird, but it's like making peace with it, and by doing so, you can let go of all the negativity, stress and anxiety.

 

This story was told to me by my ENT - I thought it was a bit silly at first but it fits with the narrative that "befriending the tinnitus" is a way of coping, how stupid it may sound:

In rural India, tinnitus is considered as a sign from god - therefore people that have it feel blessed, rather than cursed and live a happy life (I assume) with the tinnitus.

One of the many sources:

Is Tinnitus Really God?

 

Yeah I feel that. You know you're fucked when all they can offer you is mental health services & CBT, implying that there's no targeted treatment available yet. The pipeline looks very promising though. Also most people habituate within a year or two after onset & natural fading is a possibility too as long as you keep away from loud noises.

 

Are all those symptoms of Eustachian Tube Dysfunction?

 

Hi guys, I’m back. So, on the 7th I had a meltdown in the hospital, begged them to let me go home because I couldn’t bear it in there. Almost got sectioned but like I said to them, I’m not mentally ill as in I’m irrational, I know exactly what’s happening to me, please let me go home because this ward is horrendous. So I managed to get home. The consultant is confused because a noisy environment ‘makes tinnitus better’ so he doesn’t understand why I couldn’t hack the ward. Err because Shrieking Sheila down the corridor screamed relentlessly every night and people were constantly kicking my door and coming in and out my room.

The crisis team come out and see me most days but I’ve told them not to bother, they’re only checking I’m not dead and they can do that over the phone.

The consultant has now prescribed me Olanzapine, not taken it yet because I can sleep ok and am not anxious anymore so I’m on the fence about taking it because unless it removes the noises then what’s the point? I’m not one for taking medication for the sake of it. I’m also not on Sertraline anymore.

How’s the tinnitus? God knows, it does whatever it wants. But it’s ever present, squeaky brakes sounds, electricity through my head, haunting sounds on the right side of my head that are so faint I can just about perceive it. They freak me out the most. I just tell myself it’s ok, it’s my brain doing this but really, none of this feels ok. I still cry hysterically every day for the life that’s been lost. I literally don’t know up from down at the moment, but one day, one hour, one minute at a time, right?

 

It’s a nice thought but I’m not religious in the slightest. And if I’m wrong and it is indeed God, couldn’t he just email me or something instead?

 

Hi Vicki,

I understand your reasons for not wanting to take medication but there is more to it than you think. When tinnitus is severe, it can have a serious impact on a person's mental and emotional wellbeing. The meds are not meant to remove the noises but to provide a safety net so you don't become too down. If you read the posts in the links that I sent you I have mentioned this. Tinnitus is not easy and has the ability to wear a person down. Please read my posts again and I ask, that you follow the advice of your doctor and take the medication that you have been prescribed. They do not have to be taken long term.

I wish you well.
Michael

 

Vicki:

I feel your pain. My tinnitus started out of the blue on August 30, and my life has been totally turned upside down. It started out as kind of gentle "crickets" sound in my left ear, but within a month it transitioned into a very high frequency and loud whiny hiss in both ears. In addition, loudness of my tinnitus increases in response to ambient sound like people voices or passing cars. I also have mild hyperacusis. It is truly awful and tortuous.

At first I could not sleep at all, and my anxiety was off the charts. I was prescribed Xanax and Ambien for anxiety and sleep. They worked very well at first but after about a month I started to develop a tolerance. My doctor said that I should transition over to an antidepressant for longer term anxiety control, so after a month I started on Lexapro. However, I stayed on the Xanax and Ambien too long so that I developed a dependency, and now I am tapering off of them with withdrawal symptoms - which has made everything worse, including my tinnitus. So my advice would be to STAY AWAY from the benzos and Z-drugs if at all possible, or use them sparingly for a few weeks or so. They are evil poison.

Also, I'm not sure if being in a psych ward is the best place for you or anybody suffering with tinnitus. They can't really do anything for you but give you psych drugs, which for the most part will not help you get better. Perhaps you would be better off living with family or friends while you are trying to get back on your feet. But be careful of the meds. If I could turn the clock back on my tinnitus ordeal, I would never have taken the Xanax and Ambien, and would have found another way to cope. East to say now.

At 66 I am way older than you, and I know my symptoms are caused by age-related high frequency hearing loss, which will never get better, and will likely get worse. At your age, however, you have an excellent chance to recover, or at least have your tinnitus quiet down a bit. After doing degree-level research on tinnitus and hyperacusis, I do not hold out any hope for a cure any time soon, and our best aspiration is habituation. Approaching the end of month 4 for me, I now have fairly long periods (minute to a few hours) during most days when I am not monitoring or thinking about my tinnitus, so I am seeing glimpses of habituation. But even so, it is hard to see how my quality of life will ever return to my pre-tinnitus days. So I am holding out for "better" as that's as good as I can do right now. However, many people on this an other forums who have habituated claim to have returned to their normal lives... so maybe.

Finally, I agree that it utterly astounding that medical science neither really understands tinnitus/hyperacusis, nor has any treatments to speak of at all. It is said that no one dies of tinnitus, at least directly. But the psychological and physical stress caused by tinnitus can indeed shorten lives, ruin quality of life, and even tragically drive people to suicide. Far more needs to be done to address this "silent" affliction that we suffer.

 

Hi Vicki

I have had a very long break from the forum and haven't read every post here, but I understand you work for the NHS, suffer from dehabilitating tinnitus, got sectioned and now you are back home?

I too work for the NHS in a clinical role and I have both tinnitus and hyperacusis. I have good and bad days. Of course, I can never know what it's like for you but I really do understand how much tinnitus intrudes into our lives.

Where are you on your journey now? Hopefully you are in a better place now?

 

This is exactly what hurts the most, that life is now about coping and the happiness I had has gone forever. This is the thing I can’t get over and people don’t realise how internally devastating this is. I agree about the benzos, I took a Diazepam weeks ago to try and get some sleep but when I woke up it was like all hell had broken loose in my head. Never again.

 

Hey, thanks for replying, I’m home now, it’s better than being on the ward but every day is still filled with unbearable internal tension. Every morning I wake up and cry because I genuinely don’t want to go through another day of this. So many people around me say oh you can’t give up etc but they have no idea what it’s like to be at odds with your own uncontrollable existence. Sometimes I think to myself there’s no point committing suicide because for all intents and purposes, I feel I’m already dead. There is no joy left anymore, no escaping the torment or the sadness and people just don’t get it. I just don’t know how to accept such a massive and devastating reduction in quality of life, not even to spare other people from the pain of me not being here anymore because it’s like I say to them, it’s me who has to go through this every day like a shadow of the person I used to be. It’s genuinely like being in the twilight zone, you can see the world around you and it’s not changed, you look the same in the mirror but nothing, absolutely nothing feels the same anymore.

 

People seem to think that counselling will be extremely beneficial in these circumstances. I don’t agree because it’s only a way of getting you to accept a lower quality of life and be ok with it. Anyway, I agreed to it just to get people to stop banging on about it.

Counsellor has just phoned me. We talked. She said ‘sometimes I get a buzzing in my ear but it soon goes away, living with it all the time would drive me mad’.

Three cheers for counselling.

 

HI @Vicki3116.

Counselling for tinnitus has to be administered by someone that has the condition for best results, and preferably one that has experienced it severe. It can be very helpful so please do not dismiss it. Occasionally, I counsel people with tinnitus and do so on a philanthropic level for I was once helped in this way. Please read my posts in the links that I have sent you.

If possible see if you can be referred to an Audiologist/Hearing Therapist, that practices tinnitus and hyperacusis management with patients as many of them have tinnitus. They were either born with it or acquired it at some time in their life. Counselling coupled with medication can be very helpful in helping a person cope with tinnitus. Over time the counselling, helps to remove and demystify the negative thinking that is often associated with tinnitus.

Michael

 

Hi @DRobi,

I have read of two other people improving in their 50s and 60s. We are on the cusp of rapidly changing treatments for hearing loss. I read of a man whose tinnitus improved after he retired. Just food for thought.

twa

 

Yes Vicki I can say people often get better over time either in their perception of the tinnitus or that their tinnitus actually appears lower in intensity. I observe this tendency from over a decade of various support forums. Some of these people have had the most severe type of tinnitus and some were suicidal. Yet time plus having some education on how to cope with tinnitus can do some miracle of healing. I also experienced this slow positive change from the state of relentless anxiety and panic attack daily on auto mode to now not giving a dime about tinnitus. I have been enjoying my life again travelling often and enjoying my hobbies as before. It took a year or 2 to be back to more normal but once you learn some helpful strategies and given enough time, you can begin to recover if slowly.

I now have the same loud screaming tinnitus and 2 weeks ago I experienced sudden sensorineural hearing loss in my left ear Plus severe vertigo. It is a profound loss with both ears feeling plugged up and pressured. I am now hearing my right ear only and it has distorted all sounds as brittle, metallic and robotic. It is hyperacusis I guess, like I used to have when tinnitus first hit me years ago. The deaf ear is now also rumbling with a extra loud rumbling and roaring tinnitus that can't be masked due to the deafness besides the original high pitched tinnitus 10 times the pitch of a dentist drill. So I have now a tenor and a bass competing for my attention or trying to set me into despair or rounds of panic attacks. I have also lost my usual sense of balance walking and wobbling around on a walking stick. Life can surely be unpredictable.

But miraculously despite all these new challenges of deafness and unmaskable multi tonal tinnitus and daily dizziness, I have not once reacted with panic, at least not full blown panic like before when tinnitus was new. Somehow the brain has learned to cope with these internal torments of uncontrollable sounds in a mysterious way over time especially after learning and applying some helpful strategies over the years. I share these strategies in my success story "From Darkness to Light...". Hope you can find it in there and see if it will help you. So don't be too sad and despaired and don't try to make conclusion about your future living with tinnitus, even the most difficult types. It may not be as dark as your current state suggests. I find that out myself. One notable member @dan is someone with truly worst type of tinnitus and I witnessed his mighty struggle about a decade ago in another forum. Yet he is still here in our forum helping others. Life goes on with people after some time especially with acceptance which may seem impossible for most at the start, myself included.

So don't give up in life and don't despair. Your tinnitus is relatively new. It may improve overtime and your perception may change too. You may read up on tinnitus with clicking, cracking or Morse code type of beeping, like TTTS can cause such ringing. In the meantime, I wish you well and may God bless you on the road of recovery.

 

Hi Billie, nice to hear from you. I don’t think I’m alone when I say that your posts and story are inspirational, you are an absolute Titan to make it through what you have. Thank you for your words of encouragement, I feel like it’s only getting worse but sometimes it’s so hard to tell. I think with this the answers don’t lie in our heads but we need to spend more time looking at life with our hearts. I think that’s maybe where healing begins, once we’ve accepted the apparently unacceptable xx

 

Have you experienced any improvement compared to how you felt back in October?

 

Are you alone at home, or do you have someone there to spend time with? I hope you have family or friends to socialize with etc. This COVID-19 crap is making things hard too. So many people depressed these days. I hope you are feeling better now that you are home. I hate being in the hospital. I've never been in a mental hospital, but I have heart failure and have been in the hospital plenty with that and I understand perfectly why you don't want to be there. It is a nightmare! Having someone scream like that, glad I never had that. Worst thing I ever had mentally was when I was in cardiac ICU and the person next to me died, and then the replacement died too all while I was there. Scared me that I might be next!

 

Err it’s difficult to say. Everything has been so changeable and my mental state has been all over the place. I think I was probably more hopeful back in October, maybe not feeling as trapped in my head as I am now. In terms of the actual noise though I’m not sure, it’s constantly changing. I definitely have less anxiety but I still feel hopelessly agitated by my own head and the incessant noise. I’m not afraid of it anymore, it’s just consistently disruptive and I feel like it takes me away from experiencing life the way I want to. That’s what really gets to me. I try not to monitor it at all, but I’m always aware of it. Always.

 

Bless you, hospitals aren’t nice, are they. I’m home now, my ex boyfriend is spending Christmas Day with me. Was not expecting to be spending Christmas with my ex and tinnitus this year but that’s life I suppose.

 

That's great that he came over to stay with you. It is weird sometimes how life turns out. He must still really care about you if he is spending Christmas with you. I bet having someone to spend time with will help to mask that tinnitus. I'm having a good day so far because my pulsing ear went away within about 45 minutes of getting up. It usually goes away within about 2 hours or so. My tinnitus is always there, but I've had it for about 30 years so I am used to it and it doesn't bother me a bit.

Merry Christmas, and may this new year be much much better than 2020! Things will get better for you. It was tough for me after my heart attack but I managed and now it's been over 12 years since I had it. I was a bodybuilder only 38 years old and really fit and now I can't do the exercise that I used to love. I still manage to enjoy life, just found other things to concentrate on. I'm still here and glad to be alive!