I Probably Will End It All

It's been nearly 5 months now and no change. My life is a piece of shit. Nobody cares anymore and everyone is tired of me even bringing it up. Even my mum doesn't want to hear about it. I feel so alone.

Here I sit in my room on a Friday night with my ears ringing and tears streaming down my face while all my friends are out partying and drinking and having fun. I am literally such a loser and so pathetic.

I can't live my life like this. I am so ready to fucking kill myself before I even turn 26. Like what is the point. I can't even read a book. I can't relax.

I'm supposed to be going on holiday but how can I even chill and sunbathe and relax when all I hear is EEEEEEEEEEEEE every second of the day.

I had such high hopes for my life even before Christmas and big dreams and hopes and now my dream is to have peace and quiet?

That's not a life. This isn't a life. I can't live like this and I won't live like this much longer.

Just wanted somebody to know. Thanks. Bye.

 

@momo I know you heard this before but lots of us have been there. I am in just over 3 months with this so very close to yours. I have good days and I have bad bad bad hours where I still feel suicidal. I hope you know that you are NOT a loser or pathetic. You are dealing with a REAL medical issue here no different than anything else.

There is a thing called emotion mind and logic mind. Right now you are in full blown emotion mind where logic means nothing.

I also hope that you are seeing a therapist but if you are feeling this bad now you need to go to the hospital NOW so they can help you calm down a bit.

 

@momo

It will get better. If you really can't shake this feeling, please look for professional help.

Take a look at the Success Stories. 5 months is not much in "Tinnitus Time"

Feel free to message if you want to.

Zug

 

@momo please understand that you also have friends here that care. I know we are forum people but we DO care!

 

Hey guys. Thanks for replying. I know that success can take a long time but it's also not guaranteed, and I've had no change in 5 months. I feel like I'm losing my mind and my sanity. Life is so hard.

 

@momo,
I hear you,don't be to hard on yourself as life constantly changes and you could have a lovely life a head of you.
Loud noisy pubs arn't a no go area try going for a drink early evening and out for a meal .
Life with tinnitus can be hard but try go by what you can do and build up on that.
We are here around the clock so your never alone.
Chin up duck .
Love glynis

 

I'm trying so hard to stay strong but I just can't do it all the time and I'm so scared of the future because what if it gets worse? I can't even handle it as it is.

Also, hi fellow Stokie!

 

@momo,
Do you live near to me ?

 

@momo all of the people here in tinnitus talk is pretty much dealing with the same problem as you, and you know what there are alot of them saying that they were able to get through it. i just wanted you to think that you're not alone in this, and i know there is hope, because alot of people were able to prove it.

its hard for me to actually give you any advice as im pretty much inexperience on this dilemma, so just a word of encouragement is all i can give.

Ive been going through this all alone too, but id always visit this site as i always feel connected to other sufferers whos also dealing with the same shit as well. We got this and we will prevail so please dont throw the towel just yet

 

I also live in Stoke-on-Trent.

Thanks, I appreciate even the word of encouragement. I am trying really hard but today for example I just feel so defeated and hopeless.

 

@momo

Yes, it is very hard for many of us. I will recommend you to try longer, stay busy and calm. Maybe you need antidepressants to go through this very rough patch. In my case, ADs and attending yoga classes are helping me to battle my own dark T demons.

 

Agree, 100%. Medication can help along with therapy. Please do not be afraid to see a therapist so they can put you on the proper "plan" for you!

 

@momo,
There is a Tinnitus Support group in Shelton at The Ellis Centre on Wednesdays at 2pm or
Happy meet up with you for a coffee.

Love glynis

 

Momo and myself live just up the road from each other so will be able meet up

 

You’re amazing, thanks for being a kind heart when others are feeling broken!

 

@momo is not easy to listen to the noise. But we have to be strong and have faith it will fade away soon . Maybe your day will be next week Mono . So hang in there , even if you have to see a doctor, to go on medication. We all love here , don’t do nothing crazy, ok . We have to be warriors ok.

 

Do you use earplugs? My T went a bit down when I stopped wear earplugs 8/24 hours. Now I use them only when I go to lunch (40 minutes more or less), and it still spikes for 30+ minutes for just these 40 minutes of earplugs.

 

Did you get an audiogram done? If you don't show hearing loss then there's a very good chance you will recover. My friend dealt with T for 2 years and it went away. I know your 20's are supposed to be your best years and dealing with T wasnt exactly part of your plan but that's life. Hold on a bit and you might just enjoy the rest of them and then your 30's and so on. And be thankful you are aware of the dangers now. Keep that moving forward and you'll preserve your ears for good. You'll be spared the severe depression that comes with sabotaging a completely healthy set of ears.

 

@momo don't do it cos sometimes it does go away, even after a couple of years, or alternatively it could fade to a very low-level where you can hardly hear it. And then you would be even happier than you were before this hit.

 

I feel the same way sometimes

 

The road to habitation can be very difficult...my initial screaming T took 8-9 months to subside to its current level...I believe one big reason I could tolerate it is because I had a very busy job as an over the road truck driver...the mind is a remarkable power...right now your T is seen as an external threat...in time your mind will not only accept your T but it will absorb it as it’s own...

 

@momo I definitely understand how your feeling. I feel that exact same way often too. i think its natural when you have a condition like Tinnitus and everyone keeps telling you to get used to it. You do not have to get used to it!
Things can and often do change in the future. The sound could disappear, lower in volume, or a cure could be released that would solve your condition. Several companies are working on a treatment/cure right now. That's the motivation that keeps me going on rough days.
Please don't do it your life is worth so much and time will bring relief one way or another.

 

I think that the majority here clings so much to life not because of fear but because we know that life is worth much more than this condition

 

Habitation is one road to a cure...

 

@zeroday

I will never say that habituation is a cure. One should reserve that word for the real thing.

 

I am cured...if there were a medical break thru tomorrow I would not be the least bit interested...

 

@zeroday

Obviously your sound listening standards are very low, maybe mine are too high. Indeed, you are the winner in this sad contest.

 

Why do we need to constantly compare T levels and why is this a contest??? My T is unmaskable at about 11kHz tri tonal with each T constantly playing off each other in an endless loop...do I qualify to give advice on coping with T???

Support forums are about support...there is no one standard to describe T levels just as there are as many ways to cope with it as there are people with T...

I want a cure just as everyone here does...there is a lot of pain...but there is more than road to a cure and it may be different things to everyone...

 

It gets better. I promise. Trust me I wasn’t in the Same position, considering what you are.

But give it time. Our brains are smarter than we think. Your brain will learn that the sound isn’t gonna hurt you. It will learn that it’s not a threat and you will just passively ignore it. Kinda like the sound of a fan or the car when you’re driving.

Don’t give up, just give it some more time. I know it’s tough though!

 

@momo

Have you tried meds? Sometimes meds can actually lower or eliminate the tinnitus, not just make you less anxious about it.

Specifically the ones that often can help are benzos (e.g., clonazepam and diazepam) and tricylics (e.g. nortriptyline and amitriptyline). They do not work for everyone, but they work for some. For example @glynis has reported that nortriptyline has lowered the volume of some of her tinnitus.

These meds can have unwanted side effects but if you truly are at the end of your tether seems like a few side effects might be worth the risk.

This document from Harvard Medical School says benzos can quiet tinnitus in about 75 percent of patients and gives dosage guidelines.

https://docs.google.com/viewer?a=v&...VzdGlubml0dXNzaXRlfGd4OjQ5OGU3M2M0NDY1NjM0YTU

Here is a post from @glynis on nortriptyline, she has shared her experience in detail if you search her posts.

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/thread...ps-getting-worse-and-worse.23999/#post-277516