I read your story, and it sounded very similar to mine. This feeling of having seriously harmed myself out of stupidity… it is truly terrible. The guilt, the remorse — I no longer feel like myself. I have lost a part of who I was. I am no longer fully present in my relationship. I am so sorry.I have had tinnitus and hyperacusis for six years. It took me four years to feel normal again. Then I made the mistake of going into a bar and a club, even though I was wearing earplugs, and my condition became much worse. Only now do I realize that I was basically free from tinnitus and hyperacusis for the past few years.
Be careful when you start to feel normal again. That is often when the worst mistakes happen.