It's Me, emmalee

Are we related by any chance? You quote, a lot of the quotes I quote. You sound like a tough cookie and I like it. I live by my quotes and by my profile pic/avatar. I am afflicted daily with something hellish, but I will not quit and be controlled by any illness/misfortune till the man upstairs, pulls the plug on this warrior's soul.

I get this horrible headache and even light headedness around 5pm and i go training for my martial arts. I have had this situation before and it is back again. yesterday was the same issue. I said the hell with this. I live alone with 3 dogs and i have no family and not a lot of true friends in this new location. I went to the martial arts training and almost felt like i was gonna pass out.

I know that my training and my faith are the 2 guaranteed things in my life right now and NOTHING stops me from devoting my time. No fear, no fear of passing out, no pain..NOTHING.

My body is pretty much black & blue, i have cuts and bruises as well all over and these ears ring so so LOUD and are intrusive. I still smile and appreciate, the life I have been given. More obstacles for me, makes me appreciate more and be more empathetic towards the world and those that suffer...

This headache and light headedness, use to stop me from going at times to train. I rather not exist, than have anything(headache, pain, tinnitus) stop me from doing something i love

I like your style, keep being a tough cookie

 

I like your style as well, fishbone and we are related in the sense that we are fighters and have no intention of giving up or giving in to tinnitus. We cannot let tinnitus define us, we may have it but it doesn't have us.

We deserve better, this is true, but we must play the hand that we are dealt, no matter how difficult.

Bless you dear fishbone.

 

Thank-you, David.

Did you hear the rain last night? I slept with the window open, even though it was pretty cool outside. I hope you and your dear wife are doing well. Enjoy the long weekend!

 

Thank-you for such a lovely post, Starthrower. Your day sounds wonderful, flowers and small children, two of life's greatest gifts. We have a gaggle of children in our circle, it is by far better entertainment to watch their antics than it is to watch tv.

 

We had the rain today and it was heaven sent as i was having a rough day until i laid down and heard it.
The soft drumming put me to sleep and i felt better after.
My damn truck broke down and will prob be expensive to fix but on a positive note my group and therapy is going very well.
My OT subnitted a form to disability for transportation funding so i am staying hopeful about that.
Since my group started i am feeling more in control of my life even though i had a panic attack on Wednesday at work.
I still dealt with iit and moved on.
Right now things are tough but im coping better and not just curling up in bed wanting to die.
I am fighting my proplems head on.
I wasnt doing that 6 months ago so things have improved.
Fight the good fight Emma.

 

We had coastal fog all day long.....yuck. But I finally did things around here.

@David Dubros

Excellent progress for today David!! One step and one day at a time. I remember being house bound for a year. I remember that first time making a big step. Going to the grocery store. It was a long time ago.

Now...I live my life with the same intrusive tinnitus.

 

@Starthrower
Thank you so much!!
Progress is slow but it is still better than before.
I have been housebound for almost 8 months outside of therapy and a little work this month.
But i have a very supportive network of friends and family.
My heart goes ot to souls who have noone.
I was like that for a long time too but step by step it changed.
I am about to dicuss anti depressants with my psychiatrist as a way of coping better with my daily struggle with feeling well...just plain awful deep down inside.
Best regards

 

Having lots of family and friends is a blessing indeed. I have no family left. I live in a new spot and no true friends either. Always appreciate those that love and appreciate you.....

 

@fishbone
Yes fishbone it is a blessing.
My siblings have never deserted me ever.
And i can count on one hand my true friends.
I can relate to you as i used to be on the street begging and in and out of shelters constantly in fear.
I had noone then and like you had to tough out every moment of every day.
It made me streetwise and stronger just to have survived.
You are a true inspiration fishbone.
I wish you only Godspeed in relief from your suffering.

 

I promise to fight with all that I am, David. Your struggles far outweigh my own and yet here you are supporting me, and others.

You are an inspiration to all of us, David. You and @fishbone are two of the strongest men I know and I will not let either of you down by not fighting the good fight.

 

Oh, David, you have suffered far too much and yet you still fight for your life. I cannot put into words how I feel right now.

 

Today I am angry. It is not an emotion that I feel very often, hardly ever to be honest.

This forum has been a life changer for me, in a very positive way. My struggles pale in comparison to so many here. I do my best to stay positive, not just for my own sake, but for the sake of every single struggling person who is trying so damned hard to live their version of a happy, decent life all while dealing with tinnitus.

Why is it that each day when I log in I see posts from those who are doing their absolute best to destroy any and all positive and hopeful people that they can. It is like a contest of sorts....who can cause the most pain?

It is almost enough to make me not want to come back here, the frustration I feel is real and the pain is real.

I say almost for a very specific reason. No-body is going to make me feel like the village idiot for wanting to choose to live my life in the best way I can and for wanting to write posts that are upbeat and supportive. No-body.

I do not, for the life of me, understand why a person would choose doom, gloom, negativity and despair when dealing with their tinnitus. It is a choice, We actually get to choose, we really do.

@Michael Leigh @fishbone @Ed209 @Jazzer @David Dubros and so many others will continue to inspire me and make me want to fight the best fight.

To those who constantly do their best to destroy any and all hope I wish you the best, honestly I do. I feel your pain and your struggles and if I could make them disappear I would do so, but you have to want to dig deep into your souls and help yourselves.

So sorry for this post, it is not my style. I needed to get this off my chest before I exploded in frustration.

 

Its Okay Emma...
Today is another day. Im not in the terrible place my life used to be.
My T is faint this morning and the birds are chirping out my back door like music.
I feel very calm this morning and slept well.
Am hoping all who read this can see some light at the end of their tunnels today.
If you go for your walk today Emma take a look upward to the sky.
It is a wondrous world we are in and the higher power that is keeps us on our feet in our darkest times.

 

A well written post @emmalee and I agree with you wholeheartedly. Positivity is the way forward and I believe the only way, to come to terms with tinnitus and move on with one's life. I wasn't going to say anything regarding the following, but a few people have sent me PMs whilst I've been on the forum and feel it's manners to explain why they may not see so much of me from now on.

This will undoubtedly delight some of my adversaries that I have accumulated here and crossed swords with once or twice, which has resulted in them being placed on "Ignore". Such a wonderful tool and can help prevent getting into heated arguments.

I will be pursuing other things but will look in occasionally just to see what's going on.

All the best
Michael

I will answer PMs should anyone wish to correspond and reply to any quoted posts.

 

@emmalee
Emma,
I understand your frustration, but hope you will continue to be a part of the forum. Your positivity and kind and caring spirit is so needed and helpful to all who are facing many challenges, myself included.

@Michael Leigh
I’m sorry to hear you will be here less often, but I understand that is something you need to do. You have been very helpful to so many, including me.
I’m glad you will still be available to respond to PM’s. But your lack of presence here will be a loss.

Tracy

 

@TracyJS

Thank you for your kind words Tracy. There are a number of reasons for making my decision and when you have time, I'll explain in PM.

Take care
Michael

 

@Michael Leigh
Yes, please PM any time you would like to explain.

 

I wish I had an answer for your post. There are many that will, complain at anything and just be negative at the smallest onset on an issue. I'd like to for those that complain to take a dose of what my life is like. Brutal/intrusive tinnitus+ brutal body pain 247(fibro),no family, no true friends, GERD, psoriasis, daily headaches.

As an example, yesterday i was having a wonderful day. Then I ate a grape and my body was burning, limbs were numb and burning for 3+ hours and the ringing was a new level of hell. No family to call, no real friends to call. Just me and 3 dogs. Would I go to ER feeling the way i did last night? Maybe in the past but not anymore.

I was alone and was telling MYSELF that I will be ok and showing love to myself while no one else cared. I care for this board and I care for people outside this board and help the homeless and donate time and everything to charities. Yet, when HELL was burning inside of me for 3+ hours, I suffered alone.

I go through these attacks quite a bit. My days can be great then i get hit with something and it ruins me for hours and hours. Tinnitus is always loud and intrusive, these other elements mixed in are pure hell.

So for those that complain, read my posts and see why sometimes complaining is not needed.....

I write this stuff to show that even though I go through all this BS, I still come here daily with a great attitude and show love... 99% of people would not do this, I am that 1% that still shows so much love even though I live with HORRIBLE issues......

Bless all

 

You are a hero - my friend xx

 

@emmalee , @TracyJS , @Michael Leigh ,
@David Dubros , @fishbone , @Starthrower ,
@Ed209,

These are the caliber of people I like to listen to
......because they do me good.
Dave
xxxxx

 

@emmalee I see you as a truly wonderful and a warm to heart amazing person.

I was able to finally dismiss my very loud tinnitus from first onset. Many to most will be able to adjust. So I think that your encouragement and thoughtfulness is a blessing.

There are some who post who have severe physical conditions along with tinnitus, but probably most are just visitors/viewers looking for possible treatments. I now have many severe conditions that relate to my tinnitus from whiplash. I try with everything that I have to maybe help a few of those that are struggling with medical conditions as many others here do as well. Some may find it difficult to receive the medical treatment needed.

I probably won't be able to post much longer, but my heart goes out to all those with tinnitus and to those with serious medical conditions on top of tinnitus. I believe that there's no essay that can describe the human condition that one may be going thru per severe medical conditions and emotions. As a former longtime emotional/physical caregiver, body to mind understanding was always a concerning process. Often during discharge, I wondered if they would have true loving support by family either at home, at a family member's home or at a nursing home.

Wishing you the best, you seem to be on the right road.

 

I hope you find what you are looking for

 

@Greg Sacramento

I hope you are doing okay Greg.
You just worried me there, a bit....xx
Dave x

 

I understand.

@emmalee You know everyone is so different and life experiences vary. The ability to cope or live with a positive attitude are not something many can do for various reasons. And some people are lonely. And some people have no financial means to make life a bit easier in every way possible. And some people are just jerks.

It is something that goes on in support forums and has since I entered this world in 2002. It is so weird. Like we live on our own planet or whatever. There was a lot of gossiping and finger pointing and anger and people had to choose sides or be shunned from either "side". Always go to the source before believing gossip. Then make your own judgement. I never listen to gossip or get started with all of that. It is one reason I have to keep my profile locked down.

Just keep posting because some people do read without replying and it makes a difference in small and big ways.

I don't understand bragging about "ignoring" people here. Just move on and help people if that is what some are here for. Disagreements are always so...LOUD....and creates negativity in and of itself.

 

I instinctively gravitate towards the right people, the empathic souls, who not only keep me company, but enjoy sharing their love and support.
Through a bad spell, this can carry you through.

 

@emmalee I would miss you a lot if you went, I enjoy your posts a lot.

@Michael Leigh I am sad to hear you will spend less time here. You're a wonderful guy, I appreciate you a lot.

 

@Michael Leigh I am sad to hear you will spend less time here. You're a wonderful guy, I appreciate you a lot.[/QUOTE]

Thank you @Holly1987 for your kind words. I will still be corresponding with people in PM Holly. I want to work on another project that involves tinnitus and something that I'm quite interested in.

All the best
Michael

 

@Michael Leigh

I want to thank you as well Michael. Your support and encouragement and faith helped me get through the darkest time of my life. I understand you wanting to move on. Your presence will be missed. Please remember that the few on your ignore list, and most likely mine, are not the majority of the opinions here.

 

@emmalee
This thread (and several others like it) are the big reason I check in here as often as I do. The people chatting here are some of the most friendly, informative, and caring that I have "met" since joining. It can be a crapshoot to join a forum like this because you never know what you're going to run up against. There have been times when re-reading certain posts from people have been of great comfort or help. I made a choice to stick with the positive folks when I joined. You're one of them, as is everyone else who has posted here on your thread, and I'm grateful to have crossed paths with all of you when I did. I'm glad you vented today, emmalee! And I hope you're staying with us. Thanks again to you @Starthrower, @Jazzer @TracyJS, @New Guy @glynis @Michael Leigh @fishbone @David Dubros @Greg Sacramento @PortalNaut and all the others who have posted on this thread. I may not have interacted with all of you personally, but you have ALL been of tremendous help. I hope you're all having a good day, and a better one tomorrow.

Mystery Reader

 

“Listen up folks - We Are The A-Team.
You’d Better Believe It - And Just Like
The U.S Military - We Leave No Wounded
Soldiers On The Battlefield.
We Are All Coming Through Folks,
.......Got It !!”