Self-Harm

I've been self-harming for about nine months now. Cutting for six. I've tried to quit several times, but I always seem to start again after a couple of weeks or so. I spoke with the school nurse at school. Both about the cutting and some other problems, but I only went there two times. The second time things weren't that bad so we decided not to make another appointment..and now I'm back here.

Summer's coming up and my cuts kind of have to heal before then, since I don't want my family to know about it, but quitting is easier said than done. I've tried different ways of quitting. For example distracting myself when I feel the urge to cut, plan things better so I won't be so stressed, talk about it, put ice cubes on it, listen to music.. Nothing really seems to work when I get so stressed out or sad that it all becomes overwhelming.

Any tips on how to quit?

 

Hi @LiveIGuess--I think this a question above what I or anybody else on the board can answer. If you haven't already, I would try to see a therapist who specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy.

 

Hang loose and give me time to respond to you. I have a family member who did it and will email that person (who can be insanely busy). My partner is a counselor and I'll ask her. The problem is I may not be able to get back to you for some hours. With her, it got bad...

Just do us all a favor and hold off (if you can) for about 1/2 day. If you need to slip me a private email here, do so. The answer may be more geared to eliminating (working on) issues that make you feel that hurting yourself alleviates some other psychological pain you're experiencing.

 

Hi @LiveIGuess: I think the best way to quit is to get the professional help you need. You should find a good therapist who works with teens/young adults and has experience helping people with anxiety and stress issues.

I also urge you to reach out to your family. You were brave enough to go to the school nurse, so you can take the next step. People who love you will want to make sure you get the care you deserve. Please come back to Tinnitus Talk, if you need to.

 

Dear LiveIGuess, this is an issue that needs to be dealt with. I know you said you don't want your family to know, but as a Dad, I would want to know my child was struggling with something like this and try to get him/her the help they need. Please reconsider talking to your parents about this even though you're probably afraid to. You have a bright future here on earth and need to get this problem behind you.... God Bless..... Rich

 

Whatever my family member will say, you're best off seeing someone with experience of helping people who harm themselves. If that person doesn't work, go see another and be prepared for uncovering hurt that you're covering by deflecting the pain elsewhere. It's how you will be able to work on the core issue(s). That's the best answer for now. I will be gone for a few hours again but this really is the best answer (as others have suggested). I agree with the father here as well. The parents of the kid who was hurting herself knew about it.

 

Cutting yourself! Jesus! I can't even bare to have blood tests...I hope you get better, but what kind of feeling do you get when you 'cut'?

 

Whats wrong with your life that you have to cut? Do you have physical issues?
Nothing going on the outside is worth your health. The older you get you will see for yourself.
I hope you figure it out. Im sorry I see you have had Tinnitus since 2010.
Bless you.

 

It really isn't that bad, not to me at least. Well, before I cut I'm usually anxious or maybe angry. When I cut I calm down. It gives me a sense of control when I don't have control over anything else.

I'm really not too fond of my appearance so there's that. I was overweight when I was younger, but did lose around 10 kilos by eating healthy and exercising. Then that went south and the past year I've had some problems with eating. Both starving myself and binging and then purging. I also get stressed easily. Especially when it comes to school. Right now I am so overwhelmed by everything and then an easy way to calm myself down is to cut.

If I tell them I don't really see a reason to quit. The one reason I have is to quit so they won't find out.

 

Is your cutting T related or just other issues youre having?

 

I too have flirted with the idea once or twice in the last couple of years & I agree, when analyzing my thought process I felt some form of control. Like most things in life however, applying a singular 'relief' to your life will soon become your life. It's a topic that has a lot of stigma & not best understood by most. I myself didn't get the attraction to self harming until my mind was put into a postion where I saw the better side of the face.

I agree with @marqualler , if it has been going on for this long now then I believe it's time you took control of your life in a better way & seek help from those willing to give it but block out those who seek to call you on it.

I hope you're doing okay today

 

It's not really T related I'd say. I think I've come to terms with my T. The cutting is related to other problems like stress, low self-esteem etc.

 

Put down the knife & pick up a pencil, put those feelings onto paper, it's what I've been doing ^_^

Self-esteem is something we all work on every day, little by little. You say you're a student, therefore you're very young with plenty of time to change things & they can if you will it to happen.

Hopefully sometime in the future you'll look back at these times & know you made things change.

 

If I tell them I don't really see a reason to quit. The one reason I have is to quit so they won't find out.

@LiveIGuess: It's possible they already know and just don't know what to do. Or are afraid to approach you with this knowledge. Can you say exactly why you don't want to tell your family? I so hope you reconsider this decision.

If nothing else, if you could get started with a good therapist, he/she could help you through the very complicated tangle that is our emotions. You are seeking control through cutting and purging, can't talk to your family, get very anxious ... if you can sort it all out, you will feel so much better. I promise, I have been there. There are healthier ways to deal with what you are feeling. And what you are feeling is very common, there is nothing wrong with you. I imagine you just are overwhelmed. Please, please find a compassionate caring guide to help you find your way. You can do it.

 

Right, try this
"Try the butterfly method. When you have the urge to cut, draw a butterfly where you want to harm yourself and name it after a loved one, or someone that wants you to get better. If you cut, the butterfly dies. You have to wash it off. If it wears off (and you didn't cut), it is released into the wild to be free. Congratulations -- you made it.

• Another idea is the pen method. Grab a red pen and draw lines (or squiggles or peace signs or whatever floats your boat) all over where you would've cut. When you're done, count the lines. That's how many scars you won't have. Awesome."

 

Live, I made this when I get angry to blow off steam. It is a 6" throw rug rolled up, then I used wire to put it on a support beam in my basement. I rolled it up with the rough side showing. I go punch it until I all punched out. Work very good, and a very cheap to make.

You actually could get your dad to help you make one, just tell him would like to workout and would like to try this form of exercise. When you see the photo you will notice it is simple, but very effective. I guess you could wrap a longer throw rug all the way around a pole, but this was all I had laying around. Have a look. I made this in like five minutes but you get the idea...

 

I guess it's possible, but I'm pretty sure they would at least ask me about it. I don't want to tell me family because I know they'd be disappointed. I told one of my friends a while a go and every single time I'm with him now he checks my arms and belly to see if I have any new cuts. When I do, he gives me the most disappointed look I've seen and I just feel ashamed. I don't want that to be the situation with my family.

Also I don't want my little sister to think that cutting is a good way of handling things.

Thanks for the idea. I've been trying to find something I could use instead of the wall. That would probably work.

 

Yeah, I agree I was punching the walls too, then decided to try this, much better and really does work well. I bet you're dad could have one up for you pretty quick if you asked him. I wrap my hands with old towels or rags, if you want to feel a little pain I guess you could use you're bare knuckles, just be sure not to break any bones...

 

I'll try to avoid that haha. Thanks.

 

Although I agree on getting your anger out before it boils over, I do believe there are better ways of doing it. That's more a release of the effects as apposed to a release from the cause.
A therapist is still your best shot or if you're like me & don't have that option, talk to others you know won't judge you & be creative

 

Hi Kopesy, I agree, a therapist should be the first line of defense. Actually it was my therapist who told me doing physical activity such as running, bicycling ect was a good way to release rage and anger, I told her I felt better after punching my home made set-up, she said that too is fine. She explained how these activities helped reduce stress hormones.

Kopesy, if you feel the need to talk to someone different (no offense) don't hesitate to contact me. I have a few friends here that I correspond with.

Take Care

 

I'd more than happy to join the 'gang'

 

I do talk to other people and sometimes that works, other times it makes me feel worse. To be honest I really want to avoid talking to a therapist. I want to do this on my own.

 

@LivelGuess
In which case I admire your determination to do this for yourself. We all have the ability to do so.
Just know I'm here if you need a helping hand along the way

 

Thank you. ^^ I appreciate it.

 

Hello, i can understand why you wouldnt want to go see a therapist. From personnal experience i dont believe that helped me deal with the issues. I had to remove myself from those stressful situations, stay away from alcohool and i got treatment at a hospital. I didnt talk to them about what i did, i justgot treated for anxiety. I know youre young so u probably dont drink, but that to me was the easiest way to start. I take anxiet medications, and i find if u take ativan it really helps u calm down. U dont have to talk to the therapist or dr about self harm if u dont want to, but do get help for your anxiety as it is directly related. Find something you love doing. For me it was music. Every time i have that feeling i play music. I know it is embarrassing to talk about, it took me a while to even think of replying to your post. But as someone who has just recently stopped doing it, i can tell u that with enough hard work and determination u can do it. Also get rid of anything sharp that u have. Go for long walks, that usually helps me calm down. I had anxiety for a long time and was in and out of hospitals. I finally started listening to the advice i was getting and now i dont need to take anymore meds for anxiety. I know medication is not always the best solution but sometimes it can help regulate your mood. The rest is up to you. To have courage and determination to get better and try to avoid those situations that causes you the anxiety. If u have those thoughts its hard to stop them but there is a way. Try to talk to your parents at least about your anxiety. Theyll understand. You dont have to be alone in this. Send me personnal messages if u want to. I hope this helps u somewhat. Take care of yourself.

 

I threw away the razor I've used for a while last night. If things are not just a little better in two weeks I've promised on of my friends to go get some professional help. Thank you so much for replying to my post. I'm now trying to find what situations give me the urge to harm myself. I then try to draw, listen to music or work out when this feeling occurs.

Again, thank you.

 

Good for you. Thats a good first step. Remember, take it one day at a time. Youre not alone. If u ever need to talk feel free to send me a personnal message. It helps to talk sometimes. Dont give up.

 

Update us if you're okay still.

 

Well.. last time I did it was last week I think, but then again it was only a few and not like 30 at once so even if I haven't stopped completely, there has been an improvement. I'm now on summer break, though I probably have to wait a little before I can go to the beach. I've been feeling a little down lately, but things are getting better.

Thank you for asking.