Self-Inflicted Concussion Tinnitus: Ashamed, Disillusioned, Hopeless, Terrified

Discussion in 'Introduce Yourself' started by SilenceIsSacred, Apr 18, 2017.

    1. SilenceIsSacred

      SilenceIsSacred Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      I have joined this forum because I have tinnitus caused by concussion. I had a mental breakdown and began punching myself in the head repeatedly. I must have punched myself a few dozen times over the course of a few days. My mom called the cops and I was ultimately admitted to a psychiatric hospital. A few days later while inside the tinnitus started.

      I have read that most concussion-related tinnitus eventually resolves. I am looking for some reassurance that this is likely to be the case. Needless to say I will never be engaging in this self destructive activity ever again. But I fear it may be too late and that I will have to live with the decisions I made in an ill state of mind for the rest of my life.

      I am desperately in need of emotional support and reassurance that this is likely to resolve. I have found myself reviewing my entire life before the tinnitus and thinking about how my other problems pale in comparison to this one. I break down crying several days each week and can't seem to feel optimistic about anything. Despite my mental health issues, I rarely cry in general, and to cry multiple times a day, multiple days a week, is very out of the ordinary for me. I feel totally alone and ashamed. People don't understand what it's like because visually I look fine, but I feel like I am locked in a prison inside my own mind!

      Some details:

      - The tinnitus is in one ear only, corresponding to my temporal lobe where I was punching myself on the opposite side of my head repeatedly. It is mostly very high pitched, ~14khz. Sometimes it is 7khz, but usually the higher frequency predominates.

      - The sound does not prevent me from sleeping if I have a fan on low as I usually do. It does not seem to be overwhelmingly loud like that for others on this forum. I would say it is usually a 2-4.

      - At this point the tinnitus has lasted 5 weeks. It does not seem to be getting worse.

      - Yesterday I had ~10 hours of almost continuous silence. What a beautiful day! I certainly made the most of it listening to music and doing other things. There have been other days where the sound inexplicably disappears for several hours or dies down significantly, only to reappear later, shattering any previous optimism I may have felt.

      - I ran a 6 day course of prednisone several weeks back after an ENT wrote me a prescription. He said that he believes that the problem is likely to resolve because I am only 28 and don't seem to have dramatic hearing loss that is apparent. (I have an audiology exam several weeks from now to test officially.) This seemed to help quite a bit while I was on the drug as I would have many hours of complete silence during the day, and the intensity of the sound was otherwise decreased. In addition, the hearing sensitivity of both of my ears seemed to equalize, whereas now the sensitivity to high frequencies often seems dulled on one side. This seems to suggest that the machinery of hearing is intact for me, and that the problem could be related to inflammation in the brain which is now known to be responsible for post concussive symptoms based on studies that have come out in the past few years. Prednisone is of course a powerful anti-inflammatory.

      - I am confident that my ear is not damaged and that only my brain is affected.

      - I am experiencing a few other symptoms of post-concussive disorder, but not that many. I have some vivid dreams, persistent dull headaches for the past week or so, and some out of the ordinary fatigue but not overwhelmingly so.

      - My memory, concentration, sense of balance, sense of reason, and other things seem to be unaffected. I was never knocked unconscious. I have been told by others that my personality seems to be the same.

      - A CT scan done a few days ago came back negative, as they usually do.

      - I don't think I am suffering form hyperacusis.

      Any support or encouraging advice is more than welcome. I feel stupid posting on here because many other people seem to have tinnitus caused by factors outside of their control, but I have only my own mental illness and suicidality to blame. The ironic thing is that endless noise in our neighborhood caused me to snap and start hitting myself. I was angry that I couldn't escape the noise outside, and now it doesn't make a difference if I do or not.

      The only positive thing to come out of this is an increased appreciation for the social support I have in life because it is really the only thing that seems to make each day manageable, and barely so at that.
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    2. GregCA

      GregCA Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Well you already have some days of returned silence, so it may be a sign that your body is repairing itself and that things are going to be better soon, but to be honest nobody knows for sure.
      It may not be a bad idea to do a simple hearing test to rule out obvious hearing loss, especially around that 7 kHz area.
      Good luck!
    3. RonnieCarzatto

      RonnieCarzatto Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      Feb 01 2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Mild head injury maybe... but who knows...

      Hey man. First, don’t feel ashamed. Everybody has their cross to bear in life. A bit of background on my tinnitus: I’m sure it was caused by a concussion. I’m 31 years old. Back on January 2017, I was working in my basement, an old house from the 1930s, very low ceiling. Power goes out, I end up banging my head, specifically right above my right eye. Dime sized laceration. Doctor compared it to a boxing wound and sent me on my way. 5 days later, I have really weird nausea, lethargy. Pretty sure I suffered a concussion. That went away after another 7 days. Then, tinnitus starts in my right ear (more like right side of brain). Anxiety, lack of sleep, depression, vivid dreams. Had my hearing tested twice: one by hearing instrument specialist, another by an audiologist. Both gave me all clear. GP examined ears: no problems there. Nothing effects the tinnitus, food, supplements, nothing. Constant high pitch. No balance or memory issues. No hyperacusis either.

      I’ve tried acupuncture and chiropractor, to zero change. So it’s been almost 3 months for me. My attitude towards tinnitus is slowly changing. I went from suicidal and despondent to… irritated now. I know it’s not a positive thing, but the difference is night and day.

      I have read encouraging and not encouraging things about head injury induced tinnitus. I’ve read that people in severe car accidents, with cracked skulls and bleeding ears, recovered from their tinnitus. Same with hockey players who had vicious concussions. I just read a case in Canada here where a woman who was attacked and assaulted, resulting in being knocked unconscious, recovered from her tinnitus in eight months or so.

      I think there is a chance, I’m not sure if it is a guarantee though. I’m accepting of it at the moment, and believe me I wouldn’t wish this crap on anyone, however, you will deal with it in time I’m sure of it. It sounds like we’re in a similar boat. You ever need to vent, shoot me a PM anytime. One day at a time my friend.
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    4. Quiet please

      Quiet please Member Benefactor

      Westchester County, NY
      Tinnitus Since:
      May 2008
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Cochlear Endolymphatic Hydrops/Hearing loss
      First, please don't blame yourself; it's not going to help you. We are human and make mistakes; forgive yourself and keep going. The fact that you have had silence at all, is wonderful; feed off of that!

      My situation is not the exact same, but I did have an auto related concussion last year. I had T for 8 years prior, but the concussion made it SO much worse. I went into concussion therapy, which the no-fault auto insurance paid for since I was the victim of a text-messaging idiot who rear-ended me while my car was stopped at an intersection. The therapy was a God-send. The T was persistently much higher and louder, but gradually came down to its usually annoying self. The headaches, visual disturbances, and sleepiness have all gone bye-bye too. Best of Luck!

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