Someone to Love

Guys/Gals

it's your local helper fishbone and as usual I want to be honest with you guys.

I have battled tinnitus for close to 30 years and I pretty much have a grip on the situation and that's why I am able to come here daily to love and support this board.

I am a good looking guy, with a big heart and want to have a pretty gal as my mate. I went to my doctor today because I have had a lingering cold/coughing for almost 2 weeks. I went in with Tea Kettle tinnitus from HELL. It was so loud this morning, I almost didn't want to get out of bed. My tinnitus is always loud and miserable, lately since i been sick....It's been even more horrible.

I go to the doctor and they annoy the hell out of me, till i see my doctor. She's such a sweet gal and I always smile when I see her and she smiles back.

After I left the dr, i went to the Vietnamese cafe and i saw the owner and man o man i was in love and she was smiling and keeping eye contact with me. This was a woman that I have always wanted, very beautiful, ran her own business and had the most BEAUTIFUL smile (It felt like a genuine smile)

My dilemma is that I have beyond horrible tinnitus and my hearing is very poor. Since my tinnitus has gotten worse in the last decade or so, I don't try to go after women that I used to have in my 20s.

Is anyone in this boat? I am sure many are and I just wanted to see what you guys and gals would say.

I can handle my tinnitus and do not have an issue with it. I just don't know if I can handle the tinnitus and pleasing and making someone else 100% happy.

My mind is thinking that at this level of tinnitus I have, it would be very hard to do it and to somewhat conform to someone else's life and ways.

Share your input on this matter....Thanks for reading

 

Ths is a BIG problem on its own.....finding a partner after getting T.

For the time being I have given up on dating I doubt that I can find a man at my age who will accept my limitations in life, meaning I cant go to loud parties, concerts or to a bar.

Almost every man in Denmark is into partying and going out.

Plus he would have to accept that I will have very bad days sometimes....I think it is just gonna be hard to find a man who will accept that long term.

 

This is where I'm at now, the concentration just isn't fully there yet to be the complete and best husband I can be. If it feels right and good why not give it a go and see where it takes you and her.

 

I think it gets better and better with age. This whole T situation is not a fun thing to be in when you're 20ish or 30.

But we're like that - quiet and handsome - our whole life. Those party goers get older, they can't drink or rave that much. Alcohol, nicotine, drugs have negative impact on one's looks, their options are shrinking every year.

And that's were we come in. We can be the last branch gals can catch before they hit the rock bottom. We just need to wait until their looks meet our circumstances.

It really gets better. Lol.

EDIT: It's a joke. No one got it. Well. Sory

 

find a partener like you,I mean a man that have T.

 

Yes....I have also thought about that maybe being my only option.

 

This for sure is a challenge. I have overcome almost 90% of the odds that have been stacked against me in my life. I have proved everyone wrong on all things that were said..That can't be done. I will somehow prove tinnitus wrong when it comes to finding a gal that I can love, please and support.

It is a difficult matter and the only thing that truly bothers me about tinnitus. My hearing is also very poor, due to the insane level of tinnitus that covers my hearing range.....

Never give up...always have hope

 

I have achieved everything i have wanted on this earth. My only thing left before i am gone, is to try to be a father again. I had a finance at a very young age and she was going to give birth to my child. Due to have no money and no support from anyone, it didn't happen.

My child would have been 21 years old in october and that is my only wish left on this earth to be a father and love a child and then i would accomplished everything on this earth

 

and imagine the T volume of your future Kids

 

Im not sure what you mean? I doubt I will have children if my T and H does not get better in time...although it is a great wish of mine.....to be a mother, but babies and kids will scream and cry a lot, and Im not sure I would be able to handle that. I would be so afraid to worsen my T and get to the point where I want to exit on life but then am forced to stick around because I have kids who I am now responsible for

 

I say give it a go. You sound like a very nice and thoughtful man. Any woman would be very lucky to have you ask her out. Don't let tinnitus take this away from you too. If she is the right one, she will understand your issues. If not, well at least you gave it a try and hopefully had some fun in the process

 

Ty for the kind words

In all honesty, After having my fiance for almost 8+ years and then i had to take care of sick parents for 10-15 years and i didn't get a chance to have a full relationship. I am as genuine as it gets and i know that someone is out there for me

 

@fishbone Give it a go. You'll never know until you try.

 

the fact you haven't approached her and asked her out is your only mistake.

You have noting to lose!

next time you see her ask her out.

good luck

 

It is hard to find someone willing to compromise for your T especially if you're young like myself.

Most people my age go to clubs, bars, gigs raves most weekends. I don't blame them, that's what I was doing and would still be doing without T.

My girlfriend of 2 years left and cheated on me because I couldn't do the things I used to wasn't giving her the attention she felt she deserved because I was too down just used to sit in my room all the time, compared to before when I was always a really sociable person.

I don't blame her for not wanting to compromise to my T as she deserved to be happy and this condition I couldn't satisfy her need but I didn't expect her to throw 2 years of memories away and cheat on me so suddenly.

Up untill T we were perfect, plenty of dates, holidays and hardly ever argued and would always enjoy eachother company ( we saw eachother pretty much everyday).

However, That experience won't stop me from finding someone that can appreciate the things I can do.

 

Fishbone!!! I was about to comment in your thread about feeding the homeless and how you felt about yourself making other people's lives better with a simple gesture of kindness and a warm meal. Making a difference like that is very important and I was really happy when I read that thread.

You did not let the tinnitus keep you from doing that.

So....go for it. She smiled a real smile. Why let the tinnitus/hyperacusis make a difference in this situation?
We are all insecure in some degree about our self image. What is most attractive are the guys who have that confidence without being a jerk.

My husband was there for me during all this and believe me he carried me from doctor to doctor. I still remember even though it was so long ago now. He is still with me. Now, though I don't say much about the tinnitus but he can tell when I have a really bad day/night.

Go back to that cafe!!! And report back. : )

 

Thanks for the kind words. I just have a heart to help good people. I always help the less fortunate. I actually look for homeless people to help. I will give them $5 and then ask them why they are in the spot , they are in and i try to help them better their lives.

My tinnitus is not a challenge for me 90% of the time, but to please someone and truly make them happy, might be a challenge. I am very driven and will make on lucky gal EVEN luckier and happier...count on that...

 

Hi @fishbone -

I have been reading your posts and I see you are a gentle, sweet man who is deserving of love and companionship. I think women would appreciate and value your sensitivity so you aim high and gals will see a man who is earnest and loving and will gravitate toward you.

The fact that you took time to care for your parents for so many years illustrates your inner goodness and there are surely not many who would do this. I admire you and hope someday soon you will find the right one and be "lucky in love". Women appreciate a good man so more power to you !

Be well.

Barbara

 

i was in the same situation as you 2 years ago. I met my wife and once i was telling her ringing noise in my ear and guess what?? She has Tinnitus!!

If you can handle T , then would have no problem dating any one. You are such a nice guy and if she has to give up loud events then any loving girl would do it.

Every one comes with some issues and this is our issue. Please dont let this stop to you from dating any one. If she is concert freak then it s a different story. I wish you best of luck!

 

Thanks for the kind words

Very touching and loving and I appreciate all of you....

 

I got married a week before my T started, this is both horrible and great luck at the same time, I am pretty sure I would have still been single until now had this not happened.

 

With/out tinnitus, are you responsible/capable of making someone 100% happy?

Id prefer to think of relationships as complimentary rather than the missing piece that completes us.

Lasting, healthy relationships would have to involve a degree of mutual compromise and understanding.

I personally wouldnt allow tinnitus to stand in the way of finding a partner.

 

Hi @fishbone. Tinnitus is difficult, and certainly can make communication difficult. But, it does not make love impossible. Your ability to love and make someone happy is not connected with your tinnitus. Now, tinnitus may make hearing difficult, and may affect your mood frequently, but when you find love, that will not matter. The right person will love you regardless of tinnitus. They will support you and care for you, and you will be able to support and care for them. The tinnitus may make it harder, but the fact that you have made it almost 30 years with tinnitus demonstrates that you certainly can not only cope with adversity, but thrive despite it.

It seems like you feel some connection with this woman. That I certainly understand; If you feel that connection, talk to her, start the conversation, maybe even ask her out. I think, for most people, if they feel a connection there usually is something mutual there. Connections are seldom one way. Go for it. I have read enough of your posts to see that you are a kind, caring man. And, I am fairly certain that most single women would like to find a kind, caring man.

No one can make anyone else 100% happy 100% of the time. You are a nice guy, I am sure you can make someone happy close enough to 100% that they will want to continue being with you.

Love is about compromises. Each of you will have to conform to each other's life and ways; and make accommodations for special cases, like your tinnitus. When you find the right person, this will not be a problem. They will gladly do what they need to because they will love you enough.

I hope you find the happiness you are seeking.

 

I would really suggest internet dating guys...i didnt do it that way but nowadays everyone is doing it

 

Maybe you are just using your tinnitus as an excuse to keep you from dating because you are afraid of getting hurt again.

I am married. I have 2 toddlers. My tinnitus is insane. My hearing is terrible. Somehow I manage it all. I have no doubt that you could do the same.

 

Studies show that introverts are one-third to half of the U.S. population
People in Denmark can't be That different. Introverts are NOT into partying and going out.

 

I have been married for 15 years. In April 2017 I developed Tinnitus for the first time….I still have it. I had such a hard time coping with T that I had to go on medication…my husband stated I am much more enjoyable being on meds then I was before. I was always high-strung, overly sensitive, overly driven. Now I am learning to relax and appreciate life more. Some good things can come out of having T!

 

Even before T I had a hard time finding a "mate". I didn't, and don't, like a lot of things people my age do. Partying, concerts, and such. Even had a guy dump me for reading too much. Not to mention the last one who didn't understand why I would take care of my parents, especially when my mom was on her feeding tube. Or my "crazy chicken farming" hobby.

The same idea still applies after T. My only issue now is that I'm still in the adjustment stage of T, so I know I can't handle being in a relationship right now.

Where your comfortable with it, finding someone--who may or may not have T--who will understand and be happy to sometimes make compromises should just be a matter of time. Besides you sound like a great guy and a lucky girl will realize that. Take the step and ask out the nice lady. ^_-

My grandfather has T and he found someone. He's had it for ages and even after his first wife died managed to raise all their kids on his own, marry my crazy ass grandmother and divorce her, and then find his current wife. Not only does he have T now, but he is also losing his hearing. He's 82 and still living a happy loving life.

So you can do it! Good luck.

 

Ty for the kind words

If that is your picture, i have to say that you are one beautiful lady and I admire you because you also paid the price and made the sacrifice to take care of your parent...


Be well...

 

Ha-ha! Not me, though I think IU is a total babe too.

Yep, still caring for them. Especially now that my dad's health is also on the decline. Though they're both doing much better right now.