Suicide Is NEVER an Option

I very actively want to die as of late. It seems there is no help available for people like me.

I am too cowardly to kill myself without assistance, so I'll still be here for years to come living as a parasite to society and those around me.

If assisted suicide were accessible, I could relieve everyone of my burden. How would this not be a positive thing?

 

I don't know how old you are but do you think your parents, a significant other and all those who value and love you consider you a burden? I very much doubt that! You would be causing more emotional harm by doing away with yourself and the grief would be unimaginable. I see you have tinnitus since 2012. Is there anything you can possibly do to make yourself a bit more comfortable at least? Have you ever sought counseling and discussed, in depth, all your negative feelings? I do most certainly understand the nightmare of tinnitus but to constantly ruminate about suicide is not constructive, is self-defeating toward any habituation which might take place and remember... you are a worthwhile person and I trust that those who need you to stick around will help you in any way they can to offer support.

I wish you didn't view yourself as a "parasite to society" as I am sure you have a lot to contribute and have your own special and unique style; each one of us is important in his/her own way. Life is difficult and a great challenge so we have to try to summon all our inner strength to become stronger and surmount the obstacles thrown in our path.

Sending my best wishes,

Barbara

 

Yes. Also, your premise is flawed; there are no people who value or love me.

I suppose if I could get tranquilizers and painkillers and drug myself up to the point where I don't care it might help, but only superficially.

It's also worth noting that my distress isn't because of tinnitus. I'm mostly fine with my tinnitus.

I've tried for years, and it has never been helpful.

 

Have you *looked* around? Society has serious issues. We need more understanding and sensitive people like you, bro. You don't have to prove anything to anyone. We were born joyful and free. Let's find our way back.

 

If your distress is not caused by tinnitus, there are obviously other important issues which are negatively affecting you. Since you say you had already sought the assistance of therapists in the past, perhaps it is time for you to look for a new, qualified therapist -- someone you are comfortable with, a person with whom you feel will understand and you can relate to. Many times a person has to consult a few therapists before someone suitable is found. Of course, a constant stream of drugs and alcohol will, ultimately, cause you more harm than good.

 

How? Why do people suggest this as if I have a shopping mall of therapists to choose from? The mental health system is extremely bogged down, I'm lucky to have even been able to see a therapist at all. I don't get to pick and choose, I take what they give me. If I asked my family doc for another referral I'd just be put on an 8 month waiting list to see the same person I already saw.

 

@Sen I don't know where you are located but now I understand the problem with seeking another referral and I am sorry you are having this difficulty. Can you get any support and comfort when speaking with your family and friends about whatever is troubling you? Some times the closest person to you can empathize and wants to understand your plight.

 

No.

 

@Sen - "No" no one understands what you tell them (or) "No" you do not wish to confide in anyone close to you?

 

Both. And also option C) noone cares enough to talk about it, and option D) noone could help even if none of the other options were true.

 

@Sen -

Surely there must be someone who cares about you? Isn't that so? Perhaps you only think no one cares and that is your misguided perception now but not how it actually is.

Oh... I wanted to ask what your interests are presently or those you had prior to your getting tinnitus or having some present difficulty which you alluded to which is not related to T.

 

No, there is nobody who cares about me.

I had hobbies related to gaming, writing, electronic hardware, and playing music, but my hands are in severe pain more often than not now so that's out the window.

I used to read and watch movies, but headaches, head pressure, nausea and extreme brain fog took my attention span and concentration away from me. I also feel emotionally numb, so even when I can concentrate, I don't feel anything from it.

I used to have a social life, but the spasm in my ear that reacts to my voice is so painful and dizzying that I can't talk for long without suffering and eventually subconsciously slurring my speech. I've lost contact with all of my old friends, and they aren't interested in seeing me anymore anyway because they lead loud, exciting lifestyles that are incompatible with hyperacusis and tinnitus.

Earlier you asked me how old I was. I am 28 years old.

I cannot keep typing anymore because my hands are burning in pain. If there is a loving God, he'll kill me in my sleep.

 

@Sen - I know you are in pain now and will not be able to respond. I only wanted to ask if your general practitioner physician was able to give you any medication which would attend to your symptoms. Had you consulted your doctor already and what does he say about your condition? Is it treatable in any way? I am very sorry to hear you are in such emotional and physical pain and hope somehow you can get whatever you need to improve.

Sending my best wishes,
Barbara

 

Yes, many times across many years. He doesn't have anything to say. He cannot find a cause, and does not attempt treatment.

 

Can you be referred to a Specialist? If you have many different symptoms, then perhaps a general practitioner is not the suitable physician to see.

 

I've been referred to many specialists. They cannot find a cause, and have not attempted treatment.

A little over 4 years ago a neurotologist offered to conduct a tenotomy on my middle ear. I held off. That neurotologist relocated to the UK. There is no guarantee a tenotomy would have helped anyway.

I had nerve tests conducted on my arms and hands. They checked out fine.

My family doctor suggested I see a physiotherapist for my hands and arms. Physiotherapists do not treat poor people, so that is not an option for me.

I've been attempting to treat everything at home by myself with resources I gather from the internet. This has been mostly unsuccessful.

My hands are in awful, awful pain right now and it is excruciating to type all of this.

 

@Sen - I understand and hope you can rest. I won't ask you anything further right now. Take care.

 

No, you don't. But I appreciate your time and effort.

 

I just wanted to say one thing more and don't expect you to reply since your hands are paining you. Have you ever thought about making a written appeal to the physiotherapist? Some times, if a doctor is a sincere and caring person, he might respond and waive the expensive fee which I suppose would be charged. If I were you, I would draft a written appeal and then send it by special mail to ensure he receives it. If you explain the various symptoms you have and mention that you have not been offered any good diagnosis/treatment, perhaps he will take to heart your plea and agree to see you. What about doing that? If I were in your circumstances, that is exactly what I would do. It is certainly worth a try and you have nothing to lose by doing this and he might even agree to see you and forego the fee or lower it.

What do you think?

 

@Sen - To further add to my previous post about making a plea to the physiotherapist, if necessary I would write a letter to him/her each day until I am noticed and then... then... perhaps he will agree to see you while either waiving or lowering the fee. Some times in Life, we must be tenacious.

 

Sen, how are you holding up now? I read that you saw some improvement in your H and other symptoms youve been having? How are you coping? Or are these symptoms still there and as severe?

 

The sound sensitivity isn't as bad as it used to be, but it's still a rollercoaster as I taper from benzos, and still a far stretch from normal.

I've mostly been upset lately at being unable to use my hands for more than a few minutes at a time without pain despite my best efforts to take care of them properly through icing, stretching, strengthening exercises and heat. I feel like if I could use my hands at maximum capacity I might be able to find a way to earn a living online, but until that issue is solved it's not an option.

And of course, I can't lead a normal life outside of the house with sound sensitivity, headaches, and middle ear spasms, which I also continuously try to treat without success.

 

Why aren't you prescribed opiates or some kinda painkillers for the pain? Ain't nice

 

@Sen - Have you thought about my suggestion which I mentioned in my last two posts to you? If so, what do you think?

 

Couple months ago I said this to myself but it's wasn't as polite as what you said. I'm still here fighting, I'm glad you are to, and hope you continue to. You got people who care @Sen

 

I don't plan on begging physiotherapists to treat me for free, no.

 

thanks.

 

I'm 27 and my wrists/fingers are constantly hurting from 15 years of non-stop PC gaming. Before tinnitus it used to be my number 1 problem and I've tried a ton of things aswell. I like to think it's working so far - here's my few tips

1. have a job during the day. I know this sounds unhelpful and easy but it really is the foundation of recovering. All these hours spent away from a PC is where it heals fastest. If you have to use a mouse at your job, learn and use your least used hand for it (assumingly left hand for most). Opposite-sided mouse handling feels weird at first but you're gonna get used to it eventually. Bonus points for one of those pads with a cushion.

2. check your computer chair handle height. Adjust it a little higher (or lower?) to relieve pressure on the wrist

3. most important - change your mouse. I was too stupid and stubborn to switch away from a 5$ piece of garbage USB mouse that took superhuman strength to click. Suffice to say I paid the price with permanent weakness and hurt, but recently bought myself a much easier-to-click mouse (razor deathadder). It's amazing the good it does.

4. put your hands under warm water every hour or so and massage - more info here

I don't even have a job currently and there's this fucking new sound disease, gaming is hard and I'm on antidepressants, my 16 year old pet that was my only breath of life in my tiny lonely appartment passed away, yet I'm starting to see the end of it all (in the good way). hang in there bud

 

Thanks for the advice.

I already use my left hand for internet browsing. It is my better hand, but it has problems of its own. I spend most of my time at the PC reading and idly browsing left handed, not typing. My hands hurt from all use after a period of time, not just PC use, so I'm not certain how a job would help.

I have my armwrests adjusted to be parallel to my keyboard tray. Elbows at a 90 degree angle, and always attempt to use proper posture.

My mouse is cheap, but it doesn't take any strength to use. It is light and easy to click. And again, I use it with my better hand. My right hand is by far the most problematic at the moment.

Unfortunately, due to my living situation, I cannot run water with any regularity, let alone hot water. I have been using an ice pack recently with little noticeable benefit. I will check out those massages.

 

I have battled severe pain from wrist RSI for almost 20 years. My RSI manifests as tendinitis rather than carpal tunnel syndrome. Physiotherapy, which was expensive even with insurance, did not help.

The things that did help:

1. Using a tablet much as possible instead of a keyboard and mouse. This is a no-brainer today but when Apple released the first iPad 7 years ago it was a life saver for me.

2. Switching from a mouse to a trackball. Unfortunately trackballs make clicking sounds that are too loud after hyperacusis set in so I am back to a mouse that is quiet on the ears but painful for the wrist.

3. Best of all, and far better than expensive physiotherapy for me is this $15 device from Amazon, it works wonders on my painful wrist RSI:

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00QH8NTHA/