Tough Patch

I've been quite bullish over the last week. There are 15 separate supplements on my sideboard and I've been popping them like candy in the hope that I can unbreak what noise did to my ears.

I've been concentrating on reading these forums, signed up to the AM-101 trial, am going for HBOT tomorrow and considering retigabine since Autifony is so far off. Every minute of every waking moment (I don't have it in my dreams yet) I have this constant chatter of [thinking... thinking... tinnitus? yes it's still there, move focus back to what you were doing, thinking, thinking].

But... today I just had a complete meltdown. I've basically had recurring panic attacks in bed for the last 9 hours. Awful stomach knotting and pain, overwhelming anxiety and suicidal thinking - I can't think about anything else for about an hour of pain, it lets up for about 15 minutes as I feel I'm at my limit, at which point I'd try and do something, anything to distract myself, and then it comes back. I'm utterly sick and shattered and just want to be unconscious. I can feel it coming back again now.

I think this is down to somewhere inside of me I've realised that I don't believe any of the solutions above are going to help me and that I'm going to have to deal with this for the rest of my life. Nothing I can do will change the noise, and... now fireworks are going off outside aaahhhhhh.

I would give someone everything I have to be better, this is cruel and... and...

I have to go lie down again .

 

Hey, Tom! I totally understand what you are going through as I'm going through the same at the moment. If you wanted to, you could come down to Bristol, we could meet up and support each other, that is if you wanted to?

 

Cheers buddy, that's incredibly kind of you . I can't even think about leaving the house right now. I think I've got to get some benzos for the anxiety or I'm going to do something drastic. Really have to get back into bed I'm starting to shake.

 

No problem. Well, if you ever did want someone to talk to I'll be willing to skype. Peace out mate.

 

Yeah sounds a lot like me when I got mine, unbearable, loud, cold sweat, high heart rate, stomach hurting, head hurts depression anxiety, contemplating suicide I'm glad I didn't do anything stupid back then.
I don't know how bad yours is, I can only thank my lucky starts (the ones that work anyway) that mine is mild and seems to not be permanent, but trust me it ALWAYS gets better from the beginning.
Everyone's Tinnitus was hell at first, I don't know what to say I'm not going to tell you not to stress or panic because that's virtually impossible I know, the best I can tell you is try to find somewhere where your Tinnitus doesn't bother you, a place where you don't think about it at all.
I promise you it will 100% get better.
If you need someone to talk to just message me, skype facebook anything you need just message me if you need someone to talk to.
Again I PROMISE YOU it will get better as time goes by.

 

This is exactly how I feel @Danny Boy and @tomm

Just exactly do we deal with this? It is killing me

 

Honestly, I don't even know...I feel like death...

 

Honestly, thinking is like your worse enemy with T & it's we seem to have! I too have massive anxiety since getting this. The whole 'rest of my life' thing repeats over & over... I used to be able to mask it but now whenever I do, another tone of tinnitus seems to rise above the sound, like a wirey whistle if that makes sense, it's almost got to the point of making me agoraphobic. That all being said, the past couple of months I've felt a lot better in myself & I'm finding the whole thing a lot less threatening than I used to. It's really hard some days but it really does get better, sometimes slowly, sometimes even going back a little but always better as time moves on. Fingers crossed as time moves on so does this miracle cure!

 

Thank you @Ilija. The support on this forum has kept me going today, thank you all. Hoping I'm tired enough to sleep soon.

 

Hang in there, Tomm. All I can say is that your T is very new indeed and you are at the toughest phase of T suffering. The best thing is to get some meds to help with the anxiety/panic/depression/sleeplessness. That is what I had to do initially. The forums I visited did help me but when the condition of T (and severe H for me too) was very new to me, nothing could stop my panic reaction. My body needed some time to get over the shock & awe state. I would try my best to convince myself that others have recovered over some time and with some treatments, so I just told myself to hang in there. I read up all the success stories to give myself hope that I could get better like them. And I did get better after some time. Get some masking to help you control your panic reaction. It sure helped me cut down the need for meds. Take care.