Trojan Horse

A photo - well yes
- I think it would be rude not to....x

 

And worse yet, If you go ahead and you tell someone that you’re anxious and depressed due to tinnitus. well it seems that tinnitus is thrown out the window as a potential cause, after all 50 million people in the US have it, it can’t be that bad!

This starts to get humiliating after a while, so I think most people just learn not to speak about it. I’ve been put into the general anxiety category way too many times, even though I have zero history of it prior to tinnitus. It’s a serious mistake just looking at reaction, and not at least considering the severity. This kind of narrow minded thinking can really isolate certain groups.

My reaction is 10 x worse than it was when my tinnitus wasn’t as severe just two months ago, hell I left here and wasn’t coming back. I’m still the same person with the same reactions, I wonder what changed, couldn’t be the condition, no that’s all the same, very confusing.

My tinnitus started with having to actively listen to hear it, it seemed loud as I was used to silence, I even described it as loud as I’m sure most people do. After a barotrauma and ototoxic exposure it crept up into scary territory, now after some 110-140dB banging for 40 min in a MRI machine, Im at the end of the line.

I can say in my experience that those levels of severity are completely different conditions all together. The first was a shock, but i almost had to try and pay attention for it to actually bother me. The second was devastating, I had to learn to suffer, learn to take it, learn to work around it. The third (just two months in now) have created a severe form of anxiety (terror), catastrophic insomnia and deep despair.

It’s all so different, I wish I still sat in the first category, and just ignorantly thought that these other people must be a bunch of negative wimps, unfortunately my eyes are wide open on this one.

 

Dear Glynis I’ve noticed you’ve been absent for a few days now, and worried if you were okay or just busy elsewhere.
Take care babe - we all cherish you,
and wish you so much better.
Here’s a rib crushing
{{{{{ HUG }}}}}
with love from us all glynis,

Dave x
Jazzer

 

I have a son older than you but I’m willing to adopt another one and his dog! Just love you Bam, obviously in a Mummy way.
Keep looking for the girl though, I do like a nice wedding.
@Bam

 

I hear you. You could be the most psychologically stable person on the planet and if you suddenly heard some of the shit we here and got told that’s it for life, no off switch, you would be very very unstable all of a sudden......As far as im aware noise torture is not used on people to make them upbeat and relaxed.

 

No photos I don’t think!
@Jazzer

 

Oh Glynis why is life being so rotten to you.
Sending lots of get better wishes.
Evexx

 

You would definitely want to keep the dog.....not sure about me.xx

 

Lol xx
@Bam

 

Sending you love Glynis. It seems T has brought us all a varied menu of suffering. Some of us have loneliness and isolation, others additional health problems, financial struggles......some poor souls the whole lot.

But one thing we share is that we are sadly all stuck at the dinner party from hell with a host whose company truly sucks.xx

 

On a brighter note. I cannot wait for Xmas and have already excitedly written to Father Christmas......

Dear Santa,

I have been a very good boy so could you please have a word with God and ask him to take back the delightful gift he gave me last year which I humbly think might be more suitable for an animal abusing, child raping, wife beating monster, than little old me.

Cheers pal!

 

How you doing @vermillion i hardly dare to ask as I fear I already know the answer, but I do genuinely empathise and care my friend.

I would love us both to get to even a slightly better place than this constant suffering.

 

@glynis: so unlike you to be downtrodden by this & hope you feel better soon. Your love and support to others is amazing! X

@Jazzer & @Bam: If this wasn’t so horrendous it would be hilarious! You both clearly have developed a great friendship and have amazing writing styles and convey the horror brilliantly of this shit club we all begrudgingly have memberships to!! x

 

Oh for the days Vicki when I was just a member of the local David Lloyd and my body wasn’t a f***ing torture chamber.

Hope you’re doing okay....ish....you know.

 

@Bam! Haha! I absolutely hear ya! Me too! I’ve been a David Lloyd member for years!!! But thanks to this cruel f***** I cant stand being in the gym (idiots who clank weights), exercise classes too loud and due to developing fibromyalgia because of the sheer stress of this I can’t swim as well, it absolutely kills me. My outlet was always exercise too but my body now, as you said is a torture chamber and there’s certainly no Mr Grey in this one! Lol. Instead of 46 I feel 86!! So yeah... I’m doing great thanks!!! lol x

 

Sometimes i question if indeed we suffer from tinnitus. Maybe we have another affliction, because i read of so many people's positive progress. To me why only the opposite? I also read polls of people that debate if they would prefer 500M $ with tinnitus, or being broke without tinnitus among other BS. I would rather be homeless and healthy. Atm i'm lying on my bed, wondering with my sick brain how life ended up at this dead-end. All the efforts, all the investments, school, university, art studies, musical studies, all the dreams... all to vain. I don't post that much because i can help nobody, or because somebody would say i am negative. I get these bouts of crying lately, during the day. How simple thinks of everyday life, that we were once enjoying, have turned into wishful thinking? When and how did this happen? We are raped everyday by our own body. Raped each second of the day, everyday...
I am tired of not being able to do.

 

@Bam - as we’ve got quite a few genuine compadres on here perhaps we’d better throw the “Tearful Bucket Party” open to ‘all and sundry,’ maybe put a turnstile in, and take a few bob towards a batch of pain killers.

(Oops - just realised - our planning maybe a bit ‘previous’ Bam - this clever bastard hasn’t yet come up with the goods - as far as I know.....?)

 

I know it’s scant consolation but I feel exactly the same Vermillion. You are certainly not alone in having this severely. I cry daily. I wake up and feel almost unable to move for the first hour or two of the morning. Paralysed by despair and how pointless and void life now feels with this monstrous handicap. How and why did it come to this?! Like you I would give up everything for silence again.

In the evenings now I walk my dog and stare through the windows of restaurants and bars at people laughing and enjoying their lives and my heart feels cold and broken. Like every privilege I had in life has been snatched away overnight and I’ve been demoted in life to a complete nobody, a nothing......A ghost.

 

Love all you guys and gals x
If only ‘love’ did the trick eh?

Dave x
Jazzer

 

No. Sadly not Jazzer. And I’ve started to wonder if he ever will. Can he?!? Severe Tinnitus truly feels like some form of curse, reserved only for a select few. Perhaps it’s never meant to be cured.

Could this be karma?!? Did we do something, maybe in a previous life that we’re unaware of and this is our punishment. Trapped in a earth bound hell. I don’t f***ing know..........How this can just happen in an instant to healthy people and genuinely turn in to years of hell is just beyond comprehension.

 

I know this so well, as you are in my mind @Bam . I don't feel like a human, nor i know who i am. When i am among people i feel alone. I have passed on another side. I am not with them.

 

fx 322 is the closest thing to a miracle that we potentially have. we need to be clamoring to get this.

 

@vermillion You’re not at all being negative. Your living with a condition that would bring the strongest to their knees. The suffering that Tinnitus causes is absolutely pointless and inhumane. Tinnitus Talk is a place where you can be real and take off the ‘everything is fine’ mask, know that you Are amongst those who truly understand what your going through although it’s no real remedy as we’d all much rather be out living our lives free of this burden. It’s good to talk & offload the daily anxiety, stress and sadness this creates x

 

Absolutely! It truly feels like an existence and not living... seeing others being carefree and living life is a painful reminder... x

 

Thank you for thinking about me and @Bam and @Jazzer.

I'm ok ,I feel a bit like a circus clown juggling health balls around at the moment but I keep going .

I have work men here at the moment flagging my yard with Egyptian stone so will look great when it's finished tomorrow.

love Glynis

 

Take it easy, Glynis, and if you need a break don’t hesitate to take one. Our own health comes first and foremost.

 

@Vicki14 - you are spot on babe.
We have to ‘tell it like it is.’

 

You are a perfect example of how callous and evil this thing really is.
I have seen way too many posts, where a mild tinnitus sufferer suddenly turned severe with no warning whatsoever.

This just further cements my belief, that tinnitus is really like a timed bomb strapped to your chest...as long as you have any form of Tinnitus you are never truly safe.

While I consider myself extremely lucky having gone from severe to mild/moderate, I still feel like like an escaped death row prisoner, who's at large for now, but every cop in the county is actively looking for me and my "WANTED" posters are hanging on every corner.

Metaphorically speaking, I want to pull this thing out of my head and beat it to death in cruelest way possible with utmost prejudice..
This is my plan should it decide to go back to severe.
When or if that happens, this time around I will blast this motherfucker through the back of my skull, as I will not let this satanic POS have the pleasure of torturing me for shits and giggles ever again.

 

@Jazzer Yep! No amount of sugar coating would cover this shit! lol x