What Caused My New Low-Pitched Vibrating Hum? Should I See an ENT and Try Steroids?

[SaraK18]

Hi,

I'm sorry to write that, the last couple of days, I have had a new tone in my right ear.

I am trying to figure out why this happened. I have had high pitched tinnitus and hyperacusis from an acoustic trauma 2 years ago (and a worsening of it from another loud-ish sound one year ago). I was getting a lot better. Ringing much quieter, hyperacusis was almost unnoticeable. I have been trying to do everything right. I had peace of mind for the most part.

And then Friday night I went to sleep on my right side, and woke up about an hour later with a low-pitched vibrating hum in my right ear. Like a motor running. It was still there the next morning, and today is Monday and it is still there. The volume fluctuates. Seems worse in the morning. Barely noticeable during the day. I think that's a good sign. I have had this sound very briefly over the last year, but it always went away after a couple of minutes. I always attributed it to jaw tension or something. I am super anxious and depressed. I also have a slightly stuffy feeling in my right ear and some wetness when I wake up in the morning. I typically have had some wetness since the initial injury, but maybe this is more?

Any opinions on if I should see an ENT? Generally, audiologists have not helped me at all. But this feels like new territory. And if it is from a sound injury, I want to try steroids. I have not taken them in the past, but maybe that was a mistake and it could have saved me years of suffering.

Here are the things that happened leading up to this hum in the right ear:

1. Partner kissed my hand and it made a loud sound about 8 inches from my head a few hours before this started.
2. I smiled with a foam earplug in the day before and heard a "pop" in the right ear - the earplug popped out of its suction when I moved my face.
3. I am studying for a huge exam - so I was having lots of shoulder and neck tightness plus probably added stress.
4. I used the LLLT (Low-Level Laser Therapy) on my ears a little longer than I normally do about an hour before this started (still, it was a very tiny dose of laser).

I know these things are all pretty minor, but I'm trying to piece this together to determine if steroids would help me. If it is just from stress or something, I will forego the audiologist. I will say that in the past, my ears have gotten messed up from sounds that don't seem to be that THAT loud. I think I have very sensitive ears.

As a side note, my older brother is having similar issues with his ears after an alarm went off near him. I wonder if I have a genetic weakness in the ears.

Thanks for reading all my ramblings. Wisdom and advice appreciated.

X

 

[Johan82]

I also had that humming sound before. It didn't bother me at all because it was only noticeable when I was in bed at night with my ear on the pillow. I didn't call it tinnitus. After some months I really got tinnitus.

My first guess is that this humming sound comes from fluid behind your eardrum. It's called otitis media with effusion. Did you catch a cold or middle ear infection? Maybe you have a problem with Eustachian tubes, causing the ear fullness? So no worries.

I would go to your GP or ENT to check you ears. I would definitely not be anxious or worried about this minor sound. Although it's unusual, and I know people with tinnitus are on high alert about their ears and sounds.

I wouldn't think about steroids like Prednisone for now. Only when there is an acoustic trauma or infection and your tinnitus is spiking. Prednisone can cause a lot of side effects.

A nose spray, on the other hand, could help, or Neti pot, etc.

About the possible causes you mentioned, the first two are not the culprit.

Stress can exacerbate tinnitus (but I have never experienced a humming sound from stress), and maybe tension in your jaw, neck and ear muscles could be the culprit. I don't know if LLLT could be the culprit.

 

[SaraK18]

@Johan82, thank you! I don't have a cold or anything but I did wake up slightly congested Saturday morning which was right after this occurred.

Maybe it's more allergy or inflammation...

 

[Johan82]

@Johan82, thank you! I don't have a cold or anything but I did wake up slightly congested Saturday morning which was right after this occurred.

Maybe it's more allergy or inflammation...

Yes, I think you have to search the culprit in that direction. Congestion or inflammation.

But it's OK to visit your GP or ENT to check your ears. And let me know

 

[Ben Winders]

IMHO it has nothing to do with congestion or inflammation. If you have pre-existing tinnitus or hyperacusis, look in that direction for the cause of your low frequency tinnitus.

I had the exact same happen. I had tinnitus and hyperacusis, then one night 2.5 years ago I was sleeping on my right side and the motor-noise began.

My opinion is that it's just damage, same damage that is causing our other tinnitus and hyperacusis.

Dr. De Ridder and all the other specialists have no clue what is causing the low humming tinnitus, but congestion and inflammation probably is not it (unless you are very, very lucky).

Search for "low frequency tinnitus" on this forum - you'll find many other people with the same issue, almost none of them caused by inflammation or congestion.

Sorry to be the bearer of crap news, probably not what you wanted to hear.

 

[SaraK18]

IMHO it has nothing to do with congestion or inflammation. If you have pre-existing tinnitus or hyperacusis, look in that direction for the cause of your low frequency tinnitus.

I had the exact same happen. I had tinnitus and hyperacusis, then one night 2.5 years ago I was sleeping on my right side and the motor-noise began.

My opinion is that it's just damage, same damage that is causing our other tinnitus and hyperacusis.

Dr. De Ridder and all the other specialists have no clue what is causing the low humming tinnitus, but congestion and inflammation probably is not it (unless you are very, very lucky).

Search for "low frequency tinnitus" on this forum - you'll find many other people with the same issue, almost none of them caused by inflammation or congestion.

Sorry to be the bearer of crap news, probably not what you wanted to hear.

@Ben Winders, it's OK. I know this is a possibility. When this happened to you, was it caused by any loud sound or new damage? Did it just happen randomly? I'm wondering if steroids would be helpful. Definitely not something I want to take unless absolutely necessary.

I had a Tele consult with an audiologist and he thought it was from my neck getting cramped up when I was studying for this exam. I pray.

 

[DebInAustralia]

@Johan82, thank you! I don't have a cold or anything but I did wake up slightly congested Saturday morning which was right after this occurred.

Maybe it's more allergy or inflammation...

I've had that engine noise for years alongside my surround sound high frequency head hissing... it's mostly only noticeable at night. I feel it as well. I try not to focus on it. Certainly doesn't interfere with my quality of life like this current worsening does. I ddon't know what causes it.

 

[Ben Winders]

@Ben Winders, it's OK. I know this is a possibility. When this happened to you, was it caused by any loud sound or new damage? Did it just happen randomly? I'm wondering if steroids would be helpful. Definitely not something I want to take unless absolutely necessary.

I had a Tele consult with an audiologist and he thought it was from my neck getting cramped up when I was studying for this exam. I pray.

Lol yeah, it's in the ENT handbook because they don't understand low frequency tinnitus: "in case of low frequency tinnitus > tell the patient it's probably neck related and send them home."

I've had 3 ENTs in 3 countries tell me the exact same thing.

One of them (in one of the most renown University Hospitals in the world) told me: you are one of the lucky ones (of his tinnitus patients) as yours will go away because it is neck/muscle related, this cannot be from noise damage. 2.5 years later I'm lucky to still be alive. He couldn't have been more wrong.

It's so obvious it's not neck or TMJ, just damage/tinnitus, but it is rare, so I guess we can't really blame ENTs.

 

[SaraK18]

@DebInAustralia, did yours start randomly or was there a clear cause?

@Ben Winders, in Chinese medicine they say low frequency tinnitus is due to kidney deficiency. My right ear also feels a little plugged, and sometimes has feeling of heat or cold. Have you had any of those symptoms?

 

[Jonnie]

@SaraK18, while I can't offer any solutions as I am a new tinnitus sufferer, I just want to share that I came across one of your messages to @JoeBattams from back in the day, and found it inspiring. Keep up the good fight, as your words and actions give others hope!

My tinnitus sounds have also been changing lately, so I can definitely relate with the anxiety

Just re-sharing things wonderful folks like yourself have shared on these forums:

- Tinnitus spikes can/will happen, but it will get better (you managed acclimating before, you'll be able to do it again).

- Be compassionate and patient with yourself; don't blame yourself for things you did or didn't do.

- Find ways to calm/address the anxiety, whether through holistic healing, CBT, etc. since the anxiety itself can exacerbate the issue and feed on itself.

I hope that things calm down for you and you're able to find a bit of peace. Good luck on your exam!

@Johan82, I recently caught COVID-19 (while being a new tinnitus sufferer), and have noticed my ear pressure have been a bit all over the place. As of a couple days ago, I felt my left ear get a sort of hissing sound, like air being let out or a ventilated echoy room. I also noticed that when I put my left ear on a pillow, I notice humming more. Do you think this can be a sign of "otitis media with effusion" like you mentioned?

 

[benjd2016]

Get on steroids ASAP. That full feeling is a sign of hearing loss and it obviously came on suddenly.

Please get help FAST. Time runs out on this shit.

 

[Sammy0225]

Hi! I have this humming too!

Sounds like a car approaching in the distance. But there is no car.

 

[benjd2016]

If this appears suddenly, then yes, it could indicate something serious. I would take a short course of steroids just in case it is anything serious. They should help to clear it up but, as with anything involving steroids, they won't always work. But they are worth a try.

 

[SaraK18]

Hey everyone I think I missed a bunch of responses on here so sorry about that and thank you for all of your responses!

An update on that sound in my right ear: it went away. I will get it rarely if I'm really stressed out but it's mostly gone now. I'm not sure how long it took to go away. Maybe a month or two? I had been studying for an exam and my neck and upper back were super tight and ended up getting quite painful. I think it might've been connected to muscle tension for me.

 

[SaraK18]

@Jonnie, how are you feeling now? I hope your symptoms have improved. Thank you for the kind message, the support on this forum is nice

 

[Jonnie]

Hi @SaraK18, I'm really glad to hear the intrusive sound has subsided for you, and welcome back to Tinnitus Talk!

Overall, my situation has improved significantly since last fall. The tinnitus is still there, but I have many more good days than bad. With a bit of help from Mirtazapine for sleep, I'm able to live a pretty normal life now. I started a new job, moved back out on my own, and am getting involved in many activities.

Here's hoping that when I hit the 1-year mark, it may go away altogether.

 

[SaraK18]

Hi @SaraK18, I'm really glad to hear the intrusive sound has subsided for you, and welcome back to Tinnitus Talk!

Overall, my situation has improved significantly since last fall. The tinnitus is still there, but I have many more good days than bad. With a bit of help from Mirtazapine for sleep, I'm able to live a pretty normal life now. I started a new job, moved back out on my own, and am getting involved in many activities.

Here's hoping that when I hit the 1-year mark, it may go away altogether.

@Jonnie, that's great news! Keep healing

 

[Matchbox]

Hey everyone I think I missed a bunch of responses on here so sorry about that and thank you for all of your responses!

An update on that sound in my right ear: it went away. I will get it rarely if I'm really stressed out but it's mostly gone now. I'm not sure how long it took to go away. Maybe a month or two? I had been studying for an exam and my neck and upper back were super tight and ended up getting quite painful. I think it might've been connected to muscle tension for me.

How long did it take?

Don't count hydrops or otosclerosis out, especially if you recently were pregnant.

 

[SaraK18]

How long did it take?

Don't count hydrops or otosclerosis out, especially if you recently were pregnant.

It took a month or two to resolve. It comes back occasionally if I am very stressed. I recently had a head cold and it came back then, but resolved when my congestion cleared up.

I wondered about hydrops in the past, especially closer to the acoustic trauma because my ears would have a "wet" sound when I got up from a pillow or even feel a little wet inside. That cleared up as my ears healed but will occasionally resurface if my ears are irritated. From what I read it can be part of the sequelae of acoustic trauma.

It's hard to say what that sound was for sure, maybe a combo of factors but I think neck tightness/jaw clenching was a component, if not the cause.

 

[Jon R.]

It took a month or two to resolve. It comes back occasionally if I am very stressed. I recently had a head cold and it came back then, but resolved when my congestion cleared up.

I wondered about hydrops in the past, especially closer to the acoustic trauma because my ears would have a "wet" sound when I got up from a pillow or even feel a little wet inside. That cleared up as my ears healed but will occasionally resurface if my ears are irritated. From what I read it can be part of the sequelae of acoustic trauma.

It's hard to say what that sound was for sure, maybe a combo of factors but I think neck tightness/jaw clenching was a component, if not the cause.

Interesting. About 15 or so years ago I got the low rumbling truck engine ticking over on idle sound when I used a foam earplug to block out a neighbour's dog barking at 6 am every day. That noise then used to only come out for a month or so when I was sick with a cold. I would do everything to avoid colds as I knew it would come back for a month every time. Then fast forward 13 years and I had the COVID-19 jab and the noise came back permanently and I got 2 new tones, including reactive tinnitus and it has now been with me permanently for 2 years. Not sure what has happened. Sounds like you are in the stage I was years ago. I so wish we had an answer.

 

[SaraK18]

Interesting. About 15 or so years ago I got the low rumbling truck engine ticking over on idle sound when I used a foam earplug to block out a neighbour's dog barking at 6 am every day. That noise then used to only come out for a month or so when I was sick with a cold. I would do everything to avoid colds as I knew it would come back for a month every time. Then fast forward 13 years and I had the COVID-19 jab and the noise came back permanently and I got 2 new tones, including reactive tinnitus and it has now been with me permanently for 2 years. Not sure what has happened. Sounds like you are in the stage I was years ago. I so wish we had an answer.

I'm so sorry to hear that. I know a lot of people who have had adverse effects from the COVID-19 vaccination, especially those with autoimmune or pre-existing inflammatory conditions.

It might not be permanent for you. Are you doing anything to decrease inflammation in your body? You might consider seeing a holistic practitioner, specifically one who has treated people for adverse reactions to vaccines.

 

[ShawnHasHope]

IMHO it has nothing to do with congestion or inflammation. If you have pre-existing tinnitus or hyperacusis, look in that direction for the cause of your low frequency tinnitus.

I had the exact same happen. I had tinnitus and hyperacusis, then one night 2.5 years ago I was sleeping on my right side and the motor-noise began.

My opinion is that it's just damage, same damage that is causing our other tinnitus and hyperacusis.

Dr. De Ridder and all the other specialists have no clue what is causing the low humming tinnitus, but congestion and inflammation probably is not it (unless you are very, very lucky).

Search for "low frequency tinnitus" on this forum - you'll find many other people with the same issue, almost none of them caused by inflammation or congestion.

Sorry to be the bearer of crap news, probably not what you wanted to hear.

@Ben Winders, do you still have low frequency tinnitus? Have you habituated to the point where you can choose not to hear it? I hope you are doing well. I am new to the forum, but I found that I have a lot in common with you.

 

[Ben Winders]

@Ben Winders, do you still have low frequency tinnitus? Have you habituated to the point where you can choose not to hear it? I hope you are doing well. I am new to the forum, but I found that I have a lot in common with you.

I do not know where to start. This is my first post on here in a very, very long time.

Let me begin with the most important thing: yes, I still have low frequency tinnitus. But yes, even more importantly, my life is 95 percent back to where it was before I got this horrible condition.

I cannot stress this enough: hang in there. My god, hang in there. It may take a very long time. For me, it took three years of total hell, as you may have read in one or more of my previous posts. But I can almost guarantee that either:

1. The loudness will go down. I mean the actual noise itself. This has nothing to do with coping better. The noise truly went down significantly for me.
2. You will be able to live with it much better over time, year after year. You will have setbacks for sure, but keep fighting.

I do not know if you have seen Stranger Things. For people who have not experienced trauma, I always try to explain what I went through like this:

"You know the Upside Down in Stranger Things? That place actually exists. I lived there for two years."

I used to try to explain it to my girlfriend when we were driving somewhere:

"You see that tree over there, or that house? I see those too, just like you do. But for me, they are covered in a black, tar-like substance. Everything I look at radiates despair. I feel constantly haunted, as if someone is jumpscaring me every single second of the day. It is exhausting."

I used to ask her:

"Will I ever get my life back? I just want normality again."

She always told me:

"I am convinced we will. We just have to hang in there."

She was right, even though I never really believed her at the time because I was so deeply in trouble.

Thank God I held on.

Please never give up. I beg you. You just have to accept that you might have to sacrifice some years — however many it takes — and put your life on pause for a while.

(For context: I do not take anything currently. No supplements, no medications. I wear earplugs when I drive my car. I am not even sure if I have to, I just do.)

 

[Mathilda]

I do not know where to start. This is my first post on here in a very, very long time.

Let me begin with the most important thing: yes, I still have low frequency tinnitus. But yes, even more importantly, my life is 95 percent back to where it was before I got this horrible condition.

I cannot stress this enough: hang in there. My god, hang in there. It may take a very long time. For me, it took three years of total hell, as you may have read in one or more of my previous posts. But I can almost guarantee that either:

1. The loudness will go down. I mean the actual noise itself. This has nothing to do with coping better. The noise truly went down significantly for me.
2. You will be able to live with it much better over time, year after year. You will have setbacks for sure, but keep fighting.

I do not know if you have seen Stranger Things. For people who have not experienced trauma, I always try to explain what I went through like this:

"You know the Upside Down in Stranger Things? That place actually exists. I lived there for two years."

I used to try to explain it to my girlfriend when we were driving somewhere:

"You see that tree over there, or that house? I see those too, just like you do. But for me, they are covered in a black, tar-like substance. Everything I look at radiates despair. I feel constantly haunted, as if someone is jumpscaring me every single second of the day. It is exhausting."

I used to ask her:

"Will I ever get my life back? I just want normality again."

She always told me:

"I am convinced we will. We just have to hang in there."

She was right, even though I never really believed her at the time because I was so deeply in trouble.

Thank God I held on.

Please never give up. I beg you. You just have to accept that you might have to sacrifice some years — however many it takes — and put your life on pause for a while.

(For context: I do not take anything currently. No supplements, no medications. I wear earplugs when I drive my car. I am not even sure if I have to, I just do.)

Hello @Ben Winders!

I have read many of your old posts and truly appreciate you sharing your more recent experience with us.

It is very encouraging to read that you are doing so much better, especially since I was in a similar situation as you years ago.

May I ask two questions?

1. Was the reduction in your tinnitus noise sudden, or did it happen gradually over time?

2. How do you handle silence these days? Can you be in a silent room and not care about your tinnitus, or do you not even hear or consciously perceive it anymore?

Kindly,
Mathilda

 

[ShawnHasHope]

I do not know where to start. This is my first post on here in a very, very long time.

Let me begin with the most important thing: yes, I still have low frequency tinnitus. But yes, even more importantly, my life is 95 percent back to where it was before I got this horrible condition.

I cannot stress this enough: hang in there. My god, hang in there. It may take a very long time. For me, it took three years of total hell, as you may have read in one or more of my previous posts. But I can almost guarantee that either:

1. The loudness will go down. I mean the actual noise itself. This has nothing to do with coping better. The noise truly went down significantly for me.
2. You will be able to live with it much better over time, year after year. You will have setbacks for sure, but keep fighting.

I do not know if you have seen Stranger Things. For people who have not experienced trauma, I always try to explain what I went through like this:

"You know the Upside Down in Stranger Things? That place actually exists. I lived there for two years."

I used to try to explain it to my girlfriend when we were driving somewhere:

"You see that tree over there, or that house? I see those too, just like you do. But for me, they are covered in a black, tar-like substance. Everything I look at radiates despair. I feel constantly haunted, as if someone is jumpscaring me every single second of the day. It is exhausting."

I used to ask her:

"Will I ever get my life back? I just want normality again."

She always told me:

"I am convinced we will. We just have to hang in there."

She was right, even though I never really believed her at the time because I was so deeply in trouble.

Thank God I held on.

Please never give up. I beg you. You just have to accept that you might have to sacrifice some years — however many it takes — and put your life on pause for a while.

(For context: I do not take anything currently. No supplements, no medications. I wear earplugs when I drive my car. I am not even sure if I have to, I just do.)

Thank you for your response. I'm glad to hear that you are feeling much better now. I hope that my low frequency will go down one day. I know that the more I focus on it, the worse it gets, but it is so hard to ignore. It is so difficult to live with. It has changed my life. Thank you again.

 

[ShawnHasHope]

I do not know where to start. This is my first post on here in a very, very long time.

Let me begin with the most important thing: yes, I still have low frequency tinnitus. But yes, even more importantly, my life is 95 percent back to where it was before I got this horrible condition.

I cannot stress this enough: hang in there. My god, hang in there. It may take a very long time. For me, it took three years of total hell, as you may have read in one or more of my previous posts. But I can almost guarantee that either:

1. The loudness will go down. I mean the actual noise itself. This has nothing to do with coping better. The noise truly went down significantly for me.
2. You will be able to live with it much better over time, year after year. You will have setbacks for sure, but keep fighting.

I do not know if you have seen Stranger Things. For people who have not experienced trauma, I always try to explain what I went through like this:

"You know the Upside Down in Stranger Things? That place actually exists. I lived there for two years."

I used to try to explain it to my girlfriend when we were driving somewhere:

"You see that tree over there, or that house? I see those too, just like you do. But for me, they are covered in a black, tar-like substance. Everything I look at radiates despair. I feel constantly haunted, as if someone is jumpscaring me every single second of the day. It is exhausting."

I used to ask her:

"Will I ever get my life back? I just want normality again."

She always told me:

"I am convinced we will. We just have to hang in there."

She was right, even though I never really believed her at the time because I was so deeply in trouble.

Thank God I held on.

Please never give up. I beg you. You just have to accept that you might have to sacrifice some years — however many it takes — and put your life on pause for a while.

(For context: I do not take anything currently. No supplements, no medications. I wear earplugs when I drive my car. I am not even sure if I have to, I just do.)

Dear Friend,

We do not know each other in real life, but I kept reading your reply over and over, with tears streaming down my face that I just could not control. This is the hardest thing I have ever faced in my life, and I have gone through waves of depression where I almost ended it.

My condition was largely caused by Amitriptyline, and I cannot take the risk of using antidepressants anymore. Your words are powerful, and I want to keep them in mind to give me strength to stand up again. I hope that one day I can stand and smile again.

Thank you for sharing your story. I also hope your condition continues to improve, and that one day we can celebrate leaving this behind.

 

[Ben Winders]

Hello @Ben Winders!

I have read many of your old posts and truly appreciate you sharing your more recent experience with us.

It is very encouraging to read that you are doing so much better, especially since I was in a similar situation as you years ago.

May I ask two questions?

1. Was the reduction in your tinnitus noise sudden, or did it happen gradually over time?

2. How do you handle silence these days? Can you be in a silent room and not care about your tinnitus, or do you not even hear or consciously perceive it anymore?

Kindly,
Mathilda

1. I am going to use different words in the hope that you understand the nuance: the reduction is happening gradually. I am strongly convinced this is because there are so many contributing factors to how the noise is perceived. If you are tired, it will sound louder. If you are anxious, it will sound louder. If you are in a good mental state, it will sound quieter.

It is still going to be a lifelong condition.

2. I can be in a silent room, but even in the beginning, I forced myself—brutally—to endure the suffering of silence in order to face my demon head-on. I think that is just how I am wired mentally. My girlfriend said, "Just use a masker!" But I always said, "No." For me, using a masker was worse than facing the demon and trying to become friends with it.

It was a long process. It was scary. Even now, I still have nights where I can't sleep because I focus on it too much and start attaching negative thoughts to it, especially when other areas of my life are not going well.

But mostly, my brain now has superpowers—because I survived the early stages. It seems like the brain remembers: This guy has seen the lowest a person can go because of tinnitus, but he survived. Everything that comes after should be survivable too.

As I am writing this, the tinnitus is a bit louder again (perception or reality?). I just got off an airplane. Maybe that has something to do with it, although I've taken flights before without any immediate effects.

Also—keep a diary. Most of the mental distress I experienced came from:

• Feelings of guilt (which took me a while to let go of. At times, that guilt was worse than the tinnitus itself)
• Comparing current loudness to what I think it was one month ago. You always remember the past as being better than it really was.

So go sit in a quiet room. Take deep breaths in and out. Just listen to your tinnitus—your "friend" (friends can be jerks too)—and write down how loud it seems that day, along with the date.

This helps you avoid comparing with distorted memories. You'll stop saying things like, "Oh no, today it's so loud again, and one month ago I barely heard it!" False.

I have to jump into a meeting now, but I hope this helps.

Also, even though my tinnitus has been a bit louder the last couple of days since returning from the flight, my blood pressure is still around 125. I advise everyone to get a blood pressure monitor and record that data along with your diary entries.

These hard facts—like seeing your blood pressure at 125—can help calm your brain: "There is no need to panic; this guy's blood pressure is perfectly fine."

For reference, when I first got tinnitus, my blood pressure was around 150 for three years. It was so bad that the hospital nearly forced me to start medication. I eventually stopped taking those meds, and now my blood pressure is 125 without them.

That, right there, is progress.

Dear Friend,

We do not know each other in real life, but I kept reading your reply over and over, with tears streaming down my face that I just could not control. This is the hardest thing I have ever faced in my life, and I have gone through waves of depression where I almost ended it.

My condition was largely caused by Amitriptyline, and I cannot take the risk of using antidepressants anymore. Your words are powerful, and I want to keep them in mind to give me strength to stand up again. I hope that one day I can stand and smile again.

Thank you for sharing your story. I also hope your condition continues to improve, and that one day we can celebrate leaving this behind.

The issue is that everything I tell you, or anything that any other "survivor" tells you, can sound like unsubstantiated noise. You might think, "Yes, this is someone three million miles away, in a completely different situation. He survived, but that does not mean I will, because I have this or that extra contributing factor, or my brain is wired differently."

Let's boil everything down to the bare essentials:

• I lived in the Upside Down world for about two and a half, maybe three years.
• I was on the floor with anxiety attacks, my girlfriend lying on top of me, trying to calm me down with her body.
• I was in hospitals in three different countries due to life threatening thoughts and ideation. You know what I mean.

In short, I have been exactly where you are now. Even though I am not you, I know exactly how you are feeling and what you are going through.

I am begging you to trust me completely when I say this: fight, because it will be worth it.

In time, the exact number of years may vary, you will carry this new burden and fragile trauma as part of you, but you will carry it while living. You will enjoy things again.

Will your life be exactly the same? No. But you will be able to sit on your sofa, watch a Netflix show, and not be bothered by a little buzzing sound.

The buzzing sound did not kill me, and believe me, it tried.

That fact alone took away much of its power. It made the sound feel less loud, less intrusive, less frightening, and less capable of triggering anxiety.

The only problem is that this kind of mental conditioning does not come for free. You have to go through the mud first.

I have worked with Ukrainian refugees. Many of them told me that after a few months, they no longer felt anxiety when hearing bombs fall around them. They had become used to it. I think the same principle applies here.

But yes, you have to suffer first. That is how it is.

So get back in there. Sit with the buzzing sound in a quiet room. Disarm it. Fall down. Try again. Fall again. Try again.

Ask yourself this question: "What if the thing I am hearing is not as bad as I think it is?"

That is one of the mantras I keep repeating to myself. What if the booooooooooooooooo sound is not as bad as I think it is? What if it is just… booooooooooooooooo?

I know it sounds like pseudo psychology, but you really can change the patterns in your brain by repeating mantras, even if you do not believe them at first.

There are so many sides to this. You have to try a lot of different things until you find what works for your personality.

The best compliment I get from my girlfriend, and remember, she has been with me through every second of this horror, is when she says, "You are unbelievably strong to have survived this."

I still fall. But the falls are becoming less painful, and it takes me less time to get back up again.

 

[Ken219]

@Ben Winders, although your post is lengthy, I saw myself in every word. You are lucky to have a good partner, as I am. I've lived with tinnitus for 35 years. Your words felt as if they were describing my own life.

God bless, and I still pray for better treatments or a cure. Hugs to all!