What's the Point When Tinnitus Improving Would Make Me Happier Than Anything Else?

At the end of the day, no matter what I do with my existence, when I hear that nonstop ringing in my ear and the subsequent effects it has on my quality of life and sanity, it all seems pointless compared to the impact on my life that the tinnitus simply stopping would have. Even a 30% tinnitus reduction has more of an insanely big impact on my wellbeing, sanity, mental, physical, and spiritual health than anything I could ever put my effort into or accomplish in this life. What's even the point of living when this is how it is? I mean, life itself is already hard enough, stressful enough, but at least it gives you the freedom of responding how you want and doing whatever it takes to make the best out of it. With tinnitus, it traps you, no matter what things might possibly bring you happiness or the endless possibilities that life may have. At the end of the day when I hear that ringing, it's all pointless compared to the impact in which lower/non-existent tinnitus would have. It's too dark, I can't do this anymore.

I'm going through so much. I turned 18 a few months ago, high school ending right now and I wasted my high school years (I didn't go for a couple years due to COVID-19/circumstances, and the final year I went I could barely go outside due to a situation and made no friends or memories). My only close friend I have online is going to a different country for college tomorrow, I have no family who lives near me, the thing I've been doing for money the past few years is ending and not working anymore, along with other things. But at least without tinnitus your survival instinct as a human kicks in and you try to think of ways to reach the light at the end of the tunnel no matter how depressing and hopeless things get, because of the desire we have to survive, but with tinnitus, no matter how much my inner desire to survive and find ways out of the pain is, when I hear that constant blaring ringing, it all gets crushed.

I'm tired of the panic, I'm tired of the nightmare.

 

Oh, kid. Chin up. <3 I know this is depressing, but you can and will get through it. You're still so very young, so I'm hoping you recover! How did you get tinnitus?

 

I've had tinnitus for around 3 years. It was mild at first, maybe a 2 or 3 out of 10. I had a random incidence of vertigo and went to the ER and took an antibiotic, got tinnitus the next day.

Fast forward a couple years to a couple months ago where I was using headphones for a few days for around 10 hours a day. I noticed a major increase after that and was freaking out. I went to the doctor a couple days later and they said I had a lot of earwax in the ear, so I scheduled an appointment with an audiologist. I was hesitant on getting microsuction as I had already seen bad results on Tinnitus Talk, but they told me that manual removal would hurt and pressured me to do the microsuction saying it was safe. By the time I got the microsuction removal, the increase from the headphones was going down but the microsuction gave me a new tone and made my tinnitus become 5x louder, I also felt a sensation of muffled hearing in my ear afterwards. I started on Prednisone 6 days later and have been doing a slow taper since. Prednisone also gave me tinnitus in my other ear and extra tones/increased the volume.

 

Sorry to read it. You are so young. I have no words.

I can't believe these hacks (they are not doctors) are allowed to do that microsuction butchery.

 

I think it’s safe to say that your spike is more than likely noise induced. It would appear it’s not uncommon for spikes of this nature to take many months to gradually fade, and at such a slow rate that it’s not even noticeable.

I only took Prednisone for two weeks and probably tapered down a lot quicker than you. But I experienced everything you’re describing. My tinnitus fluctuated like crazy, I got my loudest and my quietest days while taking it, and it added and changed tones whilst I was taking it. It also brought tinnitus into my right ear which it never used to be.

The volume dipped a bit and some of the more ‘evil’ tones seem to have disappeared or are a lot more intermittent now. I’m just over 2 weeks off the Prednisone.

 

Dang. You've been through the ringer. I hope you find some comfort in that you're not alone. Being connected with people in this forum has helped me a lot. Please hang in there.

 

Do you think there's a chance that once I'm fully off of the Prednisone that my tinnitus might calm down and become bearable? This is my only hope right now.

 

I think there’s probably quite a good chance, yes. But I have seen people reporting it taking up to 6 weeks after stopping Prednisone to see improvements so keep that in mind.

 

Was your tinnitus better before or after Prednisone?

 

It’s a difficult one to answer really, I was on the Prednisone because my tinnitus got really bad.

 

I don't know how you guys handle this, I'm literally crying and almost puked.

 

I am almost 30 years old, pretty much your stereotypical construction worker. ‘Manly man can’t show any weakness.’ I broke down and cried in front of my partner a dozen times. Prednisone does that to you. Don’t worry, you will feel much better mentally when you stop taking it.

 

You HAVE to believe me (us) when we tell you that your brain will be able to lower the anxiety response if you live with it for a long time.

I have the sound of a B52 bomber in my head - I should have been in a mental institute a long time ago, but now I sleep in total silence with my bomber.

I sit here right now in my living room - total silence (it's almost midnight here, so no cars or planes) - in my head there is a loud brrrrrrr and when I speak it even echoes. Completely terrible and I wish I did not have it, of course, but I am still alive and even learning to enjoy life again.

This horrible crap has also made me take drastic measures - doing a lot of volunteering work, things I wouldn't have done otherwise.

Please hold on - help might be on the way (Dr. Shore etc). Please believe me when I say you will be able to find joy again - it might take a couple years though.

 

The side effects suck but it's nothing compared to the panic from the constant tinnitus that takes over your mind. It's like your thoughts and sanity get replaced with the noise and it takes you to a dark, dark place. God the panic I feel when that loud ringing takes over is something else.

 

Thank you for saying it. It is hard to believe, but the more times people who have a tough case of tinnitus say it, the hope appears. Thank you.

 

Prednisone is a corticosteroid which raises your cortisol levels. Cortisol is your stress hormone essentially, people’s anxiety often go in tandem with their stress levels. 60 mg of Prednisone is the equivalent of 6x the amount of the cortisol your body would normally produce I believe. So you can understand why you aren’t doing so well mentally.

Even if your tinnitus stayed the same (which I doubt), you’d have less of a reaction to it after the Prednisone was out of your system.

 

You are welcome.

I was on the floor crying and screaming, my girlfriend was literally on top of me, holding my arms and legs trying to calm me down. I have been taken into the ER with insane panic attacks and inclination to the S word I don't like to type fully.

If someone like myself would have told me then: hold on, you will be able to live with this, I would have told them to sod off, impossible. In the beginning I literally once did a 3 days/3 nights of NOT sleeping, none, nothing...

It just takes time for your mind to stop fighting, stop panicking, accepting the new reality.

I'm a big EDM fan (part of the reason why I now have tinnitus) - I often thought about Avicii and how he must be so sad about what he decided, if he would currently still be watching.

The thing I will say, however, is that everyone says that you need to act normal and have normal sound in your daily life in the background and even have white noise while sleeping.

I found however that, in my particular case (your mileage may vary because you have another head/brain), I needed to confront this demon and actually hear it to be able to get used to it.

I was masking for the longest time (while my bomber is loud, it is easily maskable for some reason we don't understand) but that meant I was running away and not confronting it. My girlfriend always had a different opinion. She said: if you lose a leg, will you not use a prosthetic leg to help you in daily life?

I guess for tinnitus/mental challenges, it's a bit different. Only when I started to sleep and live in total silence, could I start getting used to / tolerating the sound. When I was still masking and it would pop up during the day, I would flip out completely every time I heard it.

You will see in another thread that I'm investigating if I can get back on Deanxit again, just to make my life a bit easier. That shows that after 3 years I do still struggle, but I'm nearly not as bad as what I was AND, most importantly, I am still alive! It's fair to say that I survived the most insane challenge of my life.

 

I had an ENT offer me Prednisone about 6 months after the worsening of my tinnitus. I turned it down because I thought it was way too late to make a positive impact - no regrets, especially the more feedback I hear from others. I was and still do have major sleep problems through the night. I hate to think what that experience would have been like - bad enough already.

 

3 years, damn it. Still struggling. I don't want antidepressants, too scared of them. Reconsider. There are stories of people getting back on antidepressants and making things worse (even though the first time they seemed to have helped).

I am not masking at all. I tried earlier a few different masking sounds but they did not really work (reactive tinnitus) and got annoying. Sound at night? Forget about it, I want to sleep. I sleep fairly well now. So I listen to the damn noise. I am 4 months in (and 3 months since it started becoming bad), and to be honest, I am tired, very tired. Not as anxious and angry as before, just tired and depressed. Outside noises where hyperacusis kicks in (trucks and motorbikes), spike emotional response...

 

After over 9 years I still regard the idea of habituation/acceptance as being equivalent to "accomodating" myself to what those demented hilldwellers did to Ned Beatty in "Deliverance."

I can only imagine a CBT therapist replying, "Well, if you refuse to reroute your receptive, cognitive 'pathways', then you will never emancipate yourself from this misery and rescue your heart from being one big, icy lump of fat."

And my reply? "You display the staggering naivete of a sixth grader in regard to being incapable of recognizing what is, in brutal fact, an overwhelming, crushing reality."

 

I've had tinnitus for 3 years as well. I'm 21 now. 10 months ago I had a spike causing louder steady tones and a tone that sounds like morse code that has been much more difficult to get used to. I also have diagnosed mental illnesses on top of it, that predate the onset. I think like you do much of the time. But statistically speaking, your odds of habituating over time and enjoying your life again are HIGH. The odds of tinnitus ruining your life are LOW. Depression and anxiety are distorting your view of reality right now. This is coming from someone who has been where you are, and continues to struggle. We have to remind ourselves of the facts. We can read the horror stories and think it's going to happen to us, but the reality is that we're gonna be ok if we take reasonable measures to protect our ears in the future.

Just think - what we're afraid of isn't tinnitus changing, it's not tinnitus becoming louder. It's of tinnitus becoming unlivable. And THAT is highly unlikely to ever happen, even if it DOES change or get louder.

As for right now, you may feel your tinnitus is unlivable, but trust me, it will get easier to cope. This is coming from someone who had an insane spike last summer and continues to hear electrical noises and morse code. It gets easier.

(My tinnitus is not severe as in I don't have 2 jet engines in both ears, but it is NOT mild and it has not been easy.)