Kiyomi

That's how it's been for a while for me. I was in a very important c-level meeting today, and just about said "Welp, I'm done" and stood up and walked out, because my left ear decided to SCREECH for no reason as the A/C kicked on in the conference room.

It's time to forget about treatments and cures. Once the ears are fried in this way, they are done. Habituation is the way forward sadly. Watching stuff or playing games is the only thing that let's me forget about all this and I am grateful that I'm able to handle those.
The moment I step out of my room my ears will be aussaulted left and right. Hearing pro hurts my ear canals so there goes that.

Again I'm writing those depressive walls of text. Last week I was doing so great but now I feel so bad again. I just want a second chance, please I want my old life back god.

Yep, I pretty much accepted I am done. I am sad, I am angry still, but I am also resigned. I am doing what I can still, mostly earning money while I amazingly still can, but this will end.

Anyone knows some good earmuffs? Something that doesn't look too much like peltors. 10db reduction is enough.

Digital audio isn't a problem anymore. I can even listen to music on moderate volume. But everyday sounds like paper, metal on metal, dishes and so on make my ears feel exhausted.

High pitched sounds like brakes or kids screaming aren't that bad tho.

Ever tried Osteopathy?

@HighleyTall No but I might try it out soon. I'm just a little bit scared that it could make me worse. Do you have any resources or tips regarding osteopathy?

Yes, always be carefull. I have no tips, never tried it either. I'm to scared too that it can make it worse. My GP said he had another T patient and he indeed came out worse...

On most days, my T will start silent or near silent and will rise in volume through any sound exposure. Silence/near silence -> hissing -> high pitched T. The T tones will also start to oscillate and sound more random. It's never a normal static sound...

So yea, the reactivity is key. If it goes away, I would be so happy. I still have other issues. Ear fullness comes and goes randomly, TTTs has gotten better, H is better too.

The only thing that really triggers my loudness H is paper rustling. It sounds like 200DB.

Everyday either the countless restrictions my life has now or the symptoms themselves take me right back to that evening. No escape. It's over. Can't study like this so uni will be gone, no education, all for nothing.
Only thing I can do is write on my profile page in this forum, crying and being alone in silence.

@Kiyomi None of this is your fault. None of it. Allowing shit loud music to be blasted into people's ears, whatever the occassion, should be illegal and heavily punished. We have done nothing wrong, we are victims.

@Kiyomi I know it's really difficult right now in these early months, and there isn't anything that can be said or done to make it better, but you're not alone in this. We're all here to support you through it until you start seeing improvement in the upcoming months.

@streifzug https://hoerluchs.com/produkt/sowei-free/

I use cheap ones ("EarPeace Gehörschutz Konzert" @20db) and replace them every other month, but always wanted to get custom plugs. I didn't know what kind but the "freetime" option sounds good!

@streifzug Yea I hope they will be worth the money. I only bought them because with non-custom earplugs, my ears start to hurt pretty bad after 3-4 hours.

that is sad to hear.

Where healing would come from an overall diminishing of T over long periods of time. And healing is non linear. I went from All bad days, to 2-3 bad days a month

If playing a masking sound like crickets stop your tinnitus, that's called residual inhibition .

Residual inhibition only lasts a short time for me. After I stop the beeping tones (they don't mask at all), tinnitus seems to return mostly to baseline in about 30 seconds. And as far as healing, it doesn't exist for me in over 20 years. Example video that causes short term residual inhibition for me: https://youtu.be/ZRvE1I2lq_Y?feature=shared

Doctors can't help, get angry or don't even care about the shit I have to say. Two months of waiting, I even asked if the tests they do are loud. "No" they said. Got fucked again. And in the end I did not even get a chance to talk to the doctor myself. No help, not even trying to understand me. Fuck all of them I'm done with this. And I'm done with the gaslighting audiologists too.

Therapy will probably end the same, so why even wait 2000 years for a therapist only to get gaslighted again?
I wish I had someone to talk to in person who understands this but I'm just alone.

No cure, no repair, it's over.

@Kiyomi The field of audiology, especially the neurological side, seems filled with so many unknowns--and doctors who won't admit what they don't know. I'm just aghast at how many people are treated, including myself, and how tinnitus is treated as 'not harmful'. It's astounding, excruciating, and totally despair-inducing. I get it.

Absolutely. Four days ago I went to see a movie. Now my ears burn and ache, and I've never had hyperacusis. It seems only to worsen.

@Pinhead No I meant that the initial noise damage causes or exacerbates other things. For example TMJ or ETD etc.
I read about it somewhere on the forum but I can't find it.

Reason being is that my T also depends on my posture (I think).
I still don't completely know what spikes my T and why I get random moments of silence.

After some testing I can conclude that the T does not care about what I drink or eat.

Artificial audio seems okish now. Speaker quality seems to make a difference. If the speakers are bad, distance can make it ok: I can watch TV for some hours depending on the volume.
Music sounds ok again. Sometimes reactive T kicks in tho.

I will get some passive speakers for my PC and try to get rid of the fan noise and coil whine.

So all in all it looks pretty good. If I'm in a controlled environment I can do many things, some at moderate volume.
But if I'm outside it's not easy, so I have hearing protection at hand. There are still many things that fatigue my ears or give me slight pain. So I don't try to push it if those things happen. Outside world is LOUD.

@4Grace I'm only using hearing protection while driving and at work + sometimes while sleeping.

But yea my T (tones) seem to be fading and the reactive T is a little better too.

That sounds awesome. You will get better. God bless you.

Sleeping with earplugs seems to be the key for me. All tones are basically silent when waking up, except for the 1khz tone and some inconsistent angle grinder/synapses dying sounds.

So basically all of my tones seem to be reactive. So maybe snoring makes the T louder, but if that is the case, earplugs would not work because of the occlussion effect?

I also get hissing sounds, sometimes. T goes from normal high pitch, to hissing and sometimes to silence. When waking up, it was the opposite today.

Reactivity is my enemy as well. I don’t mind wearing earplugs and letting my T dominate the sound field. It’s the T competing with external sounds (ear plugs removed) that makes me queasy.

@Barry098 My reactive T is also present when wearing earplugs. It will start at 1/10 and goes up to 3/10 + getting higher in pitch. But it goes down really quick. I'm not sure if it's a good thing to just push through the reactive T?

Have you experimented to see if it's only certain frequencies that cause the reactiveness? I wonder if you start cutting frequencies with an EQ if maybe you'd be able to listen audio.

When I get a low-ish pitch (~500 Hz) one, it sometimes does a pitch fall or a slight up and down movement.

Every single time lol and sometimes it doesn't disappear until the next day lol

And then the oscillating tone starts again in the left ear, together with a high pitch tone, some angle grinder and broken synapses sounds.

Crazy how many tones there already are but they aren't really bothering me. It's the reactive T that makes it difficult.

Reactive T sucks. Mine was alot worse the first few months than it is now... however fans, whitenoise, road noise, crowd noise still bothers me.

The audiologist said my hearing is fine, my inner hair cells are ok and it's anxiety? But why does my right ear make a 100db clipping sound (which I physicaly feel) each time I hear a loud noise if it's all in my head :(

My personal opinion... Anxiety CAN cause a great number of physical symptoms... Its also a catch all for anything they cannot explain.

@Tryn2BHopeful I mean I definitely had thoughts about the noise incident until the symptoms started 2 days later. But I don't think it's anxiety, my ears feel destroyed. Therapy would be great for moving on somehow but I'm not ready for constant gaslighting while suffering.

They will be gone and I will be left with no one. I'm already pretty much alone except for my family. I'm in constant stress 24/7, sweating, high blood pressure, jitters. I can't stay calm for more than 10 minutes. I'm not strong enough to endure something like this for months and I fear doing something irrational.

Every night I dream about the things I lost and wake up. Panic attacks follow. For the first weeks I was able to sleep but now it's difficult. How am I supposed to start from 0 if everything I own reminds me of the past :(

@streifzug the choice to take drugs to cope is a hard one. Pressure every day from family. I would love to take benzos but I know with my particular tinnitus they will make me worse. What a place to be in life. Freedom gone!

Welcome to the club you didn't ask to be a part of...