22 and Feel Like My Life Is Over — Most People My Age Don't Have to Live with Tinnitus [RANT]

Discussion in 'Introduce Yourself' started by starrynights, Sep 7, 2020.

    1. starrynights
      Wishful

      starrynights Member

      Location:
      New York
      Tinnitus Since:
      2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Listening to music too loud, concerts with no protection.
      I feel like there is no light at the end of the tunnel. Most people my age don’t have to live with this condition and can’t even begin to understand how debilitating it is. I feel like a complete failure and like I will never be able to live my life normally again. What’s worse is that my tinnitus is self induced, because I was careless. How could I even begin to forgive myself?

      I am so frustrated because there is no cure for this condition let alone treatment. How much longer will I have to suffer? I just feel regret, sadness and an overall feeling of loss. Why does no one talk about ear health enough? Why did no one tell me something like this could happen? I guess I have no one but myself to blame.

      I think what I may be experiencing right now is a spike, I can’t schedule to see an ENT until tomorrow. I truly don’t see a light at the end of the tunnel. I will have to live with constant fear of damaging my ears further while living in what is one of the loudest cities in the world. I am so afraid and feel like my life is essentially over. Doesn’t help that I have other chronic conditions I am battling that just adds to the unsurmountable amount of stress.

      I’m sorry for the gloomy and extremely depressing rant but I don’t know where else I can turn. Most of my friends and even family don’t know I even have this condition or at least don’t know how much it affects me. My mom tries her best to comfort and understand me but there is only so much she could do for me. I don’t want to devastate or hurt my family but I feel like suicide is the only way out at this point. I am so sorry. I am wishing you all the best.

      A prayer or a comment maybe would help, I just need some hope. Sorry again, I know this is super depressing, sigh.
       
      • Hug Hug x 23
    2. Rjbookworm
      Brooding

      Rjbookworm Member

      Location:
      Western United States
      Tinnitus Since:
      05/08/2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Ototoxic medication
      I'd say "try not to be too hard on yourself," but that'd make me a hypocrite. Your feelings are valid and it can be so easy to be tough on oneself. Know that we're here to support you. My inbox is always open.

      I'm relieved that your mother is there to comfort and support you. Are you using earplugs if/when you have to go out into the city during lockdown?
       
      • Hug Hug x 1
      • Good Question Good Question x 1
    3. Kirstystired

      Kirstystired Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      07/2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      unknown
      I'm sorry to hear you are feeling like this. I'm only 7 weeks in from developing tinnitus, I have an 8 week old baby and what should be a wonderful time has been tainted with this tinnitus. Not to mention the sleep deprivation of having a newborn and trying to sleep with tinnitus, there have been many days where I've really questioned my existence and whether I can carry on. All I can say is you're not alone xxx
       
      • Hug Hug x 9
    4. Regal
      Badass

      Regal Member

      Location:
      France
      Tinnitus Since:
      01/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknow (NIHL, Genetic, Ototoxic drugs, stress) ?
      Don't think about the past, no remorse. That will not help at all. Just think at what can you improve in your life to get better.

      Be confident. I really know how it is and how hard it can be (in the case of severe tinnitus). Take it day by day, forget the past and you will feel better and better.

      Maybe one day we will have that magic pill!
       
      • Hug Hug x 2
      • Friendly Friendly x 2
    5. Steph1710
      Old hag

      Steph1710 Member

      Location:
      England
      Tinnitus Since:
      08/04/2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Antibiotics - I think
      @starrynights

      Don't ever apologise for gloomy rants. Tinnitus is a horrid thing to happen to anyone - especially someone so young as yourself.

      I've found what has really helped me, is talking to everyone, and telling everyone I know, that I have tinnitus. You'll be extremely surprised by the amount of people you know, who probably have it too. I never even knew, till I developed tinnitus, that my brother-in-law and my best friend have both had tinnitus for years! It instantly made me not feel so alone.

      Tinnitus is savage, I really understand, as do we all. You are not alone in this big community here.

      If I could take this horrid condition away from us all, I would.

      Sending virtual love and hugs.

      Steph <3
       
      • Hug Hug x 2
    6. Juan

      Juan Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      08/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Several causes
      For many people it gets better over time, or they get used to it. Try to protect your ears though.
       
      • Agree Agree x 1
    7. Kendra

      Kendra Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      08/2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      SSNHL/ Acoustic Trauma
      I got tinnitus at 23 due to acoustic shock. I know it’s insanely hard to deal with. Try your best to develop coping mechanisms that ease it and try some different supplements and lifestyle changes to see if that helps? If you can mask it that really provides relief. Praying for you right now!
       
      • Friendly Friendly x 4
      • Like Like x 1
    8. billie48
      Sunshine

      billie48 Member Benefactor Ambassador Hall of Fame

      Location:
      Canada
      Tinnitus Since:
      03/2009
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      not sure
      Welcome to the forum. Reading above feels like mirror like reactions I had when my tinnitus was at its worst. On top of that I also had severe hyperacusis so much so that even normal noises hurt so bad. Even the soft voice of my wife spoken too close was hurting bad. I was in a mess with constant anxiety and panic attacks, losing sleep, lossing weight and appetite plus having dark thoughts constantly as the brain saw no way out of the dark tunnel. So I have deep empathy for your sufferings and feelings of despair and sadness. If it may help you, check out the success stories as there you will feel hopefully that good life can be back again. I had to depend on reading them often back then. After sometime, I wrote my own success story and share many helpful strategies. Check out the link below to see if you can find something useful to your case. Don't panic nor despair. Good life is not lost even though it seems hopeless at times. I felt like that but today I live a happy, normal, productive and absolutely enjoyable life travelling all over the world (before the pandemic). I never thought good life would be back. But never say never. So take it easy and hang in there. Learn some helpful strategies and stay positive. Give it time. Take good care. God bless.

      https://www.tinnitustalk.com/thread...w-i-recovered-from-tinnitus-hyperacusis.3148/
       
      • Friendly Friendly x 4
    9. HannahS

      HannahS Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      08/2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      unknown
      Hang in there! It gets better. Even if the tinnitus itself doesn't get better, your life managing it does. And there's a ton of promising medical research out there--I'm still hoping for a treatment or cure. When I first got tinnitus, I thought my life was over, but I've had plenty of good times since then.
       
      • Like Like x 3
    10. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      starrynights
      Wishful

      starrynights Member

      Location:
      New York
      Tinnitus Since:
      2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Listening to music too loud, concerts with no protection.
      Just when I was habituating to my tinnitus spike, I suddenly get a lower pure sounding tone in my right ear. It started about a 1-2 weeks ago and its not very loud but definitely noticeable since I have never had a tone other than high pitched hissing sound that was maskable in ambient noise. I am really hoping and praying that this subsides, I have been doing the best that I can to protect my ears; wearing foam earplugs outside, consuming less caffeine and resting as much as I can at home from time to time.

      Since my spike in early September I have been exposed to occasional burst of loud noises (younger sibling yelling from a distance, dishes clattering, ice dispenser at home, etc.) or it could just be that my ears are much more sensitive therefore perceiving the noises to be louder which is the only thing I can find to explain this new tone. Other possible explanations could be the frequent usage of ear plugs which I find after prolonged use irritates my ears. I notice that after using foam earplugs my tinnitus tends to sound a bit louder and my ears feel sensitive. I also have a pair of ear muffs that are usually used for gun ranges but I sometimes use them outdoors and they’re pretty tight so maybe they’re squeezing some sort of blood vessel or causing tension in the jaw that could be leading to the new tone? Just an FYI but I also have TMJD which could be contributing IMHO. There is probably no sure way to find out 100%. I am just doing my best to take care of my health and have good sleeping habits but I am feeling defeated after thinking that my tinnitus was improving. I feel like I am back to square one.

      What is strange about it is that I cannot hear it when I cover my ears so at first I thought this was a buzzing tone coming from outside, since my bedroom window is facing the back of my apartment building. My family member confirmed that they couldn’t hear the tone and audio recording could not pick up this tone either so I am just assuming that this is a new tinnitus sound.

      I am really hoping this subsides and I just plan to stay home more like I did after my acoustic trauma last month. I was home 5-6 days out of the 7.

      What is strange about it is that it subsides in intensity, stops, then continues, and switches between my right and left ear but is predominantly on my right (on top of the hissing/static sound I have).
      It also sounds much louder when lying down.

      I want to know if anyone else has experienced this (especially if it’s been while recovering from an acoustic trauma)? It seems like it’s a ‘pure tone’ but at a much lower level that is pretty apparent in a quiet room. Did it ever subside or go away completely? I need help in knowing what I should do next. I really don’t want to risk making this worse. I am exhausted.

      Any suggestion, advice or story is appreciated. Feeling at a loss. I am trying not to feel anxious as to not worsen it but this is a lonely battle, extremely unpredictable as well.
       
      • Hug Hug x 1
    11. Digital Doc

      Digital Doc Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      noise induced
      You are early in with your T, and shifting sounds are quite common. You also seem to have some hyperacusis as well which is contributing to it.

      Keep avoiding the loud sounds, with earplugs when you go out in the city. You may need to explore several brands to find a more comfortable one. Look into some slim ones that may fit better with less pressure.

      I found that my ears were especially vulnerable at night, and sleeping with earplugs helped a lot to promote lowering the T, both overnight, and for the next day as well.
       
      • Agree Agree x 1
    12. n_li808
      Irritated

      n_li808 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      aug 20, 2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      most likely from acoustic shock/trauma
      Hey @starrynights.

      I also have a lower pure sounding tone that almost sounds like buzzing or sometimes a whistling that appeared after a month. Although mine has been fluctuating like crazy after my one month mark with hissing, buzzing, whistling, and morse code sounds. I just started my second month. But from what I’ve been reading, they say that fluctuations are good? And hopefully it should continue to subside. I’m hoping the same for myself! Although I get a lot of spikes from sounds that are not even damaging. It’s been rough.
       
      • Hug Hug x 3
    13. Digital Doc

      Digital Doc Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      noise induced
      Fluctuations, while annoying, can at least sometimes precede a lowering of the volume of the T. Stick with the program, as it can definitely be a good sign that things do want to get better.

      It was for me, and hope it is for the others as well.
       
      • Like Like x 1
    14. n_li808
      Irritated

      n_li808 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      aug 20, 2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      most likely from acoustic shock/trauma
      • Good Question Good Question x 2
    15. Digital Doc

      Digital Doc Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      noise induced
      Depends what you mean by gone. Tinnitus is not totally gone, and I can still hear it. It is faint in a quiet room on a good day, and louder with earplugs in. Some days it still gets louder, and often without any obvious reason or trigger.

      However, I would say it is mostly batter. I can often go for some time during a good day and not think about it. I still am quite careful from further noise exposure. I sleep with my earplugs in that I believe helped me quite a bit, and basically just sleep better. In addition, I wear my earplugs and ear muffs for any loud activities, such as using the vacuum, or mowing the lawn- but am thankful I can continue to safely do these things.

      Also, realize that I am over two years into the most recent evil spike that sent me into a bit of a tailspin.
       
      • Informative Informative x 1
    16. weab00
      Alone

      weab00 Member Benefactor

      Location:
      depression-ville
      Tinnitus Since:
      04/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      noise, whiplash; 08/20 H
      You said you had hyperacusis right? Noxacusis or just loudness? And how long did that take away to subside to a reasonable enough level that you weren't housebound? That's pretty much where I'm at right now.
       
      • Good Question Good Question x 1
    17. Digital Doc

      Digital Doc Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      noise induced
      @weab00

      I would not say that I had noxacusis, defined as "Noise-induced ear pain," it was more of a sensitivity and discomfort to louder sounds, and certain pitches (microwave beeping was damn annoying). My hyperacusis phase lasted about a month, and it started about 3 months in. I was able to leave the house, but brought earplugs with me everywhere, and wore them shopping, etc during that time. Thankfully it passed for me, although the tinnitus lasted for many months more.
       
    18. weab00
      Alone

      weab00 Member Benefactor

      Location:
      depression-ville
      Tinnitus Since:
      04/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      noise, whiplash; 08/20 H
      Ah ok, very mild then.
       
    19. aot
      Bookworm

      aot Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      USA
      Tinnitus Since:
      2016. Worsened 11/2019.
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Probably sound induced, worsened due to noise expouse + flu.
      Do you still wear plugs during such activities? What NRR?
       
    20. Digital Doc

      Digital Doc Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      noise induced
      @weab00 I would say that my hyperacusis was mild, but my tinnitus was severe as it was both loud, and it interfered with my life and activities quite a bit.

      @aot I have a range of earplugs. For lawn mowing, vacuum, etc I use the NRR 33 foam plugs with ear muffs, NRR 20 on top. I sleep with a range of earplugs, NRR33 if I don't need the alarm in the AM to go to work, and NRR 29 to 32 if I do. Going out for a walk in the neighborhood I try not to wear earplugs, but sometimes should have as I have to cover my ears past lawn maintenance crews. I don't use earplugs to drive in the car. I never use headphones, ear buds, or go to the movies, etc.
       
      • Informative Informative x 1
    21. aot
      Bookworm

      aot Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      USA
      Tinnitus Since:
      2016. Worsened 11/2019.
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Probably sound induced, worsened due to noise expouse + flu.
      Interesting.

      COVID-19 aside, do you socialize pretty much normally? What activities do you avoid? (Aside from the obvious, like concerts, clubs, etc)
       

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