Depressed

I'm feeling really down this last week. I thought I had a good handle on everything but this week for some reason I'm having a major set back. I am depressed. I feel like everything I do revolves around tinnitus and I know that is not the best thing to do as it only brings more attention to it but I can't stop. I am afraid to go to the dentist, afraid to take any medications, afraid to go to the movies.. I'm afraid of what my tinnitus will be like when I'm older. I'm sad that I may never know silence again. I am just having a rough time and feeling beat down and I'm just tired. Tinnitus is just the worst thing I've had to deal with in regards to my health and it's kicking my ass.

 

Hi Natalie,
I know what you feel, I get these feelings quite often too. But I do not give up my life, I go out, ride a bicycle and do things I would be doing without T. Honestly for me sitting at home and just thinking over it makes me feel depressed. But there are people who are not bothered by T at all, I believe we can become one of them!. My wife has T, but I never even knew she has it until I got mine. She simply does not care, she was not even looking for any professional help with it. Around 10 years ago she was went once to an ENT saying she hears crickets in her head, ENT said "you have to get used to it" My wife answered "ok" and that was it. No depression, no brawsing through the internet for a magic pill, no things like that. And suprisingly she likes being in silence!. She gives me strength to believe that if some people can manage it without a problem then the others can do too. Easier said than done I know, my T also brings me down at Times but we can't let it rule our lives. And there is so much research being done around it, there is hope they will find something for us one day.

 

Hi Natalie,
If your mood is down all the time you might need talking therapy and medication.
Tinnitus is a cruel infliction and the sound and emotions hard.
Do you think the head sets at work are triggering your spike ?
Also this got weather make sure you are drinking plenty of water.
Could be hormones also.
Try to what you can lift your mood and get out doors when you can as it will help....lots of love glynis

 

This is so encouraging but also strange to me how it doesn't bother some people at all. My dad has it chronically and it doesn't bother him ever. He never even notices it anymore .. My boyfriend gets it occasionally for weeks at a time but again, it doesn't seem to bother him much. I want to be one of those people so bad.. I don't know how to do that. It bothers me almost all the time. I'm able to tone it out a lot too but my brain is always checking for it..

 

I have been working a lot due to short staffing and staffing issues, so maybe it could be causing it. I am also having a flair up in my TMJ so that could be the cause too. I don't know. I'm just feeling very upset and depressed about having this forever and constantly having to worry about everything in my life worsening my tinnitus. I even worry that my career choice may make it worse but I've been doing it for ten years and don't even know what else I can do. I'm trying to look into other options and getting a degree so I can do something with less stress and without a headset but that will, of course take time.

 

That's because T isn't the same for everyone. Statistically, only 10% of T sufferers have a bad enough T to impair their daily functioning (it's called "severely disabling T").

If you're in the 10% and meet other T sufferers, they are likely to be in the 90%. I meet them regularly. I met one yesterday. I was in the street outside my house and he was walking his dog. I asked him if it bothered him. He said no. Then I asked him if he could hear it "now". He started thinking about it and told me "well if I go searching for it I'll probably find it". But no, he couldn't hear it. He also said that in order to deal with his T, he just has watch a TV program to drown it out.

I go to a local T support group. Folks there tell me an effective way of dealing with T is to put a fan in the room at night. For them, it masks their T and they can sleep. For the 10%, putting a fan in a room is a joke.

Some say they hear it in silence. I don't even know if I want to call that T.

The bottom line is you need to realize that you may legitimately be worse off than others in terms of symptoms, and that it may impact you more than them. Don't feel bad about not coping as successfully as they do. Chances are, they are not living the same hell you are. And that's ok - they're lucky.

I wish T-free folks would also realize that, so they'd stop comparing your ability to cope with another random T sufferer's ability to cope.

 

@Natalie Roberts . Hi are you taking any medication for depression. Not everybody wants to take medication for depression but sometimes that's the only way to go. It's helped me immensely. Once you get your mindset in order you will find that you can better handle your tinnitus.

 

If you have it severe dross that mean you hear it on full volume(same as if in a quiet room) but just everywhere and over everything clearly? Or barely audible in louder environments?

 

I'm sure there's many variants even for "severe T"... I can tell you about mine: I can hear it everywhere, and it has multiple components to it (not just one tone) making it difficult to target with sound therapy.

I think it's about the same volume whether it's a noisy environment or not. The external environment doesn't seem to affect it, but the time of the day does. Its loudness and actual composition (how many tones, the % mix of each of them into the resulting T) varies during the day, making it easier to handle in the morning and gradually more painful to deal with throughout the day.

The best masking option I've found for my T is the shower. It doesn't completely mask it, but it pushes it down the stack to be "one among the many other loud noises happening". Strangely enough, if I play shower noises via headphones, I don't manage to compete with it as effectively.

 

That's exactly how I've been feeling, I had to cancel a dentist appointment because i'm too afraid the drill will make my screaming T even worse and I cant fathom that thought. It's like we're a prisoner in our own body. I cant imagine what a few years would be like. But hang in there.

 

I agree with your post.. I can hear my T almost all the time, however it does not impact my ability to sleep at night, although I can hear it. I do not like to "mask it" because it seems reactive. For example, if I watch television my T is almost always reactive and is louder and more annoying then when I am in complete silence. I prefer silence. I don't listen to the car radio a lot of the time because I prefer the quiet and my T is less bothersome when environment is less noisy. Mine is like an electrical buzzing or static sound that varies in intensity throughout the day, like you mentioned yours does. It is usually loud when I first wake up, tapers off during the day and then comes back in the evening pretty loud. I am able to "tone out" my tinnitus though successfully during certain activities and I don't notice it until I'm done with those things.

If I am extremely busy or preoccupied with something else my T generally fades into the background but as soon as I'm done it comes right back to the surface . I don't know that I would consider my T disabling at this time because I am still able to function. I can still sleep at night (don't take naps during the day though, they set my T off), I can still go to work, I am still able to be a mom and partner however I do struggle through the days lately. For a while I could hear my T all the time but it just wasn't bothering me. Now, like day 1 its all I can think about again and seems to be louder/higher pitched.. I really appreciated your feedback in your post.. Not everyone's T is the same which is why other's can tolerate it more.. Just the thought that it may never go away is devastating to me..

 

Exactly.. I am SO scared things will get worse for me. I don't know how I will tolerate it if it gets worse.. I have days now where everything I do is a struggle. Even maintaining conversations because my T is distracting to me. I am terrified of the future.. I know I can probably habituate because I feel I have partially been there before but for some reason am having a set back this week. Like you, I canceled an appointment to the dentist this week because I just can't deal with it. I am however going to see my TMJ specialist to make sure my jaw is properly aligned. How old are you? I am only 31 which is why this is much more devastating.. If I was older, say 60 or 70 maybe I could tolerate it better knowing I had lived more and had reason for developing T but I am 31 and have never been exposed to excessively loud noises, I have- for the most part protected my ears and yet here I am. Out of nowhere.. It's very upsetting.

I am not on medication at the time because I am currently breastfeeding and disagree with antidepressant use while breastfeeding. But, as soon as I am finished (6 more months minimal) I plan to start taking something for my anxiety/OCD and depression which I think will help.. If I cannot tolerate it, I will stop nursing earlier and start medication but I feel very passionately about the benefits of breast milk to my baby which is why I am just pushing on..

 

Natalie I know you said you didn't want to take meds because you are breast feeeding. I get it I'm a mom too sometimes our well being outweighs "breast is best." I know there is so much guilt about that too. I have also had a few Skype appointments with dr Hubbard (you can find him on here). He is helpful.

 

@Natalie Roberts Im 25 and I haven't even had any kids , and most likely with this condition I wont be able to. It sucks to have it at such a young age where we are supposed to be actually "living", just like you said I would have been able to deal woth this better if I was 60 or 70 because I would have lived my life already, had a family, etc. It sucks that we got this at such a young age. I myself never went to a concert or any loud event, but boom still get stupid T. I think Tmj has a role in it, but when my dentist told me about getting an MRI for testing I refused since I heard it can be extremely loud. Hopefully your Tmj specialist can help you out a lot more then mines did, here in NYC the docs suck and don't do anything to help. I've even been to a neurologist with no luck, so i've taken a break from doctors.

 

I totally understand how you feel. Your not alone though.
I too am going through a hard time with T this week. I am really sick of it flaring up in my life too. I stopped getting anxious and limited by T after I got therapy and saw a doctor 4 years ago .....
But this week's T flare up is giving me a severe anxiety and a panic reaction. I haven't had that reaction in 4 years. I forgot how scary this reaction is. My appetite is gone. I am having other intestinal issues too. I too feel I can't go to the movies right now. My family wanted to go see Ghost Busters 2 days ago and I said no. Then I felt guilty for saying no. I too worry about the future of my T.
Hang in there. T is not easy sometimes. I think its all about your hypersensitivity at the time of the T flare ups how you react to it. This summer I have been severely stressed so I am very hypersensitive right now. I have not been this stressed in a very long time.
Maybe it would help if you bio-feed back on what is going on in your life right now. Did something stressful happen not too long ago? Are you worrying about something that is coming up soon? These questions help me understand myself better. Then I try my best not be so hard on myself so I can give myself a break, I have to be my own best friend sometimes. Tell yourself the things that you would tell a loved one who was going through something difficult. You will feel better and I know I will too.

 

Maybe I should see if I can get ahold of him and skype.have you been using medication ? I won't stop nursing at this particular point in time.. It's just too important to me and my baby.. I'm just struggling everyday. This week has been hard. I keep waiting for a break but so far it hasn't come.

I wouldn't say you can't have kids. If it's important to you you should still do it. They're my reason for living. If I didn't have them I don't think I would be trying so hard to make it everyday. I've asked several doctors for an MRI but based on my symptoms they don't think it's necessary at this time but if someone is willing to send you for one I think it would be beneficial. Just get some good foam plugs. I've read a lot of posts that everything is OK after getting one even with noise exposure. I'm so scared about the future too... I would've handled this better if I was older. This week has been so hard for me .. I just want It to stop..


@Angelears
I'm sorry to hear you're having a hard time. What caused your spike? I feel like I'm in the middle of a spike that's been lasting about a week. I really hope it goes back down to baseline. I don't know what I'm going to do if it doesn't. Thanks for your post. I'm just so exhausted from listening to this al day every day. How have you managed 4 years? Has it als wuss fluctuated for you?

 

I agree with @Natalie Roberts, ear plugs during the MRI do the job. Plus they give you headphones and play whatever kind of music you want. I requested chilled out sounds. They put on chill Native American flute music. I felt like I was in a space pod.

 

My T is exactly same as your in every way...and I react to it exactly like you.

 

How long have you had yours and how to you deal with it? Yesterday and the day before mine was so loud. So far today it's quieter but it usually starts quiet in the AM and gets louder by the end of the day. It also seems to be reactive to the TV and gets worse when I watch tv which really sucks.

 

Hang on there, I have been through the worst T before (loud, three tones and no sound can mask it) so I am just thankful that my T is quieter. It is still there but I don't care now. Hopefully yours subsides like mine.

 

I got it in April this year. I manage it by doing things i enjoy which are tracking/spotting wildlife in woods. I dont hear it in woods as my ears i am tuned to bird songs and eyes are on the look out for wildlife. I am trying to avoid getting into bad T habits, like always looking for it and getting depressed when it goes ip and being happy when it goes low. There are days when my T is moderatey high and i am not that much bothered just because i kept myself happy by going to wildlife pond and cycling. Having said that every morning when i wake up my T is louder and i think for a moment should i live like this? But the mood and T loudness quickly improves as i start doing activities like talking to my children feeding breakfast and dress them and fo the school runs. I also have a fountain in my bedroom ( https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/B0...+fall+rock&dpPl=1&dpID=41NRkhRhIEL&ref=plSrch ). It helped me a lot, it does not give spikes like table fan or laptop fan.

It is incredible when i read the below its like you are writing about my T in every aspect including the way i react to it.

 

What caused your tinnitus? Do they know? It's interesting that ours are so similar . I deal with mine in similar ways by spending time outside or doing chores around the house which occupy my mind. I try not to get in the habits of looking for my tinnitus either but it's really hard to ignore. I know many people who have it and are able to ignore it. I've had mine since late October of last year and after a few months of freaking out I adjusted and am tolerating it better. I was doing really good for several months and for some reason just really struggling this week and last week with fluctuations. My therapist told me to stop reacting to it and being happy when it is quiet and angry or upset when it is mad because it kind of just perpetuates the cycle . It's so hard though. Yesterday it was so quiet and I had a great day. Today so far it's pretty loud, annoying and my ears are also super sensitive and I'm trying not to be depressed about it but it's so hard..

Thank you for giving me hope.. Anything you did to lower the volume ?

 

I went to ENT a week after onset. He gave me high dose prednisolone. I was lucky the medicine worked.

It's also strange that after my visit to different ENTs, my T was always lower. They just did normal test. Strange but true.

Maybe for your case, you need another methods.

 

Hi Mentos,

Same here, my hubby says he hears crickets chirping in his ears and hes ok with it. He never sough any professional help for this at all....but me it has been a different game! I had the worse anxeity attack ever...


Mita

 

I have been going to music events since an year never had any problems not even a fleeting T. But this april i decided to use 20db musicians ear plugs to protect my ears for a music event....2 days after that i noticed i got Hyperacusis and certain frequenies are distorted. After 4 days T started after my child cried loudly near my ear. The sound distortion is gone after a few days. The hyperacusis also reduced but still there and T actually increased a quite a bit 2 months after onset, maybe because of AM 101(i am in the clinical trial).

I tried everything that msy help to lower my T. No found anything so far, it is medical mystery i guess. Only thing we can to not react to it. You can only ignore it if you are happy in general.

Though i dont know how to lower it, i do know it can get worse.
1. MSG can spikes it for me.
2. Excercise does increase...if i do 10 minute excercise it spikes T for 15 minutes...if i do an hour or more i think my T goes up for days....i think its to do with blood circulation.
3. Anxiety does make it worse. I think it might give permanent spike if the anxiety does not come down in a couple of days.
4. High freqency sounds like electric razars and brushes and music does spike it.
5. If i wear ear plugs i get a spike but it settles does few minutes after removing them.
6. Napping in day time causes it to go up.

Yesterday was super quiet i was happy...Today it is super loud ....today i not sad but annoyed by it.

 

Over a year ago I left a real lengthy post on how I got on a road to habituation. I'm not habituated. But I'm well on my way. Although the last week has been a bit harder than usual!
Anyway you can check my previous posts. But I will tell you in brief the things I did in the early stages which helped.
Pretend. Pretend you are coping with tinnitus well.don't talk about it to people. Don't change the things you do (but look after your ears) and just act like everything is OK. When your t starts bothering you, lie to yourself. Tell yourself "it's OK it's actually not bothering me"
I know this sounds odd. But I bet if you this for a few weeks you'll see some advantage.

 

Hey Stacey
Some MRI machines are quieter than others. I heard Toshiba use a technology called "Pianissimo" for some of their MRI machines, which makes them relatively quiet. Maybe you can try to find out if such machines are used in NY's area. I suggest that you contact the medical division of Toshiba directly: https://medical.toshiba.com/

And you can find more info on this technology here: https://medical.toshiba.com/products/magnetic-resonance/vantage-titan-3t/benefits.php

 

@Julien87 woww I never knew that!. I'm definitely going to reach out to them and see if they have those machines in NY. That's was incredibly helpful information!!! Thanx so much. Your awesome

 

Regarding MRI. The noise is related to gradients turning on an off. All of the manufactures (GE, TOSHIBA, SIEMENS, HITACHI, PHILIPS) claim to have reduction in noise but when it come down to it the reduction is minimal if that. Always make sure the technologist provides you with a set of ear plugs. You wont be able to use head phones if you having a brain MR because they can not fit inside the coil.

 

They claim it reduces the noise by up to 90% or 33 dB. Their video (accessible via the link posted above) explains how it reduces the noise at the gradient level. 90% seems very high and I can't tell what it really is.. It would be nice to have testimonies of people having tried this.
Earplugs (in addition to head phones if possible) are indeed strongly recommended yes, even with this reduction.