Do You Remember Your Last Day of Silence?

Not to sound maudlin, but I ask this because I'm coming up on my 26th anniversary - April 27, 1996 was my last day of peace before my life changed. It was actually a good day. I had acted in a student thesis film in Silver Spring, MD and had a great time. After the shoot was over, I went home, took a nap, and then went out and grabbed some Chinese food. Later that evening, I called a friend I'd known since I was 13. We had a nice conversation, and I told him I was about to join the Screen Actors Guild as I was ready to make that leap.

A little after midnight on April 28, I was watching TV when I thought I heard a high-pitched squeal coming from the television (it was an old tube TV). When I muted the sound, I could still hear it. I put my hands over my ears and realized the noise was coming from inside my head. I figured it was temporary, but a few hours later I could still hear it. Being the anxious person I've always been, I barely slept that night. When Monday rolled around, I made an appointment with what turned out to be the worst doctor I've ever seen (he was a referral from a service called 1-800-DOCTORS). After he begrudgingly looked in my ears, he extracted some wax and told me to not worry about it.

The following many years consisted of more medical/hearing tests and multiple MRI's. None of them revealed anything abnormal. I also had no hearing loss. In addition to the high-pitched hissing, I had contracted a low-pitched vibrating hum in the Summer of '96. This is the noise that nearly drove me to suicide.

It's probably not a coincidence that prior to tinnitus entering my life, I had a long history of depression and anxiety attacks. This seems to be a common occurrence among many tinnitus sufferers.

I still have the original high-pitched noise in my head to this day. The humming has gone away on multiple occasions but has started to come back more frequently. Like all of you here, I try my best to carry on.

 

Nope, I am lucky not to. I just remember laying my head on the pillow that night and hearing the faint ringing in my left ear. It was different than the occasional ringing I had experienced before and I instantly knew that this was not good. Little did I know how much things would actually get worse and that my life would be turned upside down from then on.

But I have a few pictures from the days leading up to my tinnitus onset. It was May and the weather was warm and sunny and I was out and about enjoying it. Those days seem like from another life now.

 

Like it was yesterday. I hope I forget soon.

 

I sure do. It was a pretty great day (Friday, 11/12/21). I spent it working from home, listening to some good music, and getting ready for a night out to a music venue I enjoyed very much. Unfortunately I didn’t wear earplugs to the (very loud!) gig and came home with a slight ringing in my ears, as had happened a handful of times in the past.

Through my sheer ignorance and a dollop of denial, I spent the next couple of weeks happily continuing to crank my music to 10 and practicing my bass guitar and electronic drums through headphones, as well as attending a couple more loud shows figuring this would pass as it had before, with no discernible effect on the ringing.

By December I had full blown hyperacusis, hearing loss, nightmare-level tinnitus, and my life has never been the same since.

Oh how I pine for early November ‘21... I still feel my heart skip a beat whenever I look at the clock and catch the time as 11:12, and make sure to wish for a cure to appear in my lifetime when I catch 11:11.

 

Nope, I’ve had tinnitus for over 45 years tho, sooooooo... Mine started at about the same time as puberty started. No known etiology.

 

I know how you feel @Frayact because the onset of my tinnitus was similar to yours.

April 4, 1996, I was at home listening to Mozart's Queen of the night aria from his opera the Magic Flute, through my top of the line Beyer dynamic headphones. As I slipped off the headphones I heard a high pitch ringing, that at first I thought was coming from another room which of course it wasn't. It scared me because the more I focused on it the louder it got.

I rushed to a local chemist with the hope of buying some eardrops would stop the noise, only to be told by the pharmacist that I have tinnitus and there is no cure! That night I hardly slept and listened to the radio to help take my attention away from the tinnitus.

When morning arrived I was the first in line at the medical centre to see a doctor and hoped the diagnoses would be different. The doctor explained I have tinnitus and it's nothing, because if she had it she'd just say it's tinnitus and forget about it.

Thankfully there is a more understanding about tinnitus in the medical field 25 years on, although I'm sure there are still some medical professionals that need to improve their bedside manner towards tinnitus patients.

Take care Frayact.

Michael

 

My last day of silence was in December of 2020. I was struggling with anxiety over work and other more trivial things at the time. Then I hit my head on a rafter and a week later the tinnitus started. It's like another life since that day. I really freaked out for the first several months. Sometimes I wonder if that is why it stuck, but I will never know. I do know that silence was grand, but it is getting harder to actually remember what it felt like sadly. I guess it felt like the ability to feel calm. To be able to lay your head and ear on a pillow and just chill. I don't know if there Is enough habituation in the world that can bring that relaxing feeling back.

 

Yeah I remember. May 24th 2019. It was a Friday, and I had just wrapped my second week at my cool new internship doing concert photography (lol). I photographed a studio session, took the train home, and chilled out. I made a smoothie with a blender and listened to music in my headphones. That night, as I was lying in my bed, my right ear started ringing. I got a funny feeling that it was never going to go away.

A few days later my left ear started ringing too while I was listening to music on the train (didn't realize how bad headphones were for tinnitus at that point). I stopped the music and put my headphones in my bag where they have remained untouched for almost three years now.

The one thing that I miss the most about my pre-tinnitus life is listening to music on the train and just being transported to a totally different world. I will always be jealous of my past self, and nearly everyone around me, who can still experience that.

 

It was during the New Year's Eve afternoon on 12/31/2013.

We had just finished a three mile hike over the dunes and wetlands at the Indiana Dunes National Park.

The weather was sunny and near-record mild on that day, so that we were able to have lunch at one of the picnic tables.

Little did I know that the next day at exactly 1:05 P.M. the unimaginable would occur; all of this taken-for-granted contentment would be speedily and irrevocably battered to an emotionally bleeding pulp, which is precisely what every consecutive day of this 8-plus years condition represents.

 

I remember the exact moment I got tinnitus, what I was doing, what I had for dinner that day and so on. I remember the entire circumstance very well. I remember specifically being mentally prepared for getting tinnitus if I did the Valsalva maneuver, but I shrugged it off because I had survived tinnitus once before and thought I could easily get rid of it again. Although I was a little concerned, the pressure I had in my ears was so crazy bad that I just had to do something. Let's just say I wish I hadn't and let the pressure go away by itself.

Lately I've begun to develop a very strong "before/now"-mentality in relation to this condition. It makes me extremely sad to read old chat logs, see old pictures and so on and know how much better I had it before. I had no idea what I was in for.

 

No, but I know how it sounded like, nothing, just hearing far away sounds and peace.

 

Last day of silence? No.

I remember noticing, at some vague point in my mid-teens, that I could hear a seashell in my right ear whenever I was in a quiet room, and thought for a month or two -not knowing what "tinnitus" was (because education system's got that covered, right?)- that I had gone insane and would need to be committed.

Shortly acclimatised to it, even as it gradually got louder throughout my late teens.

My last day without a cacophony of noises inside my ears/head that react to practically every noise around me? Yes.

28th of April 2009. Two days after attending a 65daysofstatic concert (with earplugs). I was listening to The Cure in my room while working on a picture for my portfolio. I had developed a pretty bad cold and cough the day before, and had noticed my hearing was feeling dull since the night of the concert, but wrote it off as nothing.

That evening after a severe coughing attack, my left ear (the non-tinnitus ear) zoned out (like just before one experiences fleeting tinnitus) and then the sound came. I panicked, gulped down half a two-litre bottle of water, and the sound stopped... for 10 seconds. Then it came back, and never went away again.

The next day my right ear joined it in volume; for my love of balance (I suppose).

 

My tinnitus started in summer 2015. I went to my GP because of something I can't remember anymore and was told there had been an emergency when I got there and that I ought to prepare for a long wait.

An hour or so in, I was approached by my doctor, she told me that another patient hadn't shown up for their physio and if I wanted to I could have their now vacant spot in order to bridge the waiting time. I'd never been to their in-house physiotherapist before but since I was doing physio therapy anyway, I didn't think about it too much and agreed.

The treatment as such was alright but in the end the therapist did a move to "set" my head. I had no idea what was coming because he didn't say that this was what he was planning to do and also because my regular physiotherapist had never attempted anything the likes of this before (I later learned that in Germany physiotherapists aren't allowed to set anything - yay, me!) and the moment he did his thing my right ear started ringing and the high-pitched noise has been with me ever since.

When I complained to my GP I was told that the noise couldn't possibly be related to the chiropractic move applied by the physiotherapist and that I was making things up. This reaction as well as my subsequent experiences with ENTs have made me very, very wary of doctors in general.

 

That sounds horrible, Leila. I'm so sorry. That guy should be sued for malpractice.

 

For several years I remembered it with every detail. Now I don't remember that day almost at all and think it's better that way.

 

For real @Lurius.

Very sad to read this @Leila. It's a real sh*tty thing to have had your life ruined by someone you've placed your trust in, during a non-invasive medical procedure (widely regarded as safe) that is intended to improve your quality of life, no less.

But the absolute worst part was the outright denial of your experience and injury, by your GP.

Stupidity and greed reign supreme amongst our species. I am always genuinely surprised when I see a man or woman stick their neck out for another.

I would be incredibly bitter if this had happened to me; thankfully I have no one to blame but myself.

You seem to handle it well though. A genuinely positive person who brings a good feeling wherever she goes.

You remind me of a much loved family member of mine.

I hope things continue to improve for you over time.

 

Now, with a couple of years of distance, I think so too. But at that time, I was in no frame of mind to take any kind of legal action. With my newly acquired tinnitus howling 24/7 and my GP and the physiotherapist who caused the whole ordeal telling me "It's all psychosomatic" I just wanted to die.

There really needs to be a greater awareness and sensitivity towards tinnitus sufferers in the medical community. You wouldn't tell a burn victim or pretty much anybody with any kind of visible ailment to sit tight and that their pains are all in their head.

 

That's exactly the way I felt about the experience myself. It really wouldn't have made a difference in regards to my tinnitus, but a heartfelt sorry would have made one hell of a difference to me.

Thank you very much for saying so. I try my best to not let tinnitus make me or my life more miserable than it already has. It's very much a work in progress, though

 

On holidays in Cancun in April 2017.

 

I agree. Same for the incompetent TRT "therapists / Audiologists that just want to sell you expensive aids and tell you to persists when you complain that the noise therapy is making things worse. How many cases have we read where someone just started with tinnitus, then wound up with hyperacusis after the fact.

 

I don't remember my last day of silence, if there ever was such a thing. I believe I have always had some kind of low background noise that was perceptible in very quiet environments.

But I do remember my first day of pathological tinnitus, when I was wakened at 5:30 am by screeching noise.

 

August 20th, 2020.

Put in my last day of truly hard work at work fully immersed and coordinating multiple things at once.

Listening to music, Zoom calls, you name it. Lots of coffee, and then quietness in the basement when I was finished.

I went to exercise at the local gym with my earbuds.

I was angry at all the other "fitter" people around me, making it look easy. I worked three times as hard, raised my volumes to maximum, beyond maximum. I thought... it doesn't sound louder, just distorted, and backed off. A tatted up guy with larger arms was my breaking point, I raised the volume to epic levels and worked out so hard I thought I'd pass out (this, was a routine for me).

I had literally gotten over hypothermia where I had my first true hearing loss/tinnitus experience a week before... that went away once I was warm, but it took several hours. I didn't realize it was the perfect setup.

I took my earbuds out after, and instantly knew something was very, very, very wrong. I had the most epic ringing I could imagine, jet blast loud (I used to work on military bases so know the volumes)...

I couldn't pronounce "s" sounds without lisping.

The rest of the torture and story through hell as it continued to endlessly worsen is history.

 

Since I have daily fluctuating tinnitus, I get a silent day every once in a while.

Yesterday happened to be a silent day. It's nice to hear, but also anxiety-inducing because the next day is likely to be noise--sure enough, it's a squeally buzzsaw today.

 

10.30 am 28 November 2013.

 

Now that I think of it, approx 2 1/2 years ago. The second time I tried sound therapy I woke up with silence after the 1st evening. Tinnitus did come back by mid day, sound therapy did not help in the end.

 

I remember when my tinnitus first started, it was much quieter, and I was listening to the sound of the leaves in the trees and being like 'huh, I think I have tinnitus now' when the leaves would stop rustling and I would hear it. My tinnitus is now louder than traffic lol. I wish I could go back to when it first started.

 

This was all it took for you? Did you get to try steroids right after?

 

Woah, how long ago was that and did anything cause the change or it just progressed?

 

May 10th, 2022.

Horrible day. Horrible year. Just wanted to zone out from all the stress. Had no idea the Bluetooth headphone volume was already at maximum on my phone. Pressed play without looking at the volume levels. Eyes focused on that big triangle Play Button on my iPhone. The song that came on didn't start slowly. It was one of those chill low-fi songs, but it started with the highest pitch piano keys as its intro. To know which ones - find Philip Seymour Hoffman at the piano talking to Matt Damon in the movie The Talented Mr. Ripley.

It physically hurt my ear. Eh, whatever, I was a 3 sport athlete who was always in perfect health who only encountered bruises. I was conditioned to a life watching my ailments physically heal and go away. Bruises can be cool in that regard, turning from red ring to a full nebula of colors and shrinking down to normal skin pigment again. I thought little of the pain. I hit pause immediately because I still had the phone in my hand, laying on the couch. I turned the volume down and kept going. I finished that song and a few others at 50-60% volume. Smoked some weed to fall asleep. My last hit was way too strong, but when you're stressed from atrocities spanning 18 months, you'll want to sleep heavy with no dreams too.

My ear was on the pillow for maybe 3 seconds before the TV pitch was 10/10 blaring. I popped up and paced the kitchen for 4 hours. Was able to get 90 minutes of sleep. Told my wife what happened and she's been great trying to learn how to accommodate this new condition.

I had tinnitus once in my early 20s without knowing it. I had a hiss for about 2 weeks. A faint hiss that I only heard in quiet rooms and it sounded kinda cool at the time. Told my friends about it and we all shrugged it off. It was just some hiss in my ears. Why do we not teach tinnitus in schools? What is wrong with adults? We should change that globally. I don't think anyone of any political persuasion would be against this type of education.

I still ultimately have mild tinnitus and my screaming has faded. I have mornings where I can barely hear it, and at night it might get up to a 6/10 max. I had a firework go off on 7/3 too close to me in an area where I thought I was safe, but that spike seems to be slowly fading as well. I'm lucky - I can actually put my ears on a pillow and not care about the sound. I find sometimes if I lay on my right ear (the worse one) the noise goes away after a few minutes. It's like my brain goes, "oh that's the frequency I was looking for. Thanks!" and gives up. Then I notice it's gone. 10 seconds later it's back.

I just hate being housebound for the most part. I had a very active life. Trying to adjust to the new normal. I know I have an outside chance at being okay in a year or so since my severity has already dropped. I'm also ready for a lifetime of this affliction. I'm also ready for modern medicine to continue its new boom of regenerative medicine, in addition to our increasing knowledge about the brain and medicine's ability to focus in on neurons rather than chemical compounds. I'm ready for anything, because accepting the loss of control due to tinnitus is all you can do.

Silence would be cool, but I'm someone who loves background noise. Podcasts, music, muttering to myself. I'm not big on pure silence. I'd like some stability with this condition. If it would stop fluctuating in volume and also pick one tone between TV pitch and laptop fan, I'd appreciate that too. Let's see what the winter brings. Hopeful but realistic.

 

I remember it quite well - it was Monday 15 November 2021 - I was meeting my friend Julieta at a Burger Bistro where we talked about doctors and clinics - the next day early in the morning I had the MRI where my ringing started and my life changed dramatically.