Don't See the Point Anymore to Staying

I am appreciative of everyone who is responding. Hi I'm also being honest on my current feelings towards thing right now. I wouldn't post here if I didnt want help on here. Doesn't mean I'm going to agree with everyone on here about every topic either though. But, I hope someone on here will eventually possibly guide me right. Some responses on here have been very helpful. But, I'm just being g honest, these are my current feelings on things.

 

I think you need some time to let things sink in and spin around. I know you aren't going to make radical life changes while in the middle of this conversation/debate/appeal. Maybe come back later to this and reread this tome of a thread, and think about things.
I wish you only the very best.

 

I have all day and night to do that. Every day. This is where I am right now. Maybe you just want me to just stop posting with your post, but I have read the responses multiple times. I am still here at this point.

 

I am not saying self sabatoging is why you have hearing loss or tinnitus, but I do believe it is the primary thing holding you back from recovering.

-Mike

 

@jdjd09

As I'm reading your posts, I get this impression that you seem to be more concerned about your lost hearing and cognitive abilities rather than tinnitus itself.

How many months are you in? You're still on the acute phase, you need to relax man. You talk a lot about ending it all but you don't got the patience to wait for it to get better? You are a man. Stop crying like a baby, be a man and take this shit like a man. Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, do something about it.

You need to inject some morbid humor into your brian. Try to laugh at your whole situation. Why not? You're only 27 and have to deal with hearing loss and tinnitus. Ha ha, what a miserable life you are living! People in their 20s are living their life, some have a great job, wife, children, no health issses and you're into this mess and can't dig youreself out of this hole. It's funny, isn't it?

Charles Darwin, one of the greatest geniuses ever stepped his foot on this planet, suffered from several health issues and mental illnesses. From Wikipedia:

"For over forty years Darwin suffered intermittently from various combinations of symptoms such as: malaise, vertigo, dizziness, muscle spasms and tremors, vomiting, cramps and colics, bloating and nocturnal intestinal gas, headaches, alterations of vision, severe tiredness, nervous exhaustion, dyspnea, skin problems such as blisters all over the scalp and eczema, crying, anxiety, sensation of impending death and loss of consciousness, fainting, tachycardia, insomnia, TINNITUS, and depression."

If Charles Darwin can do it. If Vincent Van Gogh survived life. If Beethoven did it. If Edgar Allan Poe did it. If Isaac Newtond id it. Heck if Howard Hughes did it, why can't you?

Suffering is an art. Be happy for this gift mother nature has given us.

Muhammad Ali can barely move and he has been fighting every day for the last 40 years. That's what you call a Rambo in real life.

Be mad. Be angry. Be crazy. It's healthy if you want to improve your creativity. And besides, studies have shown that madness and genius are connected. If you want to be successful in any walk of life, you gotta be a little bit f*cked up too, both physically and mentally.

Kill yourself and you have lost have this fight. Congratulation, no more suffering, no more joy, no, never again. You're dead. Gone. Nothing. There is no next life after this. And if it is, and God actually exists, you will be screaming in hell. It's a no-win situation.

Get my point, I don't want to repeat it to you.

I'm out.

 

I hope you start seeing life more positively.
Life can be tough and each member has their own road to travel and pushing hard not to give in.
Anyone who wants to give up in life needs support services and their Doctor on board to support them.
Medical treatment can help and mental health and inpatient or outpatient treatment and even support at work.

You have to reach out for help if your finding life to hard and forums support too.

People need to learn to adapt to changes as tough as they might be with support to reassure them life is still worth living.....lots of love glynis

 

I had ringing before this. It wasn't this loud, and it didn't effect me concentrating. The hearing loss plays into this too because it's associated with the hearing loss. So, both combined are fucking me up, because now I can't enjoy music at all either.

Overall, life just came together and clusterfucked me over. Sure, there are people who are able to get over this and good for them. But, all I'm seeing on these forums is people getting saying all these people got over there hearing loss or tinnitus, while they themselves in reality have not gotten over it. The majority on here haven't gotten over it (while they go on saying people get over it). Michael 2013 seems to be the only one who has gotten over it.

I don't see how meds will help me in my situation honestly either. I had anti-depression meds. I took them in the past once and they just turn you into a zombie who can't drink alcohol and get sexual side effects.

I mean, what kind of life is this? I was enjoying my life being able to focus and solve problems. I was doing well in school and work. Now both have come crashing down. Sorry if this sounds arrogant, but I was not in a position to having to wonder how I'm going to work at McDonald's or some other job and I'm not going to accept a job like that. I worked a job like that in my past and worked very hard to get away from those jobs.

So, I can't accept working a job that doesn't require thought. I can't accept a life where I can't concentrate. I can't accept a life on the street. I can't accept a life having to live with my abusive parents/family.

So, I am not really left with options. I don't see how this will get better. I have never been like this in my life. Colitis effected me somewhat in life, but I could still function as a human being outside minor health issues. This completely screws me up.

No medical doctor can cure my hearing loss or tinnitus. No solution exists for this. Colitis you can at least get a pill to make symptoms go away. Seriously, I don't want to die but this isn't living. So, it seems like the only logical answer is death if I can't accept the above. I wish there was more options, but the medical community doesn't have any. This seems to be it.

 

I totally know how you feel. A lot of what you say is correct. If you decide to off yourself now, with you're luck, there maybe a treatment in six months..

 

Then don't. You don't have to accept those things. What are you doing about it?

You have lots of options. There are 150+ posts in this thread with many giving you advice, stories, and reasons to be hopeful for the future. Can you really say you have no options, or are you saying you are simply not willing to do anything about it?

And yet most people with tinnitus eventually learn to live with it. The solution is getting to a point where it doesn't bother you anymore. You may not like the solution, but there is a solution.

-Mike

 

I don't know what I can do about it is the problem. How can I possibly learn to problem and code again while listening to music or learning anything new with this noise and uneven hearing?

To habituate to the uneven hearing too? I just dont see how I'm going to habituate to that too :/. I've habituated to quite T in my past, to the point I never even came on one of these boards to know what it really was. But both louder T and hearing loss, I really dont know how to move on.

 

Jd, I think you might find the kind of help you need by doing a one on one with somebody, as Mike pointed out you have had over 150 replies and none seem to really help. Perhaps you are feeling overwhelmed with all the the replies.

Out of all the people that have replied, start a PM with someone who you feel understands you and you feel comfortable with, or someone not even on TT. I know it's hard to ask this type of help, finding the right person, timing etc. Best of luck to you my friend.

 

I'm not feeling overwhelmed by all the replies. I can use as much help as I can get. I've sought professional help and they aren't helping. Fact is it seems most of the help is probably going to be found by people who actually have experience with hearing loss AND tinnitus. Mike has been helpful so far for example. He has shown its possible to live a successful life with both issues. As have some others. I just question how I will ever reach that point and complete my computer science degree. Sorry if my thread is bothering people, but I have found this thread more helpful than anything I have done so far. Even though I still feel hopeless.

 

Do you think your life would be different with a hearing aid?
I know you carnt get one yet but if you had one could you see life getting more on track ?......lots of love glynis

 

I have never heard of the term self-sabotage. I guess it's fair for a psychologist to decide whether or not he/she feels he/she can help a patient/client. However, it is also important that a psychologist does not give up too quickly: the whole point of the mental health field is to help people overcome obstacles that they - the patients - cannot overcome themselves.

I did a quick search on whether @Dr. Hubbard had been mentioned within this thread. It seems not to be the case. I could perhaps recommend asking for his opinion at the Doctor's Corner.

In addition, there is one of the ambassadors of the forum, @caffclifton who suffered severe sudden unilateral hearing loss (worse than yours) and she quite incredibly is living life to its fullest. And she is the real deal in this respect - going about her life as she always has done (you can check her FB-page if in doubt: www.facebook.com/caff.clifton).

Lastly, I should perhaps mention a thing or two about what I call unrealistic expectations. Anyone who develops tinnitus is potentially at risk of having their entire life derailed: job, career, marriage, money, family relations, and, well, just about anything really. Like anyone, you get advice from a small minority who are the most vocal on this board. No doubt, there are many silent sufferers who - like you - are not doing so well. A while back, I did statistics on almost 2k responses - you can find the analysis of that here:

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/survey-results-rate-your-tinnitus.9803

The 2nd chart (from the top) does not really suggest that habituation occurred over time (10 year period) i.e. alertness is still high (scores 3 and 4). The counter argument (by certain members on this board) is that people who responded to the survey are the ones who generally did not do so well in terms of habituation (otherwise they would not have bothered to partake). Well... that is the argument. But is the argument correct? We don't really know: perhaps those who did not partake did not do so, not because they have habituated, but because they see no point in surfing the Internet for a condition they know they cannot do anything about (in any event).

I often see statements such as we shouldn't post negativity because it scares the newbies. Well, here is a little fact for some of the folks on this board: the overwhelming majority of members who sign-up with TinnitusTalk have had tinnitus for a year or more when they do so. Fact.

When arguments are based on flawed propositions, you might as well take a trip to Alice in Wonderland...

 

The most help you are going to get has to come from yourself.

One simple thing you can do is stop writing about negative outcomes like: "I am not really left with options. I don't see how this will get better" and instead talk about something positive like "I've seen several examples of people who do get better, I just need to give it time and stop focusing on the worst case scenario."

YOU need to take an active role in getting yourself better and know that continually writing the same negative and hopeless posts will get you nowhere. Don't stop posting, just change the tone a little bit. It's the whole 'fake it till you make it' thing.

-Mike

 

Right, so I may be seeking another psychologist at this point. I think they believe in metaphysical bologne and are finding patterns in my life that don't exist. Like the fact that I have randomly had two major health issues in the past 3 years was my doing. As in I subconsciously wanted these issues. I don't buy that at all. Also they started giving up only after the second session of meeting them.

As far as people on here who have succeeded. I honestly don't believe they are the minority. Funny enough I know someone, after asking around, that is completely almost deaf in one ear and has ringing too. The person is younger than me and has a successful job in IT. Also, I honestly never knew he had an issue when I met him. It's probably quite loud too with the hearing loss. So I do feel the vast majority do get over this somehow.

With the survey you linked to, I'll be honest, its worth the data that it was given. It's just saying people on this board are having a hard time. I think that is a given. Very few will hang out on these boards once they get over it. Also, very few will come back on these boards to take a survey like this even if you email them if they aren't having an issue anymore. I think the data represents a small survey of people on this board and doesn't reflect much more. So, while it's nice that effort was put in to see what is going on in the boards, I don't think it reflects much outside that. Of course I'm not claiming you are saying that it does.

With that said, obviously I'm having issues. I'm sure there may be a way for me to get over this and move on with my life...with that said I'm not sure how at this point.

 

I guess, in your opinion, do you think that really the majority in here who suffer really are suffering because of how they are handling the situation? I'm beginning to think that is the common flaw in here. Not so much the noise. I guess that is the problem though, is finding a way to cope. I agree that I think somehow I have to find a way to cope, but having a hard time figuring that out.

Maybe it's from being on this board. Seeing others who have issues and thinking, well that is the way it is. I mean, when do people usually get over things like in my situation? I'm about two months out. Is it normal to be still thinking like this?

Do you have an opinion on what ateos is saying btw or on those surveys? Part of me believes that it's just a survey of a small subset of this board. I doesn't reflect the majority who even visited this board at one point and later left, and so of course the results will be negative. As with any health issue related board, people don't come on here (with some exceptions) making weekly posts about how things are great in there life still and no issues to report.

Anyways, I appricate you sticking around to help. As well as everyone else. I just hope I will figure out a solution to this eventually.

 

I think this board consists mainly of people who are currently suffering. Most people suffer in the beginning and then eventually move on. That's a fact. I don't think surveys of people on this board give the complete picture and as you suggest, they will have a more negative slant.

I'm confident you will get there eventually.

-Mike

 

I guess what bothers me the most is I enjoy music. But when I'm driving and listening, or while at work, all I realize is that people around me aren't having to worry about this hearing issue. I know as I was one of them and never gave it any thought. It's just one other thing normal people never have to worry about. Also can't overhear as well conversations and whispers around me. I just find that hard too. All these people around me just enjoying there life care free and can listen to the world with no issue.

Has that ever bothered you? If so how did you get over those thoughts? Do you still or are you able to enjoy music?

Also, I keep wondering if there is more I can do at this point. Wondering if I should put money on a lllt machine and just see if it helps. Even two ent I saw say hearing loss isn't really considered permanent until 6 months out. So anything I can do between then and now would be good to see if it helps improve things. But also I don't want to be scammed either :/.

 

@jdjd09 JD you are not saying or feeling any different then we all have at one point or another ...yes it sucks but the alternative that you keep mentioning is not a choice ....The sooner you accept that this crap sucks the sooner you'll give yourself a chance at figuring out some way to go forward with this condition ...
Don't look back and feel sorry .....it's tough I struggle every day but you must figure out how to go forward.

Carlos

 

I've been there, I know how you feel. Maybe not with music, but with other things like running, racquetball, flying an airplane, etc. When I got tinnitus/additional hearing loss, I was diagnosed with EVAS, and as a result I have to be a whole lot more careful about some things. It sucked that they were things others didn't have to worry about.

It doesn't bother me so much anymore because I focus on all the things I can do. So maybe I won't become a pilot now like I always wanted, I have found other exciting hobbies I can have fun with -- like restoring and now driving my '69 mustang.

For every person who says LLLT improved their hearing, I can find someone else who says ginkgo biloba helps their tinnitus. I'm in the camp that LLLT is a scam and a waste of time and money. You talk about what _m0re_ you can do, so I'm curious, what have you been doing so far?

-Mike

 

I hope there is more to this than just suffering. Sounds like people can just live normal lives like before with this, outside major health issues associated with it.

 

I went to a GP that told me nothing could be done when it first started, which was a lie. I then went to trials for AM-101 and saw ENT and before trials started I asked if anything could be done, they said no. That was a lie (prednisone was an option by then, I was one week in). I then did AM-101 trials, don't know if I got real thing. I am here now, IDK what else to do.

What else can I do? I got screwed multiple times by medical community and not sure what else I can do.

 

For what it's worth, I agree with your ENT. There was nothing they could do. Prednisone is not proven to work and injections into the ear are not without risk.

-Mike

 

you suffered from sudden hearing loss. Why didn't the doctor put you on the steroid regimen 60 mg prednisone for at least 5 days to a week?

with sudden hearing loss there is about a 50-80% chance recovery rate if you seek treatment within 2 weeks to 1 month of onset.

 

..............................................................yeah, back to wanting to kill myself.

 

For hearing loss or tinnitus? I have heard it would have helped with hearing loss, and now back to suicide after the above post....sigh.

 

the tinnitus usually goes away when your hearing is restored

the tinnitus is caused by the ear compensating for hearing loss. they are phantom frequencies from deficits in the hearing range.

my tinnittus is going away only after 3 days of treatment. It is going away as my hearing is coming back.

 

Ok cool, so I guess I should end myself then? What is your point? Cool, I'll just go kill myself now I guess. Thanks for letting me know this information 1-2 months later. I really appreciate it. I really appreciate the doctors doing the same. Really appreciate all this.

 

actually if it's only been 1-2 months I would still initiate some treatment.
THE WINDOW IS 1 MONTH, but it's probably variable.

you are still very close to the initial period of onset.

Also seek novel treatment. Read my thread where I outlined what I did to regain 50% hearing in about 2-3 days following treatment.

DO NOT GIVE UP HOPE. it's only been 1-2 months. You still have a chance. GET ON THE ROIDS.