Existential Crisis — Thoughts of Death

Hi all. Long story short. I'm 37 years old. Despite tinnitus, I was doing quite well two weeks ago, but things became darker when my father-in-law died at 71. Now I think about death all the time. I even stopped dreaming about a "cure" for my tinnitus, because "I will die anyways". "Why is people so happy? They will die".

I try to remember my days at the Catholic school, and try to imagine a spiritual life after death. Now I read about theology / philosophy, God, Jesus, Saints, etc. but it's just a partial relief. I just want to have faith. I need it.

I wonder if someone here is going through the same experience...

 

Hey, amigo!

So sorry to hear about the sad news.

What you're experiencing now is a part and phase of the mourning. Interestingly enough it is quite similar to those feelings one experiences when going through the first times with tinnitus. Our society, our culture, is not educated about the reality of death and a finite health. Both things are a natural part of life, sad for sure, but unavoidable. If we were taught to come to terms with both our acceptance of both would be easier. Health is probably the most important thing a person can have but at the same time we are exposed to thousands of factors that threatens it. It is tightly linked to the idealization of youth, another concept which is overrated and idealized in our society. Our relationship with such stuff as aging, getting ill, dying, etc... are highly perverted by our social education and context. We all are going to go through them and to truly accept it, is going to help us to live a healthier and fuller life.
I myself had lots of mental battles with such concepts. One day my grandma died while embracing me and just then I realized how natural death is, how it comes in many forms but at the end of the day represents the end of a cycle and the beginning of another.

My dear mate, don't search for answers in religions or superstitions, it's way easier than that, it's nature and we can touch it, see it, smell it, hear it and it rules the lives of us all.

Give yourself time, my man. You'll feel better.

Tight hug.

 

Beautifully said man.

 

I attended Catholic schools for ten years and came to the conclusion that their teachings about life after death have no evidence whatsoever to back them up. In my late teens, I became a non-believer which is more complicated and rational than living a life of faith, which I simply can't do.

I accept that when the brain dies, the chances are very good that it's over and that's actually not a bad thing for the dead person, at least. But this intellectual understanding of the situation does not jive with what our subconscious mind feels, which includes a very strong will to survive.

The human brain is the most powerful force in the universe, and it's a waste to sacrifice logic and reason for the warm and fuzzy feeling that faith might give you. I never want to stop advancing my knowledge, of things that can be comprehended by the human mind.

 

I feel the same as you. Life is futile, especially as people age. I do not see the point of life after age 50. I am just about 48. I have no ambition, no plans for the future. Essentially, life is over and it is just a waiting game, counting down the hours, days, and possibly years until I am divested of my corporeal existence. Everything in the world is absurd to me and without purpose.

 

I'm so sorry for your loss. You are in the midst of the grieving process, so please give yourself some grace.

I had a tough period of my life a few years ago where I "re-discovered" my faith. It helped me cope and I am glad I had that. Then my grandfather, who at 72 was very healthy and happy, was killed when a car struck him when he was walking down the street. It was a huge shock to my family and I. I had a lot of the same feelings as you and lost my faith.

Death is inevitable, as is getting older. Most of us don't get to choose when or how we go. So what's the point of everything if we just die? For me it's the fact that we get to experience living life before the inevitable end. It is kind of a "glass half full" mentality. It sounds corny, but so what? We are lucky we get to experience life so I just take it one day at a time. The way we experience it will change (hello tinnitus!) but there is still meaning and happiness to be found. For me, it's hearing my son's laugh and seeing his smile. That's worth waking up tomorrow again to experience, and worth enjoying today in case I don't.

I don't spend my time thinking about death anymore. There's no point. I try not to care about whether there is an afterlife or not, because it doesn't make a difference in me living my life today. A therapist once told me to challenge a thought I'm having with "will thinking about this change/solve anything right in this moment?" If not, table it to think about another time - give yourself a break.

As for why people are happy even though they die one day - happiness is a conscious choice. Some people may not agree, but I have found it to be true. Some people have terrible misfortunes in life but still are able to find moments of happiness. Some people have it all, but aren't happy. So, with my taking it one day at a time mentality, I'm also trying to choose to be happy for those positive moments. I'm the only one who can live my life, so I'm going to try with every minute I have to make it as good as I can for myself and those I care about. It's not easy and I have my bad days, but I keep on trying.

I hope you find some more positive days ahead soon.

 

Dear Russell!

7753000000 humans as of today. That makes the perception of life experience quite a subjective one.

Let's put it this way:

Last summer I spent a month in NYC. I met really nice people, weather was fabulous, I went to really cool concerts and art galleries, I ate at quality places, I stayed up late. It was an amazing time. I'm entitled to tell everyone NYC is a great city.

My friend Erika spent one month this summer. Weather was horrible, people were rude to her, food was hideous, she was robbed twice... She says NYC sucks.

Everything is about subjective perception.

I have a really excruciating severe form of tinnitus, trust me. I plan to live the longest I can doing what I love to do. I want to get the most out of the things I still having left. That's my mindset, I don't say it should be the standard one but as I said before, it's my subjective life experience.

Listen, my mate, you owe yourself a second chance. I don't want to tell you to change your mindset, it's not that easy but, do me a favor, do yourself a favor, change what surrounds you and the sources where that bad mood gets fed from. There's a lot of energy behind rising a human. You have been risen with that energy and efforts, make them worth it. And yeah, this world is a horrible place but dear mate, don't be part of the problem and save your ass from the madness, enjoy your time, there won't be a second act.

Hug.

 

I love this post.

 

People are happy because life is generally beautiful or at least good or preferable to the unknown realm - and death is never perceived to be imminent. If I had the knowledge that tomorrow I die - or even in 30 days or 1 year. I would not be happy. But my ignorance of the date of my death allows me to live happily.

Even so - you can enjoy a party - knowing it will end - so why not life?

Faith in life after death is not the answer. As others have said - there is no good evidence for it - only wishful thinking.

 

We can die at any second, so there is that. It's the truth, and should hopefully spur us to do something w/ our lives, tinnitus or not. When we're engaged and busy we don't even hear it. There is also faith which is based on something real, and then there is blind faith. Avoid the latter. Truly, there is no proof that there is or isn't an after life and that's OK. This life we have now is not a trial run, this is it! No do overs. It's a miraculous gift, and an unfulfilling life is a bad thing. Too many people put all their energy into a story for children that's in a book no matter what religion they are. If we aren't pursuing our lives now, when we will do it?

It's much better to live a good life (within reason), try not to harm the earth or air, and help others if we possibly can. Believe it or not, just a small act of kindness or a small gift to someone who is suffering is what we're here on earth for. It makes a difference. Taking is not nearly as good as giving, and it doesn't matter what someone uses the gift for either. That's on them. We should do it just because we should do it, w/ no strings and no expectations. It leads to happiness, every time.

I'm not a Buddhist, but he said, or is alleged to have said some cool things. Like, if you can't find suitable friends, walk the path alone. The people we associate with can build us up or bring us down w/ them. Jesus is supposed to have said that all we need to do is love our neighbor. What could be simpler than that? Our neighbor isn't just the person next door, it's the tree outside, the cloud in the sky, our pet, the river flowing. This is all us. Keep things doable, and avoid habitual, patterned thought. Whether or not these people even lived or not is irrelevant. Someone said it, and it resonates because its true. Mindfulness and meditation can, and does, work miracles. But they're practices, and we have to actually practice them.

Remember, a single drop of dew on a blade of grass reflects all the stars in the heavens above it. But if we're caught up in our heads, we miss the magic that is right in front of us every second of our lives. The late Zen teacher Shunryu Suzuki once told a short story about this: Imagine that you are sitting at home reading a newspaper and sitting in a comfortable chair. But there is a jay bird on the roof singing, and maybe the bird's singing isn't so good. So we're a little annoyed. But if we would only open our hearts to the jay bird, then the jay bird is sitting in the chair reading the newspaper and we are on the roof singing.

This isn't a metaphor, it's something real that can happen and does happen. We are all things, but our little tiny egos separate us from the infinite. We have to be open to the moment and be present. Annoyance leads us from our hearts to our heads. That's not the place we need to be.

 

Sometimes I contemplate on an unidentified asteroid, coming from behind the sun, that starts life anew.

 

Why not. Although it reminds me of the (apocryphally purportedly Einstein) quote that "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results."

That "same thing" would be an extinction event in this case. Life might start anew, but we already had five big ones (with life starting anew subsequently), and none of them yielded anything remotely resembling paradise. Life is a shitty business and will always be.

 

Yes and I contemplate on my tinnitus going away.

Not gonna happen though.

 

It will if the asteroid hits.

 

And when we have evidence for this - that will be the time to worry.

 

I wonder if an asteroid will hit us before we have a cure for tinnitus?

 

Probably is my guess.

 

Believe it or not, but we actually have the capabilities to deflect incoming asteroids, knocking it from its collision course with Earth (if it ever came to that) and changing its trajectory. NASA spends a lot of time researching and developing asteroid deflection techniques as part of their planetary defense efforts. Some of these techniques are relatively straightforward like kinetic impactor which is basically sending a spacecraft to collide with an asteroid at high velocity. It was successfully demonstrated recently actually.

The Science Behind NASA's First Attempt at Redirecting an Asteroid

So in regard to having a cure for tinnitus:

 

I know that we have this technology, but it is limited based upon how much time there is until impact. If it comes from behind the sun, then say goodbye.

 

I think we die so that we know life is important. Just like we feel sad so we can know what makes us feel better, and what makes us happy. There is still happiness.