Extreme Anxiety & Bad Suicidal Ideations — In Desperate Need of Help

Hi,

I am having extreme anxiety and bad suicidal ideations. I feel so impatient and cannot sit still. Though, I don't have the guts to take medications I'm so afraid and paranoid.

I do have plenty of Xanax but should I take it when I truly it need it and not everyday or will it make tinnitus worse?

I'm so lost, confused and desperate. I truly hate life. What can I do ?

Any suggestions, thoughts or advice will be helpful. I'm currently doing CBT but it has no impact or change towards my thoughts.

Thank you...

 

Is this because of tinnitus? How did you get it? How long have you had it? Did you have similar thoughts before tinnitus?

 

You seem to be having an anxiety attack or panic attack. Remember that anxiety and stress and make tinnitus temporarily worse and more perceivable.

I suggest you follow your doctor’s instructions regarding any medication.

 

Yes, it's due to tinnitus, I've never had any of these thoughts EVER, it's been very difficult. I think it was due to an acoustic trauma. I've had this for 6 months and it only keeps getting worse...

 

I understand, but I try my hardest to stay calm, there's moments throughout the day where I feel calm to see if it'll go down but it has only been getting worse and much much much louder. There are rare moments where I can truly relax or modulate my mouth to bring the levels down, but it doesn't work every time/ every day.

 

What's making it worse do you know? Is it getting worse than the day before or are you just experiencing fluctuations?

 

I know how you feel, man.

People don't understand how dealing with this changes you at a very fundamental level. For some, tinnitus is just a nuisance. But the fact that you're posting on this board is an indication enough that it's pretty bothersome and is less "nuisance", more "Chinese audio torture". It affects not just your thinking, but your ability to relax and sleep.

How could you not be changed from that? How could you still be as carefree and as easy to be around as you were before?

I've seen it in my own life and I've read about it in others'.

Take things day by day. That's my only goal right now.

Hopefully things will get easier.

 

I have no clue, I try to see what could be triggering my tinnitus, but I don't even know. It gets worse than the day before. I saw you posted you are having bleepings, is it similar to like a microphone that is having technical issues and does that loud sound?? Like it's so loud, high pitch beeps?? I'm experiencing this and I don't understand why... perhaps a spike? Idk...

 

I feel like this some days also. I'm really hoping and praying for a cure soon. We need it!

 

@Striveon

You are such a nice and generous person. Myself and others want to help you with your physical tinnitus conditions. I now only have my wife for support besides coming here. I have a sister of strong opinions and needs and feels that our mother never loved her. The problem with my sister is that she always wanted to be the center of attention. I started a PM with you for specific treatments, please let's continue.

 

I’m really disturbed by people’s ignorance. If you don’t have tinnitus, don’t advice me or throw my condition out the box, talking about “ooh you’ll get used to it, it’s like the fan, bet you didn’t notice it when you walked in, now that I’ve pointed at it, you can hear it.” BITCHHH stupid TRT has brainwashed the community into thinking we can easily ignore it, but even they fear and cringe in having a noise in their head. Not until they have it, will they truly understand the mental burdens tinnitus causes. It changes our whole being and we can no longer be carefree.
Well, let’s take it day by day, we got this... at least try.

 

I hope your days will get better day by day. We definitely need a cure. This is pure torture. Plus, we live by the edge because tinnitus can get louder any given moment, hopefully something will come about for all of us!

 

Thank you Greg, I’ve always thought of you as such a wonderful helpful human being. You’re always here to encourage people to seek out for treatments and not give up. You know your stuff and choose to share your knowledge by helping us out. I appreciate it Greg, thank you. Though, do you really think it could be physical tinnitus..? I understand the feeling of only having one person for support, it’s tough. I only have my mom. It perhaps causes a heavy burden on the one person we rely on, but I’m happy that your wife is truly there for you for support. I’m sorry about your sister :/ I also have an older sister the same way you described your sister and I talked yesterday to my therapist about it. So, it seems that they were not loved when they were infant: young age and didn’t have that person whom they feel safe that could care for them. Since they weren’t cared for, they instead fear the world and feel as if this world isn’t safe and they have no one that can care for them so they can be mean and careless. (From what you described, it could be but it can always be a different reason of course).

 

Striveon,

It's worse at the beginning, mainly because it is such a shock to one's life. And I can tell you that anxiety and stress are the worst enemies to this condition, other than loud noise or some meds.

Some of us have been praying for a cure for a very long time. However, I think our condition is on the back burner of drug companies, and why I don't know.

I gave up on a cure a long time ago and decided to just attempt to manage stress and anxiety. That works best for me. Alcohol does not help me, but makes it worse the next day.

Take your meds for now.

 

How long have you been doing CBT? It takes time to learn how to use it at the most critical of times. I am NOT saying it fixes everything but it can help calm you down.

As far as Xanax goes. Be careful with people telling you what to take and what not to take on internet forums. I can share my person experience with it. I have and use Xanax when it gets bad. I used to take it once daily and never got addicted. Currently I take it about 3 times a week when the T just really gets to me emotionally. For me it really helps calm my anxiety and prevents me from completely losing my mind.

Hope that helps!

 

It’s honestly hard to see a life with this condition as you are walking on an edge as this condition can get worse, so you don’t have a normal carefree life. Though, it seems as if help is on its way, mutebutton plus South Korea. I feel like I’m one of those persons who won’t habituate. Idk :/ but I agree, stress and anxiety does make tinnitus worse. Sucks how much of the mental burdens we have to deal with.

 

I’ve had CBT for about 3 years now, my first therapist was great. I got tinnitus 6 months ago and I only had two last sessions with her as she was moving to a different country. Turns out, she has tinnitus also, so it was bummer that she had to move, I’ve changed 4 times already and still don’t see how a therapist can truly help as they can only sympathize since they don’t know this life. Wow! The Xanax part really is helpful, the act that you didn’t get addicted and doesn’t seem to have worsen you, so it gives me hope that it’s okay to take it when I truly need it as suicidal thoughts make me feel like a depressed walking zombie. Thank you!

 

Awww Im sorry you are struggling @Striveon . You have to calm down and maybe you do need to take a little medication to help you. Figuring out which one is the best for you is something you and your doctor have to discuss and try... simple as that. I know that's easier said than done because when you have tinnitus chances are every medication can make it worst.... but there's a chance that it may help. It is up to you to take that chance and try something. The anxiety makes everything worst so you need to take care of that.

Try taking hot baths with epsom salts before bed time and Sleepytime tea with magnesium.
Are you sleeping??

When I first got tinnitus 7 years ago I took 1/4 of 1mg Ativan for about a month (I took it every other day or so) and it helped me a lot. I had no side effects and no problem stopping it either.

I hope you feel better soon. PM me if you need to talk ok.
I'll pray for you.... and I just dont say that, I actually do pray.
{{{Hug}}}
Once

 

Hello @OnceUponaTime, How did Your Dr. Shulman visit go?

 

Hello,

Being a zombie in the beginning would be an understatement term. Tinnitus basically throws you to the ground and you work slowly to pull yourself back together. My tinnitus is in the head with several other sounds. And my anxiety started after tinnitus so it really threw me for a loop. I did have to go on a med and it helped out a lot. Also, what came with tinnitus was dark thoughts, but they went away... You need to work on how your body feels. Work on good sleep, and you'll be able to move forward.

 

One night last year I was reading your history and saw something where I received strong thoughts. I went to PM and asked you if at a specific time in your life if a particular event happened. You said yes. I have seen this event 6 or so times in hospitals. I was on the specialized CPR and care team for these events. There's no doubt this is what caused hearing loss in the months to follow. Refer to our PMs.

The following should help you where it might not make a big difference for others.
Regenerate antioxidants to support glucose metabolism
A little vitamin C
Breathing exercises
Breathing oxygen flow therapy
Walking exercise
light limb movement exercise
drink a fair amount of water
Foods to support blood and oxygen
Soft pink music such as a flowing brook - not by earbuds
Do be careful with loud noise.

We should go back to PM. We can discuss other treatments.

@DebInAustralia - should have some ideas by profession - Talk to her by PM.

 

@Striveon - you are so right, I was actually quite terrified of getting Tinnitus before I got it, I had it a few times for a few hours after concerts, but it generally died down quite quickly. I thought it was one of the top few illnesses I would not be able to deal with, like being a paraplegic or visual snow. And now, here I am. It's awful. Most people seem so ignorant towards it. I think bad tinnitus is more or less a disability and I know there are people out there who do have it bad who are struggling to get their condition recognised.

TRT is probably something that's worthwhile doing to help cope with what we have, but it's not enough. I see a lot of people on facebook that are negative towards anyone looking for a cure or better treatment. "Tinnitus is tinnitus regardless of how you got it, now you have to accept it". That is firstly not true, you can't treat tinnitus for someone who got it from stress alone compared to a welder who's worked in a noisy environment for 20 years and has severe hearing loss or someone who's developed it from otoxic drugs prescribed carelessly. The former wouldn't benefit from hearing aids, the second would and the latter maybe.

 

I'd you don't take it regularly I recommend Xanax as a first aid kit. It won't make your Tinnitus worse, most people experience a temporary reduction. If you just take it one in a while there really is no need to be afraid of it.

One thing that keeps the panic away for me is passion flower. It needs a few days to work but the panic attacks are more or less absent since I take it. All the best. I'm 10 months in my worsening and already doing better.

 

Hi @Striveon
I'm so sorry that your ear troubles are worsening and causing your thoughts and emotions to spiral. All the thoughts and feelings you are having now, most tinnitus sufferers have experienced and/or experiencing. Life can change in an instance and we have to find a way to keep going and make significant changes to accomadate. It's difficult and upsetting.

But you know (and they have shown you by posting on this thread) that there are kind members on this forum who can give you support and advice at any time to help. You even posted on my very first TT thread and you helped me through a difficult day.

There's no shame in needing medication to help and you should be able to talk with your doctor about any concerns you have with the medication. Also they are a professional health body so they will tell you the recommended doses. It is easier said than done but maybe try to have little goals to help you through the day instead of tasking yourself with big goals. Just as an example make a cup of tea (I'm British...we love our tea) without focussing on the ear noise rather than go one hour without focussing on it.

Hope you feel better soon.

 

Go to a hearing aid place for a free hearing test. If you have hearing loss, that wouldn't be a "bad thing" because then they could correct it with a hearing aid and if you wore them, the ringing may be "reduced" or even not perceived - EVEN IF it is a MILD LOSS and they say you don't need them. Ask for a free trial or at least a free demo and then walk outside with them and see if you still hear the ringing. You can also get some that hook up to bluetooth in the phone and stream low level (make sure it's turned down) music to them or have built in maskers you can put on temporarily.

 

I heard about him 30 years ago. It wasn't kind words.

 

I didn't visit him personally only by phone. He just told me I didn't need to visit him and that he would talk to my 3 Dr.'s at the time. He could not prescribe over the phone. I think it was the gabapentin plus klonopin combo that he was referring too.

I was in a panic mode at that time but didn't think he was mean or anything. He wrote books about tinnitus of which I have one. Just wanted to know @OnceUponaTime's experience meeting him.

Maybe I could skype with "Once" sometime (or anyone for that matter - or group skype.) and talk about Dr. Shulman etc. I haven't skyped with anyone lately. I'm in MN. My skype name is dalejust1. Kinda blizzard conditions in southern MN today.

 

Absolutely agree! The idiot Audiologist I visited tried to liken it this sore back!! I truly think that unless your affected by a condition then you’re in no position to dish out textbook advice. Hope things improve for you soon x

 

Thank you so much for your advice, I truly appreciate it Once. I’m curious about the epsom salt bath, is it okay for your body?? Sorry, I’ve never done a bath, I just shower but I would love to find ways to relax. I will definitely try out the sleepytime tea, do I add magnesium in the tea?? I know I realize it’s time to take medications, at least when I truly need it, it’s just scary as I’ve always been a person who hates medications but it’s getting really out of hands and no I don’t sleep, it’s so hard to sleep and throughout the day I have no energy, feel dizzy and have headaches. Thank you Once, I appreciate having you support. You may also PM me if you need to talk. Thank you Once, I also actually pray for you and everyone one of us and myself as I don’t only want to be cured, I want all of us because I know the terrible mental burdens.

 

I feel a bit more relieved as I’m getting comments that it’s okay to take the Xanax only when needed. I will definitely buy Passion flower, is that a type of tea?? I’m sorry about your worsening, but on the bright side you are doing better and I’m happy for you! My tinnitus keeps spiking day by day, even throughout the day for no known reason :/ I don’t understand as I take care of my ears.