Here I Go Again

@LeQuack I use high-grade earplugs which are connected by a cord around the back of my neck, so I can take them out and tuck them into my shirt (with the thin string still around my neck) and then just pop them in SO quickly and easily when/if needed. This set-up makes it MUCH easier to remember to wear/use them when needed. (They came with a case to put on my keychain, so they are pretty much always with me). So, for instance, when I'm walking across a parking lot to go to a store, I just pop them in so some random car alarm going off doesn't get to me. I hope this was helpful. You can find lots of these good plugs on amazon.

 

I know I said I wasn't going to write in this thread anymore but I'm feeling really suicidal right now. I've probably experienced one of the loudest sounds ever just a minute back. I was in a cycling store getting my bike serviced when a shop guy was using a hook to bring down some metal rims they had hanging on the ceiling and the metal rim fell down on the concrete floor. And what's worse is I was watching him and praying don't drop it please don't drop it, and just then it happened. I don't know what do, I'm really scared right now.

 

why are you so scared, Le Quack?

Re read this thread, you'll find like three dozen cases where you heard some loud sound and panicked, and then went back to your usual self afterwards.

I think you should either find a way to accept that this back-and-forth is a normal part of your life, and not freak out about it so much -- or just give up and start wearing earplugs 24/7. Putting yourself through all of this constant stress is not helping you.

 

http://acscustom.com/uk/product/acs-pro-impulse-universal/

 

I think its different this time. My right ear that was towards the accident axtually hurts and it never does. I dont think I can live through this one. Why did I have to go to the shop, this cant be happenning right now

I was actally afraid of going to the shop for a long time because of this, I had a fear of exploding tires. And now this happened.

 

you always think it's different this time, you always have some reason for suspecting that this is the big one that's f'd you up permanently... and you always bounce back. I can practically promise you that you'll be over this in a week, and then a week after that you'll be right back in this thread because someone dropped a horseshoe or something.

Do you not see the pattern?

 

I just really dont want to be alive right now. Why is this happening to me. I didnt need the bike serviced that badly why did I go there, why. I should have stayed at home I knew somethimg bad was going to happen.

 

Aww LeQuack,
The unwanted sounds that just happen can be a fright and our reaction to it very overwhelming.
Just put it down to a spike and will settle down sure.
Please don't give up on life as I know it can be debilitating and everything seems to hard to handle but one day you will find your happy life again even with tinnitus.
Always welcome pm me or talk to me on the phone.....lots of love glynis

 

Hi @LeQuack

Sorry to hear you've been through such a bad incident. I am generally always watching out for things that could make too much noise and am ready to put my fingers in my ears preemptively or earplugs or earphones with no music. This tends to work most of the time, although there's always some noises you just can't predict.

Some people may not agree with me, but if you're at the point where your life has become unbearable you may want to consider making a total overhaul. Move somewhere quiet perhaps and work from home if at all possible. Somewhere nature sounds will soothe rather than exacerbate your condition like cities are always prone to do. If you only need to engage with the world infrequently you should have a much better chance of avoiding these incidents or being ready for them before they arise.

I've been reading your thread a while now and it seems like the only way you'll be any happier is by changing your life situation completely. Anyway, good luck, hope you feel better soon.

 

Thank you for these words. I am just really hopeless right now, I dont think I can ever go back to how it was. This will affect me in a really bad way.

 

I know its hard and can be real mental torture and emotionaly it can really ground you down into depression.
You will get through this in time even if that seams to far away with help and support....
Lots of love glynis

 

It does sound nice but Im afraid Im too far gone for that. Im barely hanging on by a thread, I can feel the end is near.

 

no, I think you did the right thing. If you start letting your illness keep you away from routine, day-to-day things, you will get worse and not better. Being forced to interact with people and maintain some semblance of normality is a good thing.

But, being locked in a constant fight-or-flight struggle with the world, is not good. Keeping your limbic system set to 11 24/7 probably has a lot to do with how crazy you feel. You need to focus on feeling safe in your own skin, if you can pull that off, everything else will follow naturally.

I'd suggest that the feeling of "knowing something bad was going to happen" is a big part of the problem. If you feel unsafe/threatened, then it's very easy to start reading sinister meanings into routine stimuli. Taken to a very very extreme level, this is how paranoid psychological states reinforce themselves over time.

I don't think you're nuts, Le Quack! I think you're actually a lot more capable and collected than you feel.. but you've got to find some way to make peace with your day to day experience. Your posts here today read just like your posts from the beginning of the thread six months ago. In some ways that's reassuring; you're not getting worse, you're not becoming more disabled, you're not becoming less functional. But, you need to work on finding a way to push the bar in the other direction a bit, or you're never going to find any peace.

 

this is anxiety, pure and simple. there is nothing urgent or emergent about your situation. The big voice that's telling you "NOW something has to change, RIGHT NOW RIGHT THIS SECOND" -- that's not real. Ignore it.

 

Im just so extra careful all the time even around noises way quieter than this. This shouldnt have happened. But it has. I cant even imagine the dB of this but probably 120+ if not even more. No way I can just rebound from this like the other exposures.

 

Probably not 120db; I wasn't there but you'd be pretty hard pressed to generate that much noise by dropping an anvil, let alone a bike.

As for the rest of this -- "now way I can just rebound, this time is different and louder", etc -- you've thought all these things before, every time this has happened in the past couple years -- reread your own threads

 

I keep reliving it in my head and its making me insane.

It wasnt a bike that fell down it was a heavy steel bicycle rim, without the rubber tire. Heavy steel on tiled floor. Ita like dropping a heavy pan from head height.

 

yeah, so, stop doing that. Put on some waterfall sounds and then play video games or something, or go for a walk in the woods, or masturbate... really almost anything is better than sitting around re-traumatizing yourself. You can't change what happened. It's done, and it probably did you a lot less harm than you're doing to yourself with your anxious thinking.

 

I wish I knew how to do that. Its 6pm and sunny outside and Im in my bed and feeling like dying.

 

literally just get up and go for a walk. Don't think about it, just do it.

The more you indulge your own feelings of powerlessness, the worse you're going to feel. This shit feeds itself. No one else can break the cycle for you.

Friday afternoon my ears were absolutely screaming, tweaked. Getting on a train for 2 hours sounded unpleasant. I did it anyway, because I knew that spending the weekend in a beautiful and quiet country setting would be worth it, and guess what, it was. Now I am back and no worse for the wear, except for some absolutely brutal sunburn...

 

Hi LeQuack,
Tomorrow's a brand new day and a better day for you im sure ...
Stay positive.....lots of love glynis

 

I don't see how a bike rim on the floor can be that loud, it's not even close to your ear if it hit the floor to make that noise. The wind in your ears while you ride is probably louder and worse for your ears than a short burst of noise like the one that you describe.

How bad is your H? Or is it not H, just anxiety? You seem to be able to ride a bike with all that wind noise everyday, maybe your ears can take more than you think.

 

I think, Quack, that you've been on your own with this so long, barrelling along the same pathway, that you've lost all perspective. You have now self-conditioned to panic so easily, and your middle/inner ear is taking you along for the ride providing all sorts of tonal accompaniment, reinforcing a continual feedback loop. I'm usually not a big one for the tinnitus and psychology argument, but in your case I can see it in action.

 

It's the day after and the T is still raging in my right ear. I'm so angry at myself for going there and angry at the bike shop for being so careless. I hate my life.

 

Life is noisy, you cannot run away from noise, you just have to protect yourself. You admitted that you saw the event about to happen in the bike shop, why didn't you cover your ears? You had the power to reverse the outcome on that event and you didn't grab it. Bro, get some good plugs and use them. Use your eyes, to see potential noise threats coming your way and protect yourself.

Listen to Linearb, he's been around the block awhile with T.

Feel better and try keep your eyes open and your ears plugged when there's potential noise issues about.

 

I wish I plugged them when I saw it but it was split second and not enough time. But when he started reaching around with that hook to get the rim that's when I should've plugged my ears or gone out the shop, when it fell it was too late, not enough time. It's a very small bike shop so everything is very close.

I don't think I can survive in this world any longer. It's too noisy. Like I was going to go on vacation next weeks to Croatia but then I remembered it's the Euro 2016 and the Croatian fans can be very loud so I decided to not go.

 

Do you have hearing loss?

 

Haha, mate, just go to Croatia and spend some time chilling at the beach. The fans will be sitting inside cafes and bars getting wasted and watching football. Croatia has 100s of miles of beaches, including areas without screaming kids. Or go to one of the islands, it's super quiet there. Rent a bike or something and do some tours along the smaller roads

You're just coming up with ridiculous excuses like this to feel miserable all the time, as if it is ingrained in the persona you created for yourself. It's just become a comfort zone now. If it wasn't for T, you'd feel miserable about something else.

I've given you advise about the impact plugs, you didn't even bother. Did you talk to your boss about the barking dog? I guess not..

You really wanna wallow in all this self-imposed misery for the rest of your days?

 

When I got tested a couple of years ago I did have some high frequency hearing loss, can't remember the dB I think 20-30 dB dip at the high frequency end. Haven't gone lately but I imagine it has worsened.

 

I am still looking for some good ear plugs, I did look at those you posted but I would need something to protect from impact noise but lower in dB, like everything louder than 100dB or something. The ones you linked only reach maximum protection @ 166 dB, which is more suitable for shooting and really high impact noises. I guess I am looking for something exactly like that but I'd like the maximum protection to kick in much sooner. IF anyone has any advice that would be nice.

Also the dog situation is handled I'm happy to say, the boss took it really well and told me he'd try to keep him at home more or less. I did feel kind of bad because now the dog is home alone because of me.