Lost My Girlfriend and My Job and Estranged from My Family in 72 Hours

Discussion in 'Support' started by JohnK, Jan 21, 2016.

tinnitus forum
    1. JohnK
      Lonely

      JohnK Member

      Location:
      San Francisco
      Tinnitus Since:
      10/26/2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Who knows?
      I don't normally appeal to strangers for support, but at this point I don't know where else to turn.

      I didn't lose the job because of T (that's just good old-fashioned layoffs), but I did lose the love of my life and my relationship with my family because of T.

      I'm angry and alone and my T is screaming with all the stress. If it weren't for T I could recover from heartbreak and find a new job. But with T??? I can't take this anymore, I feel like I've lost everything and I don't know what to do anymore.
       
      • Hug Hug x 20
    2. Natalie Roberts
      Depressed

      Natalie Roberts Member Benefactor

      Location:
      USA
      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Pregnancy or mild hearing loss.. Who knows.
      I'm really sorry to hear this :( what happened with your relationship? These posts sadden me :,( people who have never suffered from T have no idea the impact it causes for us.. Last I talked to you, you sounded like you were doing so well.
       
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      • Hug Hug x 1
    3. Sahara

      Sahara Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      July 2013
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Not known
      Hello, I am so sorry to hear that and even though I can't help you I can only tell you that for me it helped to do things that keep me happy - and keep myself busy in that. T can be so frustrating but we shouldn't let it ruin our lives and with some good advice and help you will be back to life very soon. Wish you all the best!
       
      • Like Like x 1
    4. Zug

      Zug Member Benefactor

      Hey man, Exactly the same happened to me. I was devastated at first, took clonazepam to sleep, had a real bad time.

      But then, I decided that was going to be my "low point" in this T thing. I started exercising again, went to a psychiatrist just to be sure I was Ok, started CBT and in a month or so I forced myself to join Tinder and started dating again (I always thought Tinder was a ridiculous thing before that). I even reconnected to my family (I was really withdrawn for the first 3 months as hyperacusis was giving me hell).

      You know what? Wasn't easy, but I figured that I didn't really want a bloody idiot that runs on the first sign of trouble. Yes, I was heartbroken, I know the drill, but I don't think you deserve to be with someone that wants you only when it's easy.

      So, If I could give you some advise, take this as a sign. Start doing stuff again. Whatever you like to do, do it. Go to the movies, get a hobby, exercise, go for a walk I don't know. Just let this be the "low point" in your life and go up from here.

      All the best!
       
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      • Hug Hug x 1
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    5. JohnK
      Lonely

      JohnK Member

      Location:
      San Francisco
      Tinnitus Since:
      10/26/2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Who knows?
      How can you date with the screaming in your ears?
       
      • Agree Agree x 1
    6. Zug

      Zug Member Benefactor

      Exactly my thought at first. Find a quiet restaurant, ask for a quiet table. Find someone willing to date you and try really hard to impress her ;). I didn't say it was easy, I was nervous at the beginning, felt a little bit like being a teenager again, but the important thing is to go ahead with it anyway. Just think on having a good time. :beeranimation:
       
    7. Zug

      Zug Member Benefactor

      Really, if you think you need help. get help: Friends, doctors, whatever. Please don't let someone who can't be there for you when things are bad to make your situation worse. Do anything.
       
      • Agree Agree x 3
    8. Sgguy46
      Jaded

      Sgguy46 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      05/2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Stress
      John ..i am nine months into T. today i am having a bad T day. woke up and T was screaming. normally my T is nicer in the morning and worse at night. My T is loud. i hear it over everything but the shower.

      in the beginning i was like you. i wanted to quit my job. how can i work like this;??? i almost quit. my wife stopped me. today i am doing my job and doing it well. in fact when i am working i can sometimes forget my T.

      in the beginning i asked my wife to leave me. i would give her half of what i have or even more. find another man who is not broken i told her. today i date her everyday. we have romantic dinners , vacations etc. all with screaming T.

      just trying to say .... eventually you can learn how to do it. i am still suffering somewhat. but i have maybe 70% of my life back. it can happen. T is not the end. many people have T. Guy Kawasaki ...a muti millionaire tech guru and accomplished speaker... he has T. David letterman has T. they all overcame it to continue a successful life. if they can do it, dammit , i can too. man my T is so loud today. why does it vary... i have no freaking idea.
       
      • Like Like x 4
    9. Danny Boy
      Cheerful

      Danny Boy Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      England
      Tinnitus Since:
      7/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Ear infection
      Aren't you joining the AM-101 trials?
       
    10. JohnK
      Lonely

      JohnK Member

      Location:
      San Francisco
      Tinnitus Since:
      10/26/2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Who knows?
      Yes I'm in round 1 now. Nothing yet. But all this stress sure isn't helping.

      Maybe I should take advantage of my life ending here to follow my dream of living in the UK.

      One of my bucket list items was to see the last night of the proms in person. I hope this trial works so I can
       
      • Like Like x 2
      • Optimistic Optimistic x 1
    11. AnxiousJon
      Magical

      AnxiousJon Member

      Location:
      Oregon
      Tinnitus Since:
      09/2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Anxiety, Insomnia, and a Fan at Night
      I have lost every girlfriend and job I have ever had because of my various conditions. All my peers have left me behind. I am derelict and penniless with no reasonably foreeseable earthly future. It may not be worth much since you don't know me, but to the extent that this corresponds to the likeness of your situation, I feel your pain.
      Thanks for sharing.
       
      • Hug Hug x 1
    12. Zorro!
      Wtf

      Zorro! Member

      @JohnK

      John, many of us have been where you are now (and some of us still are). But these moments where it feels like we're stuck at the bottom of a dark, depressing hole aren't meant to last. Yes it takes time to crawl out, but crawl out we usually do. You can, and most likely will, get better in time. And yes, you will go on to have relationships again. Trust me, there is someone for everybody in this world, even for us tinnitus sufferers.

      I suggest that you focus on eliminating your immediate stressors though. Relationships can wait until you've regained your equilibrium. Start attending relaxation classes several times a week. (I'm sure there are yoga studios that offer relaxation classes in San Francisco.) It might take a while but eventually practicing controlling your breathing really does help you to relax. I didn't believe it at first but after several weeks I noticed that it actually did have an effect on my anxiety and stress levels.

      So, don't give up to the despair of tinnitus. Trust me, you're not alone in this.

      Z
       
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      • Helpful Helpful x 1
    13. Heather415
      Badass

      Heather415 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      12/2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown
      I basically just snapped at a longtime friend of mine because I had a dissapointing appointment with me ENT Dr. I couldn't help myself, I was just so frustrated and angry. My friend was just so confused because he doesn't understand what I'm going through at all. Please know your not alone. I don't know about you, but for me its not easy to see how everyone around you is so care-free and spirited and I just struggle with the simplest things. Feels like just to be as good as the next person I gotta work so much harder, exert so much more energy. Yet, I'm optimistic I can overcome these negative thoughts seeping into my brain, fittingly just like the T does. I know in my heart I'm a completely worthy and normal person, and coming out of this will make me freakin' Wonderwoman. I feel the same for you, I truly, truly do. Except for the Wonderwoman part. Maybe Superman!:D May I ask you how you lost your loved ones? You don't have to tell me of course, I just want to understand. In my experience so far, understanding, and learning and excepting are the keys to relief with my T. Your experience in its entirety is really important to me. Feel free to message me in private, or not. Sup to you. Anyhow, be strong.
       
      • Like Like x 1
    14. Fangen
      Monday blues

      Fangen Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Stockholm, Sweden
      Tinnitus Since:
      December 2nd, 2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Acoustic trauma (loud concert for 1h)
      I am sorry to hear about your job and your girlfriend John!
      It all sucks right now, I know that. But it will get better soon, once it settles. Just like with T, it's anxiety and sadness in the beginning but slowly you get used to the situation and soon you'll feel better and normal again.
      I felt so alone when T hit me, then my boyfriend told he had it for years. I kinda wanted to hug him and slap him at the same time. Why didn't he warn me and tell me to get ear-plugs at the concert? Then again, it's not his responsibility for me not protecting myself. It is both sad that he has it, he's younger and he also had it for majority of this teenage life to now. My mother and my sister also have it, my mother from working in a factory in her younger years and my sister from the various meds she have been on since she was 13-15.

      Not saying I feel less alone with all these people around me, but somehow feels good to have someone to vent out to in my worst days. At least you don't need to explain what T is and that there is no cure and yes I have been to the doctors to people that don't have it.

      I wish you the best, hope you feel better soon!
       
    15. Owen
      Disappointed

      Owen Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      05/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unclear. Inflammatory allergic reaction/AIED
      I'm sorry to hear you are having such a rough time. I'm lucky that my parents really support me, but it is true that people without it don't understand, but even if they can't really understand, reconnect with those people that you regard as true friends and speak to your family. They don't have to be able to relate to what you're going through, but if you can spend time with good people, it will help you cope.
       
    16. Sebastians

      Sebastians Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      13/10/2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Guitars, loud girls and guns
      Hey John,
      It's funny in a way.. I was reading your updates on the am-101 trials some days ago and thought 'wow, this seems like such cool guy, he's taking the medical procedures so well, he has the cojones to actually step onto a plane and fly back and forth for this procedure'. I might be able to join the trials and am already scared to death, and it's just an hours drive from my place...
      Truth is, you are are one hell of a cool dude, just that you are going through some extremely difficult times right now. You will pull through this, but it's not going to be easy. It will take proper time (months) and healing. But you will come out of this situation better and stronger.
      Treat yourself to a small nicety every day, be that a pot of ben&jerries, a dvd you always wanted to buy, a glass of good red wine before bedtime. Eat well, do some sports every day, write a long mail to a friend, get on the phone and talk to people you trust.
      Trust me man, i'm going through the final stages of a breakup right now (started just before T), had to help my parents move to a new place (had to organise everything as my dad is not well), i had just bought a flat before T, and moving in next month, stress at work.. At one point, you're just juggling. It's the small things that keep me going right now. Focus on those and allow yourself time. Consider going to the uk, or do something you've always wanted, like a long hike, go to a sauna or wellness centre etc.
      This is a setback, and it just sucks, but keep the faith.
       
    17. JohnK
      Lonely

      JohnK Member

      Location:
      San Francisco
      Tinnitus Since:
      10/26/2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Who knows?
      Thanks to everyone for the kind words. This is just so, so awful. I can't stand it.
       
      • Hug Hug x 4
    18. Gosia
      Balanced

      Gosia Member

      Location:
      France
      Tinnitus Since:
      03/2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      earplugs/ hearing loss
      Hey, John..It's very recent..are you sure all is lost ? What happened? Don't make any radical decissions for now, you're under too much of emotional impact..
       
    19. liquefact
      Balanced

      liquefact Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Seattle, WA
      Tinnitus Since:
      09/25/2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud Indoor Rock Concert
      How long has it been for you since the last injections? I thought you were back into your previous baseline and believe it's still early to expect any improvement. It's been ~4 weeks since my last injections and i only recently (for 2-3) started feeling an improvement. Hang on dude.
       
      • Like Like x 1
    20. JohnnyMx
      Sunshine

      JohnnyMx Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      Apr/2013
      Men, I don't wanna be rude, and chances are that your ex is a very nice person, but I'm married, and I can tell you that the love of your life will stay stronger with you, by your side.

      We are going to get older with the person we love, and things like cancer, diabetes, heart attacks, back pain, alzheimer, will come to the life of most of us... you need someone that wont jump out of the ship when it starts to sink.

      Take care, and things will improve for sure!
       
      • Agree Agree x 7
      • Like Like x 2
    21. Zorro!
      Wtf

      Zorro! Member

      This. ^
       
    22. Blackbird26

      Blackbird26 Member

      I find it helps distract me from this shite. Good luck and positive vibes.x....and maybe it's too soon..but man, wander *lust* be FREE, do what you've always desired. .fuck t! What are your dreams? Go after them..... Life is always changing...this too shall pass. X.
       
      • Like Like x 1
    23. Rina
      Energetic

      Rina Member

      Location:
      florida, USA
      Tinnitus Since:
      02/18/2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Really don't know
      @JohnK .. People really don't understand this condition... And I'm truly sorry this had happened to you.. But do not give up on life, your career and even love... Im sure there is someone out there waiting for you... What is meant to be is meant to be and nothing will get in the way of things... Now you may feel you have lost the love of your life .. But maybe ( although in sure) you are yet to meet a new kind of love .. The one many look for a lifetime... And you will be shocked by it in a good way... Stay strong .. When one door gets shut .. Another is about to open for you .. And what is behind that new door will leave you amazed of what life still has to offer to you.... Hope you feel better !
       
      • Like Like x 1
    24. Jeff M.
      Cowabunga

      Jeff M. Member Benefactor

      Location:
      La Jolla, CA
      Tinnitus Since:
      Oct. 2012
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Idiopathic
      Dude, I just read all these replies, and I agree with them. I am 3 1/2 years into my journey with T. I have had some seriously dark ass times..... Dark!! It sucks how T can steal our joy. I am so sorry that you are hurting man! But don't give up or give in. Don't let T win! You can and will prevail bro! I never thought I would, and I have! You've got a lot of people in your corner rooting for you. You are not alone!!
       
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