My Tinnitus Took a Turn for the Worse After a Visit to the Gym

I did the syringing now. There was a small piece of... well I don't know what it was... that came out. It was kind of "blackish" as the nurse said. It got washed away so I had no chance to inspect it. Well... I did try. I think there might be something either in front or behind the eardrum that blocks my hearing. Because I can't seem to pop my left ear when doing the Valsalva maneuver.

I can't do much about stuff behind the eardrum... but I will try syringing again. Is it safe to sleep with the ear drops in your ear? I'm thinking maybe I need to leave it in for a longer period of time before washing out. I did 30 minutes the first time, and now 60 minutes. It says in the instructions that I should leave it in for 20 to 60 minutes. But it also says that it may be necessary to "sleep with it".

This is the stuff I got:
https://www.revaxor.se/produkter/orondroppar/

It contains (my attempt at English translation)...

• Allantoin
• Ethoxylated lanolin
• Polysorbate 80
• Polysorbate 60
• Sorbitan polymer
• Glucose syrup
• Polyoxyethylene stearyl ether
• Polyoxyethylene oleyl ether
• Liquid Lanolin
• Isopropyl myristate
• Mink oil
• Phenethyl alcohol
• Cetyl alcohol
• Butylated hydroxytoluene (anti oxidation agent)
• Sorbic acid

I have never heard of any of this stuff... glucose syrup I know of. I also recognize "isopropyl" as in isopropyl alcohol, but not "isopropyl myristate". Mink oil!? Well... as long as it's not snake oil... It's amazing the kind of stuff people will put in their body without questioning. Is any of this stuff ototoxic? I will have to do some digging.

 

Yeah you may be onto something, but I have not seen any doctor. I went to the ER today but they sent me back home. Apparently they don't work with ear problems, only emergency stuff. So yeah... this is no emergency. And also, they can't do ear canal cleaning or middle ear inspection. So I will have to wait till Monday and see where it gets me.

 

She did not. They don't work with ear problems at the emergency room. All she could find was an otoscope. I don't know what she saw but she said it looked dark or "blackish" to be precise.

I had a little better sleep last night which is good. I do feel a bit better mentally now. The first time you get tinnitus or when it worsens, those days are the worst. I still hear up to 4 different sounds (1, 2, 3, 5), plus the click sound (6). Sound number 4 (floor scratching) has subsided, and number 5 (fleeting tinnitus) is less frequent. The distortion (7) is also a little less prevalent.

I notice a slight improvement in hearing on the left ear. So that may also have something to do with my symptoms improving. I have done a simple hearing test using my smartphone two nights in a row now, and I do seem to be picking up more of the sounds in the "banana" (speech) region on the left ear, while earlier I was a deaf person.

At this point I think Eustachian tube is to blame. I slept for about 5 hours with the ear drops in last night. I washed my ear out in the morning using the provided syringe and nothing came out. I'm afraid of using this thing. My ear starts to hurt if I blow it a bit harder. So I will leave it alone now and try to get to see an ENT doctor who can remove any hardened wax from my ear or do the tympanometry or whatever needs to be done.

 

Very interesting find! I did not see any paper that connects Bell's Palsy to tinnitus until now. I had also hypothesized that Endolymphatic Hydrops might be the cause of my tinnitus, although I do not have vertigo. But I do recall reporting on these forums about a having minor dizzy sensations on maybe one or two occasions. This was in the early days of onset of my tinnitus. Bell's Palsy came on much later, about one to two years later.

I don't do any kind of exercises now, and I have no plans on starting again any time soon. I need to figure this out first and get better.

Would that include Mometasone? I think I might have some of that stuff left over. I had it prescribed for my sinus problems. So this stuff is effective in clearing up a blocked tubes as well as nose?

 

About quality of and (lack of) access to healthcare...
It's Monday now, first day of the week, and I still have not seen a doctor.

I talked to a nurse at the healthcare center where I'm a registered patient. I told her I had lost my hearing on the left ear a week ago. She immediately knew I had wax in my ea? She offered to book me in for cleaning the wax out of my ear. This would be done by a nurse, I know how this goes, I have seen it done. So I declined. I was hoping to at least see the GP doctor, and maybe he would give me a referral to see an ENT doctor. But no... nurses are Gods here.

But how did she come to the conclusion that I wax is the cause? Well... she read my journal, and in it there is a note from my visit to the ER, where it says that I was "diagnosed" as having wax in my ear. Diagnosed? OK, this may be "just wax"... I get it... it's a "non-issue". But the premise is all wrong. Since when does a nurse diagnose ear problems? Isn't that the job of an ENT doctor?

See this is how people get hurt by this system, i.e. a nurse sets the "diagnosis", then they loop you through the system... and if you are not cautious enough, or you have a bad judgment, or if you don't question their methods and just lend yourself to the "professionals"... you can end up in a very bad situation, or in worst case scenario... in a casket.

I am so disappointed by this crappy healthcare system that we have here... you can tell, I'm sure. But it's all I have, which is practically nothing. Health-care?... more like... Sick-don't-care.

"Healthcare Center" or "Healthcare Centre" (whichever you prefer). What does that tell you? It's a place (a "center") you go to in order to take "care" of your "health". You don't need to be Einstein to realize this. Where I come from, this is a place you would go to when you were in health or you felt sick. If healthy, you would go there to get a yearly health checkup. See that part of it... the preventive healthcare... which is the best kind of health care really (prevention is indeed the best kind of medicine)... apart from cancer screening, that doesn't exist here. Suggested title... "Sick-(We)-Don't-Care Center".

Sweden is often seen as a "good example" when I tune into any TV show discussing health topics... and I honestly don't know what they're talking about? Like I said before, it may all look nice and good on paper... but reality is unsurprisingly different, theory and reality rarely agree on anything. I mean unless you have broken a bone, are bleeding to death, or are terminally ill, you can't get much help around here. In which case I'm not sure I want their help anyway... you only die once you know. Besides, I can tell you real examples of medical mismanagement, neglect and misdiagnosis, sometimes with terminal outcome, in the city I live in alone! Mistakes are more common than you would think or expect of... "the perfect healthcare" system. It's scary!

Worse still, there is not much of a private alternative, nothing short of traveling abroad. At which point I question paying so much in taxes when we can't get the healthcare that we all need and deserve.

I did find that Polish ENT doctor though! The only private ENT doctor in the city... unfortunately he is on sick leave. I hope he is well. He is supposed to be back in office tomorrow, so I will try to get an appointment. I will not need to get past a nurse and get a referral from a GP to see him, and where I come from that's how it's supposed to be.

I know no other healthcare system in Europe where you cannot see a specialist doctor at will, let alone a GP doctor. There is no need to persuade (or bribe!) a nurse to get to see the doctor. But my informant tells me that Netherland is kind of moving toward a similar system... modeled after Sweden perhaps? We might as well just get rid of the doctors and have nurses handle everything! I'm sure if we just show them once how it's done they can do surgery too. Ridiculous...

Questions for the reader...
If I get to see a doctor, should I ask for oral steroid like Prednisone? I read that they are the first line of treatment for sudden hearing loss, which for one reason or the other is what I am having.

I did not use the ear drops last night. Syringing doesn't seem to do much for me. If there is a blockage, I think it's more likely behind the eardrum rather than in front of it. So it's a problem of the middle ear, and/or possibly inner ear.

Also, can you tell me if you are able to see a GP or an ENT doctor at will? Do you have to get past a nurse to get to the (real) doctor? I am eager to know how access to healthcare services works in other countries. Are there any one clinics for ear and tinnitus problems specifically that you would recommend? Maybe some that I should avoid?

My hearing and tinnitus...
My hearing is slightly improved. Although I don't think syringing is to thank for that. If anything I would say my ear is healing on its own. So I will let it do that and not mess around with it (or let some nurse have a go with it). I still have moderate to severe hearing loss on the left ear. I have been doing hearing tests of my own for the last four days. I might share the diagrams later on.

My tinnitus is still largely noticeable. Especially if I go outside. Noise from the traffic and everything seems to provoke it. I think this is what was causing the resonance I described previously, external sounds. It is sort of booming (like rumbling of a sub-woofer) and resonating (similar to a wine glass). I'd say it's my ear/brain trying to pick up sounds but is failing.

My regular tinnitus buzzing/ringing sound (number 1) is still there. In addition to it, there is also a lower frequency sound that's always with me now. I think this is the number 3 or 2 on my list (first page). It might be one and the same. It's this low to mid-range electrical humming.

I have also realized, now that my hearing is slightly improved, the "floor scratching" or chirping sounds (number 4) I was hearing were actual sounds and not technically tinnitus sounds. It's the sharper sounds on the upper part of the frequency range.

Reflection...
You sure get to interpret sounds in a new way when you go almost deaf. Not only that. You also pay more attention to sounds, even if one is not present in the environment or hardly registers in your ear. Fix your hearing and there is a good chance your tinnitus will fade away. I am still a firm believe in that. The biggest difficulty lies in figuring out what is broken, so you can come up with a plan to fix it. Even accessing the middle ear cavity is impossible without slicing up the eardrum, let alone accessing the inner ear structures. A surgical approach becomes increasingly impossible the closer you get to the inner ear and the most vital part of our hearing, the organ of Corti. So this calls for a pharmaceutical or some sci-fi approach (once it becomes a reality).

 

Yeah, I did notice (and still do) a bit muffled hearing when I'm talking.

I don't know about creaking bones... but I do have those clicks. I'm pretty sure that's a bone on bone action taking place.

Now that I mentioned clicks... Here's one important point on this! These clicks have changed in frequency, now that my hearing is slightly better. They went from being these sharp (I have written about them before), irregular clicks (sometimes triggered by swallowing!), to being these dull clicks, and now back to being sharp(er) clicks again. This must be a shocker for part of the scientific community that insists on clicks being one of many ways that subjective tinnitus manifests itself, and they continue to cite (and spread misinformation) other sources who say the same.

It's not a shocker? It should be! If these clicks were subjective, and most of us here are working under the presumption that my sudden loss of hearing in the left ear is due to blocked Eustachian tube or ear wax... and the clicks are subjective (i.e. in my brain)... would a mechanical change (middle ear bones or ossicles) affect that? Yeah, I don't think so...

I wonder how much bad science is to blame that there is not enough progress in the field... Citing bad sources can't be good for progress and new discoveries. One of the main problems of demystifying tinnitus is the lack of objective measurement. So scientists have to rely on unreliable patients who have tinnitus. But clicks is something they could measure, if they wanted to. Not all people with tinnitus have clicks, but it's a start. Those that do, and I have met a few on this forum, also report it being a physical manifestation and not a subjective one.

This relates to what I said earlier. "The biggest difficulty lies in figuring out what is broken, so you can come up with a plan to fix it. Even accessing the middle ear cavity is impossible without slicing up the eardrum, let alone accessing the inner ear structures."

I wish you're right. Maybe you are, maybe you're not. It would seem fairly easy to fix if it has something to do with the middle ear, like a blocked Eustachian tube. Hopefully I will see the ENT doctor tomorrow and I'm sure he will be able to tell (more reliably than a nurse) if I have too much wax or a middle ear problem.

 

It's Tuesday now and I have managed to get an appointment at the private ENT clinic. I will see the doctor in 2 weeks. It's a bit of long wait... but what can I do... I will have to suck it up and wait. This is what I wanted. I just wish I could try something in the meanwhile. Like... I don't know... oral steroids?!

At John Hopkins, they say that steroids have been proven time and time again that they are effective for sudden hearing loss. They even started doing intratympanic steroid injections as a standard procedure as it has been shown to be more effective than the oral steroids in cases of sudden hearing loss of up to -50 dB (which is where I am at) but oral steroids are more effective in cases of losses up to -90 dB.

But that's John Hopkins...

My hearing feels slightly improved. But everything still sounds like a screeching radio on my left ear. I hope it's a sign that my ear is recovering. My tinnitus is slightly improved. I still have that reactive/resonating component on the left ear, but it's less bothersome now.

What worries me a bit is that I still don't really know what happened... and if it does recover, there will be no way of telling once I get to the doctor. I do know what not to do next time. @Samir don't do the planks next time!

I did a smartphone hearing test again last night. I discovered that there is a feature in this app which tells you, statistically, how old your hearing is. My hearing is that of a 57 year old.

 

Yeah, it has dawned on me too that they can't actually access the middle ear cavity unless they slice that ear drum open. So what they do instead, ENT doctors that is, they inspect your middle ear visually, through the ear drum. The drum or tympanic membrane is just a thin piece of skin. I don't know how much they can actually see in there through skin, but imagine they do have a difficulty seeing.

I actually started a forum thread some time ago where I tried to gather all the different imaging techniques that were in development at the time. I'll see if I can find that again. But basically, most of these use OCT as imaging modality for imaging the inner ear structures. As I recall, there was one team in the US I think that came up with an advanced version of the standard otoscope which has an IR imaging mode to help ENT doctors better detect middle ear problems like fluid behind the ear drum, in places where they cannot easily see it with the naked eye through the tympanic membrane.

The only alternative to slicing up the ear drum is to access the area through the Eustachian tube. This is a natural opening, so that would be perfect, if possible. I think I did find one attempt at that. The problem there is that the Eustachian tube is so thin, the end of the instrument that's inserted would have to be very thin and the lens if one is used at the top... well, I'm not sure there is optics like that currently available. It would be no fun having something inserted through the Eustachian tube though.

Regarding NHS, I don't think science is to blame there. I think the public healthcare system in the UK is similar that that in Sweden. I think it's somewhat better in the UK. Here in Sweden, you would never get an MRI just because you have some hearing loss or you complain about having tinnitus. Yes, I know Acoustic neuromas and other scary stuff can cause you to go deaf if left untreated. There is more than one reason to do a CT or MRI scan on someone with hearing loss, or tinnitus. But they will do their best to prevent "unnecessary" use of those machines. When you are completely deaf, chances are they might book you in. When it's too late...

Regardless of what imaging technology they use, there is not much they can see or do in there anyway. Not at present time anyway. But it's nice to see that there are some initiatives to move things forward in this respect. What I would like to see is that people with sudden hearing loss and tinnitus are taken more seriously. Preferably they should be examined in the ER and at least prescribed oral steroids. That's better than nothing.

As for noting down what problem you have, etc. that's politics. It's up to us to try and change that. That's easier said than done. We are the ones that have our own best interest in mind. But basically I agree that we need to gather more data, not only about people with tinnitus, but also people with hearing loss. It's not that there are not initiatives for that... have a look here:

https://www.tinnitus-database.de/welcome

This is one attempt at connecting audiologist and ENT clinics and having a central repository of audiometric data. But see how many clinics you can find from the UK that are members there. I found none from Sweden! But I found 4 from Germany. The project itself is an initiative of University of Regensburg, University of Ulm and the Tinnitus Research Initiative.

 

@Rafaa see these two threads if you are interested in imaging technology.

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/thread...ner-ear-imaging-technology.19580/#post-229127
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/ear-imaging-technology.21697/

 

So it's been 10 days now since this happened to me, and I can report that my hearing in the left has improved. It's not back to what it was previously, but this is good too. Pretty much without doing anything!? I did use ear drops and did some syringing at home 2 to 3 days including the weekend, but it did not seem to do much for me. I am not doing that anymore, as I am afraid of adding more to the damage if there is some kind of damage. I am awaiting to see the ENT doctor.

So my hearing is getting better, and another important point is that I no longer have that blocked ear feeling. I do have a sense of bad hearing on the left ear, I sort have a reduced sense of localization in a closed space but that's normal when the hearing is not completely back to its previous level. But that's not to say that the ear feels blocked or pressurized. Yet I still cannot pop it when doing the Valsalva maneuver?! Isn't that odd?...

At this point I don't want to take more risks by doing Valsalva or syringing. I will be waiting for that doctor's appointment. But it would seem odd that the blocked ear feeling is gone and hearing is improved, but I still can't pop my left ear drum. I just wish someone would tell me what this thing is. Knowing what you're dealing with is a good start to recovery, it's the first step. It sucks that I have to wait 2 weeks to see a doctor for this, but it is what it is...

My hearing on the left ear is really weird sounding. That old screeching and rattling radio sound again. If I listen to TV news it sounds like I have a second voice in my head, one coming from the sound source in front of me which I hear with the right ear and then the same sound is heard a second time as if it's delayed a few milliseconds, coming from my left ear.

As for tinnitus, I have my regular buzzing tinnitus, and this new electric low to mid-range humming type of sound that doesn't want to go away. As I noted earlier, the "floor scratching" sound is not subjective, this has turned out to be a real sound from external source (my new screeching radio). So I mainly have only two tinnitus sounds for now. Also the clicks in my left ear are sounding a bit more normal, more sharper, instead of a dull to almost non-audible sound. And whatever driving these clicks... some hyperactive nerve presumably... it's been more active lately. Although one very pleasant experience in the early morning today, just before I woke up, is that all my tinnitus sounds went a way just for a second... I wasn't sure if I was just dreaming about my tinnitus stopping, but I have reported before about similar episodes of complete silence, so I would say this is real.

Sleeping with my head elevated I think is also helpful in my recovery. Not only do I sleep better, by simply not twisting and turning nearly as much as I usually do, it would seem to me like there might be some validity to what @Backpacker wrote earlier. I really hope this doesn't mean I have PLF, but sleeping with my head elevated has been helpful (in more than one way).

 

Hey guys! Time for a short update!

I am still alive and well, biding my time for that doctor's appointment.

My hearing in the left ear is getting better, little by little. I can sleep better now as a result, and most of those pesky noises have subsided. I am left with two of them now. The old original one and his new friend that just doesn't want to leave even though the party is over. But I don't mind him staying a bit longer actually, he is kind of making the old pal of mine shut up and listen to what he's got to say, and that's kind of soothing... The drummer boy who likes to click my bones is also still accounted for. So they are almost a complete quartet now.

I am a little worried what the doctor might find. I am afraid that there is more to this than just wax. If he does find something I think it will be behind the ear drum, not in front of it. Regardless, I am feeling better now, and I can function better. Now I can finally get back to stressing out about all the things I have been putting off during this ordeal. Hopefully that won't upset the monsters in my head...

I will keep you posted. Thanks for your support!

 

My hearing is pretty much back to normal now. I no longer hear the chirping or "floor scratching" sounds, nor does my hearing in the left ear sound like a screeching radio. I do notice a slight imbalance between left and right ear. The left ear is obviously the bad ear so my hearing is slightly more reduced in that ear, especially in the mid to high frequency range.

I now hear my regular tinnitus sound and this new, very low humming sound (mostly at night). Hopefully the humming will go away soon. For the past two days I have had more frequent fleeting tinnitus episodes, where it can come and go several times in a minute, lasting for several hours.

I still can't fully pop my left ear when doing the valsalva maneuver, but the eardrum appears to be more movable now. I'm not sure what to make of it. I have not tried doing the maneuver until last night. I will see the ENT doctor in 2 days.

 

So I saw the doctor yesterday. Well... I saw his wife, but I don't think she is any less qualified. It turns out she is a doctor too, a proper doctor, not just a nurse, and she also works at the clinic. I don't know if she is a surgeon too but I found that she used to work at the surgical section of the ENT department of a university hospital.

Here are a few key points from the meeting.

1. She told me I don't have any ear excessive wax that would need to be cleaned, in neither right nor left ear. In other words it was a right call to leave my ear alone and stop with the syringing after the initial two or three day attempts at cleaning it.

2. She told me that neither ear wax nor fluid in the middle ear would cause such a major loss of hearing. She told me she sees these patients daily, and many of them are children and their hearing never goes below 40 dB HL in worst case scenario. My loss was down to 60 dB.

3. I showed her the audiograms from the hearing test app that I had been using. She was very excited to see that I had done hearing tests of my own. But she also told me that hearing tests are best done at an audiologist office, implying that I should have gone to an audiologist instead where they can do the bone conduction test. That would have confirmed beyond any doubt that the problem is within the inner ear.

4. She excluded the possibility of so called "third window" problems. Those patients, she told me, are able to hear their own eye movements, along with other internal bodily sounds.

5. She thinks there is a structural problem within my cochlea. The sudden and such a big loss suggests there could be a small hole formation which can cause loss of pressure inside the cochlea and possibly perilymph entering endolymph if there is a structural problem with one of the membranes. She did not give me any specific diagnosis. But it sounded like she was describing endolymphatic hydrop.

All in all, it was a good experience coming to a private clinic. It was well worth it. First of all, I was well met starting with the receptionist to the meeting with the doctor. We had a good talk about the magic of hearing and how everything works in there. She told me that there is a special number I can call at the hospital during work days in case something like this happens again (no one to call on weekends), and she confirmed that the emergency department doesn't treat this type of problems, even if you are in fact going deaf (which makes me sad, seeing and hearing how little attention and priority is given hearing health). I think I need to be appointed to some special team, and it's only then that I will get this "special" (emergency) number. She has sent a referral to them, and also a request to do a CT scan (and maybe additional testing).

I got the impression that she has experience dealing with inner ear problems, as if she has worked as a surgeon or an assistant in operating rooms. I should have asked. She knew what everything looks like in there, and what can and cannot be seen with naked eye.

Lastly, I did say I will post the audiograms. So here we are...

January 10:
Note that this is 4 days after the incident. That's when I took up measuring my own hearing. Ever! I have never measured my own hearing before this. You can see clearly here that my hearing in the left ear goes all the way down to 60 dB HL in the left ear, and beyond. The right ear was unaffected.

Average hearing threshold at 500, 1000, 2000, 4000 Hz (ISO).
Right ear: 8 dB
Left ear: 61 dB
Both ears: 34 dB


January 21:
This is the last test in the series that I have done. In other words I have tested my hearing once a night starting from 6 January to 21 January. Obviously I have not posted every single one of them. But what's apparent when you follow the series is that the hearing recovery at 1000 Hz was most stubborn. From about 1000 to 4000 Hz is the range that took most time to recover. Even now, it's not where it used to be. I'm referring to the 2000 to 6000 Hz flat line.

Note that my initial hearing loss appeared as a notch at about 5500 Hz after the trauma and both the noise from the trauma and my tinnitus are in that region. I have a recording of the acoustic event that cause my trauma, and if I recall correctly it was centered at almost exactly 5500 Hz the last time I did spectral analysis on it.

So I have now flatten out everything evenly from 2000 to 6000 Hz.

Average hearing threshold at 500, 1000, 2000, 4000 Hz (ISO).
Right ear: 10 dB
Left ear: 19 dB
Both ears: 14 dB

 

I must say it felt good to meet a female ENT doctor for a change! She was compassionate, a good listener and well educated. Dare I say she was young and pretty? Prior to this I have always had the bad luck of meeting cranky old men, basically just saying "there's nothing wrong with you, get out of here!" as if I'm a soldier seeking to be relieved of duty and there is a world war going on. "Suck it up boy and go out there and fight!"

Her husband is also a proper ENT doctor. He also worked at a university hospital, at the oncology section. I think it's safe to say that these two love birds met at work! I think he takes care of pediatric patients at the office. I have seen him that day. His office has toys and you know most adults don't care for toys so... well... I do, but that's a story for another day.

Either way, I'm just happy it has cleared up. I know what not to do next time at the gym. I do wish I knew more specifically what it was so I can figure out if there is something more I can do proactively to prevent or to treat it. Hopefully a CT scan or some other test can reveal some new information. I can post here again if I find out more.

Yeah, she was describing SCCD actually. In regard to being able to hear your eye movements. I know because we were discussing it and she showed me a diagram of the inner ear. I'm not sure how it relates to PLF though. Isn't PLF the same thing as the "third window" problem? And what about a membrane rupture inside the cochlea? Would a basilar membrane or Reissner's membrane rupture be referred to as PLF? Is it in the same category? Are the symptoms the same?

 

Hi Glynis! It's been a while, I hope you are doing well.

No, there is no new job for me on the horizon. But that's OK. I have accepted my jobless situation. That's not to say I have given up. I never do. You never give up! No matter what. I think I got that fighting spirit from me father. It's just that I am tired of the whole job hunting business. For it is a business! There are many people whose job depends on a fresh supply of jobless people. It's called a job market for a reason.

I have been to over 30 job interviews in the past year and not managed to land a single job. So you can imagine why I would be tired of it. But I must be doing something right, or else they would not call me in for interview. Or would they?... I was once called to an interview as a practice dummy (my own conclusion) by a guy who turned out to be just an intern (I did some research) and the job I was called in for never materialized. Many of these (temp agency / recruitment companies) don't have the jobs they seek employees for, they seek people ahead of time, before signing a contract with the client company. It's the new "normal", getting ahead of yourself, running faster than the speed of time. Then you read in the newspapers about the many ways people can practice stress relief and what the consequences of stress can be, so on and so forth. Maybe... just maybe... if they were not that greedy they would not have that problem?

I have been trying too hard to please others. I need to put myself in the front seat of my own life. Meaning... I need to become greedy to survive in this world. It's the sad truth. But with me being me, it's hard to say no when someone asks for help. I often find myself doing work for free, often just for the sake of helping people, other times it's because I'm forced to in order to receive my unemployment benefits.

As a matter of fact I have offered to help an acquaintance with his computer yesterday when I heard about his troubles. He recently bought a complete set of computer parts that he would assemble himself, with the help of a friend who also advised him what to buy, a friend who lives 1000 miles away. But he somehow managed to brake the processor but luckily he got a replacement. Now he doesn't dare to touch it, and his friend is out of reach to help him. He offered to pay his friend for his train tickets to come and help him out, but the guy just "didn't feel like it". Some people, eh?! And some friend! Yet he has a job... and I don't... and now I am going to fix what he "didn't feel like" doing. The worst part is, and what made me put myself on the line, is that this project has been at a standstill for over 2 months now. I felt bad for this guy, so I will go to his home this weekend and see if I can be of any service. What can I say? Shoot me for being too dumb/kind!

I don't mind helping people. But spending so much time on job hunting and with recruiters on hollow job offers that lead to nothing is just a big waste of my time and energy. I rather be out there using my skills and talent doing something useful for someone, for something, or just for myself.

You can tell by the amount of text that you have touched on a sore in my life... unemployment. I am slowly getting my life back on track again after this latest setback, and I plan on perusing education again. I bird in the tree told me it will result in employment. I have my doubts about that. (I love birds, but I don't trust their career advices.) Even if I don't get employed after that, at least I would had tried my best and I can check that off, plus I would have had a good time and would have been in good company because I like to study and learn things. Maybe in year 2022 I will have a job, if not before that.

 

I just want to say thanks for your support guys! I am doing better now. I can hear better and I feel better emotionally. It took about 2 weeks to get here from where I was. I appreciate all your words of encouragement, advice and ideas.

And especially the hugs!

Woof! Woof!