Question for the Ladies from a Man That Suffers from Tinnitus?

Discussion in 'Support' started by david14433, May 22, 2019.

    1. david14433

      david14433 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      7/4/2000
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud sounds.
      Hi ladies, recently the bout of tinnitus has gotten me worried for the first time in a long time about my ability to attract a female.

      All I can think about is being healthy enough to go to the occasional movie without having to worry about my tinnitus getting worse.

      I am a very interesting kind of guy otherwise. I am smart, wise, funny, but God the last thing I want to do is pull out ear plugs while driving, or refuse to watch a movie at a decent volume just after I've gotten to know her.

      I guess the only thing I can do is own it, and make jokes about it, or something like that.

      Any thoughts? Thanks.
       
      • Hug Hug x 2
    2. another sean
      Studious

      another sean Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Los Angeles
      Tinnitus Since:
      2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Long duration of low audio
      Ahhh, the story of my tinnitus life. Not a lady but I can relate. I haven't even been hugged in 4 years and have gone through all the motions of "I can't even go on a date anymore". Movies, nope. A coffee shop, nope. Disneyland, f no. I can go hiking but that's not the place you want to go on a first date. Museum, maybe doable but not a good first date. In other words...

      But honestly, if someone is turned off enough to not wanting to see you again simply because you have to wear ear plugs while driving, then that's not the kinda person you want to be dating and trust with your heart in the first place. So own it and look at it as a good litmus test to finding someone with a genuine caring heart with depth and substance. You know, a keeper.
       
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    3. Daniel Lion
      Ape-like

      Daniel Lion Member Podcast Patron Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      SE Asia
      Tinnitus Since:
      2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise trauma, hearing loss
      Yah keepers are cool... but a good shag will have you clicking your heels and dancing down the street... get your mojo on comrades...
       
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    4. PureNoise

      PureNoise Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown
      Really, you’ll have to get creative and talk to women during the day time or through mutual interests. Yes that means even if you’re in line at Starbucks.

      Movies aren’t the best first dates. Find a quiet bar or pub. Daytime dates you can go for coffee and get to know each other better.

      There’s online dating but it’s nothing compared to meeting someone in person.
       
      • Agree Agree x 1
    5. TheDanishGirl
      Sad

      TheDanishGirl Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      Denmark
      Tinnitus Since:
      05/2017 (H since 06/2017)
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      long term noise exposure (headphones), maybe some stress.
      It depends how restricted you are. If I didn't have tinnitus (and hyperacusis) myself, I don't think I would want to date somebody with a restricted life (no loud or loud-ish places)... just being honest.
       
      • Agree Agree x 1
    6. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      david14433

      david14433 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      7/4/2000
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud sounds.
      I want to date and marry a Thai Buddhist so it might work for me.
       
    7. Tex

      Tex Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      08/2008
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise Exposure
      OP, I don't get the ear plugs while driving deal. That is dangerous anyway.

      Maybe it is just me, but I can't stand any kind of hearing protection, unless it is protecting my ears from LOUD noise, not just day to day sounds. Ear protection traps the screeching. I want some background noise. I sure understand no movies. They are extremely loud. Not all bars are loud.

      You are creating your own loneliness when you don't have to. Oh, and I also am not a lady.
       
    8. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      david14433

      david14433 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      7/4/2000
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud sounds.
      Even though I use ear plugs while driving these days I can still hear emergency vehicles with them in.
       
    9. coffee_girl
      Innocent

      coffee_girl Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      All my life, but got worse 2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise induced / Concert
      If I didn't have tinnitus I wouldn't mind it. But since I do have tinnitus and I have been on this forum for years, I would say no to men with tinnitus. People with tinnitus tend to be fear enablers and I don't want that extra paranoia in my life. Not saying there's anything wrong with you op! But two crazy people won't make a sane one :p
       
      • Agree Agree x 2
    10. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      david14433

      david14433 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      7/4/2000
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud sounds.
      I get that sentiment. If it was just a little lower I wouldn't have any mental issues. If I could just go back in time a few months. :(
       
    11. Daniel Lion
      Ape-like

      Daniel Lion Member Podcast Patron Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      SE Asia
      Tinnitus Since:
      2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise trauma, hearing loss
      I am married to a Lao Bhuddist, next to Thailand, similar language, culture, traditions etc.

      They are the noisiest people you can ever imagine. Thai and Lao people love cranking music up to insanely loud levels and even at the temples during festivals. Come and see for yourself. It's not like the Bhuddists in Europe or in the USA sitting quietly meditating.

      What they do do, is generally avoid confrontation and hostility and tend to be more laid back. I could go on... but that's enough for now.


      I encourage you to marry and fall in love with anybody who understands your condition and ear health.
       
    12. Daniel Lion
      Ape-like

      Daniel Lion Member Podcast Patron Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      SE Asia
      Tinnitus Since:
      2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise trauma, hearing loss
      You have just broken so many hearts... but I understand.

      We are a neurotic crazy bunch, and we ain't easy. I understand... but it's still sad.
       
    13. Tex

      Tex Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      08/2008
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise Exposure
      Speak for yourself!! I still look on the bright side, that I could have something worse.

      I can see, believe it or not still hear, have good overall health, etc. Every year I notice obituaries of people much younger that I am in our small town newspaper.

      And I think I do pretty well at not burdening anyone else with my Tinnitus. It is awful. But I deal with it.

      Life goes on!!!!!
       
    14. Jack Straw
      Balanced

      Jack Straw Member Podcast Patron Benefactor Ambassador Hall of Fame Advocate

      Location:
      US
      Tinnitus Since:
      1990s
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Infection, Acoustic Trauma
      When two women who have and understand tinnitus say they wouldn’t date someone with tinnitus you know you're fucked. Lol

      I’m sure you’ll find someone OP, just keep looking.
       
      • Funny Funny x 3
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    15. TheDanishGirl
      Sad

      TheDanishGirl Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      Denmark
      Tinnitus Since:
      05/2017 (H since 06/2017)
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      long term noise exposure (headphones), maybe some stress.
      You have mistaken me. I would date somebody with tinnitus... absolutely! If they coped better with it, than I do, because I don't need another person to drag me down... I already do that very well myself. I was picturing if I had never gotten tinnitus and hyperacusis in the first place, then I most probably would have not chosen to date somebody if they had tinnitus and hyperacusis that restricted their life very much.
       
      • Hug Hug x 1
    16. Jack Straw
      Balanced

      Jack Straw Member Podcast Patron Benefactor Ambassador Hall of Fame Advocate

      Location:
      US
      Tinnitus Since:
      1990s
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Infection, Acoustic Trauma
      upload_2019-5-23_10-43-6.jpeg
      :p
       
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    17. just1morething
      Benevolent

      just1morething Member Benefactor

      Location:
      U.S.
      Tinnitus Since:
      2008
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      barotrauma, noise exposure, TMJ, neck?
      Not to mention they could turn into cannibals.
       
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    18. Agrajag364

      Agrajag364 Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      09/2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown
      You'll be fine! There are loads of women out there with various health issues who would be understanding and there are loads of women out there who don't have health issues who would still be understanding! Men have posted about this on the site a few times, but in fact one study showed women are much less likely to dump a partner over health issues that vice versa- https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1214051/Men-likely-leave-sick-partners-study-shows.html. I appreciate that is not the same as forming a new relationship but it's similar. Just be confident, explain it, make a few jokes.
       
    19. coffee_girl
      Innocent

      coffee_girl Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      All my life, but got worse 2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise induced / Concert
      But that's because we have tinnitus ourselves, which becomes a detriment. Women with perfect hearing shouldn't have a problem dating men with tinnitus unless they are lacking in the compassion/empathy department...
       
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    20. ringinghours

      ringinghours Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      12/2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      unknown
      Tinnitus causes stress, and when a person is stressed out the other mate will find them less attractive since it is a sign of lack of health.
       
      • Agree Agree x 1
    21. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      david14433

      david14433 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      7/4/2000
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud sounds.
      I'm lucky because I don't get that much stress from my tinnitus. Yes I was feeling pretty shitty yesterday but today I am much better.
       
    22. lucy_snow

      lucy_snow Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      2018.03
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      hearing loss/ibuprofen
      How do you manage to live in a such loud country? I used to travel a lot in SE and I miss that so much... but at this point I think I would not be able to withstand all those motorbikes, car horns, shouting vendors without spiking my tinnitus.
       
    23. carlover
      English

      carlover Member Benefactor

      Location:
      London
      Tinnitus Since:
      1986
      Don't listen to those 2 ladies, they sound high maintenance mate... anyway I expect if any number of male Hollywood actors asked them out and they had tinnitus, what do you think they would say? Sorry Brad Pitt or whoever, you got tinnitus? Nah forget it, I'm going out with the Big Mac flipper who has ears like a bat.

      Get a grip mate, I have hearing aids and I wear them with pride :)
       
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    24. Bill Bauer
      No Mood

      Bill Bauer Member Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      February, 2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Acoustic Trauma
      dating4disabled.com
       
      • Agree Agree x 1
    25. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      david14433

      david14433 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      7/4/2000
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud sounds.
      I actually signed up for that site before. LOL I had some success with it. Maybe I'll try again in the future.
       
      • Like Like x 1
    26. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      david14433

      david14433 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      7/4/2000
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud sounds.
      I don't think they are high maintenance. Picky? Maybe, but not high maintenance. They said nothing that would make me think they required a lot of money to date.
       
      • Like Like x 1
    27. Starthrower
      Wtf

      Starthrower Member Benefactor Ambassador Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      January 2002
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Dental Surgery
      I think this applies to everything not just tinnitus. No one wants to be drug down - by someone else.

      You have many interesting qualities @david14433. Focus on your own strengths. We like when a guy has self worth without being a jerk about it.
       
      • Like Like x 1
    28. Starthrower
      Wtf

      Starthrower Member Benefactor Ambassador Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      January 2002
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Dental Surgery
      Exactly!!
       
    29. Daniel Lion
      Ape-like

      Daniel Lion Member Podcast Patron Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      SE Asia
      Tinnitus Since:
      2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise trauma, hearing loss
      I am really careful. Laos is still small, but can be loud.

      Most people think they are Bhuddists, they are actually animists too. Noise keeps ghosts away, and there are no laws regarding noise pollution etc.

      I am safe and when I visited Boston after 8 years I found it noisy too, probably a little less so. In the States there were all these big trucks and electronic beeping sounds. This place is ok except when people party or there are festivals. They love to party and there are quite a few festivals. Somehow I manage and I have 3 boys.

      In the future countryside for me....Laos is much quieter and smaller than say Vietnam or Thailand.

      It is manageable, always have earplugs in bag...

      Sincerely Daniel
       
      • Friendly Friendly x 1
    30. Daniel Lion
      Ape-like

      Daniel Lion Member Podcast Patron Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      SE Asia
      Tinnitus Since:
      2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise trauma, hearing loss
      I completely agree... my attempt at humour...

      I try and adopt the same attitude and know and have seen much worse...

      Easy does it and have a good day... peace.
       

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