When to Run for the Hills in Noisy Environments?

I am referring to people that want to dwell in additional misery because somehow it feels better for them to be negative about everything. But my initial post was referring mainly to those that make this forum toxic by being extremely negative and not even being able to hold a proper discussion without resorting to personal attacks on others.
If one should never take any risks, don't even sit at home because your house might burn down. Don't use the bathroom in case you slip in the shower and hit your head. Or drive a car since you can end up in a car crash. Don't use public transport, you might also end up in a crash there. Don't travel anywhere really. Don't have kids, they might damage your ear when they are crying. Don't talk to anyone at all, they might sneeze or cough. Don't even have a cabin in the woods, a tree can fall down and make loud noises. Enjoy your lives.

 

As silly as this might sound to you, depending on the severity of someone's tinnitus or pain hyperacusis, this might be their reality, currently or life-long. While the majority may be fine, these severe cases are not all based on fear.

Making these really far-stretching comparisons also doesn't help, it just ridicules the experiences of severe sufferers. I think there's even a thread on here where some women talked about not wanting to have children because they didn't know if they could cope if their tinnitus was to get worse. That's how horrible these conditions can be.

Have a look at Gaby Olthuis' story or read Jenny's story or look up Tom Maholchic’s story if you want to know what severe tinnitus and severe pain hyperacusis can be like. While some will get better, others won't.

 

So why not drive 200 km/hour (125 mph) on the highway, take heroin, etc? That would be fun, right? Now that I think of it, I HAVE driven 200 km/hour on three separate occasions, and I can confirm that it is, in fact, a lot of fun. Having said that, I knew at the time, and I know now that what I had done on those three occasions was very wrong.

When I avoid things that are dangerous to me, there is no reason for me to fear anything. And there are countless things that I can do that are not dangerous and are good for me.

 

Suppose people bring poisonous snakes into their own house. Would you say that telling those people about the dangers of what they are doing is "being negative"?

See, the things you listed result in either injuries that can heal or in death. Tinnitus is equivalent to being burned alive for decades to come. So the Downside is higher than in your examples. Also I believe that the probability of experiencing this downside is higher for many of the activities we had commented about, compared to the things that you listed.

 

If I knew the answer, I'd open my own clinic and treat others. Probably time and staying away from noise. I also took prednisone but can't say whether that was a factor in my recovery.

 

To me this post is utter nonsense, spoken by somebody who has no experience, and is therefor understandably ignorant of the impact of severe Tinnitus.

It is not about fear!
It is about trying to live with a ‘virtually’ unliveable condition, and attempting to make sure that that condition does not get any worse, to the point where it actually would become unliveable.

Those severe sufferers who describe their anguish ARE NOT BEING NEGATIVE!
The truth is never negative.
Your post is demeaning to people who would like a little understanding of what horrors they are living through.
They would like to be treated with respect and understanding.
They deserve that.
A fat chance of that from some people here, I would say.

 

Well said Autumnly.
The voice of caring and common sense. xx

 

You speak about truth @Jazzer and claim your truth is your own, and my truth is my own. I never said my truth is your truth or anyone else's here.
Don't get me wrong @Autumnly, expressing sadness or anxiety here is not being negative. But there are some people here that will attack you personally for even disagreeing. That is not helping anyone here and causing the forum to be some kind of echo-chamber where you need to agree with other people and not expressing "deviant" opinions or you are shunned. That is toxic and frankly, not what this forum was intended for (I would assume).

 

@Fangen / @Agatha don’t let them get to you.

You have to realize a few people on here (not mentioning names or suggesting it is anyone in this thread) use tinnitus as a justification for other unhealthy behaviors that they always had. They now justify those behaviors openly and point to tinnitus as the reason.

I don’t know whether I would consider those people toxic / negative or mentally ill. Regardless of which it is I wish them the best and hope they can get help to better their situation.

Something people forget is that we all suffer here. Doesn’t matter if one has it worse than the other we all suffer. People who stand on a soap box and tell people they can’t suffer or don’t understand because they have it worse are what is wrong with this forum.

Before anyone accuses me of not having it bad enough because if I did I wouldn’t be saying this, I’ll fill you in. I have never heard silence in my life. I have had tinnitus MY ENTIRE LIFE. If you have heard silence at any point in your life, be fucking grateful because I never had that privilege. My tinnitus is also loud and can be heard in almost all environments. I suffer daily because of it, but I don’t shit on other people and stand on a soap box because I don’t think they suffer as much as me.

 

I had a friend who had another friend that was killed in a car accident. So my friend went thru three emotional stages.

His first stage was to drive no faster than 25MPH. Then he entered a stage of thinking that he was going to miss out on life as his friend did so he increased his driving speed. He got in a car accident and was hospitalized and became handicapped and could never drive over 25MPH again, because he lost a limb. So his next stage was wishing that he could turn time back, but in life that's not always an option. It's also not an option for many with severe tinnitus that may hear 4 different sounds with hearing loss.

 

@Jack Straw
I'm sorry to hear that, and you're expressing much better what I tried to convey. Thank you for writing that!
It's true what you say, we all have tinnitus here, accompanied by hearing loss or other hearing problems. None of us are free from it and trying to lecture other's to "get over it". We've gone through the same stages with trying to cope and get better. Most of us here are adults, we should be able to hold a discussion with someone we disagree here with resorting to personal attacks or in general or treat someone badly because they have a different opinion.

@Agatha Suicide is never an option. Please don't see it as such. I lost my sister to it last year, and I'd gladly have changed place with her, lost my hearing, an arm or two if I could have her back.

 

I’m not sure what you're getting at here? If he drove the speed limit he would be fine.

People with tinnitus aren’t recklessly going to concerts and standing next to the speakers. You can do stuff responsibly with hearing protection in mind and not develop severe tinnitus.

 

I am very sorry for your loss and to hear it was from suicide. It is such a terrible thing.

It also shows that there are much worse things in this world than just tinnitus. Some people should remember that before they get on their soap boxes.

 

@Fangen
The point I was attempting to make, perhaps not very well, was that those members already suffering with ‘hell on earth’ dare not risk further damage, and an increase in their internal head noise.
Their fears are neither irrational, nor negative.
(I hate reading accusations of negativity levelled at sufferers.
‘Negativity’ is a swear word to me.
The very last thing we should accuse sufferers of.)

Your comments such as:
Don’t enter your bathroom,
Don’t use public transport,
Don’t drive a car,
Don’t have kids,
- are all totally irrelevant.

These are just my thoughts of course.

I am so sorry about your sister.
I lost my lovely son-in-law,
and my nephew the same way.

Purely out of interest,
you may all disagree if you wish,
but I do not consider myself to be toxic.

 

Guys can we not all start causing sh#t with each other.... again. I agree with nobody should be called negative for expressing their pain, anger, loss with what we deal with on a daily basis. As Dave said it’s not negative to express how you are feeling, nobody should be silenced from expressing their feelings on what this beast can do to you. I honestly don’t think that’s what Fangen was trying to say in regards to people being negative on here.

I do think there can be a pack mentality on this forum when somebody says something that doesn’t fit in with their own “truth” they get jumped on verbally. I’ve seen it so many times and some of those members who need support just leave the forum, this is a SUPPORT forum and sometimes we just go into attack mode (I’ve been guilty of this myself) everybody will butt heads at times and differences of opinions on here but sometimes it gets ridiculous, especially the ones who just seem to like to argue with people for the sake of arguing.

 

I have a background in psychology and medical and had worked in counseling and trauma hospitals for 30 years and understand that we are not all alike and that includes those with handicaps that may have severe tinnitus. For those that don't have severe tinnitus their choices are their own to make. I will leave my comment to you by name as stated as I feel no need or will to debate.

 

I am even more confused than before, but to each his own.

 

I’ve got it!
I’ve really got it!
Wait for it!
There’s a gem coming up!

Let’s all talk about,

“Tan-ta-ta-ta-tan -tan-tan-taaaaaaaa.........x

Pussycats !!!

Now how’s that grab yer........xxx”

(........er......it was just a thought.....)

 

Two points here Jack.

First of all - Severe Tinnitus often leads to suicide.
Just read the statistics for your own veterans, with PTSD - whose major problem is severe Tinnitus.
There is nothing worse!
Most cancer sufferers wish to live.
Many of the former, do not.

I actually have great respect for you, Jack, but your own soap box is looking a bit rickety.

Now what was you it were indicating that I should remember ??

 

All who had worked in a trauma hospital or crisis hotline would understand my message on their first day of employment. I continue to try to assist others here on site and by PM as well as thru private mail. With that, it's the most that I can do having severe tinnitus with physical problems. Showing compassion and caring is what I am, so this discussion with you has ended.

 

So........... how is the weather today where y'all are at.

 

@Jcb

Sadly, I have to agree with you here, as I've also seen this happen more times than I would like.

 

Very true words, @Jack Straw

 

When I said things could be worse than having just tinnitus, I meant having tinnitus + other medical ailments as well. I agree I wasn’t clear on this so apologize for the wording.

I do know a few people who have very bad tinnitus plus other medical issues that alone can also make life very unpleasant.

All I meant was, life could be much worse in the sense of having tinnitus plus another life destroying ailment.

 

It could be worse, someone could have severe tinnitus and be reading this thread

 

I have severe tinnitus and am not able to go to the cinema because of the severe impact the noise level would have on my tinnitus. I know others such as @Jazzer are in exactly the same position. Ironically though some of the same people who are currently lecturing us about this being a support forum were the first to criticise us for being overly negative when we talked about this or the other impacts of tinnitus on our daily lives.

 

Now as you might expect, I have absolutely no idea what that comment is intended to mean?

But here is something I do know.

Disagreement is good.
Disagreement is healthy.
Disagreement is crucial to the integrity of a forum.
When anybody expressed their views, debating those views is healthy.

Whe can never have unanimity of agreement.
But don’t look upon debate as a bad thing.
It isn’t.
When views are questioned there is no need for the poster to have a meltdown.
It does not mean that we have achieved apocalypse.
We are all ‘human beans.’
We disagree.
That’s all there is to it really.
It Doesn’t Matter.

Would you really wish for a support group where it’s members were railroaded into swallowing some kind of ‘party line?’

I will admit to being ‘super sensitive’ to what hurts the most serious sufferers though.
I try to protect them if possible.

I think I have been respectful.
I have tried hard to be so.

PS - bless your heart @Jcb - honestly mate - you are an inveterate peacemaker.
But disagreement is not the end of the world.
I love you bud,

Dave x
Jazzer.

 

Is your t mild?

 

Actually, it was because the conversation was filled with people (A) saying that other people (B) should avoid certain situations because of how certain situations affect them (A) personally.

Everyone is different and your experience doesn’t reflect on others. There is a difference between sharing your experience and telling someone it will also happen/affect them. Our own personal anedcotal reports need to be taken with a grain of salt by others. It is no way a form of scientific fact.

 

I respectfully, disagree. I think people who are suffering are upset, frustrated and angry with their condition might take it out on some people online. The receiving end shouldn't take it personally, imho. But, I think each of us should be a bit sensitive to those who are particularly suffering or perceive our suffering to be more on the severe side. We all should have empathy for each other because each have some unique form of t (and h) but some seem to be having a harder time than others? Just my two cents, FWIW.