Believe me, I know how you feel. Mine isn't nearly as loud as it was in the beginning, but it still causes me a lot of anxiety. I alternate between "I'll be fine" and "My life is ruined" every other minute. The hardest part is not knowing what the future holds. I'd be fine if I knew for a fact it would resolve and a general timeline. I try to see each night as a new chance for healing and remember that most people do recover, regardless of age or cause, even if it takes awhile. I have recovery stories taped to my doors and walls. Each day is long, but hopefully one day soon this will just be a bad memory. Keep in mind it's still early days. Many, many people don't see the first signs of recovery until after Month 6. There's still time.
Are you working? How are you managing it? My biggest fear is that I'm going to end up losing my job because I can't focus or get as much done as I would have when I was well. I've considered medical leave, but asking for a single day off leads to a massive negotiation with my boss. I can't imagine she would take a request for medical leave well.