DamagedJoe

DamagedJoe

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  • DamagedJoe
    I can't do that anymore. I'm not strong enough for it. My life no longer has any meaning. I can no longer feel joy. My relationships are suffering. I am suffering. I don't want to wake up tomorrow.
    kingsfan
    For real. Last time I had a physical, my cholesterol was high. Hoping I have a heart attack in the near future.
    BrOKeN_1
    @DamagedJoe @kingsfan Maybe my fatty liver will take me out. Lol. In the mean time I'll just sit on the side of my bed with that numb stalled out brain feeling...
    2049v
    I know exactly how you feel man. I don't know what caused your tinnitus or when it started but as they say "time heals." My tinnitus didn't get better, but my life did. I'm here if you ever want to talk.
    DamagedJoe
    I saw a clip of the movie "Baby Driver" today. The memory hit me like a ton of bricks. I had seen the movie years ago and shuddered at the thought of having to suffer something like tinnitus. I knew then that I would eventually kill myself over something like that. Now I'm sitting here years later, laughing out loud and bitterly at that memory. Fate is sometimes cruel.
    View previous comments…
    DamagedJoe
    Shit man. I am very sorry to hear that. I'd like to know the future 2 years from now on. It's an unforgiving mistake. I just want a second chance for us, because we deserve it.
    vilebubbles
    Me too. So scared I won't be around long. I can't deal with these tones and spending my life listening to torture in ear plugs hiding in a closet. Fuck that.
    DamagedJoe
    Same for me. The sounds are awful. It's torture. If it gets worse, im out. Life sucks. I can Not See a future where i habituate.
    DamagedJoe
    Update: Something new. my lowpitch tone on my bad left ear is now louder than the high pitch one. I don't know why. It's now something like 980 hz. I wonder how i can habituate to this, if its fluctuating all the time. This is new. Does this mean, that im improving?
    S
    You're only a couple of months in if I remember, yeah? It does fluctuate for the first few months to a year, try not to read too much in to each and every change, it will almost certainly settle down.

    I had a regular eee turn to an extremely loud siren & screams that's gone down to a gentle buzzing and hoovering noise over 4.5 months. Had physical vibration, fluttering, fleeting squeals, and all sorts along the way.
    DamagedJoe
    Thanks for your comment. if i understand correctly, you have also had your T since october 2024.

    I honestly don't notice that "something is settling down". I envy your confidence. I'm happy about small changes. Unfortunately, I lack the imagination to believe that it can still improve. I've reached a point where I'm fed up with it. I'm going to get Noisers soon.
    DamagedJoe
    I left my band today. I had to give up another thing that I loved. Everyone was outraged and no one could understand it. After all, nobody had T. Only me. T takes everything from you. Until there's nothing left of you. Just like listening to music, or sitting in silence. Or sleep.
    S
    Yeah, how dare you prioritise your wellbeing, health, and hearing over the band? That's messed up... I can't see how an unsupportive group would have worked had you progressed further together and by the sounds of it, some of them might eventually be joining you on this journey.

    It does take a lot from us, it's cruel, but, I do think you will make some kind of peace with it within your self imposed time frame.
    DamagedJoe
    I made a decision today with a heavy heart. I'm not going to live like this. F*** you "god", or "universe" or whatever it is that has thrown us here into this torturous existence. I'm going to try to last a year, maybe I'll make it to 1.5. If it's not better then, I'm going to kil this useless scrap heap of a body.
    View previous comments…
    B
    I started waking up at night with panic attacks and developed depression. I've had a lot of stress in my life in recent years which may be the reason for the panic attacks and depression, but I can't figure out where the tinnitus came from. At least four doctors have been of zero help. Like I said, I still have the ringing, but I simply don't notice it as much.
    B
    I came across something called Zenotone and tried to post about it yesterday, but for some reason it's not showing. I wasn't trying to advertise the stuff, but wan't to know if anyone here had heard about it or tried it. I posted a link to the website for information. I think it's about $100 for three months supply, which I'd pay $1,000 if it actually worked.
    B
    Are we not allowed to post links here? Maybe that's why it doesn't show up. I know most of the stuff advertised for tinnitus is BS, but this "seemed" to be more legitimate. (I had to break my post into four parts because of the 420 character limit. WOW! WHY?!)
    DamagedJoe
    Exactly 4 months ago I woke up wishing it was a nightmare. The last month has really sucked. I definitely very often have the feeling that absolutely nothing has improved. It's this malignant certainty that it will stay like this for the rest of my life. When I use earplugs, it still throws me into a depressive phase because all I hear is the ringing. I want silence back so much.
    DamagedJoe
    Feeling like a cripple. Very angry today. Soundmachine turned itself off tonight, so i woke up from my T. Work is hell today. It's so unfair, the other folks do not have T from this event! Why is my body this fragile?!? Getting more and more intrusive thoughts, that my life is screwed forever.
    View previous comments…
    Mark F.
    "What's wrong with you all?" We don't have much choice in this tinnitus crap. BUT...we DO have the choice to toughen-up and quit complaining, and get on with life...or, stay stuck in self-pity and misery...or kill ourselves. I know I choose option #1. What will you choose?
    DamagedJoe
    I'm sorry if my reaction came across as if i wanted to attack someone. I'm not particularly emotionally stable at the moment.
    Mark F.
    It's ok. You are still very new to this condition. I know it sucks. But please hang in there! Have hope that the saying "time heals all wounds" is true. I understand all too well the feelings of regret too. Keep posting. You are not alone.
    DamagedJoe
    It's really intrusive today... Like on the first day. It will not get better. I know it. I hate this life.
    DamagedJoe
    I've often asked myself recently what little things I was annoyed and worried about back then.

    I had no idea.
    Tryn2BHopeful
    I do this myself. How trivial those things really were. T gives you a completely different perspective on things.
    DamagedJoe
    I have noticed the following changes since the beginning:

    -there are loud and quiet days for me
    -the sound in my "bad" left ear sometimes changes
    -after getting up, T is usually quieter and gets louder again by bedtime
    -there have been occasional days when the worst parts of my T were barely audible, but very rarely
    -there are relapses, I am still very sensitive to noise at some frequencies
    DamagedJoe
    Hello everyone,

    as of today I would like to document my progress regarding my noise-induced tinnitus.
    I've had my tinnitus since October 25, 2024, so I'm currently at the beginning of the fourth month. I will try to post an update every month, or whenever there are significant changes.

    I would be delighted if you would join me on this difficult journey!
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