Be Honest. Do You Still Enjoy Life?

& in turn I am envious of those (which is apparently most) who can habituate & carry on like they used to.

Both my Mom & Step Mom have tinnitus (pulsating for my mom).

In speaking with them I can tell it does not affect them as much.

I wish I knew what made *us* so lucky.

 

To be perfectly honest, life is awful right now. I happen to be bipolar, and I've been stable for years. Unfortunately Prednisone messed me up - as if dealing with tinnitus wasn't enough already. I'm really struggling (yes, my care team knows what's going on). Mindfulness, DBT skills, and masking are only going so far. I'm already taking Magnesium and a B-Complex vitamin, which I've read are good. I desperately need a break. Sorry, I just needed to vent. I hope that's ok.

 

This thread never should have been started. It creates a negative feedback loop, people read it then associate their fears with ONLY the failed cases of tinnitus treatment.

And it just made me cry when I read it. It's not a good way to give people hope.

 

You think this is bad? Check out the Suicidal thread.

 

This is the reality of many tinnitus sufferers, why sugarcoat it? It is not people's fault that tinnitus can be brutal. However, you do not need to read it, you can find many success stories as well here:

Success Stories

 

Actually, don't check out the Suicidal thread.

Anyone who feels this way should just stay away and focus on the more positive threads.

 

I have been able to push tinnitus to the back seat and get back to my life. It's still there and sometimes loud as hell but I just don't care about it anymore. You might find this thread useful:

Back to Silence

George

 

I was hospitalized in 1992 and got thrown out of work for getting sick. Hospitalization was for tinnitus. I was discharged on a pile of medications. They said I was depressed. I was very lucky to be able to find a job. I had to move to a new city. Because of my disability I was only able to make small numbers of new friends, and none of them very good. Very very little in the way of going out for social occasion, and the antidepressant made it very difficult for me to speak. Besides that I needed to get to bed early because I would always be getting up in the middle of the night and needed to take another dose of medication.

Besides that I'm a very very shy individual. I really enjoyed gardening, but lately my energy level has been gradually getting less and less and less. I really don't mind being alone as long as I have some hobby that can keep me occupied. Lately I've been staying in bed sometimes for days at a time. I have a psychiatrist clinical psychologist and analyst. At least I can say that trauma issues from my childhood have been cleared up.

I really wish I had energy to do something. It is so difficult to sleep and side effects from sleeping medications and the fact that sleeping medications don't really work that well in the long term, meaning that it feels like I'm gradually starting to wither away. I really miss out on having friends. Lately one person that I thought was a friend asked me to stop texting him. My sister gives me the silent treatment. I have a cousin who died. I have another friend who gives me the silent treatment. I have another friend who is a little bit crazy. Basically I just have no energy. Not being able to send text or email is very hard to contend with from a psychological point of view.

So the answer... Probably 10 to 15 years ago I would have said that my tinnitus is pretty bad but I can contend with it. But particularly during this past year it has been extremely difficult. I see myself going into a slow and gradual decline.

 

Growing up, I always heard about cancers and infectious diseases. I never heard of this most excruciating and incurable condition. Both doctors and your own family members shun you because they don't know what it feels like. I hope fate or higher power can have slightly more mercy.

 

Only four months into this and it seems like I have been suffering from tinnitus for years already. Still I can very well remember what life used to be like, and I miss it so bad.

I have experienced some periods of anxiety and depression earlier in my life, but these don’t even come close to the horrors of four months of tinnitus. I haven’t had one single day these months where I have found any positive development or felt any relief, something to hold on to - giving me hope that I could eventually live a life with this. Instead my tinnitus is progressively worsening.

No I don’t enjoy life - this isn’t even a life. It’s torture!

 

Fairly severe noxacusis where I’m in hearing protection constantly, new low hum tinnitus tones driving me crazy. Isolation from my children because of the noxacusis. No treatments.

No I don’t enjoy life anymore.

 

I am sorry you are suffering horribly too... May I ask you how often does your tinnitus worsen? Daily? Weekly? Does it worsen without noise or with noise?

Thanks. Mine keeps worsening too for no reason, as far as I am concerned. And it's just a nightmare, it's unbelievable this can happen...

 

Initially slowly worsening and eventually the sound changed from a tonal sound to something way more intrusive in the form of a high pitch hissing static oscillating monster - impossible to mask, as it is resistant to any volume of noise I throw at it.

Since my sleep became very affected mid February, the worsening has been progressive, almost noticeable every single day. And now my right ear also is affected by this horrible condition. I haven't been protecting my ears to any 'normal' sound levels (and I refuse to do so) and have not been exposed to any loud noises the last four months.

I actually found some relief in listening to this today (low volume AirPods Pro, in transparency mode):

Tinnitus Zinger Masker at 15kHz

It's actually quite identical to my tinnitus sound except mine is oscillating as well.

My guess is that anxiety, stress, constantly monitoring and ruminating over my condition is what's makes this progressively worse - and when it never seems to stabilize this vicious cycle seems impossible to stop. And really it's already way too intrusive to be able to live with, I need it to subside quite a lot.

 

No, and I'm THIS close to killing myself.

 

Hi @acute, we haven’t heard from you in a while. How are you feeling these days?

 

I’m almost 3 years in. My tinnitus is severe.

I hear it always and it’s unmaskable.

I do enjoy life, but it never feels like I can fully enjoy the moment.

At least my suicidal thoughts have subsided quite a bit. I’m having them once every few months. Before I had them every week or so.

I hope it doesn’t get too bad before some type of treatment comes out.

 

Didn't you say weed was helping you? You're a retired MD, right?

 

I do. I got my tinnitus when I was 10. I'm 21 now. I feel like I jinxed it... My dad had tinnitus, and my mum and I would crack the occasional joke about it (after he would make a joke). I went to sleep one night and the last thing I thought was, "I wonder what it'd be like to have tinnitus..." I kid you not. I woke up at 4 or 5 am, and I still remember my final few moments of silence before the ringing began! It's funny now that I look back at it, lol.

The first few years my tinnitus was really volatile. Any bit of stress would set it off pretty bad. I do feel thankful that I got it so young though, because it helped me get accustomed to it. I have no idea how I'd cope if I got it now. For the past 7 years, it was stable. But then "coincidentally" I had a spike back in January after getting s*xually assaulted in my own room in my student accommodation. So that's annoying However I know it'll get better even though I've got new annoying sounds.

I am thankful that my tinnitus isn't as severe as other people here. I rarely hear mine throughout the day, and I can mask mine with a white noise app on my phone + a fan noise machine in my room. Worst case scenario, I keep the machine on all the time until it calms down during a spike. As long as I try to not be too stressed or traumatised I am okay.

I like being with my friends and eating yummy food. I don't want T getting in the way of all that stuff.

 

I voted yes, since some days I do, but my response would have to be, "It depends on the day." Some days (like today), it's about a 7/10 for me, and other days (like yesterday), it's a 0.5/10 with reactivity.

I don't know why I have a good day or bad day, but I do know that it's established in my sleep, because whatever I wake up to is what I get for the entire day. Anyone experience this type of fluctuation?

When I have a good day, I feel pretty normal, other than general anxiety that I've built up since I became afflicted two months ago.

When I have a bad day, I feel debilitated, depressed, and my anxiety goes way up. Sometimes I have panic attacks.

People encourage me to stay positive, that my tinnitus is relatively new, and things might improve. I want to believe that, but a part of me thinks that this will be a permanent part of my life. I'm trying to imagine functioning well enough to do things like work, but right now I'm having a difficult time believing that I can.

 

Hi, to answer your question, weed probably helps me, dose is important, take too much and it is deleterious. I recently cut my dose of CBD in half and I'm getting better sleep. Please recall that my entire life I've been through the wringer, so starting to poop out and run out of gas, after a highly stressful life, and a long productive career in medicine, going full time with overtime, takes something out of you, I imagine I'm burnt out from everything, and consider I've got this brutal tinnitus to contend with as well, so I would say on balance weed does help me, but I consider it almost as a "palliative" measure, means it's a bandaid and your body/mind has to heal itself (somehow).

 

Despite hyperacusis and tinnitus, I still enjoy life: just got new sunglasses. A new colour for life with these new shades

 

Still not at all.

 

Loud tinnitus at the moment, but stil: yes!

The suffering definitely decreased over time. And the enjoyable moments came back. I have no anxiety or panic anymore. Of course there are times when it is hard, but it seems like my brain sometimes just doesn’t care. For long periods of time. And then I enjoy life.

 

A week ago, in the still of night (not often still where I live) I opened a glass sliding door to give a neighbor's cat a treat. I got blasted with a string of illegal firecrackers - M-80s which are 150 decibels. My very severe tinnitus became catastrophic.

Been using liquid Magnesium for a week - 8 times within 24 hours - total for 24 hours 800 mg. All I did over the last week was post here. Tinnitus is now settling back to my baseline.

 

There are things about life that I still enjoy, although some are becoming more difficult. But at the same time, I hate life, that something as torturous as tinnitus even exists.

 

I do enjoy certain aspects of life. I don’t have the carefree fun I used to though. I live with chronic pain which doesn’t help. However, I still travel, still work, still seek new adventures. If I’m going to live with all my illnesses, I might as well try and do as much as possible - even if I don’t enjoy it as much as I used to.

Just bought a surfboard which should be fun. Just booked tickets to fly to Peru so I can go to the Amazon and see some historic sites and wildlife. Leaving tomorrow for a road trip in my van around Devon, Cornwall and Dorset. Lots of wild swimming, kayaking, surfing, hikes and fossil hunting planned!

I do all this in pain. I do all this with my ears ringing. I have hyperacusis which makes my ears sore and hurt - but, I wear earplugs, earmuffs etc. I do whatever it takes to carry on living. Yes I have spikes all the time. Do they get me down - of course! But, I only have this body and this life on earth (so I believe) and I’m not going to give up doing what I love... because if I did, then no, I wouldn’t enjoy life at all.

 

Worst part is waking up and the tinnitus is fucking still there.

 

@Steph1710, glad for you, one has to be financially comfortable to live your life!

 

I would say in moments I do.

It's not my tinnitus symptoms that bother me as much as it is the isolation I feel compelled to keep myself in due to advice I've been given. I am slowly trying to find what works for me and my tinnitus and live as close to the way I'd like with accommodations and consideration to my condition. I am curious to know what kind of tinnitus person can I be. The depression and anxiety I suffer, that I've suffered with before tinnitus is more of a hindrance than tinnitus but the tinnitus absolutely impacts and contributes to both. Those feel like daily battles. I am considering antidepressants and more because I know that my brain is not "normal" and when it isn't normal and healthy is is really difficult to heal from anything but especially tinnitus (such a condition that affects mental state... that is a mental psychological challenge even).

I will say that I do have happy moments where I enjoy life, and I try to bask in those moments as long as possible because I feel life is short, and I am determined to enjoy every good sensation that comes my way. I feel like I am not done yet. I have a lot of life and happiness left to live and feel. It's important to me to do that. I don't know if that's just my stubborn nature or what.

 

My answer to the title of this thread would have been different 1 year ago, but now the answer is 100% yes, I enjoy life at least as much as I did before I got tinnitus and (mild) hyperacusis.

My joy has actually increased since developing my earhole afflictions because everything that teaches me about the impermanence of life and health enriches the present moment with the simple awareness that it is transient.

Very gratefully, the hyperacusis has mostly subsided, whereas the tinnitus hasn't changed at all since it first began. Nothing changes it -- loud noises -- quiet -- flying on an airplane -- the sound of car horns blaring -- dropping shit in my sink -- nothing. It's just there and I mostly refuse to give it my attention anymore. Call that habituation, whatever, but one thing I'm positive of is that fixating on it sure doesn't help a thing.

Life is and was imperfect, and it will continue to be that way whether or not my hearing returns to the featureless crystal clarity I had 1.5 years ago.

Wishing you all a great deal of hope and happiness out there!