Be Honest. Do You Still Enjoy Life?

Since having tinnitus, can you say that you still enjoy life? Glad to be among the living? Enjoy the pleasures of the success of your hardships? Or... Do you feel that you are just existing because you have to? Have no other choice? Want to take more drastic steps in the "other direction?"

The ringing, buzzing, static, slight ear pain still keep you in a normal daily mood? Like something you can brush off and say, "tinnitus? ...eh."

 

Absolutely. My toothache is pissing me off more than the tinnitus. I fear the next anxiety attack which might come if I come of the ADs though.

The only reason I'm posting this message is to counter any negative thoughts you're having; I was uplifted and given hope by reports of "my tinnitus doesn't upset me anymore".

 

I am not enjoying life as much as I did before getting tinnitus. But I sure as hell do not want to "end it all" because of it. Who said life was a bed of roses anyway?

I am getting better slowly. I do not know if I will be as well off as I was before tinnitus but I have hope. I hope I CAN get to the point that I can say, "tinnitus?... eh"

 

Yes I can enjoy doing things. Including relaxing in the (relative) calm of a silent room. I sleep in silence just fine. I enjoy reading books. I am at the middle of "A storm of swords" by G.R.R. Martin.

At the beginnings of my tinnitus, I couldn't enjoy anything. I couldn't even concentrate on the simplest text. I thought I was finished. I was wrong. I went better with time. Without therapy or anything. Without even hoping to get better.

The volume didn't go down but the suffering and the invalidation did.

 

No, but I hope someday I can say I can.

 

Tinnitus has definitely altered my happy life. After 20 months, I'm nowhere near habituation. That's just me I guess, because I've met so many people with tinnitus, including my immediate family, who all have it for various reasons and they live normal lives! Most all, managed to ignore tinnitus as time passed and moved on.

Can I get there someday? Not sure about it now? Do I enjoy life? Surely, not now, but many say, 20 months, is not enough time to heal or to even get to baseline.

Everyday, I think of ways to keep myself out of the dark hole, that tinnitus can bury us in. I stay one step ahead, of falling into that hole forever. It's a constant, daily battle and acceptance doesn't come easy.

 

The thing I loved most was to go hiking in the mountains, to be in nature, where all is silence but for a few bird calls, maybe the rushing sound of water in the creeks and waterfalls, or to hear my dog rustling around in the bushes as she sniffed new scents. My tinnitus gets worse when I'm outdoors, it really amplifies to the point where I can't wait to get back home.

She and I no longer go hiking, we just walk downtown and back. The cars and trucks driving by help to cover the tinnitus a bit, and my dog enjoys meeting whoever we come across, so she's fine with it.

So in summary, there are enjoyable moments in my life, but overall I would say absolutely not, I do not enjoy my life and there are many days I downright hate it, because all I ever wanted was peace and quiet.

 

I can honestly say that I am losing the will to continue living. My life was great before this. Great job, huge paychecks, care free living, nice vehicles, vacations, able to provide for my wife and children.

All gone.

Now I'm a 34-year-old man with an advanced degree who stays home everyday wishing I would die in my sleep. I have no quality of life, cannot enjoy any of the things I used to. Cannot go for a hike in the woods and hear the crickets or wildlife. All I hear 24/7 is loud unbearable roaring. It's honestly gotten so bad I cant even mask it in the shower anymore. On top of that I have loud ringing and hissing that is non stop. I'll never enjoy my life again with this shit.

 

At least you were able to enjoy your life, great job, huge pay checks, care free living, nice vehicles, vacations and family time for several years.

Some of us didn't have any of that luxury before we were hit with this shit - our whole lives have been one misery after another.

 

I didn't have much time dude. I literally got hit with this shit 10 days after finishing graduate school. Can you imagine going to school after working a 60 hour a week job and finishing a super hard program only to not reap the benefits. Sure I made good money before but my chances of being a C suite employee or doing anything good with my life are gone. I honestly wish if I was going to be plagued with this that I would have gotten it when I was younger. I'm now married and have kids and can't even be a father to my kids.

 

Actually, it's hard to explain, but, in a way, tinnitus helped me to put certain things in perspective and focus on what/who really matters.

 

At one point I did feel like there is no point in living when all you are trying to do is to survive. But days/months/years have past and that is no longer the case. Maybe I am one of the luckier ones where my tinnitus volume decreased and can actually feel better after suffering with this for 3 and a half years. I am sure a lot of our fellow tinnitus sufferers can get to where I am. I do honestly hope so...

 

No.

 

No.

 

No and yes.

I hate the multitude of health issues I've racked up in just 7 months, having to strategize everything in life just to not get worse. And I hate how this all happened after my life finally was getting better, with actual goals and plans for the future.

I've always been a pessimist at heart. But this has made me a bit more positive and resilient. So many things have been put into perspective for me. And I'm lucky enough to have friends who haven't ditched me.

I'm only in my late 20s, but I was in the life position of someone in their early 20s thanks to mental illness. I really would have preferred this happen to me after I got to experience being a functioning adult for more than like, a year. But what can you do?

That said, I spent a good chunk of my 20s traveling, meeting internet friends, and finding cool hobbies. For someone like me, I've done a lot. I'm not an extrovert by any means and my day to day life was pretty mundane and cozy. But I still got to experience some worthwhile events. And I try to remain grateful for that.

So here I am, almost 28, with the mindset of an end of life retiree. I didn't do a whole lot compared to most normal folks, but I did something. And if my days are numbered (and really, I do hope they are) and that's all I have, that might be ok with me.

...But still, my life is kind of a joke and I can't really fathom being this unlucky. I think I was just born to lose.

 

You must not have it very bad. That type of talk is lunacy.

God I hope so. I would do anything to stop this roaring. Makes me super upset that it actually stopped for a while, but then got blasted with unexpected loud noise again and back to 10/10.

 

I know what you mean. Hell, I wish I could just hear cars going by while taking a walk. I don’t enjoy life either.

 

I don't see how that would be the case.

If you had no health issues beforehand, but still experienced sadness or problems in life, having tinnitus and hyperacusis knocks the rest of those issues out of the park. You may begin to count your blessings and try to be more grateful. A lot of stuff that was once painful seems insignificant. Not only that but the people who actually give a toss about you stick around. Others don't.

 

No.

 

NO!

 

I frequently recognize that the last seven years of this has utterly contaminated and eliminated my enjoyment of life, and that (since I am 66) such a nearly unbearable state will prevail for the rest of my life.

 

No.

 

No, I definitely do not. I hate that everything in my life is centered around tinnitus and the anxiety and precautions to not make it worse. Feels like a losing game. It's been 16 months and I'm not habituated at all. I want to feel like I'm not locked out of my own brain due to this.

 

I'm going on 6 months since the sudden onset of my tinnitus. These last 5 months have been a nightmare for sure, and my quality of life has substantially declined. However, I am not giving up hope for some level of habituation, and the ability to recapture much of my previous joy of life.

Like the previous post, I am also 66 years old, so this hit me pretty late in life, and for that I am thankful. I can't imagine being stricken with severe chronic tinnitus, and especially hyperacusis, in my 20's, 30's, 40's, or even 50's when I was raising a family and working really hard at a very demanding and rewarding career. I am at the age now where I could retire, and I may very well do that this year. I have been mourning the loss of my previous normal hearing and lamenting how it will totally degrade my supposed "Golden Years." However, I am not giving up hope at this point at all. I have had glimpses of habituation already and know that the statistics say that the vast majority of tinnitus sufferers do learn to adapt and move on from the distress of the first months/years. This condition does totally SUCK, but at my age there are many other much worse conditions that could just appear. I have had dear friends die of awful, long-suffering cancers, and others who have been diagnosed with Parkinson's, MS, diabetes, and heart disease. So far, I have none of those and am otherwise very healthy.

So to answer the question more directly... Do I still enjoy life? Yes, sometimes I do, and those days have been increasing. And yes I DO expect to enjoy life more as I learn to adapt and habituate to this condition.

 

No.

 

The answer would be a no from me, as well.

 

Sometimes. I try, really.

Like I wrote few times in the other threads, the constant fight to prevent worsening often sucks all the enjoyment from the activities that should normally bring me joy and relax. I find the threat of the potential worsening because of stupid mishap worse than this damn tinnitus noise in my head.

I really hate these moments when I walk in the woods with my family trying to find so much desired relax, and out of the blue there's some crazy biker riding towards me and braking with his squealing brakes to next to me, because he just wanted to make a turn exactly behind me. Honestly I sometimes think that these guys are actors hired by some sadistic supreme being just to watch me suffer.

But it can be anything. Car alarms, cars honking, ambulance sirens, loud exhausts. All the stuff normal people don't give much damn, but us (me), we (I) care because we don't want this damn thing to get any worse.

 

@winstona,

I’m having a ridiculously difficult time using the quote function on my iPad. But I wanted to respond to what you said about people moving on with tinnitus. You talk about how you hope a lot of people can get to where you are. I think a lot of people do and I think many of those people end up leaving Tinnitus Talk because they get better and move on. I’m a repeat visitor to the site. I had ups and downs with my tinnitus to the point that it went away for three years and then came back a year ago in one ear and then just yesterday got worse and changed sounds to something super annoying and louder. You can imagine how distraught I am at the thought of having to habituate a third time.

I hate that I have to go through this for a third time. Just when I was doing well and was well adjusted to my old tinnitus. I’m very envious of people who get it habituate and it never changes on them.

Best,
Danielle

 

I feel your pain. I am on my 4th time having to habituate in the last 11 years. It is so frustrating that once you have tinnitus you have to be so careful to not make it worse. I had habituated just a few months ago from severe tinnitus and then made a mistake by not wearing double hearing protection and am now thrown back into tinnitus hell and it’s louder than ever.

(sigh)