Don't See the Point Anymore to Staying

[jdjd09]

Is there a way you can look up what your hearing loss was and what it is now @noisebox? It might give me some hope.

Other than that though, yeah I feel completely lost. I don't see the point of continuing with the noise AND hearing loss. I can' take the imbalance in sound. I can't live with a hearing aid in my 20s. I can't focus or concentrate at work or in school with this noise.

I truly see no point to this. If I can't live a normal life, I don't see the point. If I can't live with my mental capacity the way it was before, I see no point. No drug or therapy will make me ok with my concentration, intelligence, and mental ability from going away ok with me.

To be frank, if it was just tinnitus I would probably get over it with full hearing. But, I feel they are completely related in my situation. I can't accept no cure for hearing loss and can't afford hearing aid. I really see no point.

 

[Blackbird26]

Is there a way you can look up what your hearing loss was and what it is now @noisebox? It might give me some hope.

Other than that though, yeah I feel completely lost. I don't see the point of continuing with the noise AND hearing loss. I can' take the imbalance in sound. I can't live with a hearing aid in my 20s. I can't focus or concentrate at work or in school with this noise.

I truly see no point to this. If I can't live a normal life, I don't see the point. If I can't live with my mental capacity the way it was before, I see no point. No drug or therapy will make me ok with my concentration, intelligence, and mental ability from going away ok with me.

To be frank, if it was just tinnitus I would probably get over it with full hearing. But, I feel they are completely related in my situation. I can't accept no cure for hearing loss and can't afford hearing aid. I really see no point.

How much is a hearing aid? Man, things can get better, you can adapt. Try. One day at a time. Maybe those " can'ts" will turn into cans? So sorry for your hard time, I understand.

 

[jdjd09]

Hearing aids are a couple thousand or more. Life isn't worth it with both these issues, I can't even cognitively function anymore.

 

[jdjd09]

Yeah, at this point pretty much over it. There is no hearing loss cure in next 10 years. The one with hope with genvec is paused. I'm completely screwed as far as anything goes. Pretty much there is zero point to any of this.

At some point life loses its meaning. If a person can no longer focus cognitively in this world in 20s and can no longer enjoy music anymore to stay sane , I think there is a time to end it at this point. Not doing it tonight or this week, but there truly is no point anymore. This is sad because I was on the right track in life too. But hey, people die in car crashes too randomly for no reason either. Life is just a minefield and people are just a step away from there lives being turned upside down. I guess this may be one of those landmines.

 

[Blackbird26]

Yeah, at this point pretty much over it. There is no hearing loss cure in next 10 years. The one with hope with genvec is paused. I'm completely screwed as far as anything goes. Pretty much there is zero point to any of this.

At some point life loses its meaning. If a person can no longer focus cognitively in this world in 20s and can no longer enjoy music anymore to stay sane , I think there is a time to end it at this point. Not doing it tonight or this week, but there truly is no point anymore. This is sad because I was on the right track in life too. But hey, people die in car crashes too randomly for no reason either. Life is just a minefield and people are just a step away from there lives being turned upside down. I guess this may be one of those landmines.

do you have family? close friends?

 

[Blackbird26]

Yeah, at this point pretty much over it. There is no hearing loss cure in next 10 years. The one with hope with genvec is paused. I'm completely screwed as far as anything goes. Pretty much there is zero point to any of this.

At some point life loses its meaning. If a person can no longer focus cognitively in this world in 20s and can no longer enjoy music anymore to stay sane , I think there is a time to end it at this point. Not doing it tonight or this week, but there truly is no point anymore. This is sad because I was on the right track in life too. But hey, people die in car crashes too randomly for no reason either. Life is just a minefield and people are just a step away from there lives being turned upside down. I guess this may be one of those landmines.

Pain has overwhelmed you. You don't feel you have the resources to keep going. It's understandable. I just want you to know that I do believe this is something that can be adapted to. I am glad you will not tonight or even next week. That means deep down you still have will to live. I know you don't want to die, you just feel like you've hit a brick wall and there is no where to turn. No relief. The brain is amazing at adapting. Keep it in mind.

 

[jdjd09]

I don't want to die just as the people on 9/11 in the burning buildings who jumped probably didn't want to die either. But, they did jump because of what they were experiencing. But, I'm sure they didn't want to die that day either. Just because I don't want to die doesn't mean I want to live this life or accept this. So, death may be the only choice just as for the jumpers. Not saying 9/11 is a perfect analogy, but reality is I dont see myself continuing with the ringing and hearing loss.

If it was just the ringing I would prob move on (and I did last time, without the hearing loss).

 

[snow86]

Hearing aids are a couple thousand or more. Life isn't worth it with both these issues, I can't even cognitively function anymore.

Didnt want to post here but im still gonna do I guess.

Im 29 and Ive been wearing hearing aids for the last 14 years. I have inherited bad hearing from my family. (DNA lottery). My hearing was quite acceptable so I have only worn the HA to places like school or where i really needed to understand everything.

Then at the age of 20 I got my first T. One High pitched loud 6KHz constant tone.
I couldnt really habituate to it, thought my life was already over. Then my ENT gave me the right advice to wear my HA all the time.
After that my high pitched tone moved to the background when I wore the HA.
With the amplified exterior sounds thru HA the ringing was masked. Its needed because you lack hearing. With your worsened hearing you will notice more Tinnitus than exterior sounds without HA.

So even with bad hearing, hearing aids and tinntius I was able to enjoy life. I was visiting concerts etc with plugs.

What im saying is - your giving up too early. I would pay top money to have a normal Tinnitus again. Most people do not recognize how bad and life scorching this shit can get. I have like 10 tones and I find high pitched tones almost easy as cake by now...when youve experienced what alternating bass-tones sound which fill your head to the point it feels like it is gonna explode.

I dont know where youre from and what your insurance situation is but you can visit an acustician and have a free hearing aids trial. And should you buy them, you can use a financing plan. (I can recommend widex clear system with a remote control)


I know your situation, because after one Tinnitus onset that was obviously not enough, I was lucky to get extreme always worsening T + hyperacusis 7 years later. It cost me: my new dreamjob, my gf, friends, social life. Im rotting away at this young age.
but youre not at that same point that I am. Believe me. I dont see a point in staying for me with my condition. But you still have potential to come back.

 

[AnxiousJon]

I know it doesn't feel like you are suffering from anxeity and depression. It feels like you are acting appropriately to a life-ending thing. But you are suffering from a condition that is blowing up the severity to make something way worse than it is.
You don't have hyperacusis, so you don't have pain when you hear sound, and you don't have reactive tinnitus, and thus your tinnitus doesn't get worse in response to moderate sounds. You are screaming and crying and threatening to kill yourself over a paper-cut.
You are encouraging your manic state to continue in a vicious loop. Meds can make it feel like those things you are dealing with to look like the insignificant things that they are. There is no reason this has to destroy your career and your life.
Look at yourself! Look how disproportional your response has been to:
1. Taking a Pill everyday for a digestive disorder--oh, no! better make out a will before you have to kill yourself on this one...(sarcasm)
2. Non-reactive, tinnitus without hyperacusis, which is something that 1 out of 5 people have(and they aren't threatening to kill themself over it.)
3. Mild to moderate hearing loss in one ear, which your mind hasn't adjusted to yet but it will if you allow it to, by stop projecting the most out-of-proportion magnitude to this and get some help with meds.

 

[noisebox]

I can't get access to my records right now. Here in the UK they keep them and are reluctant to give them out.
But I'm 54 and I can get an improvement a young person can.
You really must try and obtain aids as they will help you and make the T les noticeable.
Medication can help you if only to improve your mood to cope with your loss. It is like a bereavement and you need to grieve. You need counselling. Do you have any family support at all.
Could you join the Facebook group 'living with tinnitus and hearing loss' the lady who runs it has coclear implants and works with the deaf I'm sure she can help you.

 

[jdjd09]

but youre not at that same point that I am. Believe me. I dont see a point in staying for me with my condition. But you still have potential to come back.

I have nearly lost my job. I went on Short term disability because I was having so many emotional issues and had to see a psychiatrist. I see no way of continuing to do well at my job. I see no way of continuing with my CS degree. I'm in my 20s (most people I would say are not that age on here. Yes, there are people that age on here though).

I can't block it or mask it and it reacts to music semi. So, not sure how this is better situation.

 

[snow86]

Dont want to sound bold but it seems you havent really read my post. Wasted words I guess.

With "coming back" I meant coming back to living with an acceptable condition. Not coming back to work. At least not for now. So you want to kill yourself because of work or because your T is so unbearable ?

But it seems you didnt have T for long and you still have one normal ear and some hearing loss in the other. It can get better over time. Especially when you have partially good hearing.
But when u just completely ignore all my advice about hearing aids (after you claim that its not worth living with a hearing aid) from a person who has obviously experience with T and hearing aids, well then I guess whatever.
Sorry, just tried to help you.

btw. almost everyone has been to a psychiatrist with bothersome T. So what?

Im out, good luck.

 

[jdjd09]

1. Taking a Pill everyday for a digestive disorder--oh, no! better make out a will before you have to kill yourself on this one...(sarcasm)
2. Non-reactive, tinnitus without hyperacusis, which is something that 1 out of 5 people have(and they aren't threatening to kill themself over it.)
3. Mild to moderate hearing loss in one ear, which your mind hasn't adjusted to yet but it will if you allow it to, by stop projecting the most out-of-proportion magnitude to this and get some help with meds.

1. Look up colitis and crohn and tell me how great a life that is. Please, tell what you just said to someone in person with that issue and see how they react.

3. I'm in my 20s. I'm not in 40s-50s when hearing loss is expected to come around.
I don't think this is out of proportion to the fact that I'm potentially going to loss my job and can't even concentrate anymore on anything because of the noise and hearing loss.

 

[jdjd09]

But when u just completely ignore all my advice about hearing aids (after you claim that its not worth living with a hearing aid) from a person who has obviously experience with T and hearing aids, well then I guess whatever.
Sorry, just tried to help you.

btw. almost everyone has been to a psychiatrist with bothersome T. So what?

Im out, good luck.

Ok, wasn't trying to attack you, so sorry it came off like that. Yes, if I can't hold down a job and concentrate and make a living, yes life really isn't worth living. I don't live in a country with great social safety net (USA). Without a job I'm screwed. If I can't concentrate and focus and function cognitively normally, I'm screwed.

I would love a hearing aid, but I can't afford one right now. They cost in the $2000+ range for one that could help. I don't have that laying around and no one to offer it to me.

When I'm about to be warded because of my issues, I think that means this is a major issue. That is what I meant about going to psychiatrist.

 

[snow86]

Ok. I see, its hard without that social safety net.

Maybe you could at least try it out for 1-2 weeks for free and see if you feel different about your T when it is inserted. I have told this to some people who have hearing loss and T...they consider it but in the end they dont try it out.

Free trial is not a problem. You get the custom molded ear pieces when you buy it. Then it feels good...before that you get kind of "one size fits all trial earpiece". And if it helps you could see about a financing plan. I havent paid my HAs in full either. If the hearing aid can help you get back on track then its worth it.

 

[Cheza]

You are screaming and crying and threatening to kill yourself over a paper-cut.

Wow. I mean, just ... unbelievable.

 

[Michael2013]

I don't want to die just as the people on 9/11 in the burning buildings who jumped probably didn't want to die either. But, they did jump because of what they were experiencing.

No. Those people were murdered. They jumped because death was the only possible outcome for them. That is absolutely NOT the case for you, so don't make that comparison. If your life is over, it is only because you choose for it to be. So many of us, myself included, live perfectly normal, happy, healthy, and successful lives with tinnitus and hearing loss.

My hearing loss is far worse than yours and yet it is the least of my worries in life. I have adjusted just fine to a recent loss in the last few years coupled with the onset of tinnitus. You can too, but only if you choose to. You have to stop focusing on the things you think you can't do. Stop talking about how there is no point. Stop making excuses for why your mental capacity will never be what it was.

You're not screwed. Look around at all the success stories here. A large majority of the people who come to this site struggling get their life back on track even with tinnitus and hearing loss. There is no reason that can't be you.

It's not going to be easy, but it's not impossible either.

-Mike

 

[Michael2013]

You are screaming and crying and threatening to kill yourself over a paper-cut.

Wow. I mean, just ... unbelievable.

I think that's a harsh statement, but it is probably something the OP needs to hear. And to be clear, we're talking mostly about hearing loss here, as that is the primary complaint. Jdjd has said he can live with his tinnitus, it is the hearing loss that is hurting him most. jdjd - I think you could really benefit from some CBT. Have you read up about this?

From another post, here is his loss:

I had hearing loss at 8khz at 40dbs, and 7khz or 6khz at 30dbs, and rest were 20dbs and 10dbs.

Now look at that on an audiogram, and it is not bad at all. In a few months time, a person can adjust to this and it will simply be a new normal. I wish my audiogram was as good as this. My good ear is far worse than his bad one.

 

[AnxiousJon]

1. Look up colitis and crohn and tell me how great a life that is. Please, tell what you just said to someone in person with that issue and see how they react.

A friend of mine has chron's. I think he gets IV treatments once every month or something. A flare-up for him means he goes to to the ER to have another section of his colon taken out. In your original post you said nothing of discomfort, or going to the ER, (or even chron's for that matter)only that you had to take pills the rest of your life(the horror of taking pills).

3. I'm in my 20s. I'm not in 40s-50s when hearing loss is expected to come around.
I don't think this is out of proportion to the fact that I'm potentially going to loss my job and can't even concentrate anymore on anything because of the noise and hearing loss.

You are in your late-twenties yeah. My friend with crohn's had his through his late 20's and still does. One of my friends is a piano player that cut off part of his finger. Plenty of my friends in their 20s have hearing loss; they have done stupider things than you and have worse damage.
You were all OCD about your hearing; you wanted it to remain in pristine condition. But now it's time for plan B. And plan B isn't killing yourself. It's moving on, letting your brain acclimate to the change, and enjoying your life(and maybe getting some meds;no shame in it; there are some that are very safe, non-drowsy, and frankly amazing. You'll see things differently if you do).

I think that's a harsh statement, but it is probably something the OP needs to hear.

I tried very much to avoid such statements, but I saw no other recourse.

 

[Andersson]

1. Look up colitis and crohn and tell me how great a life that is. Please, tell what you just said to someone in person with that issue and see how they react.

3. I'm in my 20s. I'm not in 40s-50s when hearing loss is expected to come around.
I don't think this is out of proportion to the fact that I'm potentially going to loss my job and can't even concentrate anymore on anything because of the noise and hearing loss.

Okey.
My dad had chrons disease for 40 years, he lives a VERY good life, he had 2 surgeries for it (shorten dead intestines or something) but he have no problems with it really, he watches what he eats and take his medication for it. No problem

My sister + my half brother also have Chrons, they both have not needed any surgery, they both take medication for it and live without any big issues with it. As long as they don't eat anything that aggrevates it.

I have some dB hearing loss in my left eat in 6-8k. 30dB or so, not sure why it matters though. I hear just as fine in that ear as I do in my right, dB loss on paper is useless. My tinnitus is loud in my left side so it makes it harder to pick out whats my tinnitus and whats not. I hear music, people etc just as fine with that ear as my right.
Maybe I cant pick out single tones as good, but that does not mean much.

Also, my tinnitus got worse in Nov 2015, but my hearing was BETTER then when I got it 2012, why? No Idea, my ENT said I knew better which tones were mine and which were not, so I could single them out easier then when I got tinnitus 2012. And this is with much louder tinnitus then when I got it 2012.
Hearing loss for a tinnitus patient and one without tinnitus is to me totally useless to compare. If you have loud tinnitus you drown out low dB of single tones, if they increase it you hear it through. Quite simple.
Also why some people with mild tinnitus get a good score on a hearing test, because if you have mild tinnitus you can hear the tones at once through your own.


Ps. I got Tinnitus at 26.

 

[glynis]

I hope that anyone having trouble with their hearing and tinnitus and other problems gets to love life again.

I struggle on with Menieres and sever Bilateral tinnitus and breathing problems and we each have our own hill to climb.
Life might feel so hard at the moment but grab hold of life in both hands and fight with everything you can to get to where you want to be setting goals to reach.

I am a identical twin and to look at us we look the same but my twin has no health issues and all mine are health issues you carnt see and hard for people to understand unless they see me struggling to breath.

I know I would not want to swap my life for hers as I love mine so much.
LIFE can be cruel but we are in control over what makes us happy.

Stay strong and anyone struggling at this moment ,hold on to hope and a better future...all my love glynis

 

[ceauses97]

I think most of the frustation thread starter is dealing with is due to his young age, and I completely understand him. Hearing loss and tinnitus shouldn't even be an issue in your 20s. But mother nature is cruel, and so is life. There is no point of fighting something you can not win. You just have to accept the cards you have been dealt with. If your hearing gets better and your tinnitus does in fact away go away, great, but if it for some reason doesn't, you just have to wipe the tears and move on with your life.

You have two choices right now. You can go on crying, and live a miserable live for the next 60 years. Or you can accept this condition and make the best effort to live a happy life. It's up to you. One option is easier to live with than the other.

Good luck.

 

[annabel16]

Hi jd, I'm so sorry to learn of how you've been feeling. You've had a lot of hard things to adjust to, and I'm sending you some hugs. You are obviously very intelligent, you're lucky that way any way. You can think, you can feel, you can reason, hallelujah. I think it may be your youth that is working against you here, so please consider this. My former psychologist, a bright man with T and H, said to me when I told him I wanted to die "How arrogant! Why do you assume you are always going to feel this way?!" The arrogance of youth. So many people are here to tell you they overcome adversity and have wonderful lives. And maybe you will heal yourself, or science will advance and it will be that way healed. Patience. Peace. Stress makes it all worse, lots of different therapies help. I hope you're having a better day today. Oh, and also, I did have the prednisone, full course of oral, then I had a series of prednisone shots into my ear...all this at one of the premiere US hospitals for hearing, and I don't think it did anything but annoy me. We'll never know, really.

 

[Cheza]

But now it's time for plan B. And plan B isn't killing yourself. It's moving on, letting your brain acclimate to the change, and enjoying your life(and maybe getting some meds;no shame in it; there are some that are very safe, non-drowsy, and frankly amazing. You'll see things differently if you do).

I think this is a good way to give advice. Neither coddling nor condescending. We all have to keep in mind that depression and despair create chemical changes in the brain and body. Belittling someone who is already struggling with suicidal thoughts isn't helpful, especially someone of a relatively youthful age who doesn't have several decades of life experience that would give a bit better perspective to this situation.

Absolutely correct about the meds, it's a good tool to correct the chemical imbalance.

 

[Bobby B]

@jdjd09
any effects from the AM-101 so far ?

 

[jdjd09]

My hearing loss is far worse than yours and yet it is the least of my worries in life. I have adjusted just fine to a recent loss in the last few years coupled with the onset of tinnitus. You can too, but only if you choose to. You have to stop focusing on the things you think you can't do. Stop talking about how there is no point. Stop making excuses for why your mental capacity will never be what it was.

Can I ask how old you are though? What was your hearing like in your 20s? I realize people out there have worse hearing than me, however many/majority of them are 40+ years old, not in there 20s. They already been through school, had some work experience, and many have or had families. I don't understand how to handle this in 20s. When I'm attempting to get a technical degree, learn new topics, and keep my first real job out of college (that I've had for almost 3 years without issue until now).

You're not screwed. Look around at all the success stories here. A large majority of the people who come to this site struggling get their life back on track even with tinnitus and hearing loss. There is no reason that can't be you.

It's not going to be easy, but it's not impossible either.

-Mike

Can you please link me to some success stories of people, who were in technical job roles and in 20s, who got there life back with hearing loss and tinnitus at my level or greater? I really would be shocked if they exist. Trust me, I want to believe you though, that is why I ask.

I think that's a harsh statement, but it is probably something the OP needs to hear. And to be clear, we're talking mostly about hearing loss here, as that is the primary complaint. Jdjd has said he can live with his tinnitus, it is the hearing loss that is hurting him most. jdjd - I think you could really benefit from some CBT. Have you read up about this?

From another post, here is his loss:

Now look at that on an audiogram, and it is not bad at all. In a few months time, a person can adjust to this and it will simply be a new normal. I wish my audiogram was as good as this. My good ear is far worse than his bad one.

View attachment 9499

So, to be exact, my hearing loss is at 4khz 30db 60khz 30db and 8khz 40db. I mistyped last time.

I have heard of CBT, but don't see how this will get my ability to think cognitively and solve complete problems again. There seem to be studies out there that say that tinnitus can seriously mess up ones focus abilities and cognitive abilities.

Also, both the hearing loss and tinnitus are bothering me. Without one, I would not have the other and vis versa. So its really both. I could live with the ringing I had before without hearing loss would be the better way I saying what I meant. I can't see me going on like this.

I already had to take a mulitple weeks off work, had to FMLA out of work one week, and amost got warded over this. This is seriously ruining my life. I want to believe i can get over this, but I truly see no way out.

 

[jdjd09]

A friend of mine has chron's. I think he gets IV treatments once every month or something. A flare-up for him means he goes to to the ER to have another section of his colon taken out. In your original post you said nothing of discomfort, or going to the ER, (or even chron's for that matter)only that you had to take pills the rest of your life(the horror of taking pills).


You are in your late-twenties yeah. My friend with crohn's had his through his late 20's and still does. One of my friends is a piano player that cut off part of his finger. Plenty of my friends in their 20s have hearing loss; they have done stupider things than you and have worse damage.
You were all OCD about your hearing; you wanted it to remain in pristine condition. But now it's time for plan B. And plan B isn't killing yourself. It's moving on, letting your brain acclimate to the change, and enjoying your life(and maybe getting some meds;no shame in it; there are some that are very safe, non-drowsy, and frankly amazing. You'll see things differently if you do).


I tried very much to avoid such statements, but I saw no other recourse.

Can I ask how the people in there 20s with hearing loss AND tinnitus are copping? How do they cope? Also, are they in the USA? What type of jobs do they have?

Seriously, I would love hope but I don't see it. I will get anti-anxiety meds but it would get me kicked out of AM-101 trials. So not sure what to do.

 

[jdjd09]

I think most of the frustation thread starter is dealing with is due to his young age, and I completely understand him. Hearing loss and tinnitus shouldn't even be an issue in your 20s. But mother nature is cruel, and so is life. There is no point of fighting something you can not win. You just have to accept the cards you have been dealt with. If your hearing gets better and your tinnitus does in fact away go away, great, but if it for some reason doesn't, you just have to wipe the tears and move on with your life.

You have two choices right now. You can go on crying, and live a miserable live for the next 60 years. Or you can accept this condition and make the best effort to live a happy life. It's up to you. One option is easier to live with than the other.

Good luck.

I'll be frank, I can't accept either right now. I can't accept being miserable with this for 40+ years and can't accept dealing with this either I don't think currently. So, I really see no point in living further is the issue. I'm not on here seeking attention either. I would love someone to fix my life and have this be better. But I have serious doubts I will be able to return to my old self.

 

[jdjd09]

I think this is a good way to give advice. Neither coddling nor condescending. We all have to keep in mind that depression and despair create chemical changes in the brain and body. Belittling someone who is already struggling with suicidal thoughts isn't helpful, especially someone of a relatively youthful age who doesn't have several decades of life experience that would give a bit better perspective to this situation.

Absolutely correct about the meds, it's a good tool to correct the chemical imbalance.

That is the big issue though. I'm in my 20s. I'm not someone 40+ who got to live life normally, who has a somewhat established carrer or work experience, and who has had marriage yet. I'm someone who is suppose to be getting life straightened out and now I'm being effected cognitively by this. I have no idea how I'm going to be able to handle any technical learning or job at this point anymore.

 

[jdjd09]

@jdjd09
any effects from the AM-101 so far ?

IDK honestly. Also, if I take any anti-anxiety meds I'll get kicked out. So at a lose what to do.