Don't Think I Can Do This Anymore

There are so many wonderful people on this forum. I am so grateful for all the contact and for all those that reached out - thank you!. Its been good to try to support others as well. One person in particular who is habituating well sent me so many lovely mentoring pm's that he should be a saint. Despite all of this I'm at rock bottom. I've tried using drugs and not using them and a psychologist. I'm a total wreck from this intrusive noise, insomnia and massive anxiety after so many months. I don't know how people cope for years. I'm sure it has a lot to do with personality type, and other newbies please don't read this and let it worry you. I'm sure you will habituate just fine. But for me I just don't want to go on any more.

 

Things will get better in time. Trust your body.

 

Aww Tamika,
Remember your a lovely person and life I promise will get better.
You need all the support put in place to get you through this down part of your life and I know just how tough tinnitus can be along with feeling like mental torture.

If your not coping emotionally you need the doctors support and medication backed up with talking therapy counselling.
ENT and audiology and hearing test and routine MRI.
Audiology can offer white noise generators or hearing aids if needed and invest in some pillow speakers to connect to a sound unit at night.

We are all here for you round the clock and I know tinnitus and the unwanted emotions can take away your confidence and that is what you need to build up with counselling in a positive way forward to coping with the sound itself.

Sound therapy at night is a great support to retrain your brain not to focus on the tinnitus and help you sleep .
Lavender on your pillow that helps you relax and the sense of smell is a good distraction and will help you sleep and medication if needed.


You can get through this duck so keep posting and we will support you all the way....lots of love glynis xxx

 

Life can surprise you on the next corner. Make yourself to exist no matter how exhausted you are and soon you may find your tinnitus to be better. Hold onto life.

 

Sorry to hear your struggle with your T, @Tamika. You are at a low point now and you are discourage. It is perfectly understandable. Many of us had those dark thoughts during our struggle. I was so overwhelmed by my ultra high pitch dog whistle T and then severe hyperacusis, which also triggered relentless anxiety and panic attacks, daily. I was sleepless and depressed, not knowing how to go forward for life with such sufferings. The big 'S' word was dangling in front of my tired and stressed out mind, as it saw no way out of the long, dark tunnel of immense sufferings. But youtube is full of stories and videos of people who tried to harm themselves and came back with very unpleasant experiences on the other realm. I realized that this may be a one way ticket with no return, with quite uncertain consequence. I decided to stay here and fight, and to fight with every ounce of positive energy I can muscle. I said anything which could push me to the blink of the unthinkable better can prove it can continue to torment me for 5 years, continuously without break.

But honestly, T didn't have that power to wreck me for 5 years. After 2 years my condition was greatly improved after practicing positivity, after willing to co-exist with T while try finding joy amid the pain. I have concluded that if life has to be lived at all, why not live each moment positively, T high or low, and I pursue positivity and positive psychology with all my effort. I hope you can do the following to try to turn the corner on T:

Read up this site daily to help you stay positive:
http://positivitytoolbox.net/

Also read up the Positivity Thread on the main Support Forum:
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/the-positivity-thread.3142/

Yes, stress and anxiety plus depression are toxic to T. We need to focus on how to reduce the level of stress in our lives. When we take care of that, T may follow in line to quiet down to baseline. So take some actions and these are just some recommendations to deal with stress and anxiety. I know about this more than more members because I had suffered from anxiety and panic disorders for decades prior to T & H. Now I use the new mental skills or approaches I have learned from my T experience to help me deal with stress & anxiety much better.

1) Be positive and have hope for a good future. You can do some mental imagery daily, thinking of all the good things to look forward to whatever they are and related to you. There is a member in another forum who was suicidal and have extra loud T non-stop 7/24. He was in very sad & bitter mood for 3 years, and then the miracle turnaround happens - his first grandson was born. He was so happy and has so much joy with the grandson that he totally forget & ignore T. Then he realized T is not everything nor an end game, and he has something to look forward to. He now sounds much more positive and he seems to be much less bothered by T.

2) Try to do positive thinking daily. I used to play blind & handicapped (read my success story for detail) daily to start each morning, if for just 5-10 minutes at a time. Groping in the dark, or crawling at times (to mimic being handicapped), I began to appreciate all the blessings I already have but taken for granted or forgotten because of T. I realize I can still see, walk, talk, smell, hear, sense, eat, travel; have love ones who I care & love and they do likewise to me, have a home against the rain, wind, and cold weather; have friends to talk to, have freedom to live in a safe & peaceful country, perhaps with car to go around, to have income to feed the family, etc. etc. I learn to put T in its perspective. It is not an end game. It is livable. It may be curable in a few years, now with AM101 or Tobalt proving effective and they may be available soon.

3) Life is not that bleak. There are people with worse lots in life and still hanging around. Every time I see a blind, handicapped or homeless person, a beggar, or watch news of migrants who die while trying to flee a war-torn country, hungry and with no where to go, I count my blessings. Try to train yourself to think positive that way. Being positive will help reduce stress and anxiety, which then will help your T to go back to base line. Do some exercises which will produce endorphins. It is called a happy chemical and it will reduce stress and depression. See this link:
http://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/exercise-depression

Give it some time and give your body some chance to harden to this T ringing. I was in a mess physically and mentally a few years back with loud T & severe H. But now I live a normal and absoloutely happy life. If a panic prone person like me can turn around, have faith that you can too after some time. So give it time and please hang in there. If reading my success story can help you, here it is. You take good care & God bless you.

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/thread...w-i-recovered-from-tinnitus-hyperacusis.3148/

 

@Tamika
What drugs have you tried? Can you list them please? What did you take for anxiety, and what did you take for sleep? Also I'd like to know how long you took them, and what perceivable effect they had.

 

I often feel this way, but I'm still here. You will be fine.

 

@Tamika l was in this dark place where you are now I wanted to end it all I was depressed tired stressed just didn't want to live anymore. But three years on I'm still here. It does get better your depressed tired and stressed and tinnitus feeds of that and making it a whole lot worse. I found once I got my depression and stress under control I found I could handle my tinnitus better. I still have good days and bad days I think we all do, but please please give it time I'm glad I did. Please please don't do anything rash I wish you well.

 

@Richard zurowski
@glynis
@ceauses97
@linearb
@AnxiousJon
@Atlantis

Thank you for your messages of support.

I'm really not coping at all and am not functioning day to day. I only leave the house when I have to. I cannot see any future with this screaming in my head. I love my life, but with the T I'm in jail. I'm too distraught to participate in life any more. Under questioning I admitted my dark intentions to a friend the other night (who works as a counsellor) and because of this I'm going to hospital/clinic for a while. I thought it would be a couple of days, but am told probably 2 weeks. Now I feel even more anxious if that's possible. Don't know what they can do. More drugs? Scared it might make T worse. I had just weaned myself off the valium and sleeping tablets. I know its just my reaction that is the problem, but its been 9 months now and I've not seen a glimmer of improvement. My husband and his best friend have T and don't seem bothered by it. I wish I could get my brain to do the same.
Tamika

@AnxiousJon
the medications I've tried,
mirtazapine AD for 5 months. worked for sleep for 3 months and then stopped working. Don't really feel it helped with anything else. Started at 15mg, then to 30mg and back down to 15mg.

valium, very small amount - 2mg twice a day then went down to once a day and weaned off. Taken for 7 months. These do help but of course cannot be taken for too long. I weaned off as scared of withdrawal and worse anxiety.

zolpidem half tablet 5mg (sleeping tablets), took 2 months worth spread over 3 months. Take when I wake in night. They give 3 hours sleep
melatonin 10mg slow release - still taking these
melatonin 3mg quick release - none left.

 

@Tamika I'm realy sorry you are having such a hard time. Why don't you try amitriptyline it's a antidepressant and is a drug that can be beneficial for tinnitus as it's also been known to lower tinnitus it's a drug to treat nerve pain most doctors would prescribe this drug to people suffering from tinnitus it's also very good to getting someone to sleep. I'm on this drug and I get on very well with it. It's surely worth a try as you are suffering . Hope this helps.

 

Hello @Tamika,
I am sorry that you are feeling so low. I have had tinnitus since 2013 and I think I experienced my lowest low about 6 to 12 months into it, when I realized this was probably here to stay for the rest of my life. I thought about suicide daily.
There are so many different types and levels of tinnitus and different people find different methods for coping. Some people advocate drugs and others do not, etc.
I cannot really advise you on how to best cope with your particular case but I can tell you that I am hoping and praying that you find a way.

 

Some things in life you cannot fight, no matter how hard you try you will never win.
The only way to win a fight like that is to give in to it, embrace it.

Which ofc is insanely hard given how we as humans typical function, we want to fight alien things which are not normal to us.

 

@ Tamika , your condition is still young and might get better..or not, just like mine ( only 1 month more of T in my case ). Is it very intrusive ? I hope you didn't stop your drugs cold turkey..All has been said so I will just list a few things that helped me feel like I have control of T .. I'm afraid of heavy drugs and benzos. It's a dead end.
I read somewhere that actually too much melatonine can make it ineffective. I took 5mg that did nothing to me ..but 1,5 g of another producer worked very well.
I have pills containing a bit of theanine, tryptophan, GABA, magnesium, melissa..all in one. It works for me too.
Another option : hydroxizine in small doses. Can't get addicted to that. I try to fall asleep on my own, but most of the nights I will swallow one of the above. Or 1 of each,if t gets nasty, but I really feel it keeps the volume lower than before. As far as we can dispute whether habituation to T is possible, I guess everyone will admit that one can't habituate to insomnia! it's just pure torture. I'm dead tired half of the time, but mostly because my natural clock is not regulated since I don't have regular hours when I have to get up.. One night I sleep till noon, another I have to get up at 7..God thanks, if I can't sleep it's rarely only because of T. ( but it wasn't the case in the beginning. First 6 weeks of T I only slept by chunks. First time I had a full night sleep , I gained back the faith in the future .)
You can't do harm by taking magnesium on daily basis as well..hot bath before going to bed? I'm sure you would feel at least half better if you could sleep fine..make it your priority..Since T is linked to overactive neurons, we can calm them down ..I hope it's possible in every case. What else can I say..give future a chance..Try to squeeze the best of life..And the cure will finally appear ..Let me know if you've taken any of the things above..If you haven't, try at least..and who knows, a relief may come..

 

Thanks Gosia for your suggestions on sleep supplements. I have not tried these. Thanks also for the advice about taking too much melatonin. I'm going into a small private hospital tomorrow so no doubt I'll be back on some stronger meds. Not what I want but I will try them as I'm desperate. I did taper off the valium as best I could. Been a week since I took the last. I wondered if the anxiety was up from withdrawal as I've stopped taking sleeping tablets as well. Hard to know. This may just be my baseline anxiety. Its crippling.

 

@Tamika, I'm sorry you're having a rough time. Good luck tomorrow at the hospital, I hope somehow they can lessen the pain you are feeling. There is some really good advice above and the only thing I can really add is if you haven't already, take some time to read through success stories. If you're going to be on tinnitus forums, that's the place for some good reading. There are lots of stories there of people with severe tinnitus who have recovered their life and no longer have the crippling anxiety that you described. It's not easy and it takes time, but it can happen for you, too.

-Mike

 

@Tamika, I hope you will get the necessary help in your hospital stay and will get better with the treatment. Try to apply some good strategies from the members and hang in there to let mother time and your body to heal. Take good care and God bless.

 

Hi Tamika I am sorry your going through a difficult time I totally understand as I am going through it to. My tinnitus at the moment is loud enough at times that I can hear it over most things even outside in a car or a busy store. I was like you 2/3 years ago not functioning well, lying in bed a lot and crying I felt dreadful and felt scared and helpless but out of nowhere after 18 months/2 years of on and off bad tinnitus and fluctuations it calmed down where I could not hear it I literally lived a normal life and forgot about it.....for 2 whole years can you believe. I am still baffled how I went so long after how bad it was for me. Its flared up now which i knew it would because of pregnancy which i miscarried. I was always aware and scared that pregnancy would be the trigger because thats what triggered it firstly. Anyway my point is that I had no hope back then I felt like I had no life left but it did get better so anything is possible right? Why can't you have the same happen and get to that habituation stage? You will get there It can take a while though as I said it took me 18months to 2 years for me to get to that place of being myself again I dont know how I done it but I did. I am having faith now that I can get back to that. Please keep going and keep talking to people and when you get those thoughts try to be around people who can reassure you. What kept me going is the people around me mainly my daughter. I know how loud it can be I sometimes can't hear because its so loud and I hate it but some how I will keep going. I think your doing the right thing going to hospital and getting support and taking a little time out.x

 

Hi @Tamika ,
All my love and prayers are with you in hospital and you will get the help and support you need get you on a better path.
Sorry I have not been on for a day or so due to health reasons so you might not get this message intime before you go in....lots of love glynis x

 

This is so true, at least for me. I have learned from a war veteran with T who many years ago replied in a forum on my inquiry of how to live with severe T long termed. He said 'I am a solider and I fight for a living. But when it comes to tinnitus, I have learned to accommodate it instead of fighting it'. Perhaps he learns to fight T with a different approach, that of acceptance, flowing, adjusting, accommodating.

Eckhart Tolle and the late Darlene Cohen have taught me great deal about how to cope with life's toughest challenges. Cohen's approach of 'finding joy amid the pain', willing to share time in her life with pleasure amid chronic pain, treating each life's experiences as sacred in one's life, is an eye opener for me who liked to fight and resist each barrier in life. By applying some of the approaches I learn from them and from wise forum members, and some strategies of my own, I manage to train the brain to accept a truce with Mr. T, by willing to have peaceful coexistence with it. Let T be. Let the rest of your life and its beauty be.

I surely hope a new drug will come around to help severely suffering folks and I thank TT for promoting a vigorous discussion on treatments. But until that time comes, as hard as it may seem to some, perhaps the above quote is a good alternative approach to lessen the mental suffering aspect of T which then allow us to keep the truce going while we wait for that miracle drug. My humble 2 cents on the subject.

 

God Bless you Tamika,hope you start feeling better.

 

It's always darkest before the dawn...*hugs*

 

@billie48 @Blackbird26 @jeannie @Karen @glynis @Mand b @Michael2013 @Richard zurowski

Thank you all so much for your supportive replies.

I'm only at 9 months and despair because I feel so ill and unable to function normally day to day. So many of you got improvement in the second year and thank you I know I need to remember that. Hopefully medication will ease the agony of the anxiety, panic attacks, depression and insomnia so I can make the distance.

Looks like they will be keeping me here a while. I'm starting a combination of two drugs prescribed by the psych. I'm scared of the drugs but its better than the alternative so long as it works. I'll keep you posted how I am going.
Thank you all!
Tamika
XX

 

Hello there... I'm sorry to hear you are struggling... We all understand how hard this journey is. Hopefully these drugs you are about to start will give you some sort of relief so that you can start living your life once again....stay strong .. Things will get better in sure... Try to keep a positive mind set... It does help... And remember that what does not break you it makes you stronger.... Here for you always! Rina!

 

Hi, ive had t for a year now, I just want to say it no longer affects me, and I forget its even there. You will get through it and in the end think, its no big deal now. This music I guarantee will give relief, I still use it to relax, its not even for t anymore. Its called sounds to sooth by steve harrison.

Brian

 

Awesome; please post the names of the drugs.

 

Thanks so much for your kind words Rina - Sorry for the delay in replying. I didn't get an alert that you had left a message. Your support is much appreciated.

Glad to hear you are doing so well Brian. Thanks for your words of hope!

 

Tamika,are you still taking seroquel to help you sleep?

 

I was started on Zoloft/sertraline 4 weeks ago. Started at 25mg and now just worked up to 100mg 3 days ago. Still not going well as I have massive anxiety. I know this med can take a few weeks to kick in so I'm just praying it helps. I was also given Seroquel for sleep but I have not had a lot of success with it after the first week and it does have some side affects. I changed to a new psych dr as they are closer to home and I'd already had an appointment before I ended up in hospital. She said Seroquel does not work for everyone and was ok with using zolpidem sleeping tablets but only 3 times a week. I only take half a tablet and it gives me 3 hrs sleep so as you can imagine I'm not getting much sleep. There is a thread her where I've commented on Seroquel https://www.tinnitustalk.com/thread...roquel-as-sleeping-medicine.2548/#post-160642

I don't have any good news to post yet as to the meds or any signs of improvement for me. I'm still not functioning at all. I will post and let you know if I get improvement soon.

 

I wish they would give you a benzodiazepine like Klonopin(Clonazepam) or Valium(Diazepam), as they act fast and powerfully and don't intefere with your SSRI, Zoloft. Benzodiazepines are also effective at treating insomnia.