How Do You Find Forgiveness When Your Tinnitus Was Caused by Another Person/Source?

Discussion in 'Support' started by Vicki14, Dec 29, 2018.

    1. Vicki14
      Panicky

      Vicki14 Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Scotland
      Tinnitus Since:
      January 2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Stress
      Hi folks!

      I was just wondering if anyone has ever reached a point of forgiveness when this condition was inflicted upon them by another person/source?

      In my case, a careless Audiologist sent my VERY mild tinnitus stratospheric after a Microsuction procedure along with very careless, damaging words. I understand forgiveness is a big step in healing but I’m just not sure how to make that step, especially when I see no real improvements... only noise trauma after noise trauma :(

      I find the injustice of it all VERY difficult to accept and achieve and just wondering if anyone else has experienced this and ever reached that point? Thanks x
       
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    2. Bill Bauer
      No Mood

      Bill Bauer Member Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      February, 2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Acoustic Trauma
      For what it is worth, the guilt due to causing your own T is also difficult to deal with (at least that's the case during the first year).
       
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    3. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      Vicki14
      Panicky

      Vicki14 Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Scotland
      Tinnitus Since:
      January 2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Stress
      Thanks @Bill Bauer - yeah, I’m sure either way it’s pretty painful! :(
       
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    4. Agrajag364

      Agrajag364 Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      09/2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown
      Bad online review.....
       
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    5. jay777

      jay777 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      benzo/ headphones
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    6. fishbone
      Shitfaced

      fishbone Member Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      1988
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      loud noise and very bad sickness
      Moving on is your best move. Holding that baggage of guilt, and bitterness only holds you/us back. It's not easy to move on, but that's what I would do. I been ripped and jaded hardcore in this life. it's been horrible. I may not forgive some or may forgive others, but I have moved on and learned lessons from ALL OF THEM.

      Don't let that mind, occupy anything that is filled with negativity, channel all of that into a positive thing/action/living. Life is difficult and I fully get it. I was supposed to go and have lunch with a friend that really has no friends. I invite him to join me and have him get out his house. He did not show up, I went to my favorite restaurant all alone, while everyone was with their friends and family.

      A part of me felt odd being alone, the other part of me was damn proud that I was able to enjoy myself and ignore that garbage ringing that was in my ears and the bit of lonely feeling I felt.....

      Hang in there and just move forward!
       
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    7. Starthrower
      Wtf

      Starthrower Member Benefactor Ambassador Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      January 2002
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Dental Surgery
      Oh I understand this one. For me forgiveness was never a step. Letting go of the anger was my step forward. But still to this day I have that ugly feeling towards the specialist who did this to me.

      I hadn't thought about this in a very long time until I read your post.
       
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    8. Lane

      Lane Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      February, 2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Ototoxic Drug
      @Vick14 -- You broach a difficult and delicate topic (for me). I've had continuing difficulties forgiving the health practitioners at the ER who never cautioned me about the potentially catastrophic effects of taking the anti-nausea medication they gave me--which gave me severe tinnitus and a host of other ongoing neurological problems. Plus their indifference and unwillingness to believe what I experienced afterwards. Plus their anger at me for even suggesting the medication caused any of my problems. (I recently discovered they no longer make this drug available to the ER practitioners, which makes it look like they actually did believe me.)

      I continue to struggle with whether I should try to sue them for negligence, and somehow reclaim some kind of semblance of control over my tinnitus/hyperacusis situation. -- I struggled with (partially) blaming my wife for insisting I go to the ER, even though I didn't really want to, as I felt my GI pains and accompanying nausea would subside on their own. But I probably blame myself more than anyone else for having made a decision to take a medication before doing extensive research on the potential side effects. (They told me at the ER it might cause some drowsiness, but never told me it could cause tinnitus, extreme agitation, psychotic episodes, extreme muscle twitching, shaking, trembling, etc.)

      So here I am, still struggling with the whole concept of forgiveness, but not nearly as much as in the beginning. I often recall my mother in her final years dealing with dementia. It was very frustrating for her, but so often she would catch herself while complaining, and just say, "It is what it is". And then she'd be done with it--at least for a while. -- I also think of others who've had terrible things happen to them--such as having somebody else be responsible for the death of a loved one--and yet they find it within themselves to forgive the perpetrators of their intense pain.

      It seems those who are able to forgive have one thing in common. They've come to the conclusion that holding onto anger or hate for the most part only hurts themselves. I agree with that on some level, but still find myself unable to fully let go. I sometimes feel I'm in a quandary, where I feel I should be compensated for my injuries. But when I think about going back and reviewing the doctors communications who reviewed my case, where they expressed such cold indifference and anger at me; well, it just starts to get me riled up again. So, should I put myself through all that again, or just accept the situation of overwhelming reactive tinnitus/hyperacusis and move forward with as much peace and calm as I can muster?

      I don't think any of this reflects some kind of clear answer. But maybe some of my ramblings/musings will be helpful. -- @Vicki14, I've noticed how much you've suffered and continue to suffer. I hope you can in some way find a sense of peace and calm we all seem to be striving for. -- Warmly... Lane
       
      Last edited: Dec 29, 2018
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    9. Manny
      Dead

      Manny Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      United States
      Tinnitus Since:
      1/2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      central gain << NIHL
      I have zero words of wisdom to offer, only that I feel the same - if I would actually heal I could start thinking about forgiveness - but the injury is still here hurting every second!
       
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    10. Bill Bauer
      No Mood

      Bill Bauer Member Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      February, 2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Acoustic Trauma
      Christianity is a death cult, as evidenced by the video clip above. I sincerely hope that the man who said to the killer "there are people here who hate you - I am not one of them" will learn the Hard way that it's ok to want to defend his family, that "turning the other cheek" is not the best policy when it comes to keeping his family safe.
       
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    11. jay777

      jay777 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      benzo/ headphones
      I thought it was about forgiveness, he did not get the chance to defend his daughter, and if he can forgive a man like that then there is hope for us all.
       
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    12. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      Vicki14
      Panicky

      Vicki14 Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Scotland
      Tinnitus Since:
      January 2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Stress
      @jay777 - wow, that was a very powerful clip and very brave of the Dad to offer forgiveness. I agree that when you forgive you set yourself free... just wish this noise would stop tho! x

      @fishbone - Good on you for enjoying your evening despite being let down! You most definitely display true strength of character and I commend that! x

      @Lane - I’m so very sorry to hear of your troubles. It seems too common a theme whereby medical professionals deny responsibility and seem protected. It’s not right. Thank you for your reply, it sounds too that you’ve had a bumpy ride - your Mum certainly had wise words but I suppose it’s just hard when it all chaps at your door. I truly hope that 2019 will be a positive year for you! x
       
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    13. fishbone
      Shitfaced

      fishbone Member Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      1988
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      loud noise and very bad sickness
      This statement speaks volumes and it's very true. After I lost my parents, I figured my cousins and uncle and aunt would love me and help me, move on with the new version of life, I was about to start living. I was so damn wrong. These people, that at one point in my life I use to honor, didn't even lift a finger to help me with my new life, NONE of them.

      I held that anger and disgust and was saying how can people be like this. I was questioning myself and life in general. Then one day It made all sense, I placed too much value on people, that NEVER saw in value in themselves. I got rid of that anger. I got rid of the expectations, that I once wanted.

      In life I concentrate on what is GIVEN. I concentrate on the gym, my dogs and being the best version of me possible. I have no time to carry negativity and hold myself back. I was just holding myself back when I had all that negativity bundled up inside me. I was achieving less in my life, I was just hurting myself.

      If I had the current version of myself 20 years ago, i'd not have the intrusive devil tinnitus and beyond horrible hearing loss that I have today. BUT, that's ok I like challenges and I still thrive!

      Many people and things can jade us, it's life. Pick yourself up and march forward!
       
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    14. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      Vicki14
      Panicky

      Vicki14 Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Scotland
      Tinnitus Since:
      January 2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Stress
      .... and that’s what makes it all the more difficult I suppose, not really being given a chance to physically and emotionally heal from this noise trauma and all the unwanted emotions associated with it!
       
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    15. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      Vicki14
      Panicky

      Vicki14 Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Scotland
      Tinnitus Since:
      January 2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Stress
      Clearly their loss!!!
       
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    16. Agrajag364

      Agrajag364 Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      09/2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown
      I read your posts fishbone re your parents and tinnitus and strength you’ve had to find. How were you when you lost your parents? Somehow I hope you find love again. Even if you’re later in life I’m sure there’s a partner out there for you.
       
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    17. Bill Bauer
      No Mood

      Bill Bauer Member Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      February, 2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Acoustic Trauma
      There is a difference between accepting the things that one can't change, and forgiving a person who has murdered over 80 women, including one's daughter. The former is great, IMHO the latter is profoundly wrong.
       
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    18. Bill Bauer
      No Mood

      Bill Bauer Member Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      February, 2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Acoustic Trauma
      How old were you when you lost your parents?
       
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    19. jay777

      jay777 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      benzo/ headphones
      Maybe he is just a better man than you or me.
       
    20. Lane

      Lane Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      February, 2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Ototoxic Drug
      Most of me believes that and is moving on. Yet remnants remain. What you say is so true, and I continue to assume those remaining remants will get onboard going forward; or "get with the program" as they say? :rolleyes::) Perhaps a key is not to try to forgive all at once. But to create some kind of intent, and then settle into a healing process that has its own rhythm.
       
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    21. Starthrower
      Wtf

      Starthrower Member Benefactor Ambassador Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      January 2002
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Dental Surgery
      @Lane we went through the same emotions. It was my decision not to bring any charges because I knew I did not have the inner strength - especially back then. My husband wanted to do something about it. But, I decided to focus on finding life again and at the least bringing awareness to others. But still...most did not believe and I just did not have it in me to fight.

      I made the right decision looking back now.

      So sorry you went through that also.
       
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    22. Bill Bauer
      No Mood

      Bill Bauer Member Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      February, 2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Acoustic Trauma
      The point I was trying to make is that he is the one who is a horrible person, who should be ashamed.
       
    23. fishbone
      Shitfaced

      fishbone Member Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      1988
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      loud noise and very bad sickness
      My posts are simply to state, that we are MUCH STRONGER than we think. We have to dig deep for it, but it's there.

      I was cleaning my pad and I found two postcards, that I bought when I first started college. When I began college I was a shy guy and I had no confidence. I bought these two postcards and I read them almost daily and It changed my life.

      I was able to date and be around pretty gals that I always wanted. It took work, but life takes work. Life can give us strength, if we dig for it. I was digging so much, I started to look like a shovel company :rockingbanana:

      I found them while cleaning a few days ago and It was such a redemption and proud feeling to see how we can morph into a better/stronger person if we just dig for it.

      Never lose hope, pick yourself up and march forward!
       
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    24. JohnAdams
      Festive

      JohnAdams Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      Vatican
      Tinnitus Since:
      May 1st 2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Aspirin Toxicity/Possibly Noise
      yeah loving your enemies and forgiving people that do you wrong is a total death cult.
       
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    25. JohnAdams
      Festive

      JohnAdams Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      Vatican
      Tinnitus Since:
      May 1st 2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Aspirin Toxicity/Possibly Noise
      in other words you have absolutely no clue what Christianity is
       
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    26. Bill Bauer
      No Mood

      Bill Bauer Member Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      February, 2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Acoustic Trauma
      Are you saying that "turning the other cheek" is not a major theme?
       
    27. Bill Bauer
      No Mood

      Bill Bauer Member Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      February, 2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Acoustic Trauma
      Based on your other comment, I now see that the comment above was sarcastic. It is sad that you don't see that if one person loves his enemies and forgives, and his adversaries do not reciprocate, they have a huge advantage, increasing the chance of a loss and death for the sucker who bought into the death cult.

      Keep in mind that there is no reason for them to reciprocate, as they only lower their chances of victory and survival if they reciprocate.
       
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    28. coffee_girl
      Innocent

      coffee_girl Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      All my life, but got worse 2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise induced / Concert
      I'm not a Christian, I'm agnostic... But I'll tell you what... All of the Christians I know are the salt of the earth... They help those who would judge them and throw them under the bus at any given opportunity. They do it without need for recognition or fame, because of this they are often lumped into the same crowd as the bad apples. These are the groups that the media chose to spotlight.

      Don't be judging them, unless youve met them all.
       
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    29. JohnAdams
      Festive

      JohnAdams Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      Vatican
      Tinnitus Since:
      May 1st 2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Aspirin Toxicity/Possibly Noise
      you simply don't get it.
       
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    30. Bam

      Bam Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Neck/stress
      @Vicki14 i can’t find forgiveness for any of this. You’re not alone. I’m a tortured soul. This was my worst nightmare and it came to life through a series of unfortunate events, and there is no way to fix it now and even if there was my life has gone down the pan socially, financially, career wise. I’m a shadow of my former self, my confidence and self esteem shattered. How does a person cope with the enormity of loss without anger and resentment?

      One thing that strangely helps is a morbid sense that dying of this bullshit is simply my destiny. It sounds mad but this condition is so perverse that the only way I can excuse it is by seeing it as a curse that some of us are not meant to survive.

      As a ray of hope for you....I know you suffer horribly Vic but at least with your kids you can share in their joy and they give you a strong sense of purpose....a lifeline. I was always a strong person but without family or a partner this condition just swallows you up in a sea of pointless suffering. To fill the void I increasingly find my soul being pulled toward and eaten away at by darkness. I’m simply not as strong as I thought. Or perhaps I don’t know how else to escape the loneliness and pain. I’m digging my grave deeper unfortunately. Before I would have seen it as wasting my life, now I feel like i have no life to waste. I’ve realised that there is no rock bottom. There is just deeper depths of misery and despair and thus no way to bounce back.
       
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