I Think This Is the End

The past 2 days have been utterly terrible. I was in hospital for 2 days (neurology department) and today the doctors took some fluid from my lower back in the spine area and now my entire back and neck hurts like crazy, I have never felt such excruciating and debilitating pain before. The pain is so intense I cannot even move my legs anymore. I took a large dose of painkillers but nothing seems to decrease the amount of pain I am experiencing. I am telling you guys, tinnitus and hearing distortion accompanied by severe pain radiating to all body parts is not fun at all. Looks like for the next week or so I am gonna be bed-ridden most of the time. I am literally crying right now because the pain is some next level ****. At least I have a supportive environment around me. I don't wanna take too many painkillers as well to be honest. They don't seem to do much in terms of alleviating the pain. Oh my, this is horrible. I hope it will subside in a couple of days or weeks.

 

@Nathalie,
I was in hospital not so long a go August or September last year for 4 days in nurology.
Had MRI on Neck and head,CT scan on Neck and head,angiogram on head and neck and a lumbar puncture like you have had.
My back was killing me for days and also gave me sever headaches for days as that is what to expect and my Menieres and tinnitus went through the roof for weeks and could hardly walk.
The back pain also effected my middle and lower back and legs.
I went Tesco with hubby and broke down in there crying and the pharmacy got me a drink and my friend who works there went find my hubby in Tesco who went do the shopping while I sat on a chair in agony...taxi home straight away.
It also hit a nerve in my back and pain went on for weeks.
You need time to rest up in bed and have your head raised.
Apparently treatment hospital recommend for this type of head pain was drinking coke.
Lots of rest and when your pain meds is most at it's best a little walking about then rest...lots of love glynis

The head pain can take up to 3 days to start and most people get it so have meds at hand...

 

You're a true fighter Glynis. I always take the positives from stories like yours, which show the strength of our spirit to get by in times of need. I think we all have this ability to some degree, but it depends on the people or support network we have around us sometimes.

 

As Eckhart Tolle puts it, in life there are the high cycles (all the healthy and fun times) and there are the low cycles (illness and/or sadness with discomfort. To practice acceptance and flow in life, one needs to accept the highs as well as the lows. Resisting the low cycles can generate sufferings. We can still find joy during the low cycle by finding joy amid the pain. Helping suffering people while we are still in the low cycle of suffering is a form of finding joy amid the pain because it gives us joy to see the people we try to help getting better. Many of us are doing this literally on TT and in this thread, by helping others while we may be in ill health.

 

I am so sorry to hear of your suffering Nathalie. Please listen to glynis who to me is amazing like Ed said in her ability to fight and while doing so keep her perspective. Remarkable strength, attitude and grace is the example for all of us to follow.
I wish the same for you as someone who has so much going for herself in spite of this setback that billie wrote eloquently about as part of the cycle of life but will not define you. The inevitable lows all of us must bare make the highs that much sweeter.
Be well.

 

I Nathalie, its my first posting. As a depressive with a.........let's say an "unusual" childhood, and of course a T sufferer, so I can empathise with you, but of course i am not in your shoes. I am going through a divorce with an NPD. she a ridiculed me for having T. When we would argue, she would stick the knife (metaphor) in anywhere she could. Clutching her ear, walking around in circles moaning,and crying Oh my ear, oh my ear, was hilarious to her, as was her insinuating I was deaf all the time (I am not) I ended up being really ill with her from my nerves, and in and out of hospital for six months.

When you split with an NPD, you don't get better straight away, recovery could take years. Earlier this year, i became agoraphobic and never left the house for 6 months, only sneaking out at night briefly to get supplies. I never answered the door to anybody, or the phone, and my mail laid unopened for months. Utility bills, credit cards, mortgage remained unpaid so I was afraid to answer calls. Of course all this stress raised the pitch in my ear, it is the worse it has ever been.

I meditated, read a lot saw a therapist, spoke to the Samaritans to get me out of that suicidal mindset, as I knew I had a lot left to do in my life. it is your mind that is telling you all these things, not you. Depression is a selfish disease, and is intent on destroying its host and anyone else around them at any cost. I found solace in an old hobby of Photography, my 3 cats and now I am about to get a dog. Depression hates being ignored it has to be fed, so it can make the host fill its self fulfilling prophecy ( I am useless, no one wants me, Im ugly, fat etc ) I never had to tell myself these things, my wife happily did it for me, but I picked up where she left off, when she left.

What depression hates you doing is good deeds for others, its like an NPD, it's a narcissistic illness that has to feed its own ego or it dies. So at the moment your depression is having a field day, convincing you how worthless you are, and dysfunctional because of the T. Doing good for others will also help take your mind off of your T. I am not talking about being an all out altruistic saint, as i believe you should always be number one in your world, but setting aside time for a few good deeds here and there. IMHO animals appreciate and reciprocate better than humans, but maybe thats just me?

Dont give up, your young and its a big beautiful world out there, you just got to see through all the confusion and fog , and yes I still have T.


Maybe you could Skype other sufferers, that's what I do. We dont talk about T all the time we have a laugh and a giggle or we talk about our hobbies to take our mind off of things. I am open to that if you want.

Chin up girl, don't give in to it

Josef

 

@Josef Mills ,
Welcome to tinnitus talk and what a great first post to Nathalie and I know it will inspire others with depression and something I have a great understanding of and the help available as been through it my self and battled the storm and came out in the sunshine
....lots of love glynis

 

What is an NPD?

 

Congrats on escaping the clutches of your narcissist. They are so captivating at first, then once you're addicted they will stop at nothing to destroy your soul completely. They are the most terrifying evil on this planet. I'm sure the next time you notice the signs of an NPD, you will run as fast and as far away as you can.

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissistic_personality_disorder

 

Thank you @Rubenslash I was also wondering what NPD meant.

 

Have you tried it? It's been my dream since forever is it lou ?

 

@maltese yes I've learned to fly this summer. I'm now going to buy my own gear and practice.

The only possible loud thing is the wind. Since you can't go very fast (30 km/h max), it's easy to reduce the noise with earplugs. So no, it's not totally quiet but you can't have bad surprises when you're up there, like police sirens, people shouting and so on. It's just you and the sky

 

@Foncky,
That sounds lovely and wish I could Conor my fear of heights even standing on a step ladder has me shaking in my boots.
Love see a photo of you up in the air....
If it was me up their I would look like I was caching pigeons and arms and legs all over the place...lots of love glynis

 

and half the world suffers from it...lol.

And as the ultimate social experiment, the biggest narcissist I know of either infamous or otherwise, Donald Trump is about to take the reigns of America. Are you ready world?
A notion is however...just because somebody has a God complex...likely by being overly shamed as a child and a means of self preservation....doesn't mean they can't be effective provided he isn't a complete sociopath. So we will see how it all works out. FWIW the lady he ran against was the devil...truly soulless.

 

Trump train 2020

 

the anti-Obama. Giddy up.

 

I gotta thank you Floridians for coming through for the Trumpster.

 

You are welcome sir. A narcissist beats a soulless devil in rock, scissors, paper any day of the week.
But it was a squeaker. Don't ya just luv the dem sense of entitlement and now sweeping denial? There is a god.

 

I admit to being surprised you are afraid of anything Glynis. Since contracting tinnitus, I have taken to tight rope walking in high winds.

 

@glynis when I'll be able to take a passenger, you'll come with me. At least I know you won't scream too loud, otherwise I'll have to leave you and use my rescue parachute

I also suffer from vertigo, but there is no such thing when you're under a paraglider (or in a plane).

Since you ask for a picture... Here it is !

This was my first solo flight, back in 2012 in the French Alps. All is well before landing.


Even perfect for a rookie !


Well, not so much. What's wrong with this grass ? Or my shoes ? It can't be me.


Where is that damn thing going ? There's a road over there !


Ok, not what I wanted ! Sorry for the expensive gear. Still happy.

 

Why does @Nathalie get all these compliments, yet my awesome haircut and amazing jewelry doesn't?

 

Well a plane could pass nearby? Or a bird sqwauking lol.

 

Leave me alone with the birds
A plane, yes, it's not impossible. But they see you from far away, and they are supposed to keep a safety distance. Plus you can always decide to fly where planes are unlikely to come. Near a cliff for instance.

 

@Foncky,
Wow your pictures are amazing and look like a true professional .
Think I would be safe with you ....lots of love glynis

 

I'm ok with spiders ,snakes,trying any food apart from bunniesand game for a laugh but like my feet on the ground and never been on a plane....
Now @Michael Leigh can sweep me off my feet any time...lots of love glynis

Really laughing now

 

Haha i wasn't being serious. Happy flying man!

 

I am glad this thread has turned into something more positive than it initially was Way to go guys

 

@Nathalie,
Hope your back is easing off and no headache....
Like your new photo.
I had really long hair when I was young and I'm a twin.....lots of love glynis

 

My back is still quite painful but the headache has subsided a bit. Thank you for complimenting my photo
Anyway, today something unfortunate happened to me. Quite unpredictable. I was sleeping in my room and the fire alarm which is really close to my head when I am in a sleeping position(my ceiling is rather low and not far from my bed at all) suddenly went off full blast. It is literally directly over my head and thus ear. It had probably gone for several seconds before I was fully awake and realized that OMG the alarm is screaming. It felt super duper loud and screeching sound right into my ears. As soon as I realized I just quickly went to another room and closed the door. Had to wait for it to stop. It had something to do with its battery running low. I don't know how long I was exposed to the alarm but I think it was like 15-30 seconds max. I have no idea how loud it actually is in decibels. How loud can fire alarms get? The bad thing is that I was so close to it. It was very loud and piercing into my ears, a high-pitch sound. Like a siren or something. I feel like my tinnitus has spiked badly and I have a new hissing/buzzing sound. What do you guys think, was it enough to cause further damage to my ears? I took magnesium and B12, ate lots of vitamin C and E. I don't have anything else in my house to take. What should I do? Should I even be worried? Don't get me wrong as I am not trying to create a new panic but I am just worried over this incident. I did really well but now this...unlucky me.