I'm So Angry!

All I wanted to do was buy some greeting cards. Not a terrible thing to do, right? I couldn't go to the store I usually go to, so I went to a different store. I opened the door and it beeped in my ear. A high-pitched beep right in my bad ear. A pretty harsh punishment for the crime of wanting to buy some birthday cards. I plugged my ear with my finger and immediately exited the store. I wasn't going to give them money and reward them for hurting me. Now I'm afraid that my T will be louder for the rest of life. All because I dared to buy cards. Because I dared to open a door. Why are people allowed to have these things? Why aren't they at least required to put a notice on the door so people with T and H can stay away?

I was making some progress with my hyperacusis. And I was really hopeful that it would go away soon. I was limiting where I go and staying away from noise, yet exposing myself to usual everyday sounds, even some high-pitched ones. Like last night, I watched a TV show with a few curse words beeped out and it made me a little nervous, but I was okay. But all my progress came to an end INSTANTLY because some POS booby-trapped a door.

Now I'm officially afraid to open any unfamiliar door. I have pure hatred for everyone who creates a high-pitched beep because as far as I'm concerned, it's a weapon. And apparently it's open season on people with T or H because anyone can hurt us and it's perfectly legal. And yeah, I'm being negative, 100% negative. That's what fear does. It turns into anger and finally hatred. Because I can't even buy some birthday cards for my family without coming home in tears. All my progress with hyperacusis was wiped out in a split second and I'm afraid my tinnitus will be louder now.

 

You will be okay. Because you have hyperacusis, it’s likely the door beep was actually not as loud as you thought it was. Hyperacisis kind of distorts our volume perspective.

 

That makes sense because I read this and was confused because they never sound that loud to me.

 

The loud beep shook you up. You feel angry. What is this going to achieve? More pain and suffering. Let it go and move on.

And yes, I DO understand. When I'm particularly stressed or fatigued, my hyperacusis and misophonia go through the roof

 

I don't get angry in order to achieve something. Anger is a natural reaction to someone hurting me.

 

The world can be a loud place, and it won't get any quieter... The best thing you can do is forget about the door incident, don't give that noise any more power. I had an actual doorbell ring inches from my ear when I went to the auto parts store recently. This stuff happens, and it will happen time and time again, if you get angry and obsess over every uncomfortable sound, you will never find peace. I had four different loud noises hit me yesterday, it sucked, but it's a new day today and I'm focusing on the present. That's the best thing you can do...

 

Those everyday beeps shouldn't cause serious T spikes. However, if it appears that you are getting some negative feedback and that this feedback is not a result of your anxiety, then you really need to be wearing earplugs when you are visiting stores (and possibly whenever you are outside of your home). You might want to change this rule in 3-9 months, but if I were you, this is what I would do now when you seem to be so vulnerable.

In the building where I work, all doors close with a very loud and sharp metal click. I asked Facilities to adjust the doors that I use, and they had done that, but the problem is still there. I use my finger to plug my ear, and I also run away from the doors to be as far from them as possible when they close. It is not a good situation.

There is still a chance that you will feel better in one or two days (or a week). For now, you might want to try to not think about this.

 

You have a right to be angry, but almost certainly will be ok. A spike, a bit of a setback is all it is at worst. Don’t let that bad luck turn into negative thoughts about opening doors.

 

@SugarMagnolia

I am sorry to hear of your ordeal and hope you start to feel better soon. Please try and forget about this episode although I know it isn't easy. If you are not careful you might find yourself slipping into a negative mindset. It is unfortunate there are some people in this forum that encourage this way of thinking. Keeping away from everyday sounds and the frequent and overuse of hearing protection is not the way forward for you. Desensitization of the auditory system in most cases of acoustic trauma is quite possible. Either by self help or seeing a Hearing Therapist or Audiologist that practices the treatment and management of tinnitus and hyperacusis. Please read @Coffeebean post below. Please click on the links and read my posts on hyperacusis. There is additional information that I believe will help you. Print them if you can and refer to them often to help reinforce positive thinking.

All the best
Michael

Hi all,
I've been reading this forum for over a year now but hadn't made an account myself. Today I made one to post my story, in the hopes that it will benefit those of you who are still struggling.

I've been suffering from noise-induced hyperacusis and tinnitus for about a year. I might post the entire background story another day, but in summary I was exposed to a very loud noise at a music festival. I'd always been quite careful with my hearing, wearing earplugs at concerts etc., but my ears might neverthelss already have been weakened a bit by years of headphones use. And, I suppose, sometimes its also a bit of bad luck.

The day after the incident I woke up with ringing in my ears, almost like an electric hissing, and I became extremely sensitive to sound. Music sounded shrill, harsh and distorted, and it was like I had two megaphones permanently glued to my ears all day long. I also got pain in my ears, pain in my face and jaw, TTTS, hearing distortion, and tinnitus which was very 'reactive' / sound-sensitive: whenever I would hear a sound, the tinnitus would beep over it almost as if it was trying to overlay the original sound and compete with it.

When I first got these symptoms I became very scared and depressed, as the symptoms were very debilitating and limiting my life. I went to various doctors and ENT's who couldn't help and who told me that there was no cure, and that I would just have to 'learn to live with it' and 'wear earplugs'. My audiogramms were fairly normal (between 0 and 15dB on most frequencies), but showed that I had some noise-induced hearing loss which created a 20db "noise notch" on the 2k-4k frequencies. An extended audiogram showed that I was extremely sensitive to high frequencies, sometimes even scoring into negative decibels.

I had always loved music more than anything in my life, and because of the hyperacusis and tinnitus I could hardly listen to any music anymore. I became very scared and depressed, to the point were I genuinely started to feel like life wasn't worth living anymore, having suicidal thoughts on a daily basis.

However, the impact that this had on my life also made me determined to find a solution, so I started looking for one myself. I quickly learned that many people with hyperacusis and tinnitus tend to overprotect their ears, but that this actually makes the symptoms much worse as depriving the auditory system from sound actually caused the auditory system to 'turn up' the volume in an attempt to hear something, thereby increasing the hypersensitivity. I read about 'TRT', which as a treatment uses wearable sound generators in the ear to produce broadband noise all day long, in order to slowly stabilize the auditory system again. Since TRT was not available in my country, I decided to try if I could do it myself by using 'pink noise', which is broadband noise with less energy in the high frequencies, so that it is gently on the ears.

It took me a while to find a suitable form of pink noise (i.e. one that did not make my symptoms worse, and one that addressed the entire frequency spectrum) and a suitable headphone (as I could no longer tolerate most headphones/earbuds). I started out with a low level of pink noise each day, slowly increasing the length and volume over a period of months, and tweaking the frequencies to address my specific challenges. It took many months before I noticed a little bit of improvement, but I decided to stick with it as I was convinced that an overly sensitive auditory system needs to be desensitized, rather than kept in quiet.

There were a lot of everyday sounds that caused me trouble, such as the clanking of dishes. Again, I tried not to avoid these sounds, and instead I purposefully tried to clank them a bit louder every time to improve my tolerances. I also learned that 'reactive' tinnitus is a poorly chosen term, as it is actually a symptom of hyperacusis, which can decrease as well as you build your tolerances to sound.

Of course, I still remained careful around loud sounds, but I learned that it is very important to only use hearing protection when you are in a place in which the sound is actually too loud (i.e. so loud that it could also be dangerous to someone with normal hearing), and that you only make your symptoms worse if you start wearing hearing protection in everyday situations.

Many days were - literally - quite painful, but I soon started to view the sound exposure and pink noise as a form of exercise, like training your muscles: at the end of the day you will be sore, but when you recover you will be a bit stronger next time. The same applies to your ears. The trick is to push yourself a little bit each time, but not so much that you injure yourself. I realized that because of my experiences, I had also built certain fears and anxieties around sound that I needed to address. For that I used EMDR therapy, which is a form of psychotherapy of which I believe that it would actually deserve its own topic here on TinnitusTalk, as it was very effective in reducing my distress and effectively moved the hyperacusis and tinnitus from the foreground of my perception to the background.

After a year I would say I am about 80% better. I am not entirely cured as I am still a bit sensitive to certain frequencies of sound, but I have faith that I will continue to improve as I work on desensitizing. Improvement can sometimes take many years and I am still in my first year. I have a little bit of hearing loss, which makes certain music sound a little different, but it is nowhere nearly as bad as when the hyperacusis and tinnitus were at their worst. I no longer use the in-ear headphones, and I avoid very loud situations such as very loud rock concerts, but for the rest I live a normal life. I do not overprotect, but wear custom earplugs whenever things get real loud (live musics, loud bars, using power-tools, snowmobiles etc.). I still have a little bit of T, but as it is no longer as reactive as it was it is much earlier to live with. Sometimes I have to struggle to hear it at all.

I hope that anyone who reads this who is suffering from hyperacusis and/or tinnitus which reacts to sound and/or the other auditory symptoms I describe, will find some hope and confidence in my story that it really is possible to improve. It takes a lot of hard work and there will be setbacks, but a slow and purposeful desensitization to sound will help you in the long run. I would also like to take this opportunity to thank @Michael Leigh , whos many posts on TinnitusTalk regarding T&H were very valuable to me during my darkest days, and provided me with a lot of information and insight.

Feel free to ask me any questions!


https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/hyperacusis-as-i-see-it.19174/

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/is-positivity-important.23150/

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/tinnitus-and-the-negative-mindset.23705/

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/acquiring-a-positive-mindset.23969/

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/the-ent-doctor-and-hearing-therapist.24047/

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/inspiration.22894/

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/can-tinnitus-counselling-help.22366/

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/the-habituation-process.20767/

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/a-change-of-lifestyle.20643/

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/tinnitus-and-negative-counselling.26669/

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/the-complexities-of-tinnitus-and-hyperacusis.25733/

 

The Thinking is that if she feels like it IS hurting her, she should not Assume that it won't hurt her.

 

Unless a subset of everyday sounds Actually makes her worse off - then what she has to do is act accordingly and stay away from the things that she is convinced are making her sick.

 

No @Bill Bauer this is not what I mean. Negative thinking and acquiring a negative mindset is different from occasionally feeling down about one's tinnitus or hyperacusis. It would virtually be impossible for someone with intrusive tinnitus or hyperacusis not to feel occasionally down about their condition. The thing that one must try to avoid, is the overwhelming feeling that there is no hope that one faces a future of impending doom and gloom. People that share my belief are positive and forward thinking even in their down times and there are quite a few of these people in this forum. Please read my posts in the links above that explain about the effects of negative thinking.

Michael

 

@Bill Bauer ~ I gave a lot of thought to ear plugs and ear muffs. I bought a set of Peltor ear muffs, but not ear plugs because I'm afraid of getting an ear infection from ear plugs.

A month after my acoustic trauma, I got an ear infection (the first in my life) and had to go to a doctor. I'm terrified of doctors. I told the doctor of my acoustic trauma. I told her that I had tinnitus from that moment on. She examined my ear, said I had an infection, and gave me antibiotics which were obviously ototoxic because when I took the first pill my T became a lot louder. At first I didn't make the connection, but the second day I took my dose and once again the T was louder for several hours. I continued my prescription on the assumption that the spikes were temporary, but I have since learned that I was lucky that they were temporary. Some people are permanently damaged by antibiotics. And it was a doctor who knew I had T who gave me a prescription that could have made me worse! So I want to avoid infections.

The problem with ear muffs is that if I wear them for something as ordinary as going into a store I'll be called crazy. So far my solution has been to not go anywhere that would necessitate ear protection. I don't go anywhere much anyway, so this didn't seem to be a problem. I had been in this card store in the past and the door didn't beep then, but apparently they added it. So even my very limited life puts me in danger and I have to rethink my strategy. If only I could just wear the ear muffs when I'm outside!

This is my dilemma. I've been trying to desensitize by exposing myself to everyday sounds, and by that I mean, sounds that are part of my everyday life. But when there's a sound that's not part of my everyday life, I have no idea if it's loud enough and close enough to hurt me.

When something unexpected happens, I have to wait a while to see if there's permanent damage. Right now, my T seems louder, but I can't yet tell if it's really louder or if I'm just more aware of it than usual. But what is undeniable is that I have a click when I swallow. I had this also a month ago from a truck horn. I find this even more disturbing than the T. I'm trying to reduce my anxiety because I believe the clicks are from TTTS and relaxing my muscles will make it go away, but it's really hard to relax when I'm trying not to swallow.

I seriously consider all the strategies that work for other people and I realize that it seems like I reject everything, but everything has a drawback and I don't know which risk is worse. If I wear ear plugs, I risk infection. If I wear ear muffs, I get called crazy (and that probably doesn't seem that bad, but I have to live with the verbal barrage). If I wear nothing, I risk unexpected and potentially dangerous noises.

On the subject of "negative thinking" and anxiety ~ If I knew for a fact that a noise couldn't harm me, I would have no problem exposing myself to it. I learned "exposure & response prevention" and I know it's a good technique. But the goal of ERP is to expose yourself to things that give you anxiety but can't actually harm you. The problem with the high-pitched tones is, I don't know if they can harm me. So I don't know if I should be exposing myself to them. I don't want to assume they can't harm me and then find out I was wrong. I also don't want to avoid harmless noises and cause H to last longer than it should. I'm paralyzed by indecision because I don't have the fact I need to make an informed choice.

 

I don't appreciate having my thoughts and feelings invalidated. You think I should have "let it go" instead of posting my feelings here? I have every right to express how I feel. This forum is for people to express themselves. That includes me. I'm not going to swallow my pain and deny my own feelings just because you don't approve. It's not for you to stand in judgment of my feelings.

 

Woah! Take a step back for one minute.

Where have I invalidated your thoughts and feelings, or berated you from posting them here?

However, you sound very angry and you are projecting it onto others. Letting it all fester is gonna eat you up. Do you want to take revenge on the card shop owner? How is continuing to be angry going to help you?

 

Try not to pay so much attention to tinnitus, hyperacusis and sensitivity to sound in general. Wondering whether a strange new sound will be harmful to you or not. This often causes fear and anxiety and can make one believe they have been exposed to a harmful sound when they haven't. The mind can be very powerful. It is for this reason the overuse of hearing protection, sound avoidance particularly from everyday normal sounds must be discouraged as this can cause other problems that I mention in my post: Hyperacusis, As I see it. I once counselled a woman that had hyperacusis that got worse, because she stayed at home most of the time due to fear of outside environmental sounds. Things got so bad she complained of : The washing machine, microwave, dishwasher hurting her ears and even the sound of falling rain on her conservatory glass roof. She eventually made improvement.

Michael

 

Is it very loud? Several months ago, I read about others on this forum reporting hearing a cracking sound when they swallow. I listened for it, and discovered that my ears also make a cracking sound when I swallow. It ispossible that I have always had this. I asked several healthy people about it, and all of them say that they here it too...

Shocking... I am glad that you got lucky and didn't end up with permanent damage...

 

It's like a crackling sound. It's not as loud this time as the last time I had it after the truck horn. Last time it lasted a few days and I think it went away because I was able to reduce muscle tension. The difficulty is that the sound makes me anxious which no doubt increases the muscle tension. I'm trying to tell myself that I have partial control over it and that by reducing anxiety and muscle tension it will go away.

Add this to the list of reasons I don't trust doctors.

 

Something frightening happened to me and I expressed my anger. How is that "festering"? How many minutes am I allowed to feel anger before it qualifies as festering?

And who said anything about revenge?? Not me. I neither said nor implied anything about revenge.

 

I won't underestimate how awful that experience was for you but you state (and I quote from your post above) "I have pure hatred for everyone who creates a high-pitched beep because as far as I'm concerned, it's a weapon". Those are really strong words. Ok I understand, and we are all different, but we have to find ways to deal with these incidents.

How is it anyone's fault if they make an unexpected noise that you find uncomfortable? How could it possibly be a weapon?

What strategies do you have to reduce the severity of your H and T?

 

Those Safeway self-checkout machines often mess with my ears. They are set too loud. Not to mention annoying as hell.

 

I totally get it. Having a loud beep go off when you enter a store is ridiculous. There have been many times when I was out and some jerk would honk his horn, or a busboy (busperson?) would slam the clanking dishes in the bin, or (my personal favorite) the bread man will slam those stupid plastic bread bins on the floor of the grocery store.
I would get angry too, and think that it may have caused additional damage, but it never did.
Life is getting loud out there, but IMO you did not cause any permanent damage.
I had to stop going to my gym because the music they play though the overhead speakers was too loud (even with foams in) and there are some restaurants I won't go to anymore because they play background music way too loud. I starting to thing Tinnitus should get it's recognition as a disability, and make business take steps to keep the noise down.
P.S. I was at Walmart the other day and used a scanner to check a price, and the beep was the loudest beep I ever heard in my life.
I mean freakish loud, like there was something wrong with it. Needless to say it pi$$ed me off.
But I was fine

 

I've been grocery shopping in a little Mom & Pop store, so I haven't had to deal with those scanners since my H started. I already avoided the big supermarkets for other reasons. Now I'll know to stay away from them while this awful H lasts.

And yes, you really would think businesses would want their establishments to be comfortable for their patrons. Maybe there should be some safety regulations for the noise in businesses. Maybe that will happen after more younger people start developing ear issues.

 

Hatred is a feeling. Revenge is an action. Huge difference.

Installing a device on a door for the purpose of emitting a high-pitched tone is an expected, not an unexpected, noise.

Ask the American diplomats to Cuba who now have hearing loss. I'm not saying the sound that door made was on par with the sonic weapon used against those people. I'm just making a point that sound can be weaponized.

I'm not going to justify my feelings any further. This needs to stop.

 

So if it is an expected noise as you say, why are you asking about putting a notice on the door so that people with H & T stay away?

I'm tired and can't be bothered any more....

I hope you can be more positive in the morning. Going around having hatred for what people do is not healthy

 

This kind of shit happens to me almost every day !

Either this comes from cars with their f****** high-pitch brakes ! Or annything else, you name it...

I don't know if it makes my T louder, on the moment yes but after I don't really know...

But I get quite angry often because of all this noise everywhere !

 

@dingaling Bye, Felicia.

 

I hear those noises all the time. I used to go in panic mode when it would happen. The intercom at the grocery store, even the beeps from the scanners. I couldn't even stand somebody standing in front me talking. When I realized it wasn't hurting anything and it was just anxiety and obsession of noises making the tinnitus worse I then realized it did absolutely nothing to the tinnitus.

 

@SugarMagnolia sorry to hear that, I was working in a school today . The door was a metal door to go outside. The janitor went out and was the loudest door I evet experience. I carry a backpack with my earmuff , earplugs etc....

 

@AZeurotuner
@jjflyman
@Christophe_85
@Jake007
@Rajin

Informal poll. Regarding those door beeps and supermarket scanner beeps: What symptoms do you experience afterwards (ear pain, fullness, jaw pain, headache, clicking sound, etc.) and how long do those symptoms last?

For me, it was ear pain and clicking when I swallow. Then jaw tension. I tried to keep my jaw relaxed, but it kept tightening up. By evening my jaw pain had gone up to my temple and I still have that headache on my left (bad) side. I'm afraid to take a pain reliever, but I might take acetaminophen if the pain doesn't reduce on its own.