I'm So Angry!

I have fullness/plugged feeling, clicking 24/7. Pain off and on. But it's not because of hearing normal everyday noises.

 

It's ok to hate hateful things.

Slamming large metal doors are the worst...

 

I agree with this so much! Especially in the absolute beginning of this T story you are basically on testing grounds, trying to figure out what works for you and what doesn't. Half of the time I feel between a rock and a hard place. In one thread they preach desensitization (which is corroborated by the opinion of just about every health care professional I have met) and in the other people share their experiences with volatile T because of everyday noise (which I am also experiencing right now). The same thing goes for wax removal: curette, sunction or irrigation? What if I get migraine: do I take a painkiller (but risk increasing T) or do I go through it and end up so distressed that I end up aggravating it that way. And so on...

It is very hard to know the limit of what is supposed to be moderate noise exposure and what isn't. I drove my car on the highway this week on three occasions. Each time over two hours. I had my Peltor muffs lying next to me and they seemed so appealing at times, but I just sat through it the whole way each time. However, I was stressed out of my mind because of it. Sound was rushing into my ears from all sides and I felt completely enveloped by vibrations, wishing to be home as soon as possible. The fact that my T is pretty 'reactive' to external sounds (or that I have 'distorted' hearing; whatever it is supposed to be called) doesn't help much either at that point. Still, I refused the ear muffs, though against better judgement or not, I cannot say. When I came home, I noticed a new pitch or a new tone or even increased volume.

Though did it really change? This is so incredibly subjective and hard to compare to other times. If you listen hard enough, you are bound to find something. Now things seem to be shifting around but returning to baseline, because I am reaching mental calmness again. The trick is of course not leaving yourself in too silent of a room and always have some background noise (stating the obvious, I know) and refocus.

The stress that is involved with constant awareness of the T is something I really need to avoid, but that is easier said than done. Negative thinking, no doubt about it, has an incredible impact. For anecdotal reasons I'm going back to the third week after onset of my T. I was done with my exams (during which it happened) and leaving for vacation. At that point I did not have an inkling of worry about sounds as I was writing the ringing off as stress-induced or ETD related. I had a blast on vacation. Every day I felt better and every day I spent less and less time thinking about the ringing. Did all the things I would have done before I got it (though some of them sensibly and with ear protection) and arrived home to a bedroom in absolute silence. The day after I got the flu, the distress of which must have brought the T right back.

Since then it has been a vicious circle. I started doubting the cause of the T and attributing it to noise exposure and started getting a negative impact from even moderate sounds, as I described above. Now I sit here typing, worrying about the car trips I had to take, the phone ringing loudly in my ear at my grandparents' house the other day, the chair scraping the floor a bit too loudly the other day, and focusing too much on the T. I'll probably be putting on my muffs after posting this reply to check whether the changes I seem to be experiencing have died down yet or not.

Am I dealing with this in the right way? I think not, to be honest. Would I feel safe again doing otherwise and leaving on another active vacation with plenty of background noise right now? Since conditioning myself the way I have the last few weeks, most likely not. Wouldn't feel comfortable at all with all the knowlegde I have attained reading up on noise exposure and related aspects.

To me, it seems like the mindset has a huge impact on how we deal with T and the days after what we perceive to have been 'too loud of a sound'. In that regard, I agree with @Michael Leigh and his opinion on negative mindset and sound desensitization. But I feel like I would really need to bite the bullet in order to get the intended effect of going through what my audiologist suggests. I would much rather sit in my living room and stave off further doom. Now for climbing out of the hole, down which I have been descending...

 

Well for me, my T has healed/faded enough in 18 months that unexpected noise does not affect it anymore, but it still makes me mad.
But for the first years or so, exposure to a loud noise or a loud crowd of people (I mean loud for someone with T & H, it's probably just normal loudness for everyone else) would cause pain and extra ringing, but it only lasted for few hours or so

 

Give it time @Mellow7 and try not to push yourself too hard. The habituation process takes time. Please click on the links below that you might find helpful.

All the best
Michael

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/the-complexities-of-tinnitus-and-hyperacusis.25733/

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/tinnitus-and-negative-counselling.26669/

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/from-darkness-into-light.22234/

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/microsuction-and-irrigation.21571/

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/tinnitus-and-mental-health.21978/

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/tinnitus.21098/

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/the-habituation-process.20767/

 

Today I had a motor scooter screech it’s brakes momentarily just metres from me. It was already a spike day with flared up ASD symptoms. It sucked and was extremely annoying, by I honestly do not believe it could have caused me permsnent damage.

 

I feel my ringing was there bad until, I wake up the next day. I don’t get any other issues, but just the ringing.

 

I'd say that the incident I mentioned in my previous post was an anomaly... It was literally inches away from my ear, it wasn't a beep either it was a loud bell ringing, no idea why they chose to install a residential doorbell. I had a little bit of discomfort in that ear later that day but it could of just been psychological. Beeping on the other hand is usually harmless in my experience, unless we're talking smoke detectors.

 

Microsuction and irrigation are known to have caused T in some people. Is there any downside to using a curette for wax removal? If there is no downside, I am not sure why someone wouldn't use a curette.

I am not sure why you put yourself through this...

I hope you learned from your mistake.

 

When you put it like that it does sound irrational... I guess I am trying to find the Goldilocks zone again in which moderate sounds do no longer bother me. But maybe I am being too rash. However, my conviction is that eventually the reactiveness to moderate sounds will go away when tolerance is once again built. I'm not going to rush things though and take it one step at a time. The fact that I was so anxious during the car trip does make me think I am not ready to take on that level of sound yet and my ears need further rest.

Do you, @Bill Bauer, think our ears will naturally heal to the point of being able to take on moderate sounds again without experiencing setback? Have you gained more tolerance since taking care of them in this way?

 

Oh tell me about it. Me too.
Especially angry now. Just went to buy a few things in the city center and I was especially pissed by:
- dozens of people honking non stop in their car to celebrate a wedding
- ridiculously loud off-road motorcycle so loud they should be banned but the police doesn't give a heck
- loud sport motorbikes with stupid drivers liking to accelerate more than necessary just because they like that noise
- kids walking with a balloon. Not their fault but damn, that worries me everytime

Some behaviours are really infuriating. A lot of people seem to simply like the noise!

Sometimes I don't want to put my feet in the center of the city anymore

 

*set foot* I meant. Sorry for my English.
Strangely I cannot edit my post.

 

Oh, you have my sympathy. The fullness and especially the clicking are awful.

It's very stressful when you have to remember to plug your ear or else get hit with a loud noise. It means you can never let your guard down.

And there are constant decisions of whether to be exposed to a noise or not, with the knowledge that a miscalculation can have permanent consequences.

I try to keep a positive mindset too, but sometimes it feels like the whole world is a minefield just waiting for one misstep.

 

I doubt if my T will ever fade. It's over two years now and it happened from a single split-second burst of noise. The sound is constant, with only the exception that it increased when I took an antibiotic and it's sometimes perceived as more instrusive when I think a sound has made it worse. But it's this newly acquired H that's really messing up my life.

One of the things I'm currently trying to educate myself about is the difference between ASD, TTTS, and H. Though I don't know if it even matters. It seems like the "treatment" is the same for all: some magic combination of noise exposure, anxiety reduction, and good luck.

I miss the days when I only had T. Never thought I'd say that!

In hindsight, I don't think the door sound harmed my bad ear because I had been exposed to a similar door sound before my H started and it didn't harm me then. I think the startle response causes muscle tension and begins a vicious cycle of muscle tension and anxiety.

 

I'm finding it really hard not to get mad when weeks of progress are undone in a split second. I'm right back to where I was six weeks ago. Naturally people don't install these door beepers and other things for the purpose of hurting those with T or H, but the consequences are the same. I wonder why sounds like this are even chosen in the first place. It's not like they're pleasant sounds, even to normal ears. Why do humans intentionally create sounds that are unpleasant to human ears?

I also realize that door beeps and supermarket beeps and such sounds only hurt a small percentage of the population, but that's not a good excuse for having them. Wheelchair ramps are only used by a small percentage of people and they're mandatory at many buildings. I used to know a small business owner who was annoyed that he had to make his bathroom handicapped-accessible. It was a big expense for him. But he had to do it because even if he didn't currently have any handicapped customers, he had to make his business accessible in case a handicapped customer came in. So we do make provisions for people with disabilities even if those people are in the minority.

I'm rehearsing for when I become a senior citizen and get to complain about the young whippersnappers and their newfangled technology when I say: It didn't use to be like this. Back in the day, we opened doors without beeps. We checked out of the supermarket without beeps. We drove cars that didn't beep. We didn't get beeped at fifty times a day. And somehow we were fine.

 

I used to be bothered by the sound of my microwave oven and by the sound of my shower. I protected my ears, and I am no longer bothered by those sounds.

 

Yes people do love the noise !!!

Either with motorbikes, cars, but also from music and games !

We have here in Geneva lots of very loud scooters and motorbikes... And same as in your city, they love to use their machines at the maximum noise possible ! It shows the power of the engines...

It's like when you go out and in almost every pub, bar, even restaurant, the music is very loud ! Like in the Movies where the sound is really very strong but people are asking for that ! Because they want sensations !

As we have to live with Hyperacousis and Tinnitus, this makes life quite complicated...

 

@SugarMagnolia

I could agree more with you. I used to wear earplugs while driving on the highway but I noticed that my ears hurt, got full and popped when I took them out. I don't want to risk with altitude barotrauma. But unexpected sounds happen. I am going to wear comfortable earplugs while driving.

What earplugs do you wear when driving?

 

I don't wear any. Most of the time the road is not very noisy, but occasionally I do find myself in traffic. I have covered my ear a few times. (I'm the passenger, not the driver.) But that does leave an opening for surprise sounds.

 

I am usually driving on the highway. There are lots of trucks except on weekends. It's usually noisy in some parts of the road. I am the driver most of the time.

Any suggestions?

 

Perhaps you can keep the windows up and turn on the fan or A/C.

Ear muffs might be a more comfortable option for your ears, but only if you can still hear enough to be safe.

 

I usually have the windows up and a bit of fan 2-3 option. Thanks for your suggestions!

I have read in a thread that someone uses Peltor X5 are these earplugs or ear muffs?

 

Ear muffs.