I've Given Up on Life

Matt...why do you want sad ending stories? What does it help? Nothing...there is no reason to read such stories.

Long story short and sorry I`ll be very rude this time, but you just don`t want to listen. If you want to achieve something in life then you must change your mentality, if not...then you should practice how to be a light eather, because if you won`t step up for yourself life will crush you into pieces and he won`t care, that`s the sad truth and in this way you don`t need to read sad stories because you become one...If you don`t want to change you mentality than life will force you when you remain alone one day and for your own sake I hope this will be very very late in your life.

I`m very sorry to write that, but this is life...

 

Did you even read my post? I made a bunch of relevant points and you didn't respond to any of them, you just keep repeating the "you have to change your mentality" mantra. What's a "light eather" ?

How do I change my mentality, and how do you know that I'm even capable of doing so? You are aware that I've attempted to change my mentality before and failed numerous times, even before my crippling health issues, right? I've gone through CBT before, I've attempted mindfulness for months, I've tried meditation, deep breathing, drugs. None of this has even come close to "changing my mentality" aside from long term benzodiazepine use, which sedates me just enough to keep me from jumping off a cliff, and will probably end up permanently damaging my nervous system over the long term. What else do you want me to do? I'm not a god damn shaolin monk.

 

Very valid point indeed. And there is plenty of "cherry picking" and flawed arguments circulating the average tinnitus board. Not forgetting all the folks attempting to persuade someone to view their glass-half-empty-situation as half-full. A bit like trying to convince a person who has lost both his legs - that - it could, in fact, be worse: you could have lost both your arms also. Gee... that's really going to make someone lighten up.

I have on a few occasions helped members of this board get in touch with advanced tinnitus clinics in Europe (where the waiting list can be as much as one year). Some of these clinics offer advanced diagnostics. I am willing to do the same in your case. As with any doctor you go to see, there is a cost involved with such clinic visits (that fact, I cannot alter).

You mention a condition causing you not to be able to use a keyboard for prolonged periods of time. To the extent that stem cell treatments might be able to help you, I am willing to put you in contact with some of the contacts I have. Again, there is a treatment cost, but, I can at least have your case assessed free-of-charge if you wish. There are also clinics in the US (I don't know where you reside), but, generally these are somewhat restricted in what they can offer to treat. I would at least explore the options if I were you.

Lastly, regarding your disability, I would perhaps consider enlisting the help of a lawyer (perhaps you have already done that). Depending on the country you live in, you might perhaps be eligible for a larger disability compensation depending on your condition. In addition, a thorough and advanced diagnosis (with objective findings) might be able to shift the odds in your favour i.e. if you can prove a disability based on an objective finding as opposed to the disability being based purely on patient testimony (which is the norm with tinnitus/hyperacusis patients). Some countries have online help resources from lawyers that are free-of-charge. Use them.

Perhaps with the appropriate help and medical intervention, you might be able to turn your situation around. If you can, then I am sure you will have a bright future ahead of you (you are obviously pretty intelligent). Depending on your interests, you might well be able to do, say, IT-based work from home - i.e. anything from social media marketing to website coding (and for companies ranging in size from start-ups to Google).

 

I don't have any money.

 

Correction: You do not have any money you want to spend on fixing the s**t out of yourself. You said you live with your parents (no living costs) and have inheritance, why not spend some of that money on treatments? Friendly question

There are treatments that are free like exercise and going out with friends. Do you exercise regularly?

 

I live with my parents and collect disability. I pay most of the disability money to my parents for rent and food. I won't get inheritance until both of my parents are dead (they don't have money, my sister and I get the house and their assets.) I also cannot travel, as even travelling in a car for an hour causes severe exacerbation of my hyperacusis. A plane is out of the question.

The only exercise I get is going for short walks. Any intensive exercise gives me ear pain and headaches, in addition to intense fatigue. I don't go out with friends because I don't have any friends. People in general are too loud to be around with hyperacusis this bad.

 

How is blindness compared to T, ear pain and H!?! What the f..k! Totally irrelevant

 

Can you tell me what doctors you saw at UCLA? Thank you!

 

Are you over protecting your ears? I know maybe I'm not much help but the dr I saw said to drop the ear protection (unless in areas that the sound can be damaging to anyone) and to re introduce yourself everyday a little to noises that are a bit over your comfort level. According to him H is very treatable. I hope this helps somewhat

 

It's this simple,people without severe H literally have no clue what it's like to have severe H,it is 100 times worse than T period.

I see people commenting what they think is helpful info to Matt and don't get me wrong that's very caring of you,but some of you just don't understand the limitations and severe suffering H brings to the picture.Im in the same game Matt is in and literally nearly all info provided here is basically completely useless in our situation.

If you have T you use noise and sound to block it out like putting on a radio or going for a drive whatever it is you do.But now imagine that very sound attacking your ears and brain like hot burning piercing needles that turns up the volume of your T throughout the day making it scream in your head so unbearably loud that death is nearly preferable,and that's not even including the unmerciful pain and agony that comes with it,combine the two and your talking real unbearable human suffering.

Going for a walk to take your mind off it is no longer an option as the sound of cars,lawn mowers,birds,children just about anything just causes more suffering not to mention are potential risks to further damage.Your only option is literally to hide away from noise completely,there is no other option for severe H,none.
So your left alone with your T with literally no way to combat it only through mind power alone,that is the only weapon in your arsenal against your suffering so I completely relate to the frustration Matt is feeling.

I'm not having a go at anyone here but unless you suffer from severe H you just simply can't comprehend the suffering it brings and you should get down on your knees and be thankful to whoever it is you pray to that you don't have it,T looks like an non intimidating pussy compared to H.

Matt what I would recommend is that you take ATEOS up on that offer,your suffering isn't going to go away itself,maybe you've hit the wall and it's finally time to take action however drastic it may seem.Im there too and I ain't stopping until I find meaningful relief,I'll die trying if I have to.

 

A light eater is a person who live by not eating anything just getting the needed elements from the sun (of course this is impossible) But if you keep telling that one day you will run out of money then you should think about this. Or travel to Thailand and join Jon Jandai. He say that the "civilized" society is unfair, because it makes life more harder instead of making it easier. So he lives in his own created society. No taxes, no nothing, but everyone has a house and food to eat. They are a self-sufficient society it`s a peaceful little place to live.

How do I know that if you are capable to change or not? It`s simple...because everyone is capable to do so. The problem with your mentality is that you fitfully want to cure yourself (I know everybody wants a cure) but there is a very dark spot in this way of thinking, because you wake up every day that "okay...I need to cure this or my live will be over" and you hit bed at the same day that "I failed, my life is over" next day again, and again and again with a never ending cycle. Days, weeks, months just pass with this way of thinking, but because you have failed in every day, and you just hit bed with the same sentence in your head that "I failed, my life oi over" your mood will be darker and darker with every single day, until a point where you will jump from a cliff if you have the bravery to do it.

The very hard part is to forget this way of thinking, this really bad habit and change it to something else. If you keep searching for a cure you will never ever accept your let`s say state or your condition. A step to habituate to things is to accept that this is the new "normal". I know this is really really hard...but it can be done, believe me. There is no universally accepted method for this, you need to find your own way that fits you the most. But if you are keep telling that my life is over, my life is over...then you just call up fate and one day he will find you and that will be my friend the point where your life will be truly over and not today. Today you can change the world, tomorrow who knows if you will have the chance or not. Live in the presence and don`t go such distances like what will happen when my parents will be no more etc. It`s just unnecessary stress what is really bad in your current condition.

What you should do is to stop taking meds, no pills to let your body habituates to a certain feeling. Ohooo it will be though, but you must do it, because every single day when you take on pill it`s like a footnote for you what reminds you every day that "I`m not normal".

It`s a huuuuge cliché, but it`s true... No pain, no gain.

PS. No, you are not a shaolin monk, but they started also from the bottom...they didn`t born like shaolin monks.

PS2. You have to much spare time to think about stupid and unnecessary things. Do something...so your mind could focus on something else.

For example. yesterday I went to bowling with my colleagues. Even though I have H, I was so focused on the game that when we finished I`ve just realized that I barely felt any pain, but when this thought ran into my mind about my H after the next hit I felt immediate pain, because I started to fear and think about H constantly.

PS3. It`s a very very weird example, but let`s take those terrorist guys out there (it`s a common topic nowdays) or the japan kamikazes. They are believe and believed in something so strong that they easily took their own life in the name of that belief. Just imagine if you could reach this state of belief that you are normal and life is good...and actually they are the examples that humans could reach very high states in this field.

 

What does this have to do with anything?

How do you know? Can you provide a source for this? That's a pretty bold claim to make unsubstantiated.

I tried that recently and I had a nuclear meltdown. My symptoms worsened every time I lowered my dose and so did my mental state. I think the withdrawal permanently messed me up, because I reinstated and "stabilized", but I haven't gone back to normal. My symptoms are all significantly worse now than before the taper and don't appear to be improving.

 

I only wear hearing protection when I'm in an environment that is painful. Painful noises, whether or not they are damaging to a normal person, have a tendency to worsen all of my symptoms for very long periods of time, and I am not willing to purposely subject myself to this.

I've been using sound enrichment (pink noise, nature sound) regualrly for over 3 years now and exposing myself to noises that I can tolerate. I did see some improvement between 2015 and the first half of 2016, but a combination of ativan withdrawal and accidental exposure to very loud noise while going for a walk have made my symptoms as bad, if not worse, than they were in 2013-2014.

I also have some new symptoms, like my right eyelid twitching and strange cloudiness/blurriness in my eyes. I am seeing an optometrist soon to have this looked at. My jaw is also worse after the right side got "caught" on itself while I was chewing and it hurt like crazy for a few seconds. Now whenever I open and close my mouth I can feel my jaw scrape against itself like a dislocated bone or something. It's even nervewracking to chew food now. I have no idea how I'm going to solve that one. As far as I can tell there's noone even close to my area who specializes in TMJ things and normal dentists don't know what the hell they're doing.

 

What?

Well...you say that if your parents pass away, you will have no money to live. Light eater means that you should try to live without food then, because if you will keep this way of thinking you will starve to death one day when you have to live alone.

How do I know? Because I saw a few things here and there...my mom tried to commit suicide 3 times ~20 years ago, but she is still here and even though she also has T, she is happy.

I don`t understand you really...even though I want to encourage you that life isn`t over and you can overcome on this you just want to convince me that you are not capable to change things and you are a piece of sh*t basically. Well mate...let that be how you want then, if you want to remain at the bottom of the sea it`s your call...but if you are not willing to fight don`t want people to feel sad about you or to get a "massive support group" around you. You should think about that...

 

Yes, I agree.

So because your mom overcame T it means everyone can overcome everything? I'm not really seeing how the former is proof of the latter. What you've presented isn't really evidence, it's a singular anecdote. Moreover, I have stated already that if tinnitus was my only symptom, I would be perfectly fine. My tinnitus is annoying, but rarely intrusive. It's the other symptoms that have destroyed my life.

I guess so, yeah.

I am willing to fight, and I DO fight. Simply getting to the end of each day is a war in itself.

 

Dr. Quinton Gopen. Try to find the video on 'Kerri' with Dr. Gopen. She had Superior Canal Dehiscence Syndrome and was going crazy. I thought that might be what I had but it wasn't.

 

No my mom overcome chronic stomach pain. She has it since her childhood. She has T just since 2014.

 

So what do I do then, oh wise and insightful teacher? What are the grand instructions to achieving inner peace that I'm much too stupid to fathom?

 

I can't be bothered with ear plugs, I just take the pain (until I can't) most of the time, I grin and bear it. This however does not help me, it just sets me further back and I end up feeling stupid for not protecting. Your doctor is an idiot. There is no proof in what he says. You don't get H from not enough noise, this is ridiculous.

I know in professional hockey if you get your bell rung and your ears are ringing the doctors rush you to "the quiet room" immediately. Your doc is stuck in the 70s maybe. Or he just spouts off bs to make you happy.

What does he say about sleeping for hours on end with no sound? Risky? Should we warn the gereral public to get their daily dose of noise so they don't get H?

 

He isn't the only doctor that is advising that at all. It is the same advice given by most professionals in that area. This article verifies that: "Patients are strongly encouraged to surround themselves with soft and relaxing sound, and to progressively increase their exposure to typical everyday sounds." I guess it would have to be a professional that can manage that though.

My new psychologist is suggesting the same thing...expose myself to the sounds that irritate me, albeit slowly. I did that with my first onset with H and it literally went away. It comes back with stress though. I can understand how everyone is a bit different.

These things do exist. For example, Jaycee Dugard was kept in a room for much of her life. She still can't completely be comfortable in the sunlight.

http://www.audiologyonline.com/articles/20q-what-can-done-for-11679

 

@Marie79 From reading your other threads I can say what your doctor told you is probably very good advice for you. But I don't think it's necessary good advice for everyone depending on the severity of their condition.

 

The really awful part is maybe they don't have any other treatment.

 

I don't buy it. I have brain/ear damage from a injury, not a fear or discomfort caused by a weird reaction around noise like this article suggests. If you have only phycological issues in dealing with noise, then yes it is very treatable, I agree. If you have actual physical damage to the brain/ear causing the problem, this is very different.

 

@Telis if you don't mind me asking, how do you make a living? Do you work?

 

No I don't work anymore, forced retirement. Ive done well financially in the past so I live on that.

 

Damn, you're lucky in a way. I was getting ready to start university when I got hit with all this shit. Now I'm uneducated and have nothing.

 

Trust me, I'm not lucky. I worked my ass off while everyone else was having fun and living life. All for what? So I can support myself sick like this? I envisioned the good life while busting my ass all those years, no amount of money can give me a good life now. I could win the lotto and wouldn't give a shit at this point. I just want my health, and that's it, I don't care about the rest anymore. Money is food and survival (which I'm thankful for) but that's the extent of it. I would take broke and healthy anyday.

 

But would you rather be broke with H and T?

 

Yeah I get your point but I don't know, depends on how broke I guess. I would like to take back all those years wasted chasing $$$ that's for sure. If I knew what was coming, I sure as hell wouldn't have wasted years of my life to work. You know, weekends with family skipped at the lake or in the mountains because I just had to work. Or a ruined marriage, dropped friends, all because work came before anything and everything, stuff like that is hard to think about at this point.

Anyway man, I see your point, I get it, I do, but I'm not taking comfort in the fact that I burned up my heathy years so I could support my sick ass now. I don't consider it lucky, I consider it fucking tragic man.

Anyway, I don't want to say anything more about this.

Hope you are feeling better soon man

 

@Sen , I'm really sorry to hear about your symptoms they sound dreadful.

But 1 month of CBT is as effective as 1 week, you need to do it for at eadt 2 months to see a difference and to change thought patterns as deeply ingrained as you are suggesting it could take three times as long.- but you will feel better after it.

Also, you should start an e-commerce business for a source of income, you can control how loud your working environment is because youll be at home. And you can make a decent amount of money if you do it right.

and hopefully in the next 10 years weel see some treatments for re;airing synaptic nerves and cure H.

you could be living an incredible life in 10 years time with everything you ever wanted, for now you need to try and live in the moment and be grateful for the simplest of things. easier said than done and i titally get how you feel , trust me.