Mistakes

Anyone just totally screw things up after T? do things totally out of your character? Say things, do things you would have never done before T. Cost yourself relationships, health, money etc. I find my judgement to be totally impared along with this suffering. It's like I can't see or don't care about consequences anymore. Just trying to get through the hour, never mind doing the right thing in life seems to be my messed up way currently.

 

My patience has dipped and I get a bit grumpy with people - I never, ever used to be short with anyone.

I think properly habituating and accepting the T (or getting a cure) would bring old me back. It's not very helpful to think like that though - at least you're noticing it - so go fix it.

 

So far the most expensive mess up I did was when I was in total anger and frustration with my T and my wife... I drove our brand new Lexus out of the garage very fast....before the electric garage door opened. The car just suffered a broken light. The garage needed $1,000 repair. My fist that punched the garage door in anger at myself hurt for a few days. My relationship suffered, my finances suffered and I was very very low. My T reacted as expected by turning up to 11.
Not a good night.

 

I will add this. My wife and I have teamed up to deliver meals to the needy in the new car that still has a cracked brake light...so there is a silver lining to my dark cloud and the car. One we made.

 

@Tellis I am doing things out of character, alot of it has to do with depression, likely. Starting counselling with psychologist, done CBT, weaned off sleep meds and start Mindfulness in January. Patience is shorter, lethargic, relationships change - most of mine are supportive, my routine - well I don't have one other than couch potato a lot. My judgement was severely impaired, and didn't care about consequences, but that has improved. Just trying to get through the hour, yes, but that has improved too. Long way to go, but moving.

Hang in there, wishing you a Merry Christmas Tellis.

 

I think our behavior or attitude after T can be attributed to the anxiety and depression and the fact that our traumatized nerves are under the limbic system. There are many symptoms of anxiety and depression which can cause us to deviate from our norm. So it is wise to forgive or take it easier on ourselves.

In my own case, as I wrote in my success story, I realized at some point that the strong negative emotional reactions to T had begun to rub into my otherwise great relationship with my spouse and family. It was at that point that I realize that T, which I humanize as the bully, was trying not just to ruin me, but my good relationship with my love ones too. I decided to fight back this bully. If I had to live like hell with T, I said I wanted my family to live like heaven in return. That was my way to get even with this bully. I was making an effort to be extra nice to everyone despite the suffering. They sensed my effort and returned in kind. The result was affection and harmony in the family. It actually became a ray of light amid the darkness of T & H, and it gave me hope to soldier on with these tyrants of my life back then.

Paul Tobey, a Canadian concert pianist, a former T sufferer and a ATA featured speaker, told of how his wife has helped him take a stand with T in a different way. It is a different approach but it works for him back then after a few years of suffering.

http://www.ata.org/sites/ata.org/fi...cert_pianist_personal_story_tobey_june_06.pdf

 

I think I am too far gone...I am having a tough time even rememberkng what it was like to think with a clear head. I am one of those people I couldn't stand in the past....Totally useless to anyone or any casue.

 

When i was on my tinnitus (like I am again now), i could not come when some relatives visited, often i would be rude, non tolerant, it is just constant pain, i would be rather to be silent. I don't know how you do it but I am sweating on forehead from pain, and it is quite realistic. I had to and now again to wipe my forged 3-4times from fat, i can was it also same thing nothing helps. Then i would lie in bed, i just turn some masker and lay in bed hope day will pass.

It was important that clothing is clean not what kind clothing and how rugged and old they were, just that they were comfortable so i don't have to feel them and they dont bother me.

My head fell all time.. like i cant look strait but to ground. I have reactive T so if I chat i can be rude if there is many people asking to many things. During trobalt test it was extreme, people dont fell pain they just want to know what how when, like when doctor order from nurse info, and i am lost but MUST supply all detail even that i cant speak, they become vultures that force you to get what they want, that is terrible.

So yes i been rude, I tried to kill myself, I had a bottle with poison on my lips, i just been closing chat contacts, I did not want to come out to say hello to cousins, and after Trobalt trial I just wanna say my t is worse that it was before, and i have 200mg (600mg/d) left to get rid of.

 

Telis,
You and your brain have the power to change your thinking. I'm trying so hard in every way to be functional. You are only as useless as you choose to be...sometimes.
Sometimes T gets the better of us. It's all uphill and your a fighter.
Your a much tougher guy than me it seems and it takes little steps that add up to small victories.

Try a little kindness toward yourself and show what else is inside of you to others.
We are what we make ourselves even in the worst conditions.
My heart goes out to you, as I felt the same way so many times and often still do, but I can't quit moving forward.
Neither can you.

 

My favorite all time Dr.Nagler quote might be useful:
"Use a ton of ear protection and put up with the auditory consequences. It won't kill you."

 

Lol, yeah.. Luckily it seems like this shit is improving a lot at the time, but Ive basically decided to try out whatever I can. I think I find the ear and facial pain (i have/had that too) more or less worse than the tinnitus itself though..

I have changed in every possible way.. But the fact that this stuff is starting to improve after 1 year + makes me cautiously optimistic