My Idiotic Tinnitus Story

I've had tinnitus now about four months.

One thing that's really helped me cope has been reading people's accounts of the idiotic ways in which they got tinnitus. I've frustrated myself on so many occasions imagining going back in time, thinking with one quick decision I could have avoided this. Reading people's dumb stories of drunken fireworks in their ears, playing with an air horn etc. has been a strange source of comfort.

So my story:

Back in October I moved to West Africa to do some volunteering and learn French. I'm a fairly serious musician (also have always been neurotic about protecting my ears for this reason) and when I walked past a church near my place with a drumset, my eyes lit up. Talked to one of the members and was invited to play drums the following Sunday.

Show up early in the morning, and realized I'd rushed out without my earplugs which I almost always keep in my pocket. I didn't want to go back as the service was starting. Well, church in West Africa happens a bit differently--everything is mic'd and blasted through loudspeakers as if God won't be able to hear the people worshipping from his throne up in heaven unless it's at a million decibels. The soundboard had every knob maxed, the levels were all in the red, and the speakers sounded like absolute shit. Just garbage noise blasting out of them. I'm sitting at the drumset with the conductor giving me looks like 'play louder' (during our practices he kept angrily telling me to play louder. Again, God won't hear otherwise). Then they ask me to play bass and now I'm standing directly in front of one of the loudspeakers. I tried to move out of the way, but I was blocking the view of the choir and didn't want to be disrespectful.

The church service lasted about five hours like this. I wanted to leave the whole time, but couldn't exactly step out inconspicuously, being the only white person.

The ironic part is I'm an atheist.

 

So sorry this happened when you were usually so careful. Your last line cracked me up.

 

Sorry but at your last line I had to laugh hard.

You're not the only idiot, trust me. I cheated on my significant other, downspiraled in guilt, anxiety about STD, anxiety etc. caused chronic pain aka CPPS which is hell on earth, far worse than tinnitus btw, and the stress etc. caused my tinnitus.

And all because I cheated. And because I couldn’t handle it. Otherwise I would have an awesome life. So yeah. You're not half the idiot I am.

 

How loud is your tinnitus btw and where is it located?

 

That sucks. How did it evolve since then?

Since that kind of thing comforts you, my tinnitus is partly due to my stupidity (at least, my stupidity when I have drunk). The night that I had my trauma I was at a loud concert. I had earplugs in my pocket but decided not to put them, thought it would be ok. Stupid mistake! But what happened happened, cannot go back in the past.

 

Yeah exactly. What really frustrates me is I was always the one wearing earplugs at band practices, concerts etc when almost noone else did. But wallowing in regret is pointless.

I think the tinnitus has improved somewhat but it is difficult to tell. I remember earlier on hearing a distinct ringing whereas now it is more of a very high pitched hiss (still some ringing if I cover my ears completely). Since I am within the first six month window, I am hoping there will still be some improvement, or even a miraculous recovery. But now I am trying to get past the denail/anger stages into just accepting it and trying not to be stressed.

 

Not too loud but enough that it sometimes makes falling asleep difficult (or rather, my frustration with it can get me riled up while I'm trying to sleep).
It is mostly a high-pitched hiss that seems steady in both ears. If I cover my ears then I hear some ringing.

 

Don't worry, man. I too got trauma from 2 gigs where I was at the front because my girlfriend was singing. Now she complains that I'm not affectionate enough because I'm either tired/sleepy or talking about the T. Ironically if I was a worse boyfriend, I could have spared myself this.

 

Social anxiety make you do some dumb stuff. I decided to drown out the music in my office with headphones instead of just voicing my distaste for the music. Bad bad bad idea and I know that now that it's too late.

 

Beating ourselves up about the wrong we do is a pathway to destruction. That’s why sociopath dickheads with no conscience always seem to be in good health.

 

Same for me. Never wanted to cheat. Hopefully we both recover.

 

sirhand, that is a contributing factor to my T, too. My office is full of uninteresting people and my gym plays the worst music known to man at 85db. Who knows how long my hearing deteriorated slowly until the concerts.

 

@Estan Your story is both funny and sad at the same time. But I wouldn't give yourself a hard time about it. You were trying not to let other people down and bring attention to yourself in public by walking out. My story has a similar theme, but didn't involve god, just plain stupidity on more than one occasion.

Stupid act 1 - Bought a brand new set of headphones. Wanted to test them out. Instead of just listening to some classical music or some music that was special to me, I decided to listen to Slayer's 'A Decade of Aggression'. A full on assault of thrash metal hell. Started out at around 50% volume on ipod, but as I got into it, all of a sudden it seemed to get quieter and not loud enough, so the volume got turned up and up and up... I actually even fell asleep at one point as it was late in the evening with those headphones blasting away (how was that possible I still ask myself). Woke up in the morning with the hiss from hell and ended up with nearly a 'A Decade of T' so far, but not so aggressive, more of the milder variety after habituation and a few of years of recovery.

Stupid act 2 and 3 - After being very careful for years around loud sound, living a quiet life, no headphones, no concerts etc, I decided to attend my work Christmas party last year which happened to be on my Birthday and involved going to a Bandaoke event later in the evening - karaoke with a live band. Had no intention of going, but convinced myself it would be OK after a few beers. Many beers later, we're at the venue, beers keep arriving at my table at the back of the room, faster than I can drink them, band doesn't seem loud at all, can hear my colleagues talking over the music (feeling safe). Fast forward to the end of the night, my name get's called out to go up and sing the final song of the night (no it wasn't Slayer, that would have been tragic). It was 'Don't Stop Believin' by Journey (I didn't put my name down, a colleague was kind enough to do that without me knowing - thanks buddy). With the pressure on, my guard down and confidence at 100% (thanks beer), I walked up to that mic. Fellow T sufferers thinking WTF - but you had ear plugs in right? Hmmm. Stupid act 3.

In reflection, that band wasn't that loud, small stage, small amps, small venue. But it was loud enough for me at close distance, and I had no business being there without ear plugs. The alcohol didn't help me in my decision making, but ultimately I was responsible for my actions and could have said no and walked out. I now have the T which is far worse than before to remind me of this, but have to move on, live with it, learn.

 

Well yeah. But besides tinnitus I went through pain like giving birth for 4 months and a lot other shit. I might have shortened my live span with this stress by a decade. Hard to not think about it.

 

I can empathize with the frustration. Thanks for sharing your story. Hopefully the tinnitus will go back to pre-bandaoke levels, or at least your ease of coping with it will.

 

All I did to cause my tinnitus was use a cotton bud a bit too long resulting in an earwax impaction. Who knew those little things could be so dangerous.

 

Thanks and same to you. Wish everyone here the best of recovery.

 

Almost totally describes mine. Except it fluctuates throughout the day and depending on the loudness of the environment.

 

Fuuuuuu. Are you for real?

 

Yup. Though the full story is the ear wax impaction was then misdiagnosed by two genius GPs for 2.5 months (even though I turned up and said I think I have a wax impaction) and I think after extended unilateral deafness my brain freaked out and created tinnitus in the deaf ear suddenly.

They did give me antibiotics when one mistakenly thought the deafness was due to ear infection; that might have swung it. But I was the idiot who created the wax impaction in the first place.

I had used cotton buds for 20 years with no problems but apparently doctors are not joking when they say those things are not safe.

Most wax impactions in younger people are caused by cotton bud use.

Wax removal is quite a common cause of tinnitus here so that wasn’t the case with me. So stay away from the things!

 

I had some impaction from cotton buds too, wonder how much damage I did.

 

That really sucks. As others have said, no point wishing we could turn back time.

 

Since that kind of thing comforts you, my tinnitus is partly due to my stupidity (at least, my stupidity when I have drunk). The night that I had my trauma I was at a loud concert. I had earplugs in my pocket but decided not to put them, thought it would be ok. Stupid mistake! But what happened happened, cannot go back in the past.[/QUOTE]


Same. I had earplugs in my pocket that I used for 2 out of 3 bands I saw that night. But the one band that I didn't use earplugs and was up front and center screaming lyrics too was enough to give me t. I was buzzed that time too and thought "I'll be ok, it's just for one band". Man. It's hard for me to accept t when I know it was totally preventable and caused by my lazy drunkenness. Since then, everyday is frustration.

 

Seems we are in the same boat in terms of the cause being wax build up. My ears have always seemed to produce too much and not clearing properly by themselves. My T triggered instantly after using earwax drops and freaking out when it felt like the drops got stuck in there, kind of vigorously tilting my head side to side. Pretty insane really. Microsuctions and other tests certainly haven't helped in the time since.

@Estan So sorry that happened to you and you were just trying to do some good. Developing countries are definitely loud places. But actually, all countries and cultures are just as dopey whether they're "first world" or "third world". It makes me despair, in a way, that we as a species are able to ruin ourselves with our creations. Humans are so unnatural.

I hope it goes away eventually or fades at least.

 

Sorry about that. Were they hydrogen peroxide drops?

 

Docusate Sodium 0.5%

Just googling ear drops:
Over-the-counter Eardrops May Cause Hearing Loss Or Damage, Study Suggests. ... A new study, led by researchers at The Montreal Children's Hospital (MCH) of the MUHC, has revealed that certain over-the-counter earwax softenerscan cause severe inflammation and damage to the eardrum and inner ear.
https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/01/080128113212.htm

Doesn't specifically mention the kind I used, but certainly makes me feel concerned. My kids used the same stuff I did!

https://pdfs.semanticscholar.org/9837/fc6632228ebad2b1713747cfbb4c290de516.pdf
Conclusion
Intratympanic docusate sodium was found to be severely ototoxic and very irritating to the external auditory canal epithelium in the guinea pig. Its use as ear drops is therefore highly discouraged.

Great. There we go.

 

All your "idiot moves" aren't as half as idiotic as mine so feel blessed

 

Great punch line. Nicely crafted story.

 

I have been thinking the same for the past year, you will get over this frustration with time, I got my tinnitus from headphones at workplace.

 

Rohit, how is your tinnitus? I saw your success story.