Only One More Month Before My Tinnitus Is Cured

Permanently. I hope my suicide will at least raise some sort of awareness throughout my community and save others. I have my nitrogen tank ready and awaiting, all tested and ready to go.

I don't want to die, but I feel it is literally the only way forward. Hopefully mild tinnitus sufferers who say happiness is the key to everything never get to experience this hell, even though I sometimes wish they do. Being forced to kill yourself is cruel, not dying.

Vent over.

Edit* I'd like to add that mild tinnitus sufferers annoy me, but some of the severe ones annoy me even more. Just because you can't commit suicide, don't push a shitty life onto others.

Death is the only solution to this madness.

 

I agree that its not my right to tell you you can't commit suicide because I will never know the degree of your suffering, BUT I'd like to ask if you've exhausted all options in relieving your suffering? The extreme options like a heavy duty protocol of stem cells. There are more success stories than there are failures on this forum regarding it so it might be a worthy shot.

You can read the discussion about @attheedgeofscience stem cell experience here
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/my-trip-to-bangkok-stem-cell-treatment-comments.1891/

And you can read his journal here
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/my-trip-to-bangkok-stem-cell-treatment-journal.1884/

@FERNANDO GIL also had success in volume reduction and @DebInAustralia had success as it eliminated her reactive part of T.

And PM me if you ever need to vent or talk about anything at anytime.

 

There is hope man, we've been able to restore hearing in mice which is huge. I'm not here to tell you what you can and can't do, but please consider waiting for the FX-322 results.

I'm so sorry that your tinnitus has driven you to this point, it's beyond cruel.

 

Jason i fully understand and agree that this is no life at all.

It would be a nice thought that some consolation of your death will raise awareness but it never does. The cruel nature of tinnitus suffering is that nobody who isn’t cursed with it, will ever see it for what it is.....Noise torture. Day after day, hour after hour, minute after minute of soul destroying hell.

You will just be classed as depressed. The coroner will still stamp your death with, ‘imbalance of the mind,’ and this evil sneaky f*** and it’s coping industry guardians will get away with it again. As they’ve done countless times before.

And tomorrow and the day after and the day after that more tortured souls will be told to learn to live with something that is totally at odds with the entire essence of sentient beings.

I’m sorry friend it’s come to this for us. I truly am. I hope we find peace somehow.

 

@jasonbourne ,
I know life can be a struggle with tinnitus it's Mental torture but please hang on and give your life more time to find something that helps you cope better and hope better treatments will be found.
I hate the thought of any life been taken away from tinnitus and Hyperacusis but I understand how you feel as life is hard but please keep fighting .
love glynis

 

I was in the same position as you.

Ended up in hospital with depression. Slowly things improved - not the tinnitus - but my reaction to it.

I will be extremely black and white with you.

You can give up, take the easy way, and use those nitrogen tanks that was my idea.

You can work with people, learn to cope with it, and have hope that this condition will be cured or at least better treatments will come in the coming years - remember - the common incidence of tinnitus will only drive the development of treatments to meet high unmet clinical needs. Tinnitus is one of them. Look at the research news and educate yourself on the latest developments and potential therapies.

You can be a dead man or you can be a strong individual that breaks through the cycle of tinnitus-depression-tinnitus-depression.

We’re all in this together. As one. You aren’t alone.

Don’t kill yourself - there are people here who have severe tinnitus for many years, fortunately for you every day is a step closer to a new treatment, and everyday you suffer is another day forward to a new treatment that hits the market.

Get rid of the nitrogen tanks and get yourself safe.

 

I agree...unless someone offs themselves in a gruesome and demonstrative manner, in front of a big ENT office with a sign around their neck that spells out "killed by tinnitus", the coroner will file it as just another case of "depression" or "mental illness" suicide.

 

There are 16 people walking the earth right now that may very well have been cured or partially cured of their hearing loss and tinnitus but we wont be allowed to know anytime soon because of FDA regulations. We need to know ASAP.

 

There are so many things coming down the pipeline!

MuteButton
Frequency Therapeutics
Lidocaine patches in development (have been proven stop tinnitus completely temporarily)

All of these things are being worked on and will have more information on within the year. MuteButton is coming out in less than a year!!!

You owe it to yourself at least try these things!

 

They are releasing results in December right?!

 

Probably just safety data. Not efficacy. Which is ridiculous because they will easily also have efficacy data.
From what I understand they are testing to see how much if any of the drug remains in the patients blood after the injection.

 

Please dont kill yourself. Have hope. There is alot of research going on right now which may bear fruit soon. I'm sorry you're struggling, many of us are. Please just find some strength to go on.

 

I feel your pain, try and hang on bro.

 

How do you know you won't take it with you or it's ten times worse on the other side?

I've thought about suicide many times and that's the one thing that holds me back.

 

Would you say that to a person at Dignitas suffering Motor Neurone or Parkinson’s or any number of other awful afflictions?

Because I seriously cannot see how this is any different.

We have a seriously torturous disease and people making ridiculous comments about suffering in the afterlife only worsen our predicament and create more fear.

Worth remembering people with all sorts of diseases take their own lives through euthanasia every single day. Just because we don’t have that option due to the entirely overlooked hell of what we suffer, doesn’t mean we are morally inferior by taking our own lives.

I really hate seeing these stupid afterlife guilt posts. They don’t help anyone at all and are disrespectful.

 

Jason

I just want to tell you what happened to me before you make your decision.
26 months ago I had an acoustic trauma (loud concert) and my tinnitus was screaming loud, high pitch and low rumble at the same time. I had bad hyperacusis, ear pain and fullness. I thought my life was over.

Flash forward to today (26 months) and my hyperacusis is totally gone, no ear pain or fullness, and my tinnitus has 95% faded.

It is a long, slow and painful road, but T can (and usually does) fade away. Not all tinnitus is permanent.

This is actually my second time with tinnitus. 13 years ago I also had bad tinnitus from an acoustic trauma, and it was even worse than this one, and it faded to ZERO in about 2 years. Totally gone.

Please give it more time, it is most likely going to fade away, but it is SLOW.

 

This is more common than people think, the majority of people move on and get better over time. I had part of my hearing destroyed through barotrauma plus antibiotic ear drops. My tinnitus took almost 5 years to calm down to a livable level. I’ve recently been exposed to loud noise causing additional hearing loss, massive tinnitus change, the only thing that helps me stay alive this time is that it got to a livable level the last time, I think it may happen again sometime, maybe. If things don’t improve for me, I’m dead and gone at some point.

People that state that you are weak and take the easy way out have no clue. If you don’t find murdering yourself to be the toughest most horrifying thing that you could ever do, you may just be insane, It goes entirely against human instinct.

 

Fair point. I'm just thinking outside the box and wasn't trying to lay a guilt trip on any one just airing what goes through my mind when my thoughts turn dark.

 

Allan don’t torment yourself further with these thoughts my friend.

Thousands of elderly and sick people all over the world every single day end their lives, either assisted or unassisted.

To think they’re all going to be punished in hell and continue to be tormented by old age or illness in some other realm is absurd.

Do you think Terry Pratchett for example is in hell suffering Alzheimer’s? If this sounds unlikely then please do not think that you will be damned for eternity with severe tinnitus.

....And do not be conned for a single second by ENT’s and doctors and the ignorant mainstream in to thinking you are suffering less than him or that tinnitus is somehow a lesser disease.

 

I total understand. I felt that way too. Here’s how things got better for me. I felt anxious and depressed cause I couldn’t escape the ringing. Had tried everything at the time....and of course at the time there was no hope of all that exists today. What I did was reverse strides....stopped trying to escape it...and started listening to it. I would put on ear muffs in my house and just listen...and let it scream. In time it became “ part of me” and I learned to take care of it and see it as a symptom...not a threat. I learned to listen openly to it. In a way in fact to love it...and in doing so became more accepting. I protect it from harm...by ear plugs andmuffs...cause I care for it. In doing so..the war between me and my tinnitus lessened and I accepted it...stopped trying to run from it..or “defeat” it and my anxiety and depression related to my tinnitus lessened and I no longer wanted or needed to “ kill” it. Learn to listen to it. Peace my friend. And btw..in case you think mine is mild...its not. Extremely loud..with recruitment and hyperacusis. I still listen to it..especially when it’s stirred up.

 

I do too sometimes. Sitting in my room with earplugs in and trying to focus on other things has helped me get over this when I didn’t know how.

 

I'm glad you were able to find peace this way, but for most people this would be roughly about the same as submitting to a violent rapist...(I mean no insult by this).
I find acceptance of this kind simply mind boggling.
To me, accepting Tinnitus would be like accepting Satan...no word of a lie.

It was really hard to read the part where you state that you actually love this thing....
To me that sounds almost Stockholm syndrom-ish...again no offense, but these things completelly boggle my mind.

 

Hi could you tell me what you hear?

 

When people tell you they do this or do that, and their tinnitus is so loud and they are doing just great blah blah blah it means absolutely nothing, it could just be experienced as loud to them, but quiet to others. Im sure if their tinnitus increased 20 fold they would change their tune. And if they don’t think it can get that much worse they are fooling themselves. And if they think they can handle unlimited amounts noise they are delusional. Why would the CIA use noise torture if some people like it. Maybe the CIA doesn’t know what they are doing.

In my experience those that talk the biggest game are the ones with no game at all.

If tinnitus is loud enough, the noise induced migraines alone will take any person (I don’t care how great they think they are) on a ride to hell.

 

I think you nailed it...
I'm pretty sure the poster meant well, but I have posed this question many times myself to those who claim to have conquered their Tinnitus....

So far I never got an answer to that one:
Would they still feel the same way if their Tinnitus increased its intrusiveness couple of times over it's current state?

My guess is, that they would change their chest pounding attitudes towards Tinnitus rather quickly.

Lot of them are under impression that their Tinnitus is "running out of steam" (I just read that somewhere recently).

I can assure them that is not the case, as there is no limit to how intrusive Tinnitus can get.

They are just very lucky....any "if I can do it so can you" type of rhetoric is completely out of place here.

 

To be honest, and if you ever have come across my posts from a a few years back, I actually thought I had it as bad as one could have it. I’ve ruptured my ear drums through barotrauma twice, poisoned myself with drugs, multiple ear infections, lost hearing through antibiotic ear drops, I had/have post concussion syndrome-traumatic drain damage, deafened myself 100s of times at clubs/concert, Had dizziness/fullness, severe headaches, hyperacusis, stabbing ear pain, my tinnitus/ear issue was so off the charts that there was no way things could get worse (in my mind). I had so many worsenings that I really thought that was it.

I did however improve after reaching a certain point, I improved enough to live, enough to sleep, enough to get through the day. I thought that I had endured hell and come out okayish.

Recently after the MRI two months ago I’m back with the same symptoms exactly but way the hell worse, I mean to the point that this condition seems brand new, like I’m doing this all over again. I was/am in shock that it can get this bad, I couldn’t imagine it getting worse. And, I’m sure folks have it worse than what I have.

If a person doesn’t think they can make it worse, get back to the clubs, go hit a metal concert, live it up!! Why are they all so concerned with protecting their ears if they are maxed out? I think the chest pounders know that things can get hellish for them as well, they aren’t exempt

 

Could be that the chest pounders are using some kind of an Orwellian "double think" technique that allows them to cope..who knows.
Each to their own I guess but when I hear the following:

I won't let Tinnitus stop me, happiness is a choice, or I won't let Tinnitus keep me from enjoying my life, I have to remind them just how lucky they are to still be able to cope.

And yes Tinnitus WILL stop EVERYONE in their tracks, if it gets past the point that they are no longer able to tolerate...we all have that point.
True, some have it set higher than others, but make no mistake...it is there.
There are no exceptions to that.
None.

 

Yeah, I don’t know. I think in part happiness is definitely a choice. I mean, we have the ability to view things in a certain way.

I have to admit, I got to the point with severe tinnitus where I was happy, even laying on the floor with my dog for 4 months with shingles I was okay.

Laid out watching YouTube day after day crippled with shingles and a screaming brain, I had this ability to switch off the tinnitus at times, slept like a log, took naps, tinnitus did not bother uo to an hour at a time. Yeah I was still disabled by it, but it wasn’t so bad that I couldn’t make it through the day, symptoms backed off to a reasonable level, that’s all I needed to be happy. I still suffered, but I could find little things to help, plus I could escape with a really good nights sleep, or a long shower with a couple of cold beers. Little things to keep going is where it’s at for me, right now I have nothing.

Unfortunately symptoms are back to a point where I can’t actually handle it. I can’t walk around delirious all day and choose happy, doesn’t make sense. I’m not choosing to be unhappy either, I’m just pushing as hard as I can. But to sit here and choose to be happy while I’m suffering like a beaten dog, I do have to be realistic, I’m not selling myself on this one, it doesn’t matter how badly I want to buy.

 

@Wolfears you misunderstood me. I didn't say I loved it...in terms of "enjoying" it...far from it. I said that I love it..as in giving it love. Very different. I had to move to a place of incorporation of the noise and impulses and away from warring with them....as they always win..as they are ever present and very very loud in my case. Made the difference between my ending my life and my having a life..even with the limitations that a very damaged inner ear creates with hyperacusis, loss of hearing and distortion. And I have not "conquered it". Couldn't do it..it was bigger, louder and endlessly persistent. But I did become more "one" with it..and the anxiety prevoked by my inability to shut it up or even turn it down lessened and I was able to still have a life ..even with limits.

 

@jay777 In my left ear..which is very damaged..I hear extremely high pitched ringing, hissing, and tones. The tones are masked mostly by every day noise. the hissing and head piercing high pitch (the "I can't stand it another minute noises)..is not masked and in fact increases around noise and my own voice if raised. Someone wrote that if my noise increased 20 fold I would not be doing great..and in fact recently it did....but I am habituating to it w/o going over the bridge...by slowing down and listening to it. Just listening to it and often times asking it..what it wants. This is what has worked for me to prevent suicide and I share it that someone might learn from my experience.