Reflections...

Hello guys,

New on this forum, took me a while to sign up, but I think it's for the best. Normally, I wouldn't consider talking about my Tinnitus a good way to 'feel better' about it, but I think it's time I wrote down how I feel.

I can relate to this thread as I'm currently experiencing a severe bout of 'emptiness' or at least what I perceive this state of mind to be. Not entirely sure it's all because of my T spikes, but confident (as usual) that it plays a significant part in this vicious cycle. I myself am a 21 year old student, and my tinnitus initially started during first term of my first year at uni. I will not go into details as no one here (understandably) wants to absorb so much information in one go, but I will say this: when it worsened unexpectedly one morning back in late December 2015 I felt a kind of panic and angst unequalled and seemingly terrifying.

Of course, my conscience knew it wasn't something serious happening to my body or brain, but in that instant I'm sure many of you felt something along those lines. I fell into what I to this day call a 'depression' (even though I have a naturally anxious and self-confessed pessimistic individual) for what seemed like a good part of the year 2016 (although there is no clear distinction in beginning/end of it) but I can say that my second year at university began with a much more optimistic outlook.

However, just as many of you here, I have to contend with the presence of this inexplicable phenomenon inside my ears (and/or brain??) day in , day out. My family has been somewhat supportive, but they cannot possibly grasp what it is to have constant noise and fear of excessive noise itself. And that is okay. It is my burden, but being a highly sensitive individual, I cannot help but feel very deeply about this (What will my life be like? Socially? Romantically? Professionally?) if I cannot 'get a grip' so to speak and not try to overthinking all of this. Even though I suffer from a tremendous lack of confidence and self- love at times (yes, first world problems!), I firmly believe that I deserve to not let T take over.

And I wish the same for all of you wonderful people here (whoever you are). All the best,
C x

 

Good writer!

 

@Michael B Thank you kind sir!