Suicidal

Discussion in 'Support' started by jeremy06, Oct 14, 2018.

    1. PeteJ
      Depressed

      PeteJ Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      acoustic trauma?
      How do you know I or anyone else can be helped? Even fucking doctors and ENTs can't help most people. That's what is so bad about this when it's severe.

      I think Ed just wanted to bash me because I didn't check agree with his post. Will understanding the tech. and auditory measurement help me?

      It's the same fucking bullshit of others saying if "you don't want to listen", these vague accusations and critiques like assuming anything said should work but nothing specific is brought up.
       
      • Hug Hug x 2
    2. PeteJ
      Depressed

      PeteJ Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      acoustic trauma?
      Btw, that is really mean and untrue.
       
      • Hug Hug x 1
    3. john paul
      English

      john paul Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      11/11/17
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      acoustic trauma
      Severe tinnitus is when it hurts you. Like someone grinding your skull open with a grinder and running a blow torch over your brain. I've had it for about 3 or 4 nights of my life in total shortly after a loud event that either gave me tinnitus or made it permanently worse. That kind of suffering on a full time scale warrants euthanasia.

      The problem with tinnitus is there is NO HELP, NO CURE, NOTHING. Anger is a totally natural reaction to such a problem, the world has done this to most of us in one way or another. You must work on trying to overcome this anger because it will lead to self harm eventually, it's a toxic mindset that only you can change. For nothing other than yourself can do anything about this situation. I'm not digging at anyone, I'm trying to change your mindset because it will help you. THIS IS NOT GOING TO BEAT YOU. How? By neutralising all emotion towards it and accepting the challenge you now face in life.
       
      • Hug Hug x 1
    4. PeteJ
      Depressed

      PeteJ Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      acoustic trauma?
      How often should you wear earplugs?

      I am willing to listen and heed any advice on this.
       
    5. MattS
      Relaxed

      MattS Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      06/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Power Tools
      How about this then Pete: why don't you let us know what it is you'd like us to say. Because clearly nobody is telling you what you want to hear, not are you willing to listen to anything else. So you tell us what you want to hear, and then we can regurgitate that back to you, if we feel comfortable doing so. Deal?
       
    6. MattS
      Relaxed

      MattS Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      06/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Power Tools
      No, it is not.

      It's only mildly mean.
      And it's not even remotely untrue.

      You need to take a really good look in the mirror Pete. You've lost your center, man.
       
    7. MattS
      Relaxed

      MattS Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      06/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Power Tools
      This is the key @PeteJ. This is a support group, where we all set out to support each other. It's not a help line where the volunteer is only there to help you. You are not the only sufferer here. We all suffer, and we all seek to help each other where/when we can.

      When you learn that, you will find people responding to you in a manner closer to what you're looking for (whatever the f- that may be).
       
      • Like Like x 1
    8. MattS
      Relaxed

      MattS Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      06/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Power Tools
      Hi Bartoli. My tinnitus is also very high pitched. Not quite 12.5, but in around 11.3 I believe. High enough, to be sure.

      Whether it's as loud as yours, or louder, or quieter...well, who the hell knows, right?

      Mostly at this point I've just decided to accept it. I mean, there's really nothing I can do about it, and my general motto in life is "worry about the things you can control". This is something I clearly cannot... and so I just move on, and worry about the things I can.

      I know many, perhaps including you, will read this and decide it's bull, or that my tinnitus is obviously more mild, or whatever. And maybe it is - again, who really knows. But regardless, I really have just sort of gotten myself into a place where I'm just moving on. Can I still hear it? Sure - it's blaring away as I write this. Have I habituated? Maybe a bit, but mostly no. So it's not like it's going away... rather I've just accepted it as part of me. And like they say: once you accept yourself, your able to move forward, happier.

      I don't know if that makes any sense or just sounds like mumbo jumbo. But I think there's some truth to be found there. You can't change it, and it's a part of you: so accept it, accept you, and go live the best life you can.
       
      • Like Like x 2
    9. MattS
      Relaxed

      MattS Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      06/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Power Tools
      Shopping carts are the worst. I put in plugs whenever I approach a grocery store, partially on auto pilot, because invariably someone will separate one, or smash two together, or the god damn cart collector will come by with 100 of them. I've been bitten by that enough times, I just pop in plugs any time I'm grocery shopping, then take em out as soon as I'm done.
       
      • Agree Agree x 1
    10. Allan1967

      Allan1967 Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      1997
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Ear infection
      Feeling hopeless.

      I didn't want to start a new thread on this but how do you all deal with the feeling of being in a hopeless situation?
       
    11. Ed209

      Ed209 Member Podcast Patron Benefactor Ambassador Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      07/2015
      I sincerely feel for you, Pete, but I had to point out a few facts. Lots of people have reached out to you, many times, but you keep pushing them away. @MattS reached out to you and you were dismissive and rude, and he’s not the only one. Anytime somebody suggests something, you instinctively say, “that won’t work” or “I can’t get that” or “they won’t prescribe me that.” There’s a common theme here.

      It’s almost as if you are purposely trying to alienate yourself, and I get that you are really suffering. I get it. You’re venting and you’re lashing out, but that won’t help you; hence why I said in my other post that this is tough love. I think a few home truths will help you more. If you need drugs to help you then there are ways of going about it. You can go private, or change GP, many times if need be, and tell them how you really feel because I get the distinct feeling that you are not telling any of these Drs how you really feel. Tell them you are feeling suicidal and are at an all-time low. Be honest about how badly you are feeling.

      You could also take up linearB’s offer and actually try it! You could try CBT, forget what you’ve read here unless you’ve tried it before, you have no room to criticise it. Find people to talk to in the real world. Baring your soul about how you feel is truly therapeutic and has great benefits. Join a gym and start exercising, or maybe do a martial art or something completely new to you; something to divert your attention and get yourself active and away from this forum.

      I may sound blunt but I’m honestly trying to break through your barrier. You have to be willing to try things and not say they won’t work before you do.

      People clearly love and care about you otherwise you wouldn’t get so many sending messages to you :huganimation:
       
      • Like Like x 2
    12. Bartoli

      Bartoli Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      2009,worsened 2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise
      That doesn't mean it's 70 dB for all the reasons Ed explained above. You don't need a formal musical training to understand. The whisper that you can hear in the cinema is a good analogy. In the end it doesn't matter whatever dB it is. The point is that we are suffering and bothered by it so any quantitative measure like dB doesn't bear much meaning. I agree about what is said about you pushing away all help and being quite rude. Everyone is clueless, no one understands and no one can help. Still you ask a lot of questions and people in here try to answer them from their experience and perspective. I get it. I get upset and angry with my loved ones over small matters and it kills me. So I guess it's much easier to get angry with some faceless people on a forum. Still you must realise everyone is just trying to help. (And get some support at the same time). A shared burden...
       
      • Like Like x 1
    13. Greg Sacramento

      Greg Sacramento Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      April 2011
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      syringing and now somatic T dental work
      I have posted over 20 times to Pete with having involved health issues myself. I also have an abdominal aortic aneurysm and carotid artery and other artery and vein disease causing eye sight loss. I recently lost sight in left eye, but I still try to help others here. Besides all my other tinnitus types from trauma, this is causing loud thumping.

      I have given information/links with treatments to Pete in this thread and within other threads that he has posted on. Self treatment takes a lot of time - many hours a day. He has mentioned a couple of time that temporary his tinnitus has lowered as well ear pain. This could be associated to less pressure on his jaw and teeth.

      I know about this stuff over a period of 28 years as we had on call dentists on staff. I'm not asking for help myself with my issues, but I have shown caring to Pete. I do have compassion for Pete, but it's also important to discuss the physical issues which I had.

      I have not bought to the table any personnel non physical issues. I feel that isn't my place to judge another when I'm not having personnel direct body to mind contact over a lengthy time period. Hidden fear, self doubt, anger, frustration and feeling hopeless is some stuff that many of us have with tinnitus. Some who have felt physical and/or emotional pain at an early age cannot tolerate even a little more discomfort later in life. I have said once that ear pain and loudness of tinnitus per the jaw and dental usually isn't more than low moderate unless jaw or facial nerve pain is felt. It may be that he has a middle or inner ear problem. Possible infection or fluids.

      If tinnitus is severe then it may be due to hearing loss, accumulative noise or any of the many things that cause tinnitus.

      How are you doing @Ed209?
       
      • Hug Hug x 3
      • Useful Useful x 1
    14. Ed209

      Ed209 Member Podcast Patron Benefactor Ambassador Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      07/2015
      Greg, I’ve said this before but you are an absolute warrior my friend. You always put others before yourself and show generosity no matter what. You are an inspiration.

      Like you I have ongoing health issues. I have scar tissue pain in my chest; extremely painful calcification tendinitis in both shoulders; intraoccular eye pressures of 27 putting me at risk of glaucoma and nerve damage (I’m at high risk because my dad went blind in one eye even though he was taking the drops). I also have ongoing urological symptoms, and raging multi-tonal tinnitus, but other than that, I doing alright buddy :LOL:

      I try not to let things that I cannot control affect my mental health.

      What you deal with though Greg is just cruel and unjust. Take good care of yourself.
       
      • Hug Hug x 2
    15. Daniel Lion
      Ape-like

      Daniel Lion Member Podcast Patron Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      SE Asia
      Tinnitus Since:
      2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise trauma, hearing loss
      I go on autopilot, eat only healthy foods. No salt, sugar, vegetable soups, fish, boiled ginger and garlic. Exercise. Clean the body, it will help and might even allow the mind to follow. Tinnitus is very loud and shitty as I write, but I am ok. Praying for you Allan... It has taken me two years to get out of the darkness, touch wood I wont go back. Be well friend, control what you can, take baby steps.
       
      • Like Like x 4
    16. Bartoli

      Bartoli Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      2009,worsened 2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise
      Thanks Matt. I do agree and while my brain knows all this it's entirely another thing to live by it. For me it's the anxiety about it that is partly responsible for not being able to cope well. Tinnitus is the biggest problem at the moment that keeps me from habituating is the noise exposure on my bicycle commute to work. I'm choosing quiet roads, but I'm talking about the wind noise hitting my ears. I'm currently wearing Cat-Ears wind blockers on the Helmet straps and a Buff skullcap over the ears. I'm also wearing deeply inserted foam plugs but it seems not to work well enough to make me feel comfortable about it. Road vibrations (thud thud thud) bypass the plugs via bone and with the occlusion effect I'm wondering if I'm not worse off than not wearing plugs at all. The low drone of the wind comes through the plugs too. Am I not piping this sound further into my ears possibly doing more damage , as it's closer to the eardrum? I can't find anyone knowledgeable enough to provide the answers. I asked twice in other threads but it keeps bugging me. Also with the plugs my tinnitus is unbearably enhanced.

      I need to find a way to sort this out and who knows I might do better when this problem is addressed.

      I could of course just let it all be. Take a cavalier approach to it and hope that my tinnitus won't get worse by riding without any protection. After all, it's not like the pro peloton is full of deaf people. The thing is that wind noise is definitely an issue for motorcyclists, and recently an article claimed cyclists might be at risk too. Going by gut feeling, wind noise is uncomfortably loud for me.

      So, that's a long post. Not expecting an answer here. Just so you know what keeps me from habituating.
       
    17. all to gain

      all to gain Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      June 2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      dirty drugs
      Allan, I don't think I am dealing with it. I'm just drifting through life now. Some days are better than others, but I'm always on edge, always in panic mode. To know that this maybe my future until I die fills me with dread, anger and disbelief.

      Yet through all that, I still seem to be clinging onto life. The thought of taking my own life at only 49 and leaving behind my 3 kids is something I can't deal with. But the thoughts come daily; every minute in fact.

      Tinnitus is an ultimate nightmare situation. Before I go it my eyes went blurred and I truly feared I was going to go blind. I realise this is probably not likely 'now', although still possible, and that my cataracts can be fixed (as long as the surgeon is competent). But then I got tinnitus and the hope has all but gone from me.

      I'm living second to second and it hurts. Not being able to plan for the future really hurts. I had so many plans for myself and the kids and now I'm struggling to get through the day.

      Tinnitus is mean, and if you also have other factors affecting it and life it is only worse. I have OCPD/OCD and having those and tinnitus at the same time is pretty damn hellish. And I think my nervous system is probably buggered due to the long-term effects and withdrawal/discontinuation of antidepressants earlier in the year (I am back on them now). I feel like I am an easy target now for side effects and for other illnesses and diseases (specially with regard to the ears and eyes). A sitting duck.

      I've have tried to stop reading the threads about future and present treatments and possible cures. They seem either depressing or based on false hope, but I so hope I am wrong. At least through this site though I can see that others are very much in a position like me. It helps a little will the feelings of loneliness. But only a little.

      Ultimately it is my kids that are keeping me alive. They may need me as they grow up. Hell, what if they get tinnitus or cancer or are injured in a car crash? How would they cope without their daddy being there? As much as I want my pain to stop, I can't do it to them. Well, at least I can't so far...
       
      • Hug Hug x 3
    18. PeteJ
      Depressed

      PeteJ Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      acoustic trauma?
      @Ed209, anyone I have been 'rude' to hasn't listened to me and it's frustrating so I lashed out, I guess. Matt S. was annoying and insulting so I requested he stop replying but he still does.

      I already explained how and why it's difficult to get a new physician here. This is just another example of some people not paying attention to what I post and it's frustrating.

      It's obvious that you don't think my tinnitus is very loud and intrusive so I will end my reply here.
       
    19. PeteJ
      Depressed

      PeteJ Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      acoustic trauma?
      I know but you appear new here and you are not familiar with the suggestions and my answers.
       
    20. PeteJ
      Depressed

      PeteJ Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      acoustic trauma?
      I appreciate your posts and attempts to help. The rare fluctuation of my tinnitus doesn't happen much and there has only been a couple times when it was noticeably lower. The last time, it was for two hours and happened last week. But, couldn't that just be random? Some people here have fluctuating tinnitus but I don't know if they have jaw issues. I don't recall it often being related to jaw issues for most of these people.

      I want to pursue anything that could lessen the pain permanently and if it could lower my tinnitus, that would be so welcome. I don't recall the exercises. I also have trouble concentrating.

      I would like advice regarding an upcoming dentist appointment. I have one in around a week's time. Unfortunately, I require fillings in two adjacent back teeth. The dentist wants to do them both on the same day because they are next to each other. I didn't want to as I wanted separate days but I ultimately accepted his request. I am scared though and don't know if I should go with this '2 fillings/same day.' Any advice?

      The last time I had a filling, it was hell but I think it went better than I thought. But, I was still scared of a spike and worsening tinnitus. It seemed like it took forever. But, IIRC, the worst part was the dental pain afterwards.
       
    21. PeteJ
      Depressed

      PeteJ Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      acoustic trauma?
      @Ed209, I will explain (again) the doctors thing because I think you are honestly trying to help even though I don't think you pay attention to the replies or don't think much of the replies.

      I want to be brief and I am sure that you want that as well. I am in Canada and it's difficult to get a new physician. You have to find one "accepting new patients." Given the nature of the 'invisible tinnitus condition' it is difficult to find a good doctor who wants to help and imho, nothing helps. I know people here don't agree or don't want to agree but I digress. From all the posts of people trying countless drugs and many trying to taper as they prepare yet another switch, I am sadly pretty sure that my conclusion is fairly accurate.

      The other problem with switching doctors is that I am applying for disability and you need a supportive doctor. Mine isn't that much but even if I switched doctors, I would go from one I have seen for years to one who doesn't know me at all. Most doctors nowadays are very conservative with their prescribing of medications. I know some people in rl who have physicians who sound pretty good but getting a new doctor like that now is rare.

      There are no real options for choosing a private doctor here. The public system is the main one. I guess this is difficult to understand or I didn't explain it well. I thought of just "going through doctors " but I really doubt that the situation would be any better.
       
    22. PeteJ
      Depressed

      PeteJ Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      acoustic trauma?
      I will repeat, not word for word, what my brother says, whenever we talk about this: "there is nothing to say" or "I don't know what to say."

      I don't have anything that I want people to say. If only it could be that easy. I don't want to tell people what to say. Most here have better insight than me. The problem is that I try to explain the issue but it's insufficient. I do want to try some things though. I aim to try the exercises. I just don't know if my jaw issues are the extent that some think it is. But, I want to try anyway.
       
    23. PeteJ
      Depressed

      PeteJ Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      acoustic trauma?
      For me, I don't. I don't know what "dealing with it" is. Aren't we supposed to just go day by day? Distract yourself as much as possible? People here will tell you to have faith in upcoming treatments?

      I guess I am considered too negative to reply to your question but as many will say, hope is a bad thing to lose.
       
      • Agree Agree x 3
    24. Bartoli

      Bartoli Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      2009,worsened 2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise
      New on the forum, tinnitus for over a decade. It doesn't matter. I've been reading this thread frequently. You said that people aren't specific enough with the things you can try. I don't know how much more to the point it can get than @linearb offering to scan some pages and offering a book.

      The thing is also that no one can know for sure what will work for you. It's very much trial and error and you don't even have guarantees that anything will work. I do feel that addressing all the other complicating factors that you CAN change might be the clue wherein lies your chance to some recovery.

      You say you live in a noisy neighbourhood, haven't got a job and are out of money. All the money in the world cannot change your tinnitus (as Matteo de Nora has experienced), but I think it must be easier to cry at the wheel of a Porsche than in the back of the bus. I don't know how feasible it is for you to get some sort of income but there are many ways to make a living that don't include loud noise. This in turn light give you an opportunity to move out of the city. When I first came down with tinnitus I found solace in running. After a while it stopped being about the tinnitus and I was left with a rewarding hobby. It doesn't have to be running, but I believe some cardio exercise of longer duration will improve your mood temporarily.
      It's easy to lose all motivation with tinnitus and become apathetic. It's not easy to pick yourself up but I think you must try to make some plan of action as @fishbone puts it. Baby steps...
       
      • Like Like x 1
      • Agree Agree x 1
    25. Greg Sacramento

      Greg Sacramento Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      April 2011
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      syringing and now somatic T dental work
      @PeteJ
      Doing both back teeth on the same visit should be OK. Drilling should not be non stop. Drilling for fifteen to twenty seconds max and then a ten second break. It's often advised to drill only for ten seconds with a ten second break. Your dentist should know very well that this is protocol for those with tinnitus.

      Remind your dentist about tinnitus and ear pain. With a reminder about ear pain, he should use full aseptic techniques which means using practices and procedures to prevent contamination from pathogens.

      Also tell the dentist that you will need to partly close your mouth for two minutes after the drilling and before the fillings are placed. Remember that you are boss. Raise your hand as a way to stop procedures at your free will.

      All this may cause a procedure time issue and it might be that only one tooth can be treated on the same visit.

      Before your visit use some gentle mouthwash. One tablet of magnesium or NAC taken one hour before appointment might help with keeping your ears calm.

      You should not have any problems, but don't have drilling for minutes without a break.
       
    26. PeteJ
      Depressed

      PeteJ Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      acoustic trauma?
      What jobs? I think you are overly optimistic.

      My tinnitus is so loud and intrusive, I find it difficult to go for a walk. And you and a few others here want me to jog, run, go to the gym and who knows what else. How loud is your tinnitus anyway? Those are things normal people do or those who have mild tinnitus. Mine is fucking loud. I want to hang myself every day so it will stop. My ear pain was a little recently with a bit of fullness. That is the other problem but I am willing to consider TMJ stuff is causing that and so will try exercises.

      But, I also fear loud noise may play a factor and if it does, I am fucked. I have discomfort from wearing foam ear plugs for too long. I am using them when I walk in stores - again. I hate wearing them.
       
    27. PeteJ
      Depressed

      PeteJ Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      acoustic trauma?
      Thanks, Greg. My dilemma is that I can only visit from a few options for dentists. I only have coverage for emergency (fillings are included) dental work and only a few dentists will take this kind of subsidized (by gov't) coverage.

      I think it will be difficult to get the dentist to adhere to that. I had a filling around a month ago and I had to keep putting my hand up even though the dentist and assistant were aware of my tinnitus/jaw issues and agreed with this break procedure.

      Edit: other than the actual drilling, the worst part was trying to ensure the 10 second break duration. I don't like that everyone is anxious 'to go go' because the break probably seems so long to them.
       
    28. Bartoli

      Bartoli Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      2009,worsened 2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise
      You accuse others of not reading your posts. I have described my tinnitus on a couple of occasions including this thread. I'm done here.
       
      • Agree Agree x 2
    29. Greg Sacramento

      Greg Sacramento Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      April 2011
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      syringing and now somatic T dental work
      @PeteJ I can fully relate to your comments above. See if the dentist can take one or two 5 second breaks for the whole process. It's very rare to have a problem unless drilling is constant without a break for more than 1.27 minutes. I also doubt that he will be drilling for 1.27 minutes without taking a break.

      Also try to notice if your ear pain become a little less after the dentist numbs your jaw.
       
    30. PeteJ
      Depressed

      PeteJ Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      acoustic trauma?
      You posted that you have trouble with focus. I have trouble with focusing, too, and concentration. You work?

      It causes me financial problems not working but I don't know how when my fucking tinnitus volume reaches insane levels especially late into the evening which impacts when I want to sleep. You're done? Sounds like a mutual agreement.
       

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