Suicidal

Discussion in 'Support' started by jeremy06, Oct 14, 2018.

    1. MRItechssuck

      MRItechssuck Member

      Location:
      USA
      Tinnitus Since:
      2002-2015, 10/17/2019-?
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud noise, MRI
      Prednisone is more for a sudden hearing loss than tinnitus. My ENT wasn’t even going to prescribe it at first. 6 days is not too late, but Prednisone is not something magical... it’s just something that “could” be beneficial.

      I’m not sure if my tinnitus was suppressed by the week of Prednisone, or made worse...

      Unless you were close to the gunshots, I doubt they did any harm, especially since it was outside and the sound was not condensed in a small area.

      I’m sorry you are in a neighborhood where there are gunshots, and I’d worry about getting shot more than the tinnitus. You really should go talk to a counselor, pastor, psychologist or teacher...anyone.
       
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    2. Allan1967

      Allan1967 Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      1997
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Ear infection
      I saw nothing about it only being restricted to terminal patients.
       
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    3. all to gain

      all to gain Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      June 2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      dirty drugs
      I'm actually pissed off beyond belief. Crappy medication and crappy drs...
       
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    4. keka
      Batty

      keka Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      08/2011
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      benzo withdrawal
      What's frustrating is that those doctors go on with their life unbothered, while we have to live with this every day because they screwed up.
       
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    5. all to gain

      all to gain Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      June 2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      dirty drugs
      Yep. The dr who I hold responsible will soon be retiring on a very big fat pension and he will have made well over 100,000 GBP a year. Yet he made two big blunders in the space of a week in regard to me and boom I have tinnitus. Some people would say coincidence. I don't.

      You've had tinnitus since 13, what initially caused it? Surely you weren't on benzos at that age?
       
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    6. Ed209

      Ed209 Member Podcast Patron Benefactor Ambassador Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      07/2015
      Hi acute, I understand exactly how you feel as I’ve been through hell with tinnitus and other health problems. You are extremely new to tinnitus and the first years are by far the most difficult to cope with. With the passing of time there’s still a chance that your tinnitus could fade, and even if it doesn’t, there’s still a good chance that you will get used to it to the point that your life will move on just fine.

      I understand why you are talking in extremes because I was no different to you nearly 5 years ago. I was totally tormented by it 24/7. Nowadays, I’m not. I’m tormented by other shit instead :LOL:

      Anyway, I know these are empty words, but hold on and let time do it’s thing.
       
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    7. keka
      Batty

      keka Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      08/2011
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      benzo withdrawal
      Just a head cold coupled with bad luck. In 2016, another head cold. Then wisdom teeth extraction by the end of 2018. Then my tinnitus started to make me feel suicidal so I was put on Xanax. The dose was too high (he said it was safe) and then I went full cold turkey (shouldn't have). It's been a nightmare so far :(

      I truly hope 2020 has something better in store for all of us.
       
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    8. all to gain

      all to gain Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      June 2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      dirty drugs
      Getting tinnitus from a head cold really does sound like bad luck.

      If I knew what I know now about antidepressants and other meds I would never have touched them. They have done way more harm than good in the long run. And now tinnitus. The silent killer.
       
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    9. dan
      Chatty

      dan Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      06/2011
      Where do you live?
       
    10. keka
      Batty

      keka Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      08/2011
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      benzo withdrawal
      Serbia, why?
       
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    11. PeteJ
      Depressed

      PeteJ Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      acoustic trauma?
      Ideally, you want to take prednisone asap if you are going to take it. From what I recall on here, a week isn't that bad of a delay. It's not 100% certain it will help and is risky to take with potential side effects but imho is worth it to try to prevent possible damage from acoustic trauma.

      There are well informed people on here regarding prednisone especially when taking it for this so I would read their advice.
       
    12. PeteJ
      Depressed

      PeteJ Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      acoustic trauma?
      I have ear muffs. I put them on at times but they are like clamps. Also, they are a bit noticeable. The comfort level is more worrisome although I can wear them longer than I used to. Before, even 5 to 10 seconds was painful.
       
    13. all to gain

      all to gain Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      June 2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      dirty drugs
      I have a part Serbian step-daughter.
       
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    14. MRItechssuck

      MRItechssuck Member

      Location:
      USA
      Tinnitus Since:
      2002-2015, 10/17/2019-?
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud noise, MRI
      I would have guessed Chicago...

      Do your best and explain to your family that they need to be patient with you. Would they react the same to you if you were missing a leg? I would hope not. Everyone with tinnitus is brain damaged, and I mean that in the nicest way.

      Take Care, and good luck.
       
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    15. dan
      Chatty

      dan Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      06/2011
      I run a tinnitus/hyperacusis convalescent house.
       
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    16. PeteJ
      Depressed

      PeteJ Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      acoustic trauma?
      What is severe tinnitus to people?

      To me, it's 70 dB or higher. I don't know what the pitch is and don't know how to tell. It's a number of tones and it's very annoying. If I had a gun, I am certain that I would use it on myself.

      The ringing is a fast tempo. I guess the kettle boiling is a similar sound but not exactly. The volume of the ringing is terrible as I can't mask it and the nature of the ringing plus the pitch makes me want to kill myself. I know I will eventually.
       
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    17. Star64
      Kick ass

      Star64 Member

      Location:
      Melbourne Australia
      Tinnitus Since:
      2001
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise induced
      I was told that safe word too Keka, I was also told to stop taking the medication as it was only a low dose, heard this from seven different Drs, I did as they said, and all hell broke loose, I had a seizure!!

      I have nursed many people coming off heroin, ice, and many other substances, but never a benzo. I now know why!!! You cannot detox a person from these drugs in 2 weeks, it takes months if not years.

      People detoxing from other illegal substances usually never suffer for more than a few weeks, not like these so called safe psyche drugs that harm you for years. I know the nightmare you are in, and it truly is just that, but hang in there Keka, healing is not linear.

      It can take a long time, but I believe those that have done this before us when they say healing does happen, but I fully understand why it is hard to believe at times especially when you are feeling like your body is under full attack :huganimation:
       
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    18. Ed209

      Ed209 Member Podcast Patron Benefactor Ambassador Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      07/2015
      Pete, there’s no such thing as 70 dB tinnitus. You have to realise that there are many different weightings of the decibel scale and none of them really convert into something that can accurately measure how loud one’s tinnitus is. There is the A weighted scale which is aligned to the strongest frequencies within the human hearing range which is most notably 500 Hz to 8 kHz. Then there is the C weighted scale which takes in more of the lower and higher frequencies of a broadband sound. The Z rated scale is flat and measures all frequencies evenly.

      The closest thing we have to measuring tinnitus is what’s called a pitch and loudness match.
      In audiology, you will see terms such as sensation level (SL) and hearing level (HL). Remember that the decibel scale is all relative to the quietest sound that can be heard, so when one has an audiogram and their hearing threshold shows 0 dB HL, this means they can hear the quietest sound that an average human ear can detect (assuming one has normal hearing and one is relatively young). This is where the HL standard is derived. Sensation level, on the other hand, is the measure of the intensity of an auditory stimulus above one’s threshold at a given frequency. During a loudness match, the audiologist will find out at which frequency a persons hears their tinnitus - if it’s tonal - and then they will measure the distance between the loudness of that persons tinnitus and the threshold of their hearing. So for example, if a person hears tinnitus at 6 kHz at 40 dB and their hearing threshold at 6 kHz is 30 dB HL, then that person would have a tinnitus match of 10 dB SL.

      One of the problems with this method is how accurately people can match their tinnitus to a frequency as there is often an octave error in one’s judgement. This is especially true of people who have no musical training. The other issue with this is that it doesn’t account for the brain’s emotional processing of the sound which is the domain of Psychoacoustics. All sounds are not processed equally, and the volume we “hear” something at is the result of a complex chain of events within the brain. The more threatening a sound is perceived to be (which is based on our life’s experiences) the louder it will be portrayed in our conscious awareness. You also have to factor in tiredness, adrenaline and other hormones, and many other factors. A great example of this is how a movie at the cinema is perceived as loud, but if someone so much as whispers, it can be annoying because it can be heard. The whisper that’s heard in comparison to the volume of the movie is considerably quieter and yet people still hear it and get annoyed by it. Another example is how we can have our car stereo set at a comfortable level, only to find that it’s LOUD the following morning when we are tired, even though nothing has changed. We often have our TV’s on quietly at night, so as not to wake others up, and yet our brain can easily normalise this level of sound to be perceived as being louder. You discover this when you come to watch the following day and it’s WAAY too quiet, so you turn it back up again.

      What I’m saying is that our perception of sound is malleable and can change depending on the conditions we are hearing something in. A 20 dB creak in the middle of the night can potentially sound deafening if you are home alone.

      From a Psychoacoustics point-of-view, two sounds that are the same on a decibel meter will not necessarily be perceived as being the same loudness, and for this reason, a new unit called the phon was created. A phon is equal to a decibel at 1 kHz, so 40 phons would be the same as 40 dB at 1 kHz. A 90dB sound at 150 Hz, for example, would not be perceived to be as loud as a sound that is 90 dB at 3kHz, so by using phons we can try and keep one’s perception as neutral as possible. Sones are a linear representation of phons; 1 sone is equal to 40 phons and every 10 phons thereafter would represent a doubling in perceived loudness. This means that 50 phons would be equal to 2 sones and 60 phons would be equal to 4 sones, etc. Psychoacoustics is the science of how our brain interprets sound, and it’s interesting to note that phons and sones are the primary units of measurement. This is because it’s particularly difficult to define how loudness is perceived from one individual to another and these are likely the most neutral measurements we currently have.

      This is already a long post, so I’ll conclude by saying that most people’s tinnitus is around 10 dB SL when using the pitch matching method. It’s extremely rare to see anyone go above 20 dB SL.
       
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    19. Bartoli

      Bartoli Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      2009,worsened 2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise
      @Ed209

      Thanks for the in-depth explanation of tinnitus in the thread. I do have a lot of formal musical training and I have trouble matching my tinnitus pitch. It's not tonal but a hiss. Sometimes it seems to be outside of my audible range. I can't hear over 12.5 kHz with my right ear which is where most of my tinnitus resides.

      Having said that I'm probably less interested in finding out about the characteristics of my tinnitus and use it more to compare to other people's tinnitus. Whenever I come across a story of someone with similar loudness and high pitch and that person seems to be coping well I'm feeling a bit better. At the moment I'm immensely frustrated by my tinnitus, and have been since a worsening about 7 months ago. I can't focus properly and hear it easily in the car and over TV. I'm not sure what Is can reasonably expect in terms of improvement of my reaction to the sound. You seem to be doing ok. What do you think? Is this it? What does habituation mean when someone tinnitus is severe?
       
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    20. Pawel1
      Wishful

      Pawel1 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      January 2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud Music
      @Ed209
      Please, don't take me wrong, but.. Have you listened to Tinnitus Mix made by David Case? Even if you listen to it at low volumes, it can still be bothering to listen to. Changing the sound level by a few decibels, can make a huge difference, because those sounds are really annoying.
       
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    21. Ed209

      Ed209 Member Podcast Patron Benefactor Ambassador Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      07/2015
      Everybody is unique, Bartoli, so I can’t really answer your question with any absolutes. My tinnitus is really loud and multilayered (there are many different sounds). I can hear it over loud traffic noise, and other loud environments above and around 80 - 90 dB quite easily. That doesn’t mean that my tinnitus is 90 dBA, though, that’s not how it works and this is a common mistake I see on here a lot. First of all, my main sound is a really high-pitched dentist drill whine that fills my head and is around 12 kHz - 14 kHz. In my left ear is a low pitched drone and in my right ear is a mid-frequency pure tone. Underneath all of this is static and hissing; I used to get brain zaps as well, but they seem to have stopped.

      In my case, I have adjusted and have accepted that this sound is here to stay, and in return, my emotional response to it has numbed significantly. The early years were immensely difficult and this was compounded by the fact that I had lost my passion in life which was live music. I was suicidal and struggled to come to terms with it. Getting through the days was a real graft.

      Nowadays, I’m much better and it really doesn’t have the hold over me that it once did. I hardly ever think about it, but it still affects my decisions when it comes to going to loud places. It’s like baggage I carry around with me. However, it really no longer affects my emotions in any way in the present moment. I don’t go about my day thinking about tinnitus 24/7 like I used to. I was constantly fixated on it, and obsessed, and it drove me insane. I just wanted to die. My situation is almost a 180 reversal in comparison.

      All I can say is that for most people, time is the best thing for it.
       
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    22. Ed209

      Ed209 Member Podcast Patron Benefactor Ambassador Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      07/2015
      I’m not sure what you mean here? I’ve heard Tinnitus Mix, and I agree that lowering the volume of something that’s annoying certainly helps when it comes to dealing with it.

      If I’m interpreting you correctly, I don’t think you understood what I meant in the post above.
       
    23. Pawel1
      Wishful

      Pawel1 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      January 2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud Music
      I was just trying to imply, that given the circumstances under which a Tinnitus sufferer has got to live in.. An increase of Tinnitus volume, by just a few decibels, could make a significantly negative difference on the person's quality of life. Especially, if the person has not yet habituated to the Tinnitus.
       
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    24. Ed209

      Ed209 Member Podcast Patron Benefactor Ambassador Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      07/2015
      I agree with you. I lived with a milder form of tinnitus since the age of 18, and for me personally, when it got louder at the age of 33 it crushed me.
       
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    25. Rogi Cetpla
      In pain

      Rogi Cetpla Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Europe
      Tinnitus Since:
      T 2010 / IT 2015 / VIT 2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise exposure
      I agree and can fully relate to what you are saying @Ed209... I was living with a milder form of tinnitus... which had lightly increased over the years... but nothing like the recent increase in intensity and level... and like you have described... I currently feel crushed... having lost all control including of my emotions and feelings...

      As I have written in some of my previous postings I am hanging on mainly because, although seemingly impossible at the time, I have habituated in the past and also, like you, believe that time is one of the key components for healing... unfortunately I also now believe/realise that the more intrusive the tinnitus is the more time it is likely going to take to recover...

      The following quote which I have recently posted in the “preferred quote” thread is a perfect reflection of my current state of mind and situation...

      “If you are going through hell, keep going”
      Winston Churchill
       
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    26. fishbone
      Shitfaced

      fishbone Member Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      1988
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      loud noise and very bad sickness
      I have gone through all the stages that tinnitus has had to offer me. From Mild to pure horror these days and poor hearing. So i'll chime into this topic. Time is very important for healing, yes I agree with that 100%. Another couple of important elements are support, plan of action and belief in ourselves.

      Support is so so vital to our success with tinnitus. Tinnitus can be like a 300lb monster that is just sitting on us and it can be a real pain in the butt. It will take a lot of mental strength to push through. Every ounce of support is needed to push through. I have went through quite a few new baselines in my 31 years and each time it has been a shock. I was shocked that this unfortunate ordeal has just gotten louder or new tones have joined in.

      Talk it out with someone that loves you, cares about you and you have full trust in. This forum is amazing but it does not compare to talking to another human face to face.

      The next vital component of success is having a plan of action. Even if your actions are small baby steps. We need to create a plan for our lives when tinnitus comes around. The old ways of living have to be adjusted a little. We need to make changes that will help us protect our ears. As an example, I was invited to quite a few thanksgiving parties today, but I am going to none of them. I know it will be loud and these are people that have normal ears, I don't have normal ears and I will not risk a new spike or possible baselines for just a few hours of fun. I am making adjustments daily in my life, I am trying new ways to make life just a little better.

      We need to come up with a game plan that will help us with our tinnitus. Anything that helps with the tinnitus we need more of it, anything that does not help...we need less of it. Those small baby steps can lead to a huge win down the line. It's about doing it daily and pushing forward. Take those baby steps even if you don't feel like it.

      We need to have confidence in ourselves and that we can make it with our tinnitus. This can be a hard one, but through out my 31 years and having gone through many changes, I can honestly say that this is very important. Tinnitus can possibly take our confidence from us. I have faced this issue many times in my tinnitus journey. Even though the tinnitus has gotten much louder, I still believe that I can make adjustments and I can live with this ordeal. I am ALL for a cure and I hope you good people find it as well. Until that day comes, I will still have the belief, that I can manage to live with this ordeal, no matter how difficult it makes my life.

      It's not an easy thing at all, no way! It's just how it is for me, it's a reality. I still believe that life can still be lived and we can make some adjustments. I am a huge fan of working on my mindset and practicing gratitude. yes, life is hard, it's not easy and these ears ring like hell.

      Time and patience will be instrumental in our tinnitus journey. Just have faith in yourself and reach out to those that love you and support you :)
       
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    27. PeteJ
      Depressed

      PeteJ Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      acoustic trauma?
      @Ed209, that's too long. You don't know how loud my tinnitus is. I don't know how anyone would test it but when it's heard above outside environmental noise and it's louder than my fan - noise meter shows 60db - then 70 seems to be the best way to describe it.

      You might have an education in music or whatever but you don't hear my tinnitus. I would say more but it might get worse. Everyone who agreed with is clueless too.
       
    28. Ed209

      Ed209 Member Podcast Patron Benefactor Ambassador Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      07/2015
      I agree and I’ve said this very point on numerous occasions. However, I think you need some tough love, Pete. I’ve read through this thread and all you ever do is bat away any piece of help and/or advice that anyone gives you. @linearb very generously offered to buy you a book and you even found a way of turning that into a negative.

      Nobody can help you if you’re not prepared to help yourself. The people on this forum can’t solve your problems for you, we can only offer you advice and support. That’s all we can do. However, you don’t want that, so what do you want? You’re not the only one suffering here. There are people taking the time out of their day to try and help you, who are tormented and suffering themselves, and all you ever do is shit all over them.

      Just because you’re suffering doesn’t give you a free pass to be bad-mannered and rude to everyone. We’ve all been where you are. What else are you expecting from a forum?

      Life can be cruel and hard, but people can’t help you unless you’re willing to be helped.
       
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    29. fishbone
      Shitfaced

      fishbone Member Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      1988
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      loud noise and very bad sickness
      Myself, you and many others come here to help,those that need it. We can only try to help, If people listen good. If not, we tried to be an assistance, nothing more...nothing less. We have done what we can, we cannot make people listen.

      In the end, it's up to the person to help themselves.

      Keep helping those that need it bro, good karma rewards good actions!
       
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    30. Ed209

      Ed209 Member Podcast Patron Benefactor Ambassador Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      07/2015
      Absolutely, fishbone!

      It’s easy to sink into self-despair. I think we have all been there. The hardest thing anyone can do is pick themselves back up when they hit rock bottom. I understand Pete’s pain and why he is lashing out at people, but he has to realise that that is not the right approach and that nobody has the right to knock others down just because they are suffering themselves.
       
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