The Noise That Kills

Discussion in 'Support' started by Danny Boy, Dec 8, 2014.

tinnitus forum
    1. Danny Boy
      Cheerful

      Danny Boy Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      England
      Tinnitus Since:
      7/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Ear infection
      Hey, guys/gals...I think I really want to end my life, this noise is killing me and trobalt only worked temporarily..I don't know how I will do it, but I must find a way...I just wanted to tell everyone, that I thank you, I thank you for having such a supportive community and to know that, I will be happy in death because I won't have this horrible noise in my head. Thanks everyone for your support and I hope one day a cure may be found, sadly it is too late for me.
       
      • Hug Hug x 13
    2. jazz
      No Mood

      jazz Member Benefactor

      Location:
      US
      Tinnitus Since:
      8/2012
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      eardrum rupture from virus; barotrauma from ETD
      @Danny Boy If you're feeling suicidal, you should go to the hospital. They will be able to help you. I know tinnitus makes us feel desperate, but those horrible feelings ALWAYS GO AWAY. People do get better; suicidal thoughts do pass. Don't make the mistake of ending it all. There's much to live for and all these terrible feelings will pass.

      Please, go to a hospital and tell them you're in pain!
       
      • Agree Agree x 6
    3. Leah

      Leah Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Chardon, Ohio USA
      Tinnitus Since:
      2007
      I pray that this is not happening.
       
    4. Telis

      Telis Member Hall of Fame

      Location:
      Calgary
      Tinnitus Since:
      11/2013
      I hear you Danny Boy, I'm in the same boat. Give yourself some time before you do anything ok? Things may change, your T may change. Wait and see, if things don't improve revisit your exit plan at a later date. It's still too early for you to be able to rationally make this desision.
       
      • Agree Agree x 4
    5. awbw8
      Balanced

      awbw8 Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      04/2013
      @Danny Boy I hope you're reading what we're writing here, please wait and reconsider.

      About a year and half ago, I felt the way you do. I was so depressed and desperate, I wasn't even on TinnitusTalk - I didn't want support, or anyone - I felt there was nothing anyone could do or say, so why bother? I imagined how I might end it, I imagined how I would be found. It was serious and it was awful. Like you, I reached out and told someone. My mother came from 3k miles away, took care of me like I was a child again and helped me find people who helped me manage the trauma of tinnitus.

      Tinnitus is more than just a sound, as we all know here. It is a physical and mental trauma. That takes a lot of time to heal and adjust to. It's not an easy road, but it IS possible with the right personal help and support and with time. From your label, I see it's been just 4 months for you. I know that feels like a lifetime when you have T, I do know that, but it took me five months just to begin to stop sobbing in grief. You're at the beginning of a difficult journey, but it's just the beginning. You can't see how things will turn out just yet. You feel doomed, but you are not. Please give yourself time, you are stronger than you know.

      Even if you can't see that now, just know it is out there and give it another day, and then another. Let us help you if no one else in your life is able to help. We care about you staying around.

      If you need someone to talk to, or advice on what steps you might be able to take to tackle the fear and grief and trauma, please, please feel free to reach out to me. I know everyone here wants to support you.
       
      • Like Like x 1
    6. newfie
      Inspired

      newfie Member

      Location:
      Canada
      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2007
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Acoustic trauma (gun)
      Don't do it. Get help. It is out there. Habituation is possible, and trust me; its great. Think of all the loved ones you will hurt. Hack it out longer...cure is around the corner.
       
      • Agree Agree x 3
    7. SoulStation
      No Mood

      SoulStation Member Ambassador Team Tech

      Location:
      New York
      Tinnitus Since:
      2012
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise / Possible Medication
      @Danny Boy Danny please stop and think about what you are doing. You only get one chance to live. If you want someone to talk to who knows how it feels please message me. I'm up and you could call or Skype me...or Google chat. Just to keep to company.
       
      • Like Like x 1
    8. SoulStation
      No Mood

      SoulStation Member Ambassador Team Tech

      Location:
      New York
      Tinnitus Since:
      2012
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise / Possible Medication
      Also @Danny Boy I really have though in the past that habituation wasn't going to be possible for me but I feel like it is actually starting to happen . I would love to talk to you about it.
       
    9. Danny Boy
      Cheerful

      Danny Boy Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      England
      Tinnitus Since:
      7/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Ear infection
      I would love to talk on skype...Honestly, I just cried for 3 hours and then tried to suffocate myself with 3 pillows and a duvet on top of me, tried for half an hour and didn't work....Tinnitus is horrible, horrible and I wish I had some way of coping better, but honestly, I feel like if I die, then maybe I'll get another chance at life...
       
      • Hug Hug x 1
    10. Danny Boy
      Cheerful

      Danny Boy Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      England
      Tinnitus Since:
      7/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Ear infection
      Habituation may be possible, but I reckon it depends on the volume/frequency of your tinnitus.
       
    11. SoulStation
      No Mood

      SoulStation Member Ambassador Team Tech

      Location:
      New York
      Tinnitus Since:
      2012
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise / Possible Medication
      Hit me up with your skype name and we can chat
       
    12. Danny Boy
      Cheerful

      Danny Boy Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      England
      Tinnitus Since:
      7/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Ear infection

      Thanks for your caring and understanding nature. Honestly, I do want to live, but the struggle of this is overcoming me, I have tried for months upon months of coping with this and I'm fed up with crying over this all the time...Having panic attacks and feeling the urge to die. After all, even if I did try to live I feel like there's never going to be a cure and I've lost hope...When you lose hope, that's it.
       
    13. Danny Boy
      Cheerful

      Danny Boy Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      England
      Tinnitus Since:
      7/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Ear infection
      Actually, I felt like this a few months ago and I did think I'll see if it gets better, but it doesn't....I wish it would, I wish I had a drug which reduced it so I can manage it...But alas funding doesn't allow it.
       
    14. Danny Boy
      Cheerful

      Danny Boy Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      England
      Tinnitus Since:
      7/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Ear infection
      Last time I went to my GP they brushed me off and said I wasn't depressed and that I wanted drugs to help with my tinnitus and not my depression. My girlfriend also said that, she can't cope and said, that I'm better off dead, which I guess I am. After all, life is meant to be a blessing and I can hardly call suffering which this affliction a blessing.
       
      • Hug Hug x 1
    15. beemovie

      beemovie Member

      Location:
      USA
      Tinnitus Since:
      Nov 2013
      My wife is 35. Not sure how old your girlfriend is. She said if you want she can talk to your girlfriend for you, if you think that might help in regard to your girlfriend trying to understand better what your going thru. I think she has that apple facetime.
       
      • Hug Hug x 3
      • Like Like x 1
    16. MichaelM
      Chatty

      MichaelM Member

      Location:
      Finland
      Tinnitus Since:
      mild since ´90 ´s. severe ->2013 on
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Meniere´s Disease/acoustic trauma?
      danny boy, dont do it, mate.
       
      • Agree Agree x 2
    17. dan
      Chatty

      dan Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      06/2011
      @Danny Boy , what's going with your tinnitus exactly? Is it as bad as before trobalt ? I don't quite understand - you ran out of 100mg pills and took 200mg and suddenly tinnitus worsened?? -or was it already worsening?
       
    18. RichL
      Inspired

      RichL Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Palmerston North NZ
      Tinnitus Since:
      1990
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Acoustic trauma
      Stay with us bro, there are allot of members here willing to help you through this, @dan is right maybe your dose just needs adjusting, I'm pretty sure other users found that their T worsened when they increased their dose.

      Please don't do anything too rash bro, don't let it beat you.

      Thinking of ya, Rich
       
      • Agree Agree x 2
    19. valeri

      valeri Member Benefactor Team Awareness

      Location:
      Australia
      Tinnitus Since:
      09/2011
      @Danny Boy

      I'm so sorry to hear you're struggling again:(
      Please reach out to any of this great people here offering help, we all understand!
       
      • Agree Agree x 1
    20. Danny Boy
      Cheerful

      Danny Boy Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      England
      Tinnitus Since:
      7/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Ear infection
      Just tried 300+ a 500mg tablet together and it lowered my tinnitus! Need a higher dose maybe?
       
    21. Danny Boy
      Cheerful

      Danny Boy Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      England
      Tinnitus Since:
      7/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Ear infection
      Thanks! I really appreciate the help! I honestly feel better now, that I took a higher dose!
       
      • Hug Hug x 1
    22. dan
      Chatty

      dan Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      06/2011
      Yes, most likely, because 100mg/day is kind of sub therapeutic.
      600-900mg per day is what people used, with max at 1200mg.
       
    23. Telis

      Telis Member Hall of Fame

      Location:
      Calgary
      Tinnitus Since:
      11/2013
      I understand your frustration, but a few months is nothing. Your condition isn't even considered chronic yet.
       
    24. Martin69
      Artistic

      Martin69 Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Germany
      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2013
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      (Health) Anxiety
      @Danny Boy
      Good that a higher dosage helps for the moment.
      I remember how you described your T in the past. It sounds like mine (15 kHz or higher).
      So you should look for ways to cope if Trobalt does not give release.
      What could help:
      - Taking a long, hot shower. Actually, like today on a Monday morning, things are more difficult than on other days. I also felt depressed and therefore took a shower for 30 minutes. T was covered and the shower also brought the volume down a little bit.
      - In really bad situations (fight or flight) like you were today, take a benzo like Diazepam. It will calm you down for some hours. Of course don't take like candy (addiction). Try to find other methods to cope. But sometimes a benzo is needed.
      - Read success stories https://www.tinnitustalk.com/forums/success-stories.47/
      - Find someone to talk. Talking is very important when feeling so anxious. Maybe have someone who you can call day and night and talk.
      - Find distractions like computer games, hobbies, audio books, go out into the nature, into a place where people are.
      - Like @Telis, said, your T is still fresh. It can resolve on its own. And even if not, there are promising treatments. As you see yourself, Trobalt helps. So maybe Autifony will help even better.
      - Write here and talk. We are all in the same sh... boat and will go through this together. Take strength from the others.
      - There are so many people here who left already because they no longer care. So you will do.

      My T today is not so bad. Of course it is there, always audible. But trust me, there will be better days ahead.
      It is tough, it is difficult. But don't give up.
       
      • Agree Agree x 5
    25. derpytia
      Pooptoast

      derpytia Member

      Location:
      Rescue, California
      Tinnitus Since:
      04/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Hearing loss / ETD
      @Danny Boy I remember when I was at the point you are now. I would sometimes just lay in bed or sit in the bottom of the should and just sob and wail and prayed so hard that God would be merciful and just end my miserable life. I honestly wanted to be free from my suffering that badly. But I didn't die, I'm here today, and although I'm not habituated quite yet I am going though life with baby steps. Baby steps and a lot of courage. I went months with nothing but suffering and separation from the life I once knew. Though that previous life was not the best by any means, it was comfortable for me. T took that comfort away and it beat me down and robbed me of mental and physical health for a long time. But I knew that I had to start living again, or at least try to. So little by little I forced myself to partake in things that I used to do. At first it made me very sad because I felt like I wasn't enjoying those things as much as I did in the life I knew previously. But I kept at it, and I don't know how to explain but over time, after making a few adjustments, I started to smile again. I started to relax and take notice of simple things that made me laugh or feel content even if only for a little while. And I treasured those moments and saved them all up in my head for the really hard days. Even now, little by little, one thing at a time, I'm starting to do things that I used to do and I'm starting to feel a little more myself. I do still have some very very hard days where I just want to lay in bed and cry but those days never last for very long. I'm not habituated, I still have a ways to go, but I'm happy I didn't give up, because there are so many things in life that I want to do and want to see. I just have to remember what's truly important to me. :) I hope that helped. If you ever want to talk you are more than welcome to ask for my Skype or message me on here.
       
      • Like Like x 8
      • Hug Hug x 2
    26. RaZaH
      Not amused

      RaZaH Member Benefactor Team Tech

      Location:
      Reykjavík, Iceland
      Tinnitus Since:
      2012/04
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Benzo + loud noise
      Dude ! Hang in there mate , we all know what you are going through . We are strong people , its easy to forget that in the middle of suffering. Stay strong and you will get through this . It is very hard I know but this experience can be used to build and not tear down, I am confident of that .
       
      • Like Like x 2
    27. RCP1
      Ape-like

      RCP1 Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Dublin, Ireland
      Tinnitus Since:
      122014
      @Danny Boy

      Hi Danny. What about the autifony trial. You're english and you'll be 6 months soon. Is it worth a try to get onto the trial?
      I relate to your situation. It is a very tough station. Ring up and try and get onto the trial today. 50% chance you'll get the drug. At least worth a try right ?
       
      • Agree Agree x 2
    28. 1MW
      No Mood

      1MW Member

      Cause of Tinnitus:
      ssnhl
      Go to your ENT and make a conversation for steroids/antibiotics before suicide.
      Iam longer sufferer and before 2 days i went to 0db from 9 severity with 32mg methylprednisolone.
      Maybe you have some new hearing problem and you T went bad such as new infection or new hearing loss.
      Go to check your hearing with audiogram for sudden hearing loss.
      From my expecience HF T fades away with years for its own when you get good sleeps
      HF T is the most easy cureable T discrete tonal T and low and middle frequencies is more difficult to threat.
      HF T comes easy but goes easy in hard times benzos fade away HF T.

      If nothing new to your hearing stop trobalt for some days and start it again after stopping some time will be work again.Body adapts to chemical substances through homeostasis if you stop will adapt again to previous situation before trobalt
       
      • Like Like x 4
    29. Viking
      No Mood

      Viking Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Italia
      We are in the same situation! I don't have peace! NEVER! I have lost all: work,friendship,girlfriend, hobbyes. I live closed in my home but i don't want miss the hope. Remember one thing: as these damn sounds arrived ... they could disappear. I know that it will seem a mockery. It is. But if you go down will be the biggest insult to yourself. I myself have tried 2 times .... unfortunately are an expert ... no one can understand you. Call a neurologist. Try to resist in every way, we are not far from a cure. Go to the hospital and expose your situation. If you die, kill me too. Help me not to lose hope. Please @Danny Boy do this for all of us.
      a big hug!
      i'm here waiting and praying for you like all
       
      • Friendly Friendly x 6
      • Like Like x 1
      • Hug Hug x 1
      • Winner Winner x 1
    30. RicoS
      Confused

      RicoS Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Netherlands
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Stress or Acoustic trauma
      @Danny Boy ...think it over dude... I know what you are feeling...been there myself.....and I now have Sensorimotor Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder ....AND ... Tinnitus :cry: So I have to coup with both.....just when my T went down I got this also...... I thought T was bad.....but this S-OCD is just as bad.... All the panicattacks are right back like they were in june 2013 :depressed: ....but I must not give up...and so can't you.......
      Believe me T is bad T is realy realy bad, but S-OCD is just like it....I never have rest in my mind.
      But I will not give up and beat this. I beat T ....so now I have to beat this.

      you know what I think the whole day....if I did not have Sensorimotor Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder I would be normal and have a great life..... and yes I have T.... and yes it is loud when I plug my ears, but I habituated big time....and than this stupid Sensorimotor Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder game around the corner because of a dentalwork that went wrong and made me obsessive of swallowing and you name it :sour: It's so f4cked up ......... :banghead:

      But deep in myself I believe I can beat this just like T...or at least accept it so it can go back to my unconcious.
      Believe in your self Danny...also when times are hard.... we all struggle........ keep hope man..... If you give up...a lot of others might to ...but it's not the way out....it is just not.... Stay strong dude! :sorry:
       
      • Hug Hug x 3
      • Agree Agree x 1

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