Tired of Suffering

#2
Sorry to hear your sadness and anguish of suffering. Don't know what will help you unless you are willing to change your thinking or approach towards life. My mom passed away unexpectedly last year and most of us in the family couldn't even react fast enough to see her last face before she passed. We couldn't hear her last words nor embrace her as her passing was sudden and without warning. Most of us know our parents are aging and most likely they will pass before us. It is a fact of life for eons of time that we watch our parents pass before us. Perhaps learn to flow with life's inevitable moments of sadness while we can try to positively celebrate our loved ones' departure by focusing on what they have achieved in life and their lasting legacy, such as their great love and care for you as you are so fond of them. That is perhaps what they want us to do, to think of them in fond memory and not drowned by endless extreme sadness, even depression, so much so that their department can damage our health or our ability to move on with life. They will not rest in peace if our life is ruined by their passing. Hope you will be able to bear out the sadness if the worst happens but I pray and hope your loved ones can gain back their health.

As for T and its suffering, most of us have been there. Many tried so many things out there and yet nothing seems to work. What are we going to do? Accept it or resist it with all our strength which is draining fast? I am someone converted to positivity. So I will say trying to accept our new normal is the best approach there is. At least we can savage something out of the pain and suffering of life. Finding joy amid the pain is my motto now. People have tried this way, doing nothing for T and doing everything for the rest of life which is not T, and have managed to get a lot of their life back. I end with these success stories and hopefully they will help you soldier on with life. Take good care. God bless you and your loved ones.

my struggle and success story dealing with both severe T & H:
(try to read the story of my guiding lights - Zoe Cartwright and Melody Gardot)
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/thread...w-i-recovered-from-tinnitus-hyperacusis.3148/

story of my first mentor of tinnitus, a former feature speaker of ATA making 'his choice' for life:
http://www.ata.org/sites/default/files/my_choice_concert_pianist_personal_story_tobey_june_06.pdf

perhaps after all the suffering and trying all things, the secret is 'doing nothing for T':
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/doing-nothing-worked-for-me.4778/
 
#3
billie48 said:
Sorry to hear your sadness and anguish of suffering. Don't know what will help you unless you are willing to change your thinking or approach towards life. My mom passed away unexpectedly last year and most of us in the family couldn't even react fast enough to see her last face before she passed. We couldn't hear her last words nor embrace her as her passing was sudden and without warning. Most of us know our parents are aging and most likely they will pass before us. It is a fact of life for eons of time that we watch our parents pass before us. Perhaps learn to flow with life's inevitable moments of sadness while we can try to positively celebrate our loved ones' departure by focusing on what they have achieved in life and their lasting legacy, such as their great love and care for you as you are so fond of them. That is perhaps what they want us to do, to think of them in fond memory and not drowned by endless extreme sadness, even depression, so much so that their department can damage our health or our ability to move on with life. They will not rest in peace if our life is ruined by their passing. Hope you will be able to bear out the sadness if the worst happens but I pray and hope your loved ones can gain back their health.

As for T and its suffering, most of us have been there. Many tried so many things out there and yet nothing seems to work. What are we going to do? Accept it or resist it with all our strength which is draining fast? I am someone converted to positivity. So I will say trying to accept our new normal is the best approach there is. At least we can savage something out of the pain and suffering of life. Finding joy amid the pain is my motto now. People have tried this way, doing nothing for T and doing everything for the rest of life which is not T, and have managed to get a lot of their life back. I end with these success stories and hopefully they will help you soldier on with life. Take good care. God bless you and your loved ones.

my struggle and success story dealing with both severe T & H:
(try to read the story of my guiding lights - Zoe Cartwright and Melody Gardot)
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/thread...w-i-recovered-from-tinnitus-hyperacusis.3148/

story of my first mentor of tinnitus, a former feature speaker of ATA making 'his choice' for life:
http://www.ata.org/sites/default/files/my_choice_concert_pianist_personal_story_tobey_june_06.pdf

perhaps after all the suffering and trying all things, the secret is 'doing nothing for T':
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/doing-nothing-worked-for-me.4778/
Click to expand...
@billie48 , you always impress me by the zest you have to help every one .
I wish you all the best and thank you for providing positivity on this board .
Sean
 
#6
@bob bauer,
Life for you is hard and I totally understand about how your feeling.
I lost my dad last year and mum this year in June.
I spent the week at their bed sides day and night and held their hands till the end.
I made a video with my mum and she told family she loved them by name ...
Also I struggle with my ears and breathing and everyday can seem a battle but it's my battle to fight to be happy.

You will get through this as time goes by and stronger for what you have gone through and learned along the way to put in practice at hard times.
Chin up and let us support you through it...
Love glynis
 
#7
Dear @bob bauer -

I can truly empathize with your emotional pain. I understand you have a lot with which to deal presently but you have to believe... you must believe... that better times will arrive but you have to summon all your inner strength and begin to develop a new philosophy. Yes, as we watch out aging parents depart from us, it is perhaps the most painful event of our lives for they nurtured us, supported us and gave us emotional sustenance when it was most needed. However, you have to try to steel yourself and face life as it is right now in a brave way and you must want to believe that you will weather all these storms.

I recall back in 1998, my mother died virtually right before my eyes as she was temporarily staying with us as a result of having a virus. A virus...a simple, harmless but virulent virus which swept through her system in a manner of days and then she passed away. I was in absolute shock and remained so for a very long time. I was certainly not a child when she passed away.... I was in my 50's when she passed away and yet... it struck me the same way as if I were a child --- I can not quite explain it. It was like there was a hold in my heart... and emptiness. I understand Bob that you feel miserable and desperate since it seems nothing is working out for you at this time but you will overcome this and see the light to a more positive future. You need to remain strong for time is a great healer.

If you can, may I suggest you set to writing all that you feel and which you can not easily express to others. It is a constructive way of venting your feelings and it is therapeutic in its own way. I imagined during my time of grief over my beloved mother's passing that she was talking to me and telling me that I should not remain as depressed as I was... that this is the natural order of Life and she would want to see me accept the inevitable and then summon all my strength to proceed with my life. Life is difficult for many people and you must keep on keeping on ... for your friends, for those who love and care for you but mainly... to hold fast to the possibility of your having a brighter future than what you are experiencing presently. Also... you have a good and solid support system in this forum. While it is a virtual one, most here can and do empathize with your struggles - with all and understand your challenges as well.

Please try whatever will work for you at this point in time. I feel you would benefit from a good antidepressant if you are not already taking one. Have you tried any type of counseling?

Just as joy isn't ever-lasting... so is heartache and difficulty. Everything is transitory in this Life but each one of us needs to steel ourselves. Take heart my friend and as the saying goes "The only way out of difficulty is through it". I wish you inner strength and a constructive philosophy which will lead to your healing.

Please also listen to the wisdom of @billie48 and @glynis since they both understand so well and offer excellent advice.

Keep posting and I am wishing you improvement and peace.

Best wishes,
Barbara

 
#8
Since my mom is dying my ears ringing has become unbearable. I have to end it as there is no hope for me. I pray daily but things keep getting worse.
 
#9
What do we do as tinnitus sufferers? There is no help from the doctors, hospital etc. My ears are screaming right now, but who can help me? No one. I already take AD and anxiety stuff, it doesn't work. I GIVE UP.
 
#10
bob bauer said:
Since my mom is dying my ears ringing has become unbearable. I have to end it as there is no hope for me. I pray daily but things keep getting worse.
Click to expand...
I'm so sorry you're experiencing such pain. Struggling with the burden of tinnitus, and losing your mother who could provide the emotional support that helps you keep going must be so difficult to face at the same. I understand how helpless and desperate you must feel right now.
 
#11
bob bauer said:
Since my mom is dying my ears ringing has become unbearable. I have to end it as there is no hope for me. I pray daily but things keep getting worse.
Click to expand...

Life is brutal Bob, there is no denying it. Losing parents or dealing with sick parents takes a toll on the mind and body. If you have a chance of possibly getting someone to help you, then please do. If not, then take a deep long breathe and just keep doing, what you are doing.

Your mind is a lot tougher than you think. You are a lot tougher than you think. I know how you feel 100%, I had sick parents and they were very ill and in and out of ERs and ICUs 247 and my life was already messed up by the tinnitus and the pressure and non-stop chaos was taking a toll on me as well.

If your ringing is louder, then possibly mask it. I still use masking on a few days and it is very helpful to me.

I had no one, to help me with my parents. If you have someone, that can help you, then ask for the help.

Life is not easy and non of us have it easy. I have borderline Blood pressure and I refuse (for right now) to get on pills that could possibly give me side effects. There are days i have no energy and my BP is screaming high and body is in aches and pains (i suffer from fibormyalgia). The ringing is 10 times worst.

My point is this, we have to carry on and move forward. Quitting/giving up is not an option. Life was never meant to be easy. Maybe as a child, we thought it would always be fun and easy, but it's not easy at all.

Having some sort of game plan is a must, when it comes to living life. Please don't be hard on yourself and just talk things out with people, that care for you... It's going to be ok...
 
#12
My mom is the only one that understands me, once she's gone I have no one, wife and daughter don't care. Carbon monoxide could have made mine worse, doctors say no? But doctors can't even help with tinnitus and my ears are ringing horribly.
 
#13
Fishbone, the tinnitus I have cannot be masked, it's really loud, screaming. I have to get out of this life, it's unbearable.
 
#14
bob bauer said:
Fishbone, the tinnitus I have cannot be masked, it's really loud, screaming. I have to get out of this life, it's unbearable.
Click to expand...
Hang in there Bob. Mine is super loud too. Also I have back pain at moment keeping me awake at night and horrible stress at work. I know things can get tough. Sometimes a good night's sleep (with sleeping tabs if necesssary) can make you feel better. I never think straight when sleep deprived and can feel like ending it too at such times. Keep going. Your family need you even if they don't understand tinnitus.
 
#15
Tweaker, I have been fighting this monster for years, it just keeps getting worse. I can only take so much suffering. Carbon monoxide exposure, bad pills, anxiety from parents dying all equals disaster.
 
#16
@bob bauer ,
Know one can ever prepare you for the heart break seeing your mum dying or the big hole it leaves behind.
I would see your doctor and explain what your going through and the mental torture with your ears and may be the odd benzo or something else will help.
This time last year I wanted out of this mad tinnitus world I live in that others cannot hear or see why I felt like dying as well as struggling to breath wanting to live.
Nortryptaline helped me and stopped my head tinnitus but still have sever blasting ears.
We are here around the clock to support you and your never alone and understand the heartache that will come but she will live on in you and you will find happiness again.
Love glynis
 
#17
Glynis, you are so nice. I am on remeron, lorazepam, and temazepam. They don't work. If I go to the doctor they will probably put me in a mental hospital. I suffer alone, my ears ring so much I can't hear people. What good is this rotten life when you watch your parents die, and you have horrible tinnitus, which there is no cure or help for? If I felt there was a glimmer of hope I would hang on, but there isn't any.
 
#18
bob bauer said:
My mom is the only one that understands me, once she's gone I have no one, wife and daughter don't care. Carbon monoxide could have made mine worse, doctors say no? But doctors can't even help with tinnitus and my ears are ringing horribly.
Click to expand...
It makes tinnitus so much harder to deal with when you don't have an emotional support system. I'm sorry your wife and daughter don't understand. If you mom is the only one who gave you the strength to keep going, losing her imminently must be so much more painful. I have a couple family members who are the only reason I could go on for so long, and I don't know what I would do if I lost them.
 
#19
@bob bauer -

Your life is important and if you choose life, you will have a future which may be far brighter than you imagine but if you do not endure through this period, your hope for a better life will be negated. I so understand your heartache about your mom... this is the most difficult situation in life to face but if we outlive our parents.. we must each endure this for no mother and father wants to predecease their children. I am sure your mother would never want her beloved son to end his life, this is not the way it is supposed to be. Your tinnitus is clouding your thinking right now... you must realize you are not thinking properly. To end your life is to end all hope for a brighter tomorrow. There may be something which you have not as yet tried which may help.

Again... I understand your closeness with your mother and that you feel she is the only one who understands but she would not want you to contemplate this. She would be so against what you are thinking about.

I have felt hopeless and helpless in the past and it had nothing to do with tinnitus on two occasions in my life so believe me... I do understand your feeling of futility and desperation but you have to see you are not thinking clearly. I saw that before it was too late for me thankfully. Your tinnitus might one day soon be under control so you must be patient and see what may be possible for you. There is hope... always.. there is hope. Your mother would never want to know that her son is thinking about such drastic measures. I do know and understand how sorrowful it is when you are about to lose a beloved parent but you will survive the loss and the pain will abate... I know this. Time... time... it takes time and you must have hope for yourself and a future so don't do anything rashly... think... your mother would not want this for you... she would want you to survive and go forward in life.

You have a child and a wife.. have you tried to talk with them and make them understand how desperate you are feeling?

If you give up now, you will never see if there can be improvement. You are young yet... you need to hang in there and learn what may be possible to decrease your suffering. I understand your torment... I have experienced intense emotional suffering but wanted to cling to hope that my situations would improve and in time, they did and fortunately I didn't act on my impulses as I lacked clear objectivity at the time. I believe your thoughts are clouded now and even further so by the thoughts of your mom. I urge you...Please don't act rashly. Talk all your feelings through here.

Sincerely,
Barbara
 
#20
Thank you Barbara, that is my mom's name. My tinnitus has been raging, and the thought of losing my mom is killing me. I really don't know how I can possibly go through this. Jesus help me.
 
#23
If you daughter is young, you need to fight this battle for her. Losing a father to suicide will forever damage her delicate psyche of a young child and she may copy this as a way out of tough challenges in her life later in her life.

During the toughest time in my struggle, these dark thoughts clouded my mind too when my body and mind suffered mightily, so much so I checked out youtube for people with near-death experiences from suicide. They all came back with horror story on the 'other side' and said they wouldn't ever harm themselves again. It seems that suicide won't solve anything but the suffering continue beyond. I don't know if this is true but that is what I find out from searching youtube and I didn't want to gamble with a one-way ticket. With that I decided to stay put and to fight the battle against T & H, heaven or hell. I said I would 'donate' my body for my loved ones ignoring the suffering however much they would come. I decided to learn all I can about coping with T and learn from those who wrote their success stories. I apply their strategies and add some of my own. With time and determination, and with switching to more positive thinking (CBT technique), the rest is history. Sure glad I didn't do the unthinkable. You have to make that choice yourself. Try being more accepting & positive about life's challenges. As @fishbone said, life is tough. We all have our challenges. I lost my only son who bled to death in my arm when he was 5 years old and I suffered severe PTSD, requiring heavy medication and a year long of psychiatric counselling. For a long time every time I closed my eyes trying to sleep the scene of my bloodied son dying in my arm surfaced to haunt me to death. Life is not meant to be easy and sometimes we just have to lick our wounds and move on. Hope you will calm down and see more positive side of life. Your spike may subside over time. Give yourself and your body some time and don't serve yourself mentally with too many ultimatums to add more mental stress. Take care. God bless.
 
#24
Hi again @bob bauer -

Believe me... do I ever understand how you are feeling! My beloved mother, Helen, was as sweet and gentle as her name and as good as they come. I was 53 years old when she passed away - as I said, virtually, right in front of my eyes as I was in the next room- and I was very close to her all of my life. I could not even bear to ever think of her dying and my husband and son were aware of this as well and quite frankly, were worried about that day when it would inevitably come. I would banish the thought whenever she told me "Listen Bobbie, I am not going to be here forever"... and I would quiet her when she spoke like that. Like you Bob, I didn't ever think I would survive without her wise counsel, her unending generosity of goodness and spirit and her unconditional and endless love. Well... that fateful day came and needless to say, I was unprepared as he only had a virus... one which I suspected she would get over in a few days. Oh... the shock of it... the torment .... but.... I did survive... I did... because I knew I must. There were others counting on me and I knew in my heart of hearts that she would wish that I go on and try to have a bright future and not sink into depression. As long as we hold them in our hearts, they will still be with us always. What we think we would never be able to survive, somehow we do... we just do.

As you well know, the more upset we are the greater affect tinnitus has upon us so it is not surprising that yours is raging presently. Although what I suggest is difficult to do, you need to try to gain some control over your emotions and calm yourself as much as possible so you can be clear-thinking.

I have related all this to you Bob because I really do understand... and empathize with you completely. We must be thankful that we have/had parents and/or a wonderful mother who stood by us and we were blessed with this relationship. Many never had that special bond. I continued on as shall you Bob and though we will always miss them, we will still have special and cherished memories of their presence. I genuinely feel that we become stronger as we face our darkest hours and bravely surmount challenges one by one. Our lives are precious and we honor our parents/mothers by continuing on in Life and trying earnestly to improve the quality of our lives and ultimately seeking contentment.

Please forgive me for going on at length... I wanted you to know I truly understand how you are feeling. I hope you find the strength and courage to face whatever may come and know there are those here who understand your plight and will offer emotional support as needed.

Take good care of yourself Bob.

Sincerely,
Barbara
 
#25
If you have a family, then why would you even consider this? I'd give anything to have a family and to lean on them. They might not fully understand your issue, but i am sure that they love you. You may have it bad, but others might have it worst than you..never forget that.
 
#27
bob bauer said:
My mom passed away last night, i'm devastated. Don't know how i'm going to make it. God give me strength.
Click to expand...

@bob bauer - I am so, so very sorry to hear this. You are right now in the deep end. And when one is at the deep end, there really is no other reality. I've been there too. You can and will be able to overcome this, even if it seems absolutely impossible right now. If you have any suicidal thoughts, please get urgent help.

You said earlier that "if I go to the doctor they will probably put me in a mental hospital". Listen, when one is in such condition that they can be sent to mental hospital, then there is a dire need to it. You are suffering immensely and see no hope, so what is there to lose? Reach out, go see a doctor and pour all these serious worries to him. You cannot be expected to survive this alone, you need help and support. So give it a chance, please. As said, since things seem hopeless now, there is only something to be gained by trusting professionals. They might be able to give you a small glimmer of hope - would that not be something, if not everything?

Our mental health issues are directly linked to how severe the T is. Our nervous system is all connected and when it's not working properly, the symptoms of tinnitus will increase tenfold. When I am suffering from horrible anxiety my T is like 10 times louder than it is when I've had calmer days. So even when the loudness perceived is very real to you, calming and balancing your brain/nervous system will very likely be extremely helpful to your T. The volume can decrease a lot, if you do receive a treatment which makes you feel better. And when you feel better, its also easier to cope with what is left of the T.

Is this something you could consider? Please don't give up - seek help and if you first don't succeed, try multiple options. A good therapist is perhaps the best long-term solution I would suggest, with very frequent visits in the first months (like 2-3 times per week). It can change your life for the better.
 
#28
bob bauer said:
Tired of suffering
Click to expand...

Bob, keep strong my friend. Some of us endurance the hardest of life, that also could make you stronger.

It was not until I got to my lowest point, to my biggest depression, when I felt completely TIRED (as you) and was when I had no other choice but to start to fight back. I fought back not based on inspiration or motivation, but based in my hopelessly and now-or-never situation. And it worked for me, it could work for you too.

The best and keep going,
 
#29
I am sorry to hear about the loss of your mother @bob bauer and hope that the coming days and weeks are not to difficult for you to handle. If possible have a word with your Dr as something might be able to be prescribed to help you with any stress.

All the best
Michael
 
#30
Dear @bob bauer -

I am sorry to hear this and send my heartfelt condolences on the passing of your mother. I hope you will find the inner strength to cope at this very difficult time. I hope that knowing you were always there for your mother will somehow serve to comfort you. She would want you to be strong and go on to have a bright future - for your sake and for that of your family who needs you. Please remain strong.

Sincerely,
Barbara
 

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