What Am I Doing with My Life? My Life Is Consumed by Tinnitus

I'm going around in circles. My life is just consumed by tinnitus at the minute. It's utterly FUBARed.

I spend my days flicking between Tinnitus Talk, Facebook and the web hoping somewhere there's a snippet of hope that will suddenly change me back to who and where I was mentally 5 months ago.

I go to work, I can't be bothered with it, I monitor my tinnitus all day long, I sleep badly, I medicate myself to sleep then I smoke cigars throughout the night, pop Propanol the moment I feel anxious, I don't make as much effort with my family and I've lost interest in engaging with just about anything. Nothing takes me out of myself. Nothing gives me pleasure.

How the hell did it come to this? Where is this habituation? Can I habituate with something that I can always hear and gets louder by the hour?

 

My situation was very similar to yours, Allan. I had tinnitus for 14 years before it got worse after a really loud gig. When that happened my life fell apart and it took a long time for me to get back to a stable mindset. You cannot force it and by obsessively reading about it and/or monitoring it you are making matters worse. You need to stop doing this. Take up a new hobby or give yourself a challenge to complete; something that fully engages you and takes your mind elsewhere.

I can always hear my tinnitus and it’s really loud. I can walk into a busy bar, for example, and my dentist drill tinnitus will just cut right through with ease.

 

I understand the frustration...I've had it for only just over 3 months, but to your point it's essentially taken over my life at the moment. When it screams and screams, it drags you down and by the end of the day you're essentially begging for anything that will knock you out and give you a break, only to wake up to it at 2am. No mercy. I've had panic attacks, break-downs, I'm on multiple meds, and it's still a challenge.

That being said, there ARE good moments. Yesterday morning was the quietest I've had since it started (even though it picked up again in the afternoon) and I got to ENJOY the time I had with my baby girl. It's soooo easy to get fixated on it (trust me, I am) but it's also worth taking a moment and trying to pick out what other sounds are playing in your environment...who's talking in the distance, the HVAC system, your fingers tapping on a table, just to be mindful that there are a bazillion other sounds out there that you're brain is ignoring. No idea why this one is so damn hard to get over.

I'm on antidepressants at the moment, and if you're not it might be worth considering based on your current tone. The anxiety will only feed the fire alarm in our heads, making it seem 1000X worse. Once my anxiety is under control, I feel more like I can handle what the day throws at me. It's still hard, but it's possible. Also, maybe you need more help with a sleep medication or mixture. Lack of sleep will destroy you if sustained over time, so to me it's one of the most important things. It doesn't have to be forever, just to get your body some relief.

Not sure where you live, but maybe (because it's winter) you may need a Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) lamp...not sure what's the best, but I know lack of sun, warmth, and the embrace of the outside is making things really hard for me right now.

I'm sorry you're going through this. You're not alone.

 

Thanks Ed.

 

When you're up at 2am @Chalx what do you do?

Sorry to read that you are suffering, quite similar to me.

 

I read (and to some extent had experienced myself) that habituation (emotional reaction upon hearing T not being as severe) sets in after 18-24 months...

 

I can completely empathise with your situation @Allan1967 - particularly with noise making tinnitus much worse even when you have tried to be careful with the level of noise exposure.

What I would say - and feel free to ignore this if you want- is it's best not to pin too many hopes on a new "wonder" tinnitus device coming round the corner. Things are looking a bit more hopeful with the Neuromod/MuteButton device, but even if it is effective for some people it certainly won't be for everybody and there's no certainty when it will be released yet.

It at all possible I would try to have a day when you try to think about tinnitus as little as possible. Easier said than done of course when you have this loud noise in your head. But try to have a day where you don't look at anything tinnitus-related online and aim to monitor the sound as little as possible and try to arrange to do something you enjoy - whatever that may be - healthy or unhealthy - during the course of the day.

 

Alan, a lot of what you describe fits with depression. I was in a similar situation and was told by physician that I would have to push myself. I think what David c is describing makes sense. Push yourself not to look online, to focus on work, not monitoring the tinnitus will probably happen when you focus on the work. This is going to make you feel exhausted as well. I would say that's normal in the sense that pushing means expending energy.

Keep us posted,
TC

 

Tinnitus can consume you if you LET IT. As someone that has had tinnitus for over 31 years, I can say that I been on both sides of the fence. Tinnitus at one point, was draining me and gripping me in my life. I searched and tried numerous possible solutions that could get rid of this nasty ringing...that use to drive me up the wall.

The thing that set me straight was talking to my audiologist and learning about what could cause my tinnitus to get worst. Tinnitus will NOT just get worst on its own. Something has to happen for it to get worst, whether that is a sound or environment that could further damage the ears. Possibly meds that can make it louder or just plain 'ol stress that unleash more/intense ringing.

Go speak to a counselor, a therapist. A face to face communication/session is a thousands times better than constantly posting to a site. Life is what YOU MAKE OF IT. Whether you have tinnitus or are missing limbs. Find a way to better your life. Life can still be made better even with tinnitus. It takes planning, patience and the will power to not let tinnitus control our lives.

I am trying to make my life better everyday. I will never let this garbage ringing + hearing loss stop me from doing things to live a better life..........

 

Dude, TT isn't the place to get better...it's a place to heighten your sensitivity to T...get out of here if you feel you are starting to become more paranoid. Come here for the information but don't hang out reading the scary stories, it will CONSUME you if you allow it to. The bitterness will eat away at your soul...reducing your positivity bit by bit...just chill with your kids or something...listen to some music. Do what you need to do but don't spend too much time here, even facebook is toxic with its echo chamber nonsense.

 

I can attest to that, I was doing much better before I started posting here daily. Checked it maybe once a week- things seemed to move much quicker than checking the research page every half hour.

 

I know it feels that way, I still struggle every day thinking it used to be quieter. But is it really getting louder? In order to habituate you need to be certain that it just is the way it is and you're doing everything you should be doing. That'll allow you to let go and think about something else.

 

This tinnitus bastard is clever though, there is something in the saying that it feeds off attention. Mine gets quieter the more distracted I am, the less I think of it, actually quieter not habituation quieter. Is there anything you can use to distract youself til your tinnitus quietens down or you habituate?

 

Not at the minute. The piano was my natural anti depressant. Ironically it's what ruined me, so I'm selling it which now leaves a gaping void in my interests.

 

How do you know the piano was ultimately the cause? There are many things that could have lead to your tinnitus spiking, or of your perception to it becoming more acute.

 

Habituation comes when you stop caring about your T. When you stop caring then there is no emotional valence to the signal and thus your amygdala stops attaching emotional "weighting" to it.

The signal which is being received by the basolateral nucleus is shunted through to the central nucleus (both parts of the amygdala) via guardians at the gate called the intercallated neurons (which act like a "reverse bouncer" only letting in the most emotional clients on order of the "Management" (Your pre-frontal cortex or "consciousness") Instead it's filtered out at the thalamus ( the routing station of the brain ) as something unimportant.

For instance: direct your sensation to your hand now and consciously feel the sensation from it....the feeling has always there but you never noticed it, the amygdala has no concerns with what is going on as there's no reason for it to do so.

[An interesting aside to this is schizophrenia, some researchers suspect that a faulty gating system is just letting everything through to the PFC with very little filtering so even random meaningless events acquire great significance]

If your amygdala has no concerns with your T then you don't hear it either unless you direct your attention to it. Getting your amygdala to a situation of not caring is the trick.

To do so you need to change "Management policy". There are a number of steps to take.

1/ Meditate, this reduces your overall stress levels and and lets the intercallated neurons have some time off so the security at the door is lax and reluctant to escort the signal to the central nucleus as there is nothing much going on ( the reverse is when you are stressed and it's heightened awareness time and everything get through)

2/ Affirmations. Look at yourself in the mirror in the eyes and repeat an affirmation. The shorter the better but a good one is "Executive override: you have no power over me" and say it with a smirk on your face. People who are worried about T don't smirk about it. You will know you are doing this right when you feel the hairs on your arms stick up.

3/ Fake your belief system: When people ask how your T is then say "Really good it's very quiet, can hardly hear it at all". After a while your limbic system starts to believe the statement and it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy as the environment is now backing you up ( I appreciate this is hard, we want the world to feel for us and get that dopamine to make us feel a bit better).

These three steps hit the amygdala at every one of it's entrance gates telling it everything is fine so stop messing about. Eventually the limbic system has to square the circle to achieve cognitive homeostasis, it does so by attenuating your T and putting it on the back burner just like it would if there was a big emotional event in the life.

Even the worst T sufferer in the world doesn't hear it in the middle of a severe skid on ice when they're driving their car.

 

Hi @Allan1967 ,
Have you ever wondered whether it's the self-medicating or Propanol that is making your tinnitus worse?
Mirtazapine (Remeron) caused my tinnitus many years ago. I had no idea what was happening until I found out that antidepressants and sleep medication can cause and worsen tinnitus.
I'm convinced it was the medication because my tinnitus stopped worsening as soon as I stopped taking it.
My tinnitus has improved since... but it took at least a year after stopping all meds before I started noticing small improvements.
Maria

 

How many decibels is a piano? I just went and banged on the keys of ours, ran my hand up and down the keyboard, it never went over 77 decibels average. (No, I don't play) That's a safe level. Extended exposure above 85 can cause damage. You can purchase a decibel meter for your iPhone from the app store for around 99 cents. Research it before selling the piano!

 

Piano practice isn’t what I’d call dangerously loud. By simply going outside the house, it’s far more likely to get louder than a piano.

 

Indeed, plus if its a natural antidepressant for you????

Do you have hearing loss and have you had a hearing test recently? It could be pure coincidence that the spike occurred when you were playing the piano.

 

Pianos are louder than people realize. any acoustic instrument usually is. I couldn't tolerate a friend upright piano at all.

I would think the nicotine in cigars would make tinnitus worse.

I find video games are a great distraction from tinnitus. Similar to playing an instrument, it puts you in a mental zone. You can play alone or with others online 24/7. There is a game type for everyone. I think it would help take your mind off of tinnitus more than retching after burning thru a box of cigars by yourself. But if you haven't play video games in a while, its important to take the time to find a game you really like. just trying the first few you come across won't do it. a lot of games can be crap. but once you find that one game that you connect with, its pretty great. If you have any interests in westerns and an open world to explore sounds appealing, I would suggest Red Dead Redemption 2 on Microsofts Xbox console as a start. It's worth a try. Don't give up finding a solution.

 

If one has hyperacusis, maybe? I’ve spent years around pianos and never found them to be dangerously loud.

 

Pianos can be bloody loud I can tell you.
At 77 dbs you’re not even trying !

 

Normal practise on a piano is between 60-70dB. Most pianos will peak at around 80dB if you play them loud, but no songs are played entirely fortissimo. I wouldn’t say pianos are dangerously loud and they’re not something that I’d be particularly concerned about.

 

The discourse has once again developed in the direction that additional noise potentially causes additional damage to the "auditory system"

But, - Allan1967 reports an ear infection as the triggering cause for his tinnitus.
Why should normal noise be harmful if noise was not the cause of tinnitus at all?

 

If somebody already has compromised hearing - just like us lot - 80dbs can do more damage.

 

How loud is a London street?

 

There’s no need to practise that loud on a piano, though, especially if you’re uncomfortable. I’ve never heard anyone talk about pianos causing hearing loss, ever. The usual culprit for being dangerously loud is the brass section, which is a known thing. Pianos aren’t inherently dangerous. Many things in life are much louder than a piano and there’s always the option of using earplugs.

 

Depends where it’s located, but likely to be louder than a piano.

 

You are talking about healthy people. There had never been any studies about what kinds of noises can hurt T sufferers. A large number of older posts seem to imply that 80 dB might not always be safe.

And regarding the guidelines for the healthy people, I think the take below is interesting: