Marina Moon

Marina Moon

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  • Marina Moon
    So my dad pretended to be me and made fun of my pain. I can't stop crying. Why is it like this why is this happening, I can't anymore
    View previous comments…
    gameover
    What a stinking pile of shit. Hope you will get better, move out and move on. Never talk to that POS ever.
    Lurius
    @Marina Moon If it helps you, writing novels is what I was going to do as well and I haven't written much since onset. I was able to write a few xmas cards and some synopsises but getting back to what I was doing is difficult with the kind of concentration I require.
    Lurius
    Your dad sounds like a psychopath. Best case scenario, his empathy is very low.
    Marina Moon
    "You're getting better!" No, i just don't have the strength to complain like i used to lol
    View previous comments…
    Marina Moon
    What's worse is that I laugh at all her prodding jokes at me, i hate myself for it.
    Marina Moon
    Every Christmas, I have to nodge her a little to make me a christmas card. I'd always make her one. I didn't this year because i'm so tired and in pain. She didn't make me anything. Not that i care, because it would have felt cruel if she did. She writes in her cards that i'm her best friend and she will always have my back and never abandon me. Those are all lies, I see that now.
    Marina Moon
    i tried telling my mom that when the TMJ is inflamed it can affect the eustachian tubes. I thought she was actually going to listen to me, instead she just rolled her eyes.

    We were packing my lunch and she handed me a whole apple. I can't bite into apples. I can't open my mouth wide, i'd just slobber all over it.
    Marina Moon
    Lord, give me strength like Harry and Marv after surviving Christmas with Kevin.
    SarahMLFlemmer
    Amen!
    Juliane
    I just watched that movie with literally no sound on my pc. Thank God for subtitles. If I could just be deaf with NO T at all, I'd take it gladly. People can get by with sign language
    Marina Moon
    @Juliane watch it in whatever way that makes you the most comfortable. tbh home alone is loud with all the screaming from harry and marv and just about every death trap Kevin sets up! I was thinking of learning sign language so I don't have to speak.
    Marina Moon
    T update (details in comments)
    View previous comments…
    Marina Moon
    i wish i can rip this part of myself away from me, because I'm not me anymore, not really.
    Juliane
    My T also changes with my body position - standing up / lying down. So weird. What does that mean?
    Marina Moon
    @Juliane i also noticed that when I lay down flat and swallow T gets briefly louder during that action. Literally swallowing…. I have no idea why, but there has to be a muscle component to this, something is tense, out of alignment, something!!
    Marina Moon
    Everytime i lay down flat there is a horrible crack from my teeth or my jaw joints idk but it freaks me out every time without fail.
    Marina Moon
    "Point to where it hurts." ENDLESS DAYS OF THIS STUPID QUESTION YOU KNOW WHERE IT HURTS, ask me one more time & i'll start throwing punches.
    View previous comments…
    Marina Moon
    @Tryn2BHopeful I understand how you feel and I feel like i developed the same sentiment about 'lesser' issues, it makes me feel less empathetic, like i'm a grinch all the time. It's only because we're suffering so much, not because we're inherently like this. We're good people, but we're just in pain.
    Marina Moon
    @Tryn2BHopeful I got into an argument with my sister about the heater in our room, she gets angry that i turn it off (because the sound makes my T go up, so i prefer it off at night), but i just tell her to either freeze or use another blanket, so i'm indifferent to either of us becoming popsicles come winter.
    Marina Moon
    @Tryn2BHopeful The wierd thing about my T is that it got better while my pain got worse. No one has explained to me why that is the case. Pretty much all my focus goes to my pain. I feel selfish, because i should be grateful in one way because T made me cry and go insane so many days, but now it's pain which has the same effects. I still don't like my T tho.
    Marina Moon
    Feeling like crap, life is miserable, living is exhausting, i'm a shell of my former self, but I want dunkin donuts munchkins...
    T
    Yum, sounds good... sorry you're feeling so miserable.
    Marina Moon
    @tpj I'm praying for better days to come, but I did eat an apple turnover and it was delicious!
    Marina Moon
    I had my MRI on monday and T is fine/the usual. My pain is the same, i guess. Subluxations in both my TMJs and i hate my life and want to d-
    Tryn2BHopeful
    :(
    Marina Moon
    @Tryn2BHopeful I just want to be okay again. My days are all the same now, and i'm a loss for what to do. My fam is always too slow to act, and now it infuriates me, but now i wonder if any help would really do me good. Pain goes up when i speak, so i'm trying not to say anything, it feels like basic things are all being taken away from me lol
    Tryn2BHopeful
    Maybe it would maybe it wouldn't. It's not my decision but it seems like there are treatment options for you. You are so young and would likely respond well to them earlier rather than later. Try to stay strong!
    Marina Moon
    My MRI is next week & my mom said that unless I have a tumor, I won't be receiving treatment. Do I pray for something terrible or go insane
    View previous comments…
    SarahMLFlemmer
    Marina Moon
    @SarahMLFlemmer My neurologist ordered the MRI of my jaw, and brain (I haven't done that one yet) but i need an oral surgeon or the radiologist to explain the results better to me and if i need some oral appliance like a splint, and to meet a physiatrist who specfically treats TMD. My dad wants to me try chondroitin glycosaminoglycan for a month because it's supposed to help the joints.
    Marina Moon
    @SarahMLFlemmer My parents don't want to put me on an orthotic that can structurally change my bite when the bite is not the root of the problem but something else, like my neck/back/weak muscles etc. Because an orthotic could make my problems worse. When I went to a consultation with a dentist (he did my sister's braces, I never had braces) he admitted without admitting that braces are one cause of TMD .
    xLuchiaaa
    May I ask what you first symptoms were because I was reading that you also have jaw symptoms ?
    View previous comments…
    xLuchiaaa
    @Marina Moon That last part I have the same ! Like my drums are moving
    Marina Moon
    @xLuchiaaa I really hate this symptom, sometimes it's better and other times it's worse. I read that when the TMJ is inflamed it can inflame the eustachian tubes and the squishy sounds is mucus and when there is alot it changes the pressure in the middle ear, so that's why sound is reverberating off our eardrums. I hope i explained it well!
    xLuchiaaa
    Sometimes it's also very loud, It scares me like that my drum is going to burst it feels like then :( I understand you, How did they diagnosed TMJ by you ? Today I have my second appointment with the physiotherapist. The first appointment was just talking and looking and she tried to gentle massage the sides of my skull around my ears but that was hurting so much over my head like someone was pressing needles
    Marina Moon
    It's been 8 months since the onset of my condition. So much change in T, pain, symptoms, and mental wellbeing. Everyday is survival mode.
    View previous comments…
    Marina Moon
    @TheCapybara The past few days have been better painwise. I started taking Advil and am using hot compresses more, while stopping the exercises i was doing because i think it was putting too much strain on my body. I'm still in this mild state of tension/soreness, and careful not to laugh or talk too much to relax my facial muscles, but it's better than before!
    Marina Moon
    @SarahMLFlemmer I'm trying <3 The pain has gotten a little better, only because i stopped exercises and am taking Advil.
    Marina Moon
    @4Grace Hoping things get better for all of us too.
    Marina Moon
    My morning routine is waking up to an existensial crisis, then I make tea.
    L along the way
    Hahah.. high five... it's not funny.. but i've gotten cynical too.. what a.. stuff... going day by day. Cheers with a cup of tea
    SarahMLFlemmer
    I know it.
    Juliane
    You and me both! Waking up, realizing what my life has been reduced to, feeling the instant dread and heaviness of existence, then a cup of Joe and the first fake smile of many.
    Marina Moon
    I feel so guilty; begging for help, throwing tantrums, am easily irritable, etc. i'm a whole different person now...
    Marina Moon
    I honestly doubt that I clench. I cry, that's for certain, but not clench.
    Marina Moon
    When i'm laying in bed, i clench(?) when i yawn but is that enough cumulative damage to hurt anyone? Also when i was sleeping, i noticed my teeth lightly tapping, it's probably because the muscles are spasming...
    Marina Moon
    Due to a cancellation, I was able to see a neurologist. (more in the comments)
    View previous comments…
    Tryn2BHopeful
    Atleast you got to see neuro... they denied my referral. I could be brain dead tomorrow but that's not their problem. Maybe it was for the best anyway.
    Marina Moon
    @Tryn2BHopeful I guess i can take a few positives away this from experience, and i'm learning more about the healthcare system then I am in class or in textbooks. I was going to take the MCAT but postponed it because this happened.
    Marina Moon
    @Tryn2BHopeful I'm sorry, given all you've been experencing, i can't imagine they'd deny you a referral....My pcp gave me a referal to neuro because she thought i had trigeminal neuralgia, and my neuro put me down for MS because he said an MRI wouldn't be authorized otherwise. It's a guessing game to them, what they think we do or do not have, but they can also be wrong in their judgement.
    Marina Moon
    I went to the dentist today! [details in the comments] I have good news, sort of?
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    Marina Moon
    Treatment options he mentioned inluded injections, plates, muscle relaxers, but i need to get an MRI first to know what the tissues look like in my jaw point, and how to proceed foward. Surgery terrrfies me and something i really, really don't want and can potentially leave me in a worse condition.
    Marina Moon
    My condition could have also started in my back and then slowly affected my jaw joints, as everything is connected, and i was having lower back pain for a while before all these other symptoms manifested.
    Marina Moon
    I still regret eating that burger in september of last year because on that day that's when my bad headaches manifested. Maybe it wouldn't have mattered if i ate the burger, or eaten something else a day later, my TMJ was probably already weakened (?) and then the burger was just the last straw, the catalyst for everyhting else inevitably to happen.
    Marina Moon
    "don't drag me into this insanity," my sister said as she's asked to come along with me to my dentist appointment. She has no empathy.
    View previous comments…
    Marina Moon
    @SarahMLFlemmer Since the onset of my condition, i'm starting to re-evaluate the dynamics of my family...and how dysfunctional it is....
    4Grace
    I am so sorry you are going through this. It's incredible how similar all of our experiences are… I can relate to everyone of your sentiments. I'm not a fan of those life affirming quotes but one stuck with me. We need to be strong, endure and accept because the reality is that every other choice is worse. Every other option is not better. I wish you only better days. You are so strong and very smart.
    Marina Moon
    @4Grace Thank you for your kindness, i needed to hear this <3
    Marina Moon
    If i'm cured, then i'll never want for anything else ever again....
    SarahMLFlemmer
    Right?!
    Juliane
    Same! And to think I had that little over a year ago (I had mild T, which for me would be the same as cured) and did not thank my Lucky stars EVERY DAY! Just mindblowing... Sure don't know what we got till it's gone
    Marina Moon
    It's easier to make a reservation at a restaurant then it is with a neurologist....5 months is the closest appointment. Fuck me.
    View previous comments…
    RunningMan
    It's crazy how long it can take. I had to wait several weeks when I made an appt. with an ENT. Then it took another two to three weeks to get into the university for a hearing test upon the ENT's referral. Fortunately, I got into my PCP within a week the last two times I scheduled appts. But, I never attempted to see a neurologist, psych, therapist, or sleep doctor.
    Marina Moon
    @RunningMan That's rough, i'm sorry. It's insane how hard it is to just get help.
    4Grace
    In Canada one guy - 12 month wait. MRI - 6 months. Health care went to crap after Covid
    Marina Moon
    i noticed that my last molar on my left side is elevated and hurts, which makes me wonder if i have an impacted wisdom tooth.
    View previous comments…
    Marina Moon
    @SarahMLFlemmer I'm researching and making appointments with dentists, regardless of what my parents think! I'M TAKING BACK MY LIFE!
    Marina Moon
    @Tryn2BHopeful I always wanted straighter teeth, but I never had teeth problems, but then again, i never noticed that last molar was raised until recently. Maybe if i went to a dentist sooner, my situation now could have been entirely prevented, perhaps...May I ask if your son had impacted wisdom teeth and were they painful?
    Tryn2BHopeful
    They were not impacted. We had his removed before they became an issue. I had impacted wisdom teeth when I was younger and I had jaw pain. After they were removed that went away.
    Marina Moon
    In a perfect, idealized, utopian world we all have groups of doctors dedicated to our individualized causes.
    Marina Moon
    I went to the doctor today [will discuss what happened in the comments] Living is just suffering now, isn't it?
    View previous comments…
    Marina Moon
    @4Grace I'm sorry, i know the feeling all too well. Thank you. Things are looking up a little better after i visited the dentist today!
    Marina Moon
    @Tryn2BHopeful I'll keep moving forward, it's hard but better days are coming, hopefully. Thank you <3
    Marina Moon
    @SarahMLFlemmer I still love them, it's just getting hard these days to function, and i still feel guilty that this condition happened to me because it is affecting my family too. I just want to go on vacations again, watch movies, and have fun like we used to. I feel like i disrupted all that was good...
    Marina Moon
    Sorry for all my posts of vents/rants. I just need to let it out. I also want to scream like a pterodactyl, but this is way healthier.
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