Emotional Roller Coaster

Discussion in 'Support' started by Aegyo, Dec 25, 2018.

    1. Aegyo

      Aegyo Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      News article
      Merry Christmas everyone :(

      I don't know if anyone is online at the moment. I really need some encouragement.

      I've had stress induced tinnitus since October 4th, 2018. I had severe stress, frequent fleeting tinnitus and sudden sensitivity to my pc fan, saw a negative new article on tinnitus, panicked, stuck my fingers in my ears and...well...here I am.

      And I feel like I am falling apart.

      My tinnitus seems reactive (sorry @Michael Leigh, I know you don't support that term but I don't know how else to describe it :( ).

      I have various sounds going on. Mostly static buzzing, but also a head whistle. And an ear hiss can pop up too.

      Car, laptop fan, cooker hood, etc. all makes it spike. I feel like I'm turning into a hermit.

      But it's such a roller coaster. Sometimes it reacts, sometimes it barely does.

      Two fairly good days, then I had an anxiety filled day with severe tinnitus, then yesterday the tinnitus was soooo far into the distance that I almost felt like myself again.

      It fluctuates all over the place. A good thing according to the TRT specialist I spoke to...but I don't know.

      But today I woke up at 3AM to that loud head whistle sound. It terrified me and I couldn't sleep any more after that and have been a mess ever since.

      I just don't know what to do.

      I've tried to find sounds for sound enrichment, but they give the tinnitus a sharp "edge" to it.

      My 2 year old and I have moved in with my parents because I'm a mess. My husband is worried sick. My parents are worried sick.

      They do feel my emotions play a huge part.

      And I'm terrified. But mostly, I'm so so soooo sad about all of this. I feel like a burden.

      I feel hopeless. I want to believe the veterans and the success stories, but I'm so scared :(

      I'm in contact with a TRT clinic, but they are a 2 hour drive away and the tinnitus reacts to the car...

      I'm signed up to start CBT on January 2nd, but I don't see how that will help. My GP won't prescribe antidepressants until I've tried CBT.

      I just don't know anymore :cry: Every time I think I notice progress, I lose faith again.

      I know progress isn't linear. But is it this roller coaster-y?
       
      • Hug Hug x 7
    2. Pabl692
      Alone

      Pabl692 Member

      Location:
      Barnsley, UK.
      Tinnitus Since:
      November 2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Performing musician.
      While I'm not experienced enough to know how to properly advise you moving forward, I can assure you that you are not alone, and that most people on this forum have been where you have been.

      Also, it does get better. Your mind is in fight or flight mode. However, this will pass with time. Each of our brains work at different speeds; some process things faster than others, but yours will get to a point where, you might find it is annoying, but it will no longer cripple you with anxiety. This is coming from someone who was in hospital threatening suicide in the first few weeks. Now, I sit here calm. Annoyed to hell that I have this stupid noise in my head, but I'm eating again and doing most of the things I was before.

      What I'm trying to say is, with time, it will get better for you.

      Yours sounds very much like mine. Are you sure that your T is stress induced? Mine is very reactive, however, mine was surely brought on by loud noise exposure.

      I understand how horrible it is to hear the noise throughout the night. But rather than panicking, try just listening to the noise. I actually do this, and I find my mind wandering, because my brain just gets fed up of listening to its own sound. I know it sounds ridiculous and it might not work for everyone, but give it a try.

      As horrible as it is, it won't kill you. Try working on the stress in your life.

      Enjoy the rest of Christmas Day (if you celebrate it) as best you can.

      Yes, I think it is up and down. I have days where it is quieter. Then the next it is worse than ever. Try and enjoy the good days :)
       
      • Like Like x 1
      • Friendly Friendly x 1
    3. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      Aegyo

      Aegyo Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      News article
      Pretty sure it was stress induced. I have no history of being around loud noises. Of course I have used headphones every now and then in the past. But very rarely.

      Here is my hearing test. I don't know if it's useful to anyone? I don't know how to read it. All I was told was that my hearing is normal. I also had a tympano...something. That came back normal.

      20181225-175359.jpg
       
    4. JohnAdams
      Festive

      JohnAdams Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      Vatican
      Tinnitus Since:
      May 1st 2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Aspirin Toxicity/Possibly Noise
      I would describe it as more of being like a seal pup getting flipped through the air by orcas than being on a roller coaster.
       
      • Funny Funny x 2
      • Agree Agree x 1
      • Genius Genius x 1
    5. JohnAdams
      Festive

      JohnAdams Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      Vatican
      Tinnitus Since:
      May 1st 2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Aspirin Toxicity/Possibly Noise
      I wonder if cortisol is ototoxic.
       
      • Good Question Good Question x 1
    6. Contrast
      No Mood

      Contrast Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      Clown World
      Tinnitus Since:
      late 2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      noise injury
      remember those hearing test doing test for speech in background noise or complex listening enviorments like music, they also don't test above 8k.They don't care about hearing loss if it won't effect human speech. hearing loss that doesn't effect human speech can still cause damage to the inner ear.

      You do have 20db loss at 2000khz that means noise at that range loses 3-4 times it's priority.
       
      • Informative Informative x 1
    7. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      Aegyo

      Aegyo Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      News article
      I don't know what that means... What kind of sound is 2000khz?

      I don't know how accurate the test was at the time. I was a nervous wreck and lost my focus a few times...realising I heard the tone, but forgot to press.
       
      • Hug Hug x 1
    8. Contrast
      No Mood

      Contrast Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      Clown World
      Tinnitus Since:
      late 2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      noise injury
    9. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      Aegyo

      Aegyo Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      News article
      But what does that 2k mean? Like, does it explain why my tinnitus reacts to the car or kettle, etc?

      Sorry, I don't know anything about these things hehe.
       
    10. Lane

      Lane Member Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      February, 2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Single 25 mg. Dose of (Anticholinergic) Drug Promethazine
      Hi @Aegyo, I'm sorry to hear how difficult things are for you. You sound like a person who may be "highly sensitive", just as I and about 10% of the population are. I've come to be believe being highly sensitive makes a condition like tinnitus more likely. For one reason, HS people are more reactive to just about everything in their lives; the food they eat, the sounds they hear, the things they even read.

      I've found various kinds of tapping exercises like Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) to be helpful. I also carefully monitor what I eat, and what effect it's having on me. I've discovered chocolate is terrible for my tinnitus, as well as things like sugar. You may want to consider carefully tracking your food intake and your tinnitus fluctuations. I also do other energetic exercises that can take me from panic to total calm in a relatively short period of time.

      There ARE things that can be helpful. It's just a matter of finding the ones that work well for us as individuals. I'm confident that if you start keeping a diary of when your tinnitus spikes, you'll find various associations that will help you get a much better understanding of your situation. And with understanding, comes a greater sense of equinimity. -- I myself Sing HU as a very simple and calming spiritual exercise. -- Take good care!
       
    11. fishbone
      Shitfaced

      fishbone Member Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      1988
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      loud noise and very bad sickness
      I would give everything I have, to have hearing like that. Stress based tinnitus, is more promising for healing compared to noise induced/damage tinnitus.
       
      • Agree Agree x 2
      • Hug Hug x 1
    12. Bill Bauer
      No Mood

      Bill Bauer Member Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      February, 2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Acoustic Trauma
      Have you tried wearing earplugs and noise cancelling headphones? Bose 25 headphones can really make a difference, as far as car noise is concerned.
       
    13. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      Aegyo

      Aegyo Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      News article
      No, I haven't. I was told not to use earplugs for daily sounds, as it could make the reactiveness worse in the long run?
       
    14. GregCA
      Jaded

      GregCA Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      03/2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Otosclerosis
      I doubt your T is stress induced, or, as your profile states, due to a "News article".

      Your audiogram looks a bit like a Carhart Notch, but it doesn't look like those data points are from the bone conduction test though. See https://www.audiologyonline.com/ask-the-experts/carhart-s-notch-new-research-184

      Have you done CT imaging?
      Any Rinne/Weber fork tests?

      When you did the hearing test, did you have a "buzzer" strapped to your forehead or behind your ear (it sometimes looks like headphones that pressurize a buzzer to the back of your ear for conduction testing)?
       
    15. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      Aegyo

      Aegyo Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      News article
      First I had a regular headphones with beeps test. After that, they strapped a thing to my head which pressurized.

      The ENT told me nothing came out of the second test. I didn't notice any issues with it while they were doing it either.

      I also had that fork test. Was actually the very first thing my doctor did. Could hear it just fine.

      All I know is that when it started, I was going through extreme stress. And I was having fleeting tinnitus. And my pc fan was bothering my hearing.

      I read a news article that day and when my son started crying on my lap that night, I thought of the news article, got scared and I decided to stick my fingers in my ears to make sure I didn't have any tinnitus. As soon as I did hear it, I went into full blown panic attack mode.
       
    16. Bill Bauer
      No Mood

      Bill Bauer Member Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      February, 2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Acoustic Trauma
      Well, I have been using earplugs whenever I would drive or whenever I would walk by a busy road. I would also protect my ears in other ways - I would stay away from the vacuum cleaner, blender, etc. My reactiveness got resolved. I am not the only one. This forum is full of people who believe that protecting one's ears is the way to go (of course there are also many here who disagree). If I were you, I would try to stay away from all of the moderately loud sounds that cause your T to spike. If you are concerned about your reactivity getting worse, all you need to do is watch TV at moderate volume (the loudest volume that you can listen to indefinitely and not get a spike). This is what I had been doing.
       
    17. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      Aegyo

      Aegyo Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      News article
      Unfortunately, even the TV on mute sets it off. I don't know why that is.
       
      • Agree Agree x 1
      • Hug Hug x 1
    18. Juan

      Juan Member Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      08/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Several causes
      I'd love to have an audiogram like yours!!!

      If you to any ENT they are going to say there is nothing significant on the audiogram, and by standard measures no hearing loss. There is a bilateral dip at 2,000 that obviously is not in line with the rest of the audiogram, but it is within normal range, totally normal hearing, and the dip could be due to a ton of things, like just the eustachian tube playing up, a cold, being distracted during the hearing test, so many things; in principle, it does not seem clinically significant unless it comes up again in other audiograms later on.

      My feeling is your body is overreacting to street and turning into panic mode, which is no good. Try to take a rest and relax, it is the best you can do. The body sometimes needs to take a break for a couple of weeks.
       
    19. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      Aegyo

      Aegyo Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      News article
      The frustrating thing is that I think I may have always had this, I just wasn’t aware of it.

      I remember going to the toilet at night and hearing similar sounds. It was just never in my awareness.
       
    20. SugarMagnolia
      Jaded

      SugarMagnolia Member Benefactor

      Location:
      USA
      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Acoustic Trauma
      I'm so sorry to hear you're feeling terrified. I know how awful that is. I'm glad you're starting CBT for your anxiety instead of antidepressants. I had CBT for my anxiety and OCD and it was a lifesaver. I didn't take any antidepressants because I didn't want the side effects.

      You may notice me on this site criticizing CBT as a "treatment" for tinnitus (since CBT cannot affect the sound we hear). But I am 100% for CBT for anxiety disorders. It worked for me.

      Do you know what hypochondriasis is? Anxiety can make you hypervigilant.
       
    21. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      Aegyo

      Aegyo Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      News article
      Yeah, I’m a hypochondriac. Was never an issue really. But that news article hit every one of my fears and it actually made me tremble all over. Aaaand here I am.

      My brain latched onto the tinnitus because of my reaction.

      I have no idea what to expect from CBT. But bringing my stress levels down would be nice.
       
    22. Contrast
      No Mood

      Contrast Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      Clown World
      Tinnitus Since:
      late 2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      noise injury
      did your not read Liberman's paper on how hidden hearing loss can hide on an audiogram?


      https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0162726
       
    23. Bill Bauer
      No Mood

      Bill Bauer Member Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      February, 2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Acoustic Trauma
      Did it gradually get worse, or was it that sensitive all along?
       
    24. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      Aegyo

      Aegyo Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      News article
      Actually, I can now watch TV for half an hour at a time. It changes from day to day though. Yesterday I watched TV for an hour.

      When it started, I couldn't handle even a few minutes.

      But on anxiety filled days like today, I seem to forget that.
       
    25. Vicki14
      Panicky

      Vicki14 Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      January 2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Stress
      @Aegyo Awh big hugs to you, sure sounds like you need them. Most of us will absolutely relate to how you’re feeling. I certainly do. The anxiety and fear is just awful with this and the unknown course of it. I too, feel like I’ve locked myself away as my tolerance to sound has reduced. It’s definitely not easy but I truly hope that you and all of us suffering somehow find the strength and support to hang on in there... keep talking.... xxx
       
      • Hug Hug x 1
      • Genius Genius x 1
    26. Ryan W
      Frustrated

      Ryan W Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Northern Ireland
      Tinnitus Since:
      01/01/11
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise exposure I think
      could really use some of that myself. dont no how much longer i can cope with this. today i had to use a grinder for a couple of mins. i used my big pelter earmuffs and has still set me back big time. got all dizzy there and eyes twitching. head just hitting the pillow and am thinking to myself i cant do the smallest of jobs now. and y me. i struggle with everday life have done as years. and family reaaly dont seem to understand how severe it can be. i would give anything for a new shot at life. gona be a long few weeks for this 1 to settle.
       
      • Hug Hug x 3
    27. Bill Bauer
      No Mood

      Bill Bauer Member Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      February, 2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Acoustic Trauma
      Protect your ears for several years (as in don't expose yourself to any noise that you can avoid), and hopefully you will get better.
       
    28. JasonP
      No Mood

      JasonP Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      6/2006
      I am so sorry to hear you are suffering. If it is stress related, I'm wondering if cardio exercise can help over time. During fight or flight, the body can produce extra energy to either fight or run away from a perceived danger. Unfortunately, if you feel that the threat is within you, you can't really fight or run away from yourself. I heard exercise was a great way to deal with this energy. Those "fight or flight" hormones are definitely affecting your emotions as they would anyone and so hopefully by doing some kind of cardio exercise over time, it could help.
       
    29. Gman
      No Mood

      Gman Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      07/2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Ototoxic earwax drops, worsened by MDs (Muppet Doctors)
      @Aegyo You need to get your emotional state under control first. Some comments on here will just make you feel worse and your brain will latch on. I’m not sure how they count as support when people are in a vulnerable place.

      It can be a vicious cycle. I’ve been there and still am at times, but my anxiety is minimal and panic attack days have gone. These things make it all feel a lot worse than it really is, which in turn will make your T louder or more bothersome.

      You could try CBT, it could help but I’ve never had the opportunity to try it so can’t vouch for it. You could try another dr because short use of some medications can actually help in the right direction. They can’t force you to try something else.

      But just know there is finally a treatment that is going to be released in the not too distant which will eventually hopefully be available widely. It has helped sufferers already.
       
    30. SugarMagnolia
      Jaded

      SugarMagnolia Member Benefactor

      Location:
      USA
      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Acoustic Trauma
      Regarding hypochondriasis: If you concentrate your mind on some part of your body (say, your elbow), you'll eventually start to notice sensations you never noticed before. Then if those sensations worry you, they can increase or at least, become more noticeable than before. That's an example my therapist used.

      I have a little understanding of what's happening to you because it happens to me too. Not with tinnitus, but with other things. Fear is powerful.

      In my opinion, CBT is better without pills because the effects of the therapy aren't dependent on the pills. Therefore the positive changes have a better chance of staying with you. The pills aren't forever, so eventually you have to stop taking them.

      Be hopeful about the therapy. I'm a natural-born skeptic and it made a world of difference for me. It takes time, so have as many sessions as you can. When I was diagnosed, I was supposed to have five sessions per week, but I couldn't afford it. I ended up only having three, so it took longer, but I did see results.

      Let me know how your first session goes. :huganimation:
       
      • Informative Informative x 1
Loading...

Share This Page