Feeling Anger When Tinnitus Improves Only to Get Worse Again

I'm having a very difficult day today with tinnitus. Does anyone else struggle when their tinnitus goes up and down? I know it's silly, but I feel like the tinnitus toys with me sometimes. It improves and I feel hopeful and then it goes to worse than before and once again I fly into panic mode. I wonder if it's my moods that are changing and making me perceive things differently or if the sound actually changes.

 

IMO this is the insidious nature of tinnitus, and... this forum. “Oh look... Dr. Z has a new treatment... yes! Oh Dr. Z won’t have it ready until 2032... awww.....”. “Member Z has relief from his tinnitus eating waffles upside down while standing on their head....yes, a cure, a cure...”.

That’s why this “ear cancer” is worse than some ailments... and heck, even some cancers have a cure or surgery that is effective.

The ups and downs are part of the worst part...I think you just protect your ears, take your vitamins, try a treatment... and press on in life. The guy in the wheelchair knows his legs won’t grow back, even when he sees the latest salamander study of regrowing limbs... he gets a prosthetic (we get hearing aids and maskers) and he moves on the best he/she can.

If you are constantly are measuring your tinnitus, holding your ears and seeing if it’s louder or softer... I think you will drive yourself nuts. You have a noise in your head. You know it gets louder some days, and softer others... but what can you do about it? Nothing... so try to ignore it (not easy I know) and press on.

Good luck... and hope for the best.

 

@Solose I’m going thru one of those days today. Yesterday was a great day with tinnitus at about 2/10 ALL DAY. Today woke up with loud buzz and now at around 12 noon having high pitch buzz at 8/10. Makes me so upset. AND makes NO SENSE!
Why couldn’t I have had two good days in a row?
I never do. That’s the devilish part of tinnitus. It’s like it says “ah ha, you had one good day but do you think you’ll get another one? HA HA HA”
You’re a mean one mister tinnitus.

 

I can completely relate to what you're saying but for me the tinnitus is actually worse that day.

 

Yes, I feel the same. Tinnitus seems to be evil. Gives you false hope, than reaps it away. I started to get hopeful when my low hum faded, but in the meantime I got this ever changing high pitched sound. For me, the volume can differ in a day. I doubt that it's only my perception, it really does change. And now it's in my previously good ear too. I hate this.

I'm coping really, really bad. And now I'm in the anger phase. Not just at tinnitus, but at my very noisy upstairs neighbours, who indirectly made me use headphones really loudly to be able to ignore them and study, at the awfully loud city, at the universe, at healthcare. But most importantly at myself, because in the end, probably I caused this to myself.

 

I don't think you caused this. There are many people who listen to things at loud volumes and at most get mild tinnitus. Sometimes our bodies just turn on us.

I'm also angry as I tried to go for a walk every other house had someone out with a stupid leaf blower. I am not bothered by the noise as much as I just fear it will make things worse.

I keep going between disbelief that it could get worse after I was just hearing a quiet hiss yesterday and just complete anger at my body, anger at my mind for not being able to push through and ignore this for the sake of my family.

I wonder if I made it worse by getting tubes. But this only happened a day and a half after my procedure so I don't know if its related.

Many well wishes and prayers to all of us trying to make it through today, through the week, and through the next few months. Its horrible to live just to "make it through" but thats where I am right now.

 

Anger... yep. Some of us have this ear cancer because of the ignorance of others... Loud neighbors, loud MRIs, naive’ ENTs, Doc’s that prescribe ototoxic meds, etc.

We have lost a loved one... our silence. The grieving process has stages, and anger is one of them.

But we don’t have a time machine and we can’t go back. Moving forward is the only choice.
I have arthritis and I’m not angry about it... but when ignorant people blow off a firecracker next to our ears... it’s normal to be angry. More and more, our life is ours to protect against ignorant people.

Hang in there.

 

I know, right? Some time ago I woke up with hardly any active tinnitus at all, and I stayed in bed for a moment to enjoy the relative silence... only for the neighbour to start using his circular saw a few minutes later. I buried my head in the pillows, but as my tinnitus is reactive, it still ended up screaming at me after the neighbour was finished.

Of course he couldn't help it, how should he know of the torture it brought me at the time... no bad words concerning him, but random circumstances like that can really drive someone crazy.

Got to live with it, I guess. At least I got more mornings like that later on, no right to complain

 

I hope that this doesn't bother him, but try to reach out to @GregCA, he seems to be very knowledgeable in medical issues, operations and so on.

 

You're right, I totally have a love/hate relationship with this forum. If I'm having a pretty good day you won't see me on here. Many people on here have been a great support, but when I do feel good I try to take a break and focus on real life.

I guess it's just because this is still new, and my situation has drastically changed in the last few weeks, from just having T to having pretty bad hearing loss and tinnitus. I just had sinus surgery, tubes put in (I have ETD) and eustachian tube dilation. My ENT was very optimistic this would help me. I had been kind of habituating, so today was just a horrible shock. It's just at this level where I don't know what to do and am in fight or flight mode.

I think on the one hand, those "good" days make me hopeful, and if you were to tell me my current level is where I'll be at for life I don't know if I could cope with that. But on the other hand, I hate the feeling of false hope.

When I have a good day, I start to plan for a future, I start to enjoy my work again, get back to being a Mom and wife. Then it just seems so cruel when it's taken away.

I'm just very upset today, more so than I have been in a while. This has been such a drastic change from major improvement to much worse than before. I do have lots of support but I feel like everyone is getting sick of hearing about this.

I was planning a post in "success stories" yesterday lol. Good thing I waited on that.

 

Yeah it seems to happen all the time to me too. For example I woke up this morning with mild T, thought "Cool it's getting back down to baseline" and then I went to a book fair full of people and even with ear plugs it spiked back up.

Very annoying but at least I had moments of milder T so I'm still hopeful.

 

Daily and even weekly fluctuations aren't important. What is important, as far as your long term outlook is concerned, is the monthly trend and the global lows.

 

What do you mean by that?

 

A local low is the quietest volume you have had that month. A global low is the quietest volume you have had since the onset of your tinnitus. Yes, those global lows are often followed by "retracements" when the volume increases again. But as long as those global lows keep getting quieter over time, it is reasonable to hope that eventually you will get to that "can hear it only in quiet rooms" stage, or even get to hear silence again.

 

My tinnitus came on during an ear infection
It's mainly improved when I've been on prednisone (which I can't continue) and for some reason it improved right after surgery. Maybe it was the anasthesia making my brain not fully functional so it wasn't picking up the sound.

It's hard for me to stay positive because honestly the "global trend" has been a downward one for me since this started. It was bearable at first but then I got more infections, hearing went way down and tinnitus up. Today I've had some pain and a swollen feeling in my ears, I can only assume that's related.

I needed these grommets so my ears would drain but if they're going to make the T worse not sure what I'll do.

It's like I think it can't get worse and then it promptly does lol.

 

You are inventing and coining up new phrases I see.....

 

Op - this is how tinnitus works. Even myself after 31 years get some fluctuations. Tinnitus is not predictable by nature it can be quiet and then get louder. As time goes by you will see this trend, it takes time and patience.

 

Thank you. Today is just a day where I've hit a bad low. I have an ENT appointment Tuesday maybe I will just get those grommets/tubes out and hopefully T would return to its previous state. I'm just to a point where I feel suicidal. I was coping, I was adjusting but this has really dealt a blow. I had high hopes for this surgery.

I told my husband how I feel and he was really upset I would consider such things. Because of my hearing loss, there's no masking the T. I just feel very lost.

 

I should have used the more standard "global minimum"
http://mathworld.wolfram.com/GlobalMinimum.html
but you will agree that "the volume reaching new lows" sounds better than "the volume reaching new minimums."

I am sorry that you haven't experienced this global minimum gradually getting quieter and quieter. People who Have experienced it often eventually end up getting to the "can hear it only in quiet rooms" stage.

 

Based on what? Have you done a study on here or something?

 

You can make it, you're very new to tinnitus. I had intense feelings of dread and hopelessness. It passed for me, and will for you, as well.

 

Yep mine is always changing. It kinda goes both ways for me, whilst it is annoying it keeps me hopeful that I will again have some easy days in the future, kinda like a holiday. The days when it's low it's fairly easy to deal with and it is so nice when it happens. I keep having a rough week then a few days of quiet and then rough week or two again. It literally doesn't take much to make it so much harder to deal with. I'd describe my good days as comfortable and my bad days as uncomfortable but not going insane.

Some days I can walk around on a quiet street at night and not hear it but on a bad day I'm aware of it and it becomes taxing. I thought it might have something to do with hydration levels or if I have beer or if I've bought some weed. At the moment I'm just drinking water but nothing has changed. Sometimes if I do nothing for long periods of time and stay around the house it goes quiet but then if I go road tripping or something it just goes louder because I'm doing stuff... Only thing I can say for definite is my episodes of fleeting tinnitus are pretty much none existent now which must be a good sign. Still hate this crap but I've learnt how to get by with masking it and accepting it whilst praying for a cure, that's all that i can be hopeful for.

 

I have severe hearing loss, the tinnitus is beyond loud and crazy. At times I do make use of some natural/tranquil sounds at very low volumes and it does help a bit. Your mind(and many of ours) is so wrapped up on what is being heard (ringing) that it can stress it out. By having something at low volume and having the mind hear something else besides our tinnitus can possibly help us out.

Your tinnitus is new, it takes awhile for us to understand what is going on and to adjust. Time and patience are the factors that have been a great help to me. Support has been instrumental for me since day 1. Always tried to express how I felt to those that genuinely listened and cared.

Tinnitus is horrible, adjusting and coping takes time. Hang in there, this place will support you

 

T definitely can vary each day, and frustrating to not know what you are going to wake up with. Mine also varies during the day, and often increases without any clear reason as the day proceeds. I stick with the regimen of sensible protection to loud sounds, and hope for a better day tomorrow. Last week, I had a few decent days in a row, and then the T was back and for two days. Damn frustrating, but I have learned that it should also get better again, so keep on putting one foot in front of the other. Not like we have other choices.

 

Thank you, you're a kind soul. You're right, I don't know what the heck is going on. I don't have the "typical" onset of acoustic trauma, and I thought mine would quickly get better or at least stay where it started, but thats not what happened.

I know I need to give all these procedures at least a couple weeks before I really know if they worked.

This was also my first more or less major surgery, and I was just really taken aback by things initially going so well and then taking a turn for the worst. In addition to all this, I have so many responsibilities to attend to, I am overwhelmed.

But really, really, thank you for all. your support. Sometimes I feel like this forum is too negative of a place and I should avoid it. Bit then I realize we are all just suffering deeply here and this is the only place many of us can discuss the negative thoughts we are having.

 

It is based on the me summarizing what I learned from the many posts I read on this forum. If we were to plot tinnitus volume vs time, the chart would look look like a stock price chart. Any daily fluctuations are normal, and mean nothing. Most of those who notice that as months go by, their tinnitus tends to get quieter, who also manage to not hurt their ears again, end up with a significantly quieter tinnitus.

 

Hello there. I feel this so much because I do believe my excessive headphone use contributed to my tinnitus (combined with other things of course). I've lived in an apartment for the last 2 years with very loud inconsiderate neighbors, and the only thing bringing me peace were my noise cancelling headphones. They were over ear, but still I wore them SO much. I get so sad thinking about how me trying to make a crappy situation slightly better probably put me on this forum in the first place.

Life can be really cruel sometimes.

 

@fishbone, do you work? Just curious.

I don't have any good days. I think wearing hearing protection is good at times but it just makes the tinnitus seem louder or more isolated as there is no masking at all then.

The people here who have drastic fluctuation in which it sometimes reduces for a time - are lucky.

I used to have that type but I don't know what happened. It worsened in April so months ago and now I only have very minor and brief fluctuation moments. It's still a relief but it's not a drastic change and doesn't last long. Never does.

Before April, I had fluctuations that gave me some hope and it reduced to levels to where I thought I could work if if ever stayed there. Now, it's always too loud and intrusive.

 

I think I love you. What a wonderful boost of positivity backed by experience. I am currently having a morning so low that for a moment, maybe for upwards of 20 seconds in the noise of the radio and while about my morning routine I realized I couldn't hear it.

It makes me happy to think someday that could be my normal

 

It totally could!! Why not? Don't forget that many tinnitus cases resolve(or get to the quiet room stage) in 6-24 months.