For Those Contemplating Suicide

Discussion in 'Support' started by AnxiousJon, Jan 24, 2016.

tinnitus forum
    1. AnxiousJon
      Magical

      AnxiousJon Member

      Location:
      Oregon
      Tinnitus Since:
      09/2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Anxiety, Insomnia, and a Fan at Night
      Please seek immediate emergency psychological care.
      Even though it doesn't feel like there is a chemical problem going on, and it just feels like the situation is what is causing causing your sadness, there is allot that boosting chemicals in the body can do to change your outlook; during this time you can work through, in a much more productive manner, all the things going on in your life with someone who will listen to you in-person(an important aspect of our psychological care). A psychiatrist/psychologist can help you step back from the brink and get the more balanced side of you to do some talking.
      Then spend some time with some other people who can help you with wider view of things as well(in person): a pastor/theologian, an older wise person who has been down a similar road, a college professor who is willing to lend an ear, or reconnect with a wise old friend(not just some joker).
      Do not continue in the endless loop of your own catastrophic thinking. Reach out. Break free. And don't stop.
       
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    2. Dutchy
      Not worthy

      Dutchy Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Netherlands
      Tinnitus Since:
      12/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Neuronmodulation suggests noise induced?
      I would say:Come here and talk with people that actually have experienced those feelings.
      There's not much any of the above mentioned can do besides prescribing you meds or
      giving you a lecture about how great life is.Talk with fellow sufferers,look at William Shatner.
      Hes been there as well,read about the many people that struggle with this condition.
      All i'm saying is there's many out there that have overcome it by talking to fellow sufferers.

      You could talk to a psychiatrist or pastor but you're going to be disappointed,
      the people on here are much more supportive for your mental well being.
       
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    3. John G

      John G Member

      @Dutchy . Not necesarily true. Did William Shatner get his "so-called cure" from an internet forum or did he get some professional help?.
       
    4. linearb
      Psychedelic

      linearb Member Hall of Fame

      Location:
      East Coast USA
      Tinnitus Since:
      1998
      Eh, a psychiatrist, even a shitty one, has some experience with people in crises states and is unlikely to let you die, sheerly for liability reasons. The fear of being overmedicated is a valid concern, but I might humbly suggest that people who are overmedicated are in a better position to turn their lives around than people who are dead. I should know, I was overmedicated for years and I have friends who are dead.

      I'd say that in some ways this might be a better place to get certain kinds of empathy, but that's not really the point of the thread here, I don't think.

      very, very, very much the latter. He's a poster boy for TRT.
       
    5. Dutchy
      Not worthy

      Dutchy Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Netherlands
      Tinnitus Since:
      12/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Neuronmodulation suggests noise induced?
      As Shatner explained himself " The first time he felt to be taken seriously was because of the ATA "
      I wasn't talking about medication and YES there's valid reasons to talk to a psychiatrist up to a certain point.

      That feeling of being misunderstood on top of your condition drives people over the edge.
       
    6. SeekIngAlpha

      SeekIngAlpha Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      2003
      Please T has returned. No one understands. Need to talk about feelings. No one to listen. Can't function any more. Unable to communicate with anyone. Please help
       
    7. just1morething
      Benevolent

      just1morething Member Benefactor

      Location:
      U.S.
      Tinnitus Since:
      2008
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      barotrauma from airplane descent, noise exposure? ETD? TMJD?
      @SeekIngAlpha , seek some help with positive talk, not negative.
       
      • Agree Agree x 1
    8. Cheryl K

      Cheryl K Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      1/4/16
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown. They tell me hearing loss
      Try to find meditation apps. Listen to them or white noise. Slow down your breathing and slow down your thoughts. You can get through this. Continue to reach out. I am new to this forum and I have seen many positive, helpful posts.
      Hang in there and find someone to talk to. Find a good therapist.
      Good luck
       
      • Optimistic Optimistic x 1
    9. SeekIngAlpha

      SeekIngAlpha Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      2003
      No one cares and a dr said I was schizophrenic...because I suffered from depression and blamed her ffor the t due to the meds she prescribed.
       
    10. AnxiousJon
      Magical

      AnxiousJon Member

      Location:
      Oregon
      Tinnitus Since:
      09/2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Anxiety, Insomnia, and a Fan at Night
      What meds have you taken, and which ones have had which side effects?
       
    11. Blackbird26

      Blackbird26 Member

      and I thought I've heard it all!!!..Wow!:eek:
       
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    12. Danny Boy
      Cheerful

      Danny Boy Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      England
      Tinnitus Since:
      7/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Ear infection
      Doctors will be Doctors...
       
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    13. attheedgeofscience
      Uninvolved

      attheedgeofscience Member Hall of Fame

      Location:
      Denmark
      Tinnitus Since:
      Childhood
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Head Injury
      And I thought, I had heard it all:

      upload_2016-3-6_10-19-21.png

      Internet forums - particularly those relating to tinnitus - never cease to amaze me. And now we also know why we have failed all along when it comes to a treatment for tinnitus...
       
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    14. snow86
      Surrender

      snow86 Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Germany
      Tinnitus Since:
      2006 - Extreme T since 12/2013
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      see "information" on profile page. Crippled by extreme T
      Why would we need a treatment when 99.9% of the people can seemingly just talk away their tinnitus :rolleyes: (back to s.)

      Something comes to mind, what a fellow extreme sufferer wrote to me

       
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    15. Vaba
      Shitfaced

      Vaba Member

      Location:
      New New York
      Tinnitus Since:
      Unknown
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown. Gradual, Progressive
      All right, you guys finally got me to post. I made this account a month ago but never posted anything because of the futility of it all. Either this post stirred something up in me, or I'm just really tired and grumpy (probably the latter) and I need you guys to help me out here. It's a long read, but if you think you can help, you need to commit to it

      I am a 20 year old male who recently spent 1 month in inpatient and outpatient psychiatric care at a hospital. Heavy medication, individual and group therapy (CBT) did not result in any reduction in my now chronic clinical depression. Suicidal ideation has now persisted for nearly a year since I left college, with the depression predating that by 7 years. I came home to find real solutions to my real problems so that I could work on my depression, but I have come to discover that there is no way my quality of life will ever improve. The only thing I can do is accept that I will never experience a normal life, and will likely only experience happiness in fleeting moments, which is just not worth it.

      My tinnitus developed gradually along with hearing loss,visible as a 15db dip in my left ear at 4k (masked) on an audiogram. Loss at that frequency is a hallmark of NIHL, which equals intractable tinnitus. My right ear is fine, -5 max up to 12khz. I am now certain that my tinnitus is from NIHL because even before receiving testing for this, my perception of tinnitus had been worse in the left ear.

      Throughout my teenage years - my strategy when it came to dealing with depression, social anxiety, and gradually worsening eyesight was escapism through computer games and music, both of which I wore headphones for. I also have allergies, bruxism, and extreme prolonged stress, but as we all know, tinnitus is glued to hearing loss. Really, tinnitus is almost a guaranteed result of that condition, so over the past month I've rapidly lost what little hope I had remaining as I finished my research on effective treatments for this problem and concluded that there are none.

      Relating to the eyes, I had severe sudden onset floaters at the age of 15, the type that's in the premacular bursa, and, I had some of the normal clear strand ones before this, but they never bothered me. My perception of the floaters is not related to anxiety - they are easily visible with almost any type of opthalmic test. The left eye has a prominent "Y" shape that physically looks like a "Y" on scans. This one is the most intrusive, and it has continued to grow relentlessly. The right eye has normal-looking floaters that don't bother me - but scans reveal a "cone" of debris above the right macula - lying in wait for a head trauma to shift them in direct view and ruin vision in that eye too. I quit all sports at this point because, with all the debris flying around, I could no longer track any kind of fast moving objects. I started to give up on life completely at this point. I never got a job, and whenever money came my way I would blow it, because I subconsciously knew that saving for the future was pointless.

      My life is a cruel joke. My health is so close to absolute perfection - but for a few microscopic specks of dust touching my retina and a few missing hairs in my cochlea. No one understands why I am so devastated by this because they are such subjective conditions. Making new social connections through therapy, downing pills, and trying to move on with my life simply has not worked, and it has become clear to me now that, with absolute certainy, the quality of my life will never improve without an actual improvement in my symptoms, or an impossible reduction in my expectations. I am not naïve enough to believe that these conditions will ever improve on their own, and I am also not naïve enough to think that habituation is possible for someone like me - it is set in steel that I will continue to deteriorate and wither away at home unless my condition improves. The reason for this is that all of my hobbies are quiet - I love to read, I love soft music, and I love learning. So, it is only fitting that nature would toss two concentration-disintegrating conditions my way. C'est la vie, right? Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong.

      I will never settle for anything less than a measurable reduction in the noise. There has to be something I can actually do. If I could JUST get rid of the noise, I could live with the hearing loss and the eye floaters. I find the lack of research on this incredibly common and devastating affliction to be absolutely insulting on a societal level. Compared to this, the floaters are a total joke. At least I can close my left eye - I can't press the reset button on my auditory cortex. When I play the exact sounds that I hear to other people to try and get them to empathize with me, they run in terror, and I technically have a "mild" form of tinnitus, since mine is purely connected to hearing loss (and my hearing is still technically within the "normal" range). Even my kind, beloved mother, who has pulsatile tinnitus, acknowledges that that condition has absolutely nothing on NIHL tinnitus, because at LEAST hers stops. My parents are supporting me - but I'm growing increasingly certain that it's for nothing. I will stop the noise eventually, one way or another. It will end, or I will end.

      I'm a compulsive researcher. Learning is in my nature. Before I went inpatient, I studied every single pill they could possibly give me, and I realized something. They're all sedatives. Benzodiazepines, antipsychotics, antidepressants, they all sedate you (seratonergic medications produce a sense of complacency and "numbness," some people call it the "Zoloft zombie" syndrome). They sedate you to make you relaxed, accepting, and complacent. My problem is, I just can't be complacent with this. I'm a 20 year old man with chronic health problems that will only get worse until I die, severe depression, and little motivation to live. Psychiatry and psychology is effectively useless to me. When I call my therapists, they don't even know what to do anymore. I've been through almost a year of therapy (CBT) and medication regimens now. BCBS-F, my insurance provider, set me up with a nurse to help me with my conditions. This person's only function is to help me find doctors and shell out money to make it better, and she can't help me either.

      It's not that I'm contemplating suicide, guys, it's that I'm already dead unless an actual improvement in my symptoms occurs.

      So, what do I do?

      Edit: I'm really tired and pissy today so this is probably gonna paint a bad picture o me since it's my first post.THink I'm gonna regret this in the morning but Iat least I can sleep like a baby with tinnitus so that's good lol
       
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    16. AnxiousJon
      Magical

      AnxiousJon Member

      Location:
      Oregon
      Tinnitus Since:
      09/2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Anxiety, Insomnia, and a Fan at Night
      How is it that you wrote so much and yet told me nothing about the medications that you have taken?? Be detailed please...
      I take Paxil(SSRI) and have no drowsiness and no side effects and have been cured of severe, life-long anxiety/OCD/hypochondriasis/insomnia/ADD(anxiety induced), so clearly you don't know what you are talking about. SSRIs increase serotonin build-up in the body, restoring a level that a normal human being should have; that is what they do. It isn't a sedative. It is possible to experience the side-effect of drowsiness(as well as many other side-effects).
       
    17. AnxiousJon
      Magical

      AnxiousJon Member

      Location:
      Oregon
      Tinnitus Since:
      09/2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Anxiety, Insomnia, and a Fan at Night
      Actually the cure for Tinnitus is tanning beds; I read it on a forum somewhere.
       
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    18. Sailboardman
      Frustrated

      Sailboardman Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Florida
      Tinnitus Since:
      04/21/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Sensorineural hearing loss right ear.
      Funny, I read on a forum somewhere, that pulling the trigger on a 9mm Glock, aimed directly at ones head, is the cure for Tinnitus.
       
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    19. attheedgeofscience
      Uninvolved

      attheedgeofscience Member Hall of Fame

      Location:
      Denmark
      Tinnitus Since:
      Childhood
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Head Injury
      I think you can read just about anything on the Internet if you search hard enough. In this case of tinnitus forums, you actually do not need to try very hard - misinformation comes to you automatically...
       
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    20. undecided
      Fine

      undecided Member

      Location:
      Greece
      Tinnitus Since:
      04/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown.
      15db?
      That's not even mild hearing loss.
       
    21. Vaba
      Shitfaced

      Vaba Member

      Location:
      New New York
      Tinnitus Since:
      Unknown
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown. Gradual, Progressive
      Yeah I definitely regret that post, didn't read it through at all and posted it at 3 AM. Not gonna take it down though because it shows my raw emotional frustration I guess.

      I forgot to mention a 10db dip at 2kHz, a 20db dip at 12 kHz and my hearing drops off completely in the left ear around 14 kHz and 15kHz in the right. I can "sort of" hear pitches at home up to 20kHz, but only at extremely high volumes, and I haven't been formally tested up to that range.

      By the way, a sound that is 10db is half as loud as a sound that is 20db. It really adds up across the ranges. So, some sounds that I hear around that frequency are muffled, especially some consonants and vowels in speech, and especially when it's a woman talking to me, I've noticed, and I miss a lot of quiet, ambient sounds I should have been able to hear. The ringing distracts me though, so it could potentially be better than I'm saying it is.

      You want detail? You got detail. Strap in, buddy:

      I've tried a slew of SSRIs and SNRIs; Citalopram, Fluoxetine, Sertraline, Venlafaxine, Mirtazapine, and Duloxetine, as well a few more I can't remember. They all made me completely numb - I just would never laugh at anything at all. So, while I wasn't sad, I was never happy, and I had absolutely no motivation to try to better myself. I'd literally lay in bed all day sleeping. I'm already really lethargic, so whenever I was on these pills, they'd put the nail in the coffin and I'd lose whatever little energy I had. Remember, I don't need sleeping meds - because my only type of anxiety is social anxiety. I sleep fine. I don't obsess over the noise, but it obliterates my ability to concentrate on complex tasks in quiet environments, and I now hate hiking, which I used to love. I definitely feel better off of SSRIs. You're right though, they can have a beneficial effect on anxiety, I found it slightly easier to talk to people on them, but I'd rather just fix my problems through therapy and actual medicine so I can live a drug-free life.

      I've tried Lorazepam, which also made me drowsy, sad, and numb. They refused to give me a full prescription for any benzo because I don't get panic attacks or severe anxiety, and the medication was basically totally ineffective.

      I also tried Adderall and Wellbutrin, but I have a weird genetic resistance to stimulants. I built a tolerance of up to 80mg of Adderall in a week, which I think is absolutely insane.

      Additionally, I'd just like to say that some level of anxiety is healthy - it's a totally normal emotion, in certain amounts. But, if the kindly folks behind the DSM-V keep on inventing diagnoses for slight deviations of character, eventually everybody' gonna be considered crazy! :wacky::wacky:
       
    22. RicoS
      Confused

      RicoS Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Netherlands
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Stress or Acoustic trauma
      I did not read you post yet but I saw you have floaters.... I had floaters very badly and have done a FOV (floaters only vitrectomy) and I am 100% cured of floaters.... so if you want to get relief from that...you should do it.
      I also kept a diary or something in my progress with floaters ...it is here and perhaps also more post from me under the name SIM
      http://floatertalk.yuku.com/topic/949/I-had-FOV-Jan-27-in-LEUVEN-by-Dr-Stalmans
       
    23. Vaba
      Shitfaced

      Vaba Member

      Location:
      New New York
      Tinnitus Since:
      Unknown
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown. Gradual, Progressive
      Hey, buddy! I spent a lot of time lurking on that forum a few months ago. You're right to say in that post that that forum isn't that helpful, it's an emotionally rough place. Really, I've avoided posting on both there and here because both severe cases of floaters and subjective tinnitus are conditions that the medical community treats as an anxiety issue. I believed them until recently! Even though they made me give up things I loved, I lived with the ones in my left eye pretty well up until recently when they increased in size and I started driving more. The big one is more than large and dark enough to completely hide cars on the highway, and I literally almost got T-boned by a Mack truck once while merging right because it was in my left periphery, completely covered up by the floater. That was the last straw. I'm glad to hear your PVD induction was successful. We'll have to talk about the details sometime!
       
    24. noisebox
      Loved

      noisebox Member

      Location:
      Yorkshire, UK
      Tinnitus Since:
      04/2012
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      West End show. Came back 2015 vitamin D overdose prescribed
      I think your sentiments are good, but certainly here in the uk getting quick help like that is impossible. Even CBT takes at least 12 weeks to be seen, then they often know nothing about T and H. I was refered to psychology last year, still waiting to be assessed for suitability over 7 months later. And I know for a fact the one in my area will not do CBT and will not acknowledge T and H.
       
    25. AnxiousJon
      Magical

      AnxiousJon Member

      Location:
      Oregon
      Tinnitus Since:
      09/2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Anxiety, Insomnia, and a Fan at Night
    26. undecided
      Fine

      undecided Member

      Location:
      Greece
      Tinnitus Since:
      04/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown.
      Again, these dips you mention indicate insignificant hearing loss, if any.
      I would say that the vast majority of people in their 20s would have a dip of 10-20db here and there, at least up to 8KHz.
      The drop above 14KHz, I wouldn't think it contributes much to hearing loss, at least from a non-clinical standpoint.
      It might be of some importance concerning your tinnitus though.

      Stay miles away from Wellbutrin.
      It's an ear mass murderer hidden in a box.
       
    27. Vaba
      Shitfaced

      Vaba Member

      Location:
      New New York
      Tinnitus Since:
      Unknown
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown. Gradual, Progressive
      Yeah, I got off wellbutrin in a heartbeat. Thankfully I wasn't on it for more than a few weeks.

      I do have a lot of funky stuff going on in the head area. I hold onto hope that management of my severe allergies, jaw, stress (of which I have lots), and neck/posture problems will reduce the noise a tiny bit.

      I catch myself saying that I've tried everything, and that it's hopeless, but really I've only tried everything that's easy.
       
    28. Champ
      Woot

      Champ Member Benefactor Team Tech

      Location:
      Boston, MA
      Tinnitus Since:
      1/2013
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Acoustic trauma from headphones
      How did that happen? I thought you said your tinnitus was actually cured at one point through neurofeedback therapy?
       
    29. Vaba
      Shitfaced

      Vaba Member

      Location:
      New New York
      Tinnitus Since:
      Unknown
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown. Gradual, Progressive
      I've been on those sugar pills almost nonstop since I was 12. I've been on some for stretches of time spanning years, and others spanning months. Believe me, I've given them enough time to work. When I'd inevitably lose it again, they'd start me on another pill, with a new therapist.

      None of them would assist me in getting back to happiness, I would never progress past the "painfully numb" stage, which lasts indefinitely after a month on the drug. This is because I cannot cope with my lot in life, regardless of drugs or therapy. This state of perpetual misery has been dragging on since late elementary school.
       
    30. AnxiousJon
      Magical

      AnxiousJon Member

      Location:
      Oregon
      Tinnitus Since:
      09/2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Anxiety, Insomnia, and a Fan at Night
      I see.
      Yeah, I had things psychologically worked out(self-therapy/study and speaking with personal mentors) before I ever tried drugs. I suppose that is the danger in starting mood drugs early: it distracts from actual issues of happiness. I had worked out the proper grounds for happiness, I just had a genuine chemical problem that needed addressing. We're all in different places aren't we?
       

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