How to Deal with Guilt and Self-Hate If You Caused Your Own Tinnitus and/or Hyperacusis?

It scares the hell out of me to hear that blaring noise against my pillow.

 

It will not be like this forever, but in the meantime, it is important to deal with the anxiety, please do something about it soon, take medicine you’re given and talk to a counsellor or professional.

 

@sssing I took an Ativan, feeling much calmer. Will mention antidepressant to doc Tom.

Thank you.

 

Be very careful with the benzos.
Based on the info floating out there, once you hit tolerance, you will be experiencing withdrawal, which translates into louder tinnitus.
Use it only when you feel like you absolutely need to, as it could be a slippery slope.

 

Hi Tara,

I'm glad you're feeling a bit better! I'm about six months in and things are a bit better, but still dealing with some feelings of regret. I'm sure that mine started due to ototoxic medication (acute migraine medicine - almotriptan, combined with ibuprofen). The thing is that I had some knowledge about ototoxic drugs as my doctor had wanted me to go on Propranalol (preventative migraine medicine) and I refused because I saw the side effects included t. Wish I knew then what I know now!

I recently spoke to an audiologist, whom I will see once their office opens up. She had just finished her PhD in audiology and taken her first job when her t started. She still has no idea why - possibly from ear infection as a child. She told me that she did TRT for 2 years and now only notices her t maybe once per month. I felt inspired by her story and try to think of her when I'm in a bad spot. She now leads a very 'normal' life. Two years seems like a long time, but it gives us hope.

I know life seems very painful and surreal right now, but just try to get through each day and do things that comfort you (bubble bath, walk, watching a funny show, etc). Things will get better, though it's hard to see right now.

Thinking of you...

Sarah

 

I get more than ringing. Burning shock like pain. Blaring.

 

The ear is a complicated structure with many components, it really depends on the extent of the damage and what exactly is happening.

 

Thanks Sarah,

I don’t even know what caused this mess I’ve had every test under the sun, the noise just drives me crazy, I’m a quiet person and loved my silence.

I’ve heard of TRT but I believe it is super expensive!
I was thinking of an antidepressant for the to deal with this but I’m afraid of tinnitus as a side effect.

Yours has faded? Does the doctor expect a full recovery?

 

Hi Tara! Mine is intermittent from day to day (loud one day, lower the next day, unnoticeable/quiet the next) so no real fading, but i have been getting more two day runs of quiet. Doctor/ ENT cannnot diagnose me properly, so full recovery unlikely at this point.

 

Thank you <3

 

Firstly, don't underestimate time, in both healing physical structures and also different mental states. It's extremely likely you will feel differently given time.

On Regret and Shame. Take the best from what those emotions serve us, briefly and do not feed them.

They serve a brief purpose of making you be more prepared for the future and protecting yourself. Now you know not to do those things, you have learn.

Any further feeling of regret or shame serve no purpose. You didn't go out of your way to "Cause" your Issue.

Notice how things just "happen", without your control. How it rained that day and made you feel a different way, or how some loud noise out of your control impacted your being.

You can begin to follow the simple practice of "Mindfulness", a type of meditative practice to observe a feeling without identifying "I" with it.

You could simply watch a thought pass by that says "I'm upset that I did that, I feel ashamed of myself". Peel away the layer of identification you can see it for what it really is, No betterment to your Well being.

 

@Orions Pain Has your loud, hissing tinnitus let up at all? I am just 2 weeks past an acoustic trauma and really struggling. It is not maskable.

 

Aw I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this too. To be honest it hasn’t let up much but has gotten easier to live with in a sense that I got tired of stressing about it. It’s just part of my day to day now even though it still bums me out .

Hope it gets easier with time for you! Invest in a good tower fan for your house, it helps a lot, so does ambient noise like keeping windows open when possible or being outside. If you ever need someone to vent to, the first few weeks/months with this stuff are no joke

 

I went though that as well. What helped me is rationalization. I never did anything to myself that I had known that is harmful. This is the key... prior knowledge. Many if not most of us were not given prior knowledge that could make use avoid the situation were are currently in. For some reason Tinnitus was never a subject of anything I have seen on the TV. We were simply not aware of the risk. You can see car accidents in the movies, news, but the subject of hearing loss and hearing disorder is barely showing up. I guess "A star is born" and "Cop Land" are rare exceptions.

And the overall situation with the music industry that seems to take no responsibility for the problem they are creating is beyond my words. They are responsible for the suffering of many of us, but they are not held responsible, see my other post: https://www.tinnitustalk.com/thread...rate-contributors-to-the-tinnitus-risk.40022/
Knowing the risk what is the point of making headphones that can blast 110dB into your ear, what is the point of 120dB blasting your ears? I am sure both audio manufacturers and sound engineers know extremely well that exposure to this sounds levels will damage someone's hearing sooner or later, still they allow that for some really unknown reason. Why it is even legal to produce equipment that can generate so loud sounds?

And coming back to guilt... did you read any warnings about the risk and despite that you blasted your years with loud music? Unless you did, you should not blame yourself, but blame the damn industry that sold you a product that damaged your health. This is entirely their fault. They advertise these products (concerts, audio devices), take money, but they absolutely take no responsibility for that.

 

My issue wasn’t so much loud music via headphones but over-using them. I was always careful with the volume. Even got noise cancelling headphones for better quality. Just used them way too often.

Same with concerts/bars. Never did I think that seeing my favorite artists performing live or having beers with friends would leave me feeling so disabled.

Nothing from my lifestyle was different from my friends or most people my age living in big cities but I just got unlucky or my genetic makeup resulted in all of this.

But I do believe had I worn ear plugs to concerts or avoided REALLY loud bars I wouldn’t be in this position.

 

Legit the exact same - never 'blasted' my music with headphones and I was always pretty cautious about using them when out and about surrounded by ambient noise but yeah it was prolonged listening that did me in. I used to almost compulsively listen to certain albums etc all the time and I think I just over-fatigued my ears or something over the years.

I was 'lucky' in a sense that I first acquired T years before H so the warning were there but I was so ignorant and uneducated and just believed my GP when she told me it wasn't due to noise and wasn't anything to worry about. Yeah right lmao. I've never actually been to a concert but I went out to clubs a fair bit in my first few years of university. Ughh.

I honestly know nobody else in real life who has this - mild tinnitus maybe but hyperacusis just seems so rare it's so alienating. What's even more disconcerting is the fact that seemingly many doctors and ENTs don't encounter many hyperacusis patients, even less so with pain H.

I really hope for both of us that there will be a treatment in the 5 years or at least something that offers some relief.

 

I struggle with the same thing. Every day is a struggle. My life revolves around this. There is no way otherwise. Maybe if you found me a quiet place in the woods I'd have some level of relief, but the T is still there.

 

Same for me. I was listening a lot on headphones, because I like music, because it makes me relax, because it gave me possibility for focus and be productive at work - open-space offices, full of chatter and noise.

I was absolutely not aware that "overuse" of headphones at reasonable (not loud) sound levels can make such a damage. I have been not warned, I did not take any risk because I was unaware of any. For a long time music had so many positive effects and helped with lot of struggles and my life was not perfect even before T. There was no good reason no to do it.

I was aware of a risk that driving above speed limits or while being drunk leads to accidents that can be lethal or can leave you or your close ones handicapped, therefore I was never taking that risk, because I was aware of that.

We are constantly bombarded with news about car accidents, but you barely hear on news that someone just screwed his/her ears with headphones abuse or a concert. Why?

Same here! I did what many of my friends and people around were doing. I was not doing anything exceptional, I was not skydiving, I was not playing in hardcore metal band without protection, I was not doing drugs, not overusing alcohol, and despite of that I got this s..t, while so many other people are doing just fine.

Therefore honestly I don't see any reason we should blame ourselves, because we were not doing anything that was well known to be harmful. But I think we have absolute right to feel frustration that for some reason we need to deal with this s..t while so many other ... so many ... are fine despite their abuse of headphones and going to the concerts without protection. Because if each single loud concert would screw your ears, this forum should not have 31k members but 31 million members! But it does not, why?

For some reason we were unlucky! And this is so frustrating that this reason is so unclear. It might be genetics, it may be coincidence of few risk factors, that we are no aware of. It is so frustrating that not only there is no cure for this condition, but that we know so little about its mechanism. Random attempts to create theories explaining the mechanism of Tinnitus creation in the brain, scientific papers often contradicting other papers, is all we got.

And if this is not enough we need to struggle everyday to try not to make our condition worse (see my post https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/constant-fight-to-prevent-worsening-of-tinnitus-and-hyperacusis-is-worthless.41797/), and there are no guidelines for that, no indications or guarantees whether it will stay the same or worsen even if we do our very best to protect ourselves. All we have is our intuition, experience and the information we find on these forums, because medical world is providing almost nothing to support us in this unpleasant journey.

 

@Orions Pain Thank you. How long has it taken for you to get used to it? Even when I am busy doing other stuff I am constantly hearing the annoying high-pitched hiss. It’s like nails on a chalkboard.

Ambient sounds don’t help much as it’s not maskable. Is yours maskable? I could even hear it at the beach yesterday with the waves crashing, seagulls, wind, etc. It’s just so high-pitched.

Unbelievable it’s my daily life now. Just want peace and quiet back.

 

It’s been 9 months and I still struggle daily. It’s weird. The sound definitely still bothers me but it’s less scary in a way. Mine isn’t maskable, the only place I can’t hear it is in the shower.

I have Hyperacusis too and the last time I went to the beach which was around December of last year the waves sounded so loud and harsh and it made my hissing tone sound even more shrill and harsh I just couldn’t stand being there and I’ve always loved the beach

A fan helps me in a sense that it doesn’t necessarily mask my tinnitus, but the tinnitus just blends in with the noise and I think it bothers me less because in my mind I know that the fan is an external noise... If that makes sense.

Whereas when it’s totally quiet all I hear is my multiple tones of tinnitus and immediately get overwhelmed because my mind knows that silence is supposed to be silent.

 

@Orions Pain That is so discouraging that it is no better after 9 months. At least it’s less scary, so that is something positive. I still have knots in my stomach daily when I hear it. I really hope that you will see some improvement over the next few months.

 

@Orions Pain yes, I can totally relate to everything you just said. I really can’t imagine that this is how my life will be from here on out. No wonder I am having major anxiety over it! Mine sounds very similar to yours. Only maskable in shower.

 

Also don't believe your friend when he says he shoots without hearing protection often and it'll be fine

 

@CAgirl Perhaps I'm remembering wrong but I remember you saying you have some electrical hissing noise. I just recently got this a few weeks ago. A few weeks ago it started off as a constant electrical buzz and I didn't really realize it. My head just felt full. It's changed into a head electrical hiss that comes and goes and is unmaskable. It stays more often than it goes. But when it goes, my tinnitus is really, really quiet where even my pure tone is quiet.

I dunno what the hell this means. Has this happened to you?

 

I know how it feels to beat yourself up. My worsening T has been caused by meds. I was trying my 7th sleep medication when mine got worse. I look everything up to see if it can make my ears worse and this latest one was cited as actually helping tinnitus! I only took mirtazapine a few times and then noticed my right ear got worse with pulsatile tinnitus. Was it a coincidence? Who knows. I've been crying a bit every day over it lately. I tried to be careful and do everything right and it still didn't work. I'm trying to forgive myself but it is hard.

 

I honestly lost hope that it will go away or get more quiet at about 3 months. Not to be negative but most people don’t have a reduction in their noise. Some do yeah but the majority just learn to cope.

Still having a fairly difficult time due to my hyperacusis.

 

It is counter productive and hopeless but I wonder if I pursued the jobs I was interested in as a teenager, accountant, lawyer or even programmer, whether I would have avoided getting tinnitus.

I would have avoided loud noise. I probably wouldn't have hearing loss or anything significant and I probably wouldn't have used headphones at all or extremely rarely. I know it's really stupid and depressing (to do).

 

@Orions Pain I am at 3 weeks and already losing hope since it hasn’t improved at all. I just can’t believe that 3 seconds of the trillions of seconds in my life (3 explosions at 1 second each) could cause a lifetime of noise in my head. It’s so hard to wrap my head around that.

 

I’m so sorry that happened? What sort of explosions were they? How was your lifestyle prior to your tinnitus? Did you go out to bars a lot? Concerts, headphones, etc?

 

@PeteJ You can’t think too much into it. I have always protected my ears, well especially the last 15 years, and my tinnitus was caused when I was innocently standing in my backyard and was exposed to three loud and illegal bomb-type firecrackers. I also keep thinking I shouldn’t have been there, etc. It can really drive you nuts.