I'm a Pretender

Hi folks,

I like to write posts that can motivates this forum and If it helps even one person, then my job is done.

My ears are buzzing super loud as usual and even I have to think about the ringing. I wake up and I hear the lovely symphony from hell. It's like that aunt we all had as a kid, that would just pinch our cheeks and would not go away

It takes me 3 minutes or less to re-group and start doing stuff to distract myself and not dwell on that noise. I don't dwell anymore, but my tinnitus is beyond loud and its beyond garbage to it can be tough at times.

My post is about being a pretender. I go to my martial arts class and i'll be very honest...my body already feels like its beat up, even before I start training. I am pretending to be like everyone else and just act like that. In reality these people are half my age and they have a normal body and their muscles are way healthier than mine. I am a guy that has fibro, with crazy tinnitus that is not forgiving. Non of my class mates know just how bad I can have it at times. On top of that, I am one of the few students that trains almost 6 days a week while others train 1-2 times a week.

I drive a muscle car and it is quite loud. I still shake my head at times and wonder just why I drive it. It does not help my tinnitus at all. I have measured the DBs on my car and it can just annoy the tinnitus, but not further damage it. My ears are buzzing like crazy all day long and this car doesn't help at times. I am pretending to be normal and drive one of my dream cars.

I am at a party and people are singing and doing karaoke. Why am I here? I should not be here and just leave. I am pretending to be normal again and loving life and laughing with people that are smiling. I am pretending to ignore my sorrows and just smiling.

Folks, I am doing these things. I am not advising you to do what I do. My posts are supposed to show strength and confidence that ALL of us have. Even when I don't feel like it, I am smiling. Even when I feel like sobbing, I am smiling. Even when I am in PAIN all over this beat up body, I am going to my martial arts class.
Even when at times when I feel like my life is horrible, I will donate clothing, food, love to a shelter or a homeless person.

I am always pretending to be normal and I am far from it. Just pretending and putting on a smile can heal our minds and souls. Just by doing good acts, when we don't feel like it.....can give us that warm feeling.

We have a tough battle with tinnitus, I will not lie....even I have it very bad, but that's how life is. I am very proud of myself because as a child I had tons of fear and doubt in my eyes. I never knew what kind of courage I could find and develop in this VERY challenging and hellish life.

All of you have that inner strength and are true warriors. Dealing with tinnitus is a game changer and I admire those that walk with me daily in the battle against this horrible menace. I am in a ok mood right now, but just wanted to make you guys feel better.....So I decided to write a post

Bless all of you......

PS- this is again one of those emotional posts for me and I might shed a tear

 

Hey @fishbone - I do appreciate your posts and hope you'll forgive me for playing devil's advocate, but have you ever considered that perhaps your attitude towards T (driving a loud car, living life without caring about T, etc) could be a contributor to its severity?

I don't judge, as I myself constantly play with the risk vs reward factor of activities that boost my mood, but perhaps your stance is a bit extreme on the "don't care" scale? Just something to think about.

Leaving you with a song that matches your thread. Happy to see you in good spirits! Good luck!

Freddie Mercury - The Great Pretender...

 

Maybe you should get an electric car. The acceleration in some is astounding.

Have you ever tried avoiding loud situations, not driving your car, etc. to see if your T calms down? Like live a quiet life for a while and see?

 

Thank you for writing such an inspirational post @fishbone You are a true veteran of tinnitus. Your post demonstrates what habituating to tinnitus is all about. Even though one might have difficult times coping with this condition, it is still possible to carry on and never give up...

Take care
Michael

 

I appreciate your words. My car is not on the level of a concert or pub/bar loudness . It gives a little spike but it fades for me, it hasn't raised my level of tinnitus like a concert or illness has .

Yes, my attitude is very different and I will never let tinnitus limit my life and stop me from doing what I truly love. I don't advise others to be like me, not at all. I am me and this is how I live and will continue to live

Even If i feel horrible, I'll still support this forum and come here daily....nothing changes that.

***Also, this post is not about the car at all. I have had horrible and LOUD tinnitus way before I got this car and nothing has changed since I got the car. The post is about pushing and digging deep inside even when we don't feel like it. it's about putting a smile on, when we don't feel like it. It's simply about doing, when we don't feel like doing....***

 

I see lots of Tesla vehicles, they are super fast, but not my kind of car

 

Hi @fishbone,
I think im a female version of you...
Love glynis x

 

You are for sure a brave & fantastic lady.....

 

@fishbone Aww thank you
Love glynis x

 

That's not pretending, that's pushing on with life. May you push on forever.

Oh, and what muscle car is it? Glad to see you don't think much of fake (electric) cars.

 

It's a 600hp dodge challenger

 

New Challenger or old Challenger?

 

What year ?
I have a few old cars - not muscle but not quiet either